I Have The Same Too

Abidzar and Iris' relationship was never close. They were biological parents and children, but Iris seemed to really hate her only son. Her birth was never what Iris expected. In the past, she had planned to abort her pregnancy. However, Mahesa of course prevented it. And when Abidzar was born, Iris didn't even hold him at all, hugged him warmly and even kissed his face.

    Iris never took care of Abidzar who incidentally was her biological son. It was like there was no mother instinct in him. Abidzar babies don't drink their mother's milk. He drinks formula for the baby. It all happened because Iris felt that Abidzar had captured all of her family's attention. Everyone noticed Abidzar and Iris didn't like it.

    However, Abidzar never hated him. He always thought Iris was the best mother for him even though Iris never did what a mother should do.

    "As a boy, Abidzar must be able to take care of his mother. Men are protective and take care of a woman, not hurt," said Mahesa to little Abidzar while playing with a toy. While Mahesa has not returned to work.

    Little Abidzar nodded his head listening carefully to what his father had to say.

   "But what if the woman is the bad one, Pa?" he asked innocently. At that time, he never at all thought what he asked would actually happen.

   "Stay away from hurting or retaliating. Moreover, making her cry. Real men don't do all those bad things," said Mahesa in a way that Abidzar could always hear and apply to his life.

    "Even though we ourselves are sick, we still can't retaliate?"

    "If you can't stand it, just walk away. But, without hurting. Find something better and let it be a thing of the past."

    "What are you doing telling all these things to a child? He won't understand, at least when he grows up, he will be a bad child and hurt a lot of women," said Iris who came with a plate of mango in her hand.

   Abidzar's eyes lit up when he saw the ripe mango that was ready to eat. He immediately got up from his seat and left his toys. He wanted to immediately take just one mango for him to eat, it must be delicious.

   However, his hand was immediately pushed away by Iris. Yet a little more he could touch a piece of mango.

   "What do you want? Steal huh?" Iris's accusation clearly hurt the heart of Abidzar who was only eight years old.

   His head immediately bowed which Mahesa immediately pulled to sit on his thigh. He hugged his son tightly.

   "What are you doing, Iris? He's a little kid, you're his mother. Besides, what's wrong with asking for a piece of mango from your own mother?" Mahesa wasn't angry, she was just annoyed by Iris's exaggeration.

   "Are you defending him? After all, it will become a habit if you continue to let it go. Even though I gave birth to him, he has no right to touch mine!" Iris' sharp eyes made Abidzar's head lowered even more in Mahesa's arms.

    "He won't do bad things to other people like you accuse him of. He only asks you for mangoes, his favorite fruit, his birth mother. What's wrong with that?"

    Iris was annoyed. Mahesa continued to defend the little boy. Mahesa doesn't love him anymore.

    "Want mango? Here you just eat it all!" Iris put the plate roughly in Abidzar's hand then she went to her own room.

   Mahesa could only shake her head at Iris' attitude this time. He lifted Abidzar's face so he could see it clearly.

    "Papa's son is okay, right?" Mahesa asked softly while combing her hair.

   Abidzar shook his head slowly. He gave his father a sweet smile. No more frightened faces now.

   "It's okay, Papa. Abidzar is a strong boy. Besides, what mom did wasn't a bad thing. I've felt other worse things."

    Mahesa nodded his head, trying to believe his son's words. "Come on now eat the mango!"

    Abidzar shook his head while looking at the mango. "No, Dad. This is my mother's. Abidzar wants to go back to my mother. Mom must be sad now," he answered, making Mahesa unable to speak anymore. As it turned out, Abidzar was far more understanding of things that he had not even taught himself.

    "Yes, honey. Do you want to meet mother?"

    Abidzar shook his head again. "Can't i just give it to Papa?" Abidzar is afraid. He was afraid of Iris.

   "Unfortunately, as a man, we must be able to face problems and solve the problem ourselves. However, if we keep avoiding it, it will never be over," said Mahesa again in a softer way so that Abidzar could immediately understand.

    "We'll meet mother, okay! Abi apologize directly."

    Hesitantly, Abidzar nodded his head. Even though he knew that what he was about to do would still be in vain.

   ***

   The memory came back. Abidzar realized that he had made a mistake by making Iris angry and disappointed. According to what his father had said, Abi walked up the stairs and headed to Iris's room. Knocked on the door softly.

   "Mom! I want to apologize. I know what I did was not good. I'm sorry!"

    There was no reply, it made Abidzar feel worried. Usually, no matter how angry Iris was, she would always answer Abidzar's words even if only harsh words came out.

    "Mother!" Abidzar knocked a little louder on the door. I'm afraid Iris won't even hear it.

   Because, Iris couldn't possibly be sleeping at this hour. It's only ten o'clock at night, Iris must still not sleep.

    Worried, Abidzar tried to open the door. Not locked. Immediately he entered.

   The room is empty. This made Abidzar even more panicked. Where's Iris? Where did his mother go?

   "Mother? Where is Mother?"

   Abidzar walks to the bathroom. Exactly, the bathroom was unlocked and there was Iris there, under the shower, looking like she was crying. She wasn't all right.

   Immediately Abidzar tried to approach him. "Mom, don't be there, it's cold, you'll be sick," Abidzar said in his soothing soft voice.

    "I miss you, Mahesa." Iris's squawk made Abidzar feel suffocated as well.

   Until finally Abidzar managed to turn off the water from the cold shower faucet. Crouching in front of Iris, he tried to reach his mother. However, Iris' sharp gaze immediately stopped her movement.

   "What are you doing here? Why isn't my husband here? Why should you be here? Why aren't you the only one who isn't there at that time!" Iris shouted loudly as she said her last question.

    Abidzar's tears spilled. It hurts to hear that his own mother expects him to be gone. If I'm honest, Abidzar also expects the same thing.