His Embrace

[WARNING: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE]

"RAY!" I yelled, slamming my fists into the door that was closed in on my face. "LET ME OUT, ASSHOLE!"

My pounding began to lose reason as I fell to my knees, defeated. I stared at the door, feeling the dimly lit room suck me in. I felt angry...afraid...lost, but most of all ashamed.

I promised myself I'd never find myself back here.

My father was a drunk. Growing up with him made me wish I was never born. My dad would waste his money gambling, but he was indebted to some local thugs who acted as our tax collectors. Whenever my father needed money, they'd give him a loan that they expected to be paid back plus interest: but the money never came. So, I decided to do my dad's job for him.

My dad came back excited the night prior. He was never a happy man, so I knew it meant that he had won a lot of cash because he was ranting and raving about the drugs and material objects he could buy with it. So, when he was hung over, I took his winnings. He was right, he did win the jackpot: it was enough to pay off some of our debt and some. So, I left a few thousand yen for my father and took the rest to our debtors. At the time, I thought it was the right thing to do. I knew my father would not be happy with me, hell I was even ok with receiving a beating. What I did not expect was my father's attempt on my life.

When he finally came too, I avoided him like the plague and ignored his derogatory statements. Yet, when my father tried to find his money to use, he realized most of it was gone. He blamed me for using it and amongst his yells, I explained that I paid off our debt. I expected him to hit me, and he did. Yet, as my scrawny body slammed to the ground: he latched onto my throat. My eyes bulged and I pleaded for him to stop but over and over again, all I heard was:

"You're better off dead!"

My mother, through it all, did nothing. Nothing to save her son. All she did was watch and it was at that time that I realized my worth to my parents. I meant nothing.

I hunched over on the floor in the strange room, tears falling down my face. I never wanted to feel that emotional or physical trauma again. I never wanted to feel like my parents were right. That all I am worth is to not exist. Yet, the reality of it all after being in this place, stung more than what I was willing to bear: and all I could do was yell at the tragedy.

Through my sobs and inexplicable pain, I didn't hear the door open nor realized anyone was around until a comforting hand lay on my back. A quiet "shh" reverberated in the room, as I was led into comforting arms.

"I'm sorry, Niko." I heard Ray say amongst my sobs into his chest. "I never meant for this to happen. I said I'd protect you and I only ended up hurting you."

I grasped around Ray's waist, holding him tight to calm down my depression as he kissed my forehead and gently ran his hands through my hair. This hold felt familiar...inviting. The more I sat in his embrace, the more I remembered Ryou. He had found me one day in the library when I was crying and bruised from an altercation at home. He held me, running his hands through my hair as Ray did now just to calm me down.

"We won't hound you for the money you're received. You've earned it but in return, I don't want you to return to this place."

I opened my eyes at his words. They were too sincere to be a lie. He was letting me go...he was telling me to stop.

"You don't deserve to be treated as such."

As I looked into his eyes, I saw that they had changed color. They were a calming green and the more I stared at him, the more my breath caught. His collar was dotted with blood that had also gotten on his cheek. Did...did he really hurt someone because of me? Was it Kizuna...no...he wouldn't do that to the man he was dating. Would he?

Yet, the more I thought, the more my heart raced. "Your...your eyes." I stammered.

He placed a gentle hand on my face, drawing me in to a kiss. He let our lips part as I felt my cheeks heat.

"I apologize...they change when I'm angry."

We kissed again, but I couldn't hold back my feelings. He wasn't lying. He didn't mean to hurt me. He wanted to keep me safe...he'd even go out of his way to protect me.

I pulled him close, our tongues entangling. I was getting aroused the more I felt his hand on my back and his tongue dance with mine. I didn't want this moment to end and I so desperately needed to not think anymore. Not think about anything or anyone on the opposite end of his door, but he calmly parted away from me.

He kissed my cheek, "They also change when I'm sad."

He moved down to my bruise, kissing the side of my neck which sent a chill down my spine. Holding me gently, he looked into my eyes.

"And you brought both of those emotions to the surface."

I didn't know what to say...or how to respond. It was, that in that moment, I saw Ryou in him. I saw the gentle but stunning boy who had disappeared from my life. Could...could they...?

"Stay with me tonight."

My heart suddenly stopped, as he took me back into his embrace. "There's a doctor here to check your wounds and until then, I don't want you out of my sight."

No. I thought, as held him close. They were not one in the same.