A Memo to Myself

[Um... Hello?

I wonder if this will sound strange, but I thought I'd write down a little something. Just a small memo… for myself.

I've never really been good with words. My boyfriend, he's the talented one when it comes to writing. His words have this way of reaching people's hearts. They're gentle, yet strong. Like him.

Cough.

Anyway… my name is Miyako Touka. I'm eighteen years old now. Just your average high school girl, attending my final year at High School in Shinjuku.

Yes… I'm a third-year student. This is the last chapter of my high school life.

Sometimes, I still find it hard to believe. I've made so many friends here. People I can laugh and cry with. It's different from my old school, so different. Back then, I… never really had anyone. But maybe I'll write about that some other time. Sad things are better left behind, right?

Right now, I just want to talk about me. About this life I'm living.

I wonder… how did Himeya write all his stories?

He always seemed so natural at it, weaving emotions into every line. Ah… what a waste. I should've asked him while he was still beside me.

…No. That sounds like he's gone. He's not. He's still here. He'll always be here.

Still…]

Click.

A soft sound echoed from the door behind me. I turned around instinctively. The door had opened slightly, and standing in the doorway was a familiar silhouette.

A girl with long green hair tied in a neat ponytail, striking blue eyes, and… well, a figure that many girls might envy. Especially that part. I tried not to stare.

She smiled. "What are you doing, Touka-chan?"

I blinked, a little startled. "Ah… I was just writing something, Haru-nee."

Haruka, my boyfriend's older sister, no, my older sister too, in a way...tilted her head curiously as she stepped into the room. "Can I take a look?"

I hesitated. My fingers trembled slightly. I wasn't sure if I wanted anyone to read it… But somehow, when it came to her, it felt okay.

"...Sure. Go ahead."

She approached quietly, almost like she didn't want to disturb my thoughts, and looked down at the notebook open on my desk.

"A diary?" she asked softly.

"Y-Yeah…"

Her eyes moved slowly across the page, reading my clumsy lines.

After a moment, she glanced at me. "Are you writing this for Himeya?"

"Uh... actually, no."

"Really? Then who's it for?"

"For myself… I guess it's kind of like a letter to my future self."

"I see… That's not weird at all, you know. Actually," she said with a knowing smile, "Himeya has something just like this hidden in his drawer."

My eyes widened. "Wait, seriously?!"

Haruka chuckled. "Yep. Don't tell him I said this, but… I may have peeked inside more than a few times."

"I-I see…"

"He writes about all sorts of things. His thoughts, his worries… his dreams. But don't worry," she added with a gentle smirk, "most of the entries are about you."

The warmth that filled my chest when I heard that, I can't really describe it. It was soft. It was comforting. Like being wrapped in sunlight.

"I'll ask him about it later."

Haruka gave a quiet nod, then, without warning, she wrapped her arms around me from behind.

"H-Haru-nee?"

"…It's hard, isn't it?" she whispered, her voice close to my ear.

"…What do you mean?" I asked, though part of me already knew.

"Himeya told me… about your family. About the things you're going through."

"…Ah. So, he did."

There was a brief silence.

"Listen," she said, resting her chin gently on my shoulder, "we...me, Himeya, my mom and dad, we'll always be your family. Even if we're not connected by blood… that doesn't matter."

...

My hands reached up to hold hers. I gave them a small squeeze.

"…Thank you, Haru-nee."

Sometimes, I forget how warm people can be. How even when you're falling apart inside, a single voice, a single hug, can keep you together.

This memory… I think I'll keep it. For the future me. The one who might need to remember she was never alone.

"Alright then, just keep writing, okay? I'll go make us some dinner," Haruka said with a cheerful smile.

"Ah, let me help you, Haru-nee."

"Nope!" she replied firmly, placing her hands on her hips. "I want to get better at cooking, so Touka-chan, you just stay here and keep writing."

With a light wave, she turned and headed toward the door of my room. But just as she stepped out, she paused, glanced over her shoulder, and said with a grin,

"Tonight's menu: the legendary Shin Haruka Special Karaage! Look forward to it."

And with that, she disappeared into the hallway.

…

I slowly turned back toward the open diary on my desk.

…

[See, Touka.

You've never truly been alone.

Not in the past… and not in the future either.

There will always be someone, someone who cares deeply about you. Someone who stands by your side no matter what.

That green-haired boy, the one who always wears that annoyingly indifferent expression… He'll always be with you.

Ah… I really do love him.

I miss him so much right now…

…

This diary only holds a fraction of my feelings for him.

So someday...make sure you tell the whole story.

All of it.]

…

Done.

…

I gently closed the diary and slid it into the drawer beside my bed. As I exhaled softly, my eyes drifted toward my smartphone on the table.

[1 new message]

I unlocked the screen and opened the message.

[What're you doing?]

It was from him, Himeya.

My heart skipped a beat.

Just a simple message, yet it made me smile.

Somehow… it felt like he had been listening all along.

"…He always does this," I muttered, unable to stop the smile forming on my lips.

Then, without thinking much of it, I flopped face-first onto the bed.

Fump

My body bounced slightly against the mattress, and I let out a muffled groan into the bedsheets before rolling over to face the ceiling.

My arms reached out to pull a pillow close, hugging it tightly against my chest.

The scent of fabric softener and lingering shampoo clung to it. Not his scent… but somehow, I imagined it was.

"Geez…"

After a moment of hesitation, I tapped out a reply.

[Writing a little. Thinking about you.]

I didn't dare reread what I wrote. My face already felt too hot.

Before I could even lock my phone again, another message popped up.

[That so? I was just thinking about you too.]

Ah… That's not fair, Himeya.

How do you always know what to say?

My fingers danced lightly across the screen.

[Do you think about me a lot?]

I waited, watching the little dots indicating he was typing. Then,

[More than I should.]

A short reply, but it made my heart flutter all the same.

"…Geez," I muttered to myself, hugging a pillow to my chest. "What am I supposed to do with you?"

My phone buzzed again.

[Have you eaten dinner?]

I smiled again, my thumbs pausing before I typed back.

[Not yet. Haru-nee is cooking. She said she's making her "legendary karaage."]

The reply came almost instantly.

[...I'll pray for you.]

A quiet giggle escaped my lips.

[I'll save you some. You'll just have to go here to get it.]

A pause, then,

[Tempting. I might just do that.]

[Really?]

[If it means I get to see you again, yeah.]

That was all it took.

My fingers froze midair.

My heart thumped once, twice, like it wanted to leap out of my chest.

Even in text… he always says things like that without warning.

Just when I think I'm getting used to him…

[You idiot…] I typed, then deleted it.

[I wish that you're here...] I sent instead.

The reply came slowly this time.

[I also wishing the same thing.]

Three seconds later...

[But if I were there right now, I'd probably be holding you instead of just messaging you.]

My breath caught.

For a moment, everything, the ticking of the clock on the wall, the faint clattering from the kitchen, the city hum beyond the windows...all seemed to fade into silence.

My fingertips trembled slightly against the screen.

That kind of message…

That kind of warmth…

[That's cheating, Himeya.]

I sent it with a pout I knew he wouldn't see. But somehow, I hoped he could feel it.

[You started it, Touka.]

"…I did, didn't I?" I murmured softly, burying half my face into the pillow.

The room felt warmer now. Not from the temperature, but from something else...something softer, heavier, like the feeling of being wrapped in someone's arms… even if they weren't really there.

My phone buzzed once more.

[I can't promise this but, I'll visit you next time, okay? So just wait for me a little longer, okay?]

I stared at the message.

And then slowly, quietly, I nodded.

Even though he couldn't see me.

Even though he was in Enoshima, hours away.

I pressed my fingers to my lips and whispered, "I'll wait as long as it takes… so don't disappear on me, dummy."

I typed slowly,

[I'll wait. But when you visit, you owe me something.]

[Oh? Like what?]

I smiled and typed without hesitation.

[A hug. A long one.]

This time, his reply didn't come right away.

But when it did, it was simple.

[Then I'll make it so long you'll forget how lonely you felt.]

I blinked.

The tears came unexpectedly. Not because I was sad.

But because I was so full of something warm, I didn't know where to put it.

I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand.

"I miss you…"

My phone lit up again.

[Hey.]

[Yeah?]

[You're not crying, are you?]

I stared at that screen.

And smiled through blurry eyes.

[I'm not.]

[Liar.]

I let out a small laugh, the kind that gets stuck in your throat.

"…I really love you, Himeya."

My fingers typed it, slowly, honestly.

[I really love you.]

He didn't reply right away.

I waited, holding the phone close to my chest, the silence now comforting rather than lonely.

Then, finally,

[Me too. I love you, Touka.]

And for a while, we just stayed like that. Not talking. Not typing. Just... being there. Together, in our own quiet way.

Even if we were miles apart, our hearts were resting in the same place.