Chapter 1:

"Love... a complex word, a complex feeling... is it worth it? More than 7,100 languages in the world, and infinite words for describing love in each language, yet does anyone know the real worth of love? Or if love is a real feeling, a real emotion? Or was it all just a distraction for humanity?

Many mothers have disturbing fantasies of killing their children. Husbands imagine, with guilt, cheating on their wives. Parents stand on the brink of hitting their teenage children or may do so, while the teens fabricate elaborate strategies of revenge. Hurt, pain, uncontrollable rage, and other forms of abuse also make up the dark side of love. The denied dark side of love can show us love's true nature. By acknowledging our negative feelings, we can come into the full spectrum of emotion and hear the message of our darker feelings, without acting them out."

You stood there listening to this man, in the middle of the streets, ranting and ranting about how love could be the most useless, absurd feeling to ever exist. That the dark side of love is the dominant one, most of the time, in this world.

Did you agree with him? Partially.

We all know that love doesn't last forever and that it was all a fantasy created for children. To make those poor creatures believe that they will someday live their own love story. But once you grow up, you understand that love is much more than that.

Throwing a glance at your watch, you decided that it was time for you to go home. So like most people there, you threw some cents in the cap that was laying on the floor, for the man to benefit from later, before finally walking away, to catch the bus.

**

"So, when are you two getting married?" A girl in the seat in front of yours asked, talking to her friend.

"I don't know, we weren't planning on doing it so soon. But with the new law and everything... Probably in the next month or so."

You weren't usually the type to listen in on people, especially if it didn't concern you. But at the mention of a new law, you found yourself concentrating on their conversation.

You heard one of your colleagues talk about it with each other, but you still didn't understand anything.

"Well, congratulations I guess, I mean he's your soulmate so, it's not like it would be so bad."

"You're right, I love him, he's my soulmate. Marrying him isn't gonna be a big of a deal."

Soulmates? Marriage? New law? Was there something everyone knew of, but you didn't? Well, it certainly seemed like it.

I should start watching the news more. You thought to yourself before getting up, from your seat and exiting the bus.

Unlocking the door, you step into the loft, and you take in a deep breath, inhaling the aroma of home.

Dropping your bag to the floor, you ditched your shoes at the entrance hall and ignored the pile of mail that was scattered on the floor, before making your way to the kitchen.

You open the fridge, take out a bottle of soju, and plump yourself on the couch, taking long sips from the alcohol in your hands, hissing at the sourness of it. You throw your head back on the couch, replaying the events of today in your head, when suddenly the doorbell resonates through the small space, making you wonder who in the world dared to bother you. Even though you had your suspicions about who it was, you got up to check the door.

You toss the bottle of soju on the ground making sure to empty it first, before making your way to the door to open it.

"Hey Yn..." And, there were your suspicions.

You were about to close the door in her face but she stopped you and got in without any proper invitation. Of course, she would, it's Judy that we're talking about here.

"What do you want, Ju?" You say groaning, following her to the living room, where she already started to pick up the empty bottles of soju from the ground and throw them in the trash bin.

You don't know why you asked, you already knew why she's here. She comes almost every week to check on you and clean the mess that your loft is in because somehow you manage to ruin everything in that short period.

"I missed my best friend, and I thought I should come and pay her a visit since obviously, she wouldn't do it herself." She said with a hint of sarcasm, now opening all the blinds and windows.

You shut your eyes at the sudden blinding light, you make your way to her, back hugging her.

"I missed you too, but... I told you how I hate it when you come to help me clean, it makes me feel more irresponsible." You mumble against her neck, subtly holding her hands still, to inhibit any other move.

She turns around, facing you. "Then you should start taking more care of yourself." She says, detaching your arms from around her, going upstairs to your room, and picking up the dirty clothes that you had discarded and long forgotten on the floor.

"The house smells like alcohol, you smell like alcohol.. seriously Yn, you should get ahead of yourself, soon I'm gonna stop being around all the time, and you'll find no one to help you anymore." She gave you a look, one mixed with disappointment and pity, one you didn't like.

But when her words finally sank in, your eyes widened. "What do you mean by stop being around? You're gonna leave me? Please don't leave me, Judy... I don't think I'm gonna be able to live without you..." By now, you were spread on the floor, tears streaming down your cheeks, without your consent.

"Don't be ridiculous Yn, get up and hear me out." She was now tugging on your shirt, trying to make you stand up. But you shook your head.

"Not until you promise me that you won't give up on me." You cried out, the alcohol starting to make an effect. At this she sighed, knowing for a fact that you won't back out.

"Look at me Yn, I am never gonna give up on you, I care too much about you to just leave you to deal with all of this alone. Now do me a favor. Get up, take a shower, sober up a little bit, and then when you're done, you'll come here and we'll have a little chat, there's something I need to talk to you about. Can you do that for me?" She asked, looking at you as if you were a baby, which felt like you were one, in this situation. You looked up at her, nodding.

You stand up on your feet, stumbling a little bit due to the alcohol. Giving her a small smile -a discreet way of thanking her for the pampering talk- you make your way to the bathroom, where you could take a shower.

Having the cold water running over you, made you feel a little bit soberer.

Thinking back about what just happened with Judy, a wave of embarrassment rushed over you. It's crazy how just a little bit of alcohol could make you act the total opposite of your true self. You weren't usually the cry-baby type of person. Or at least, you stopped being one long ago.

Judy was there with you, ever since things started going downhills for you. When you ran away from home, you cut ties with everyone you knew, even Judy.

But two years later, you met her again, at the hospital where you work right now. She was there to visit a relative of hers, and when she saw you, she almost had a breakdown.

You tried to ignore her, but she followed you. She begged and begged for you to talk to her and go back home, but you refused.

That didn't stop her from keeping on coming back for almost a week, trying hard to convince you to at least let her back in your life again.

It worked. You had agreed on one condition, you made her promise to not tell anyone about your where-beings or anything about you. And since you didn't get any disturbing signs from anyone, Judy is the only person you could trust now.

When you finally feel like you sobered up completely, you rinse off the shampoo and body wash from your hair and body. You wrap a towel around yourself after turning off the water.

Stepping out of the shower, you stood in front of the mirror, observing yourself.

Saying you were satisfied with your state was an understatement. The bags under your eyes were prominent, and so were your cheekbones.

I should get my life together, I can't live like this anymore, you thought to yourself, sighing and running your fingers through your hair.

Deep down you knew it was all just words. You've been telling yourself the same thing for years, but never really made any progress.

You subconsciously reached for your shoulder, where it once was carrying a beautiful tattoo. You longed to see it back, gracefully adorning your collarbone and shoulder.

You longed to see him, to be enveloped in his arms, his warmth surrounding you. But you never just get what you want in life.

After zoning out for a while, you finally walked out of the bathroom and went into the walk-in closet. Picking up a black sweater and some shorts, you slipped them on before heading downstairs to join Judy.

Walking out of your bathroom, you could see that Judy had cleaned everything up, nothing was out of place.

The space was clean, bright, and smelled like lavender. Your bed sheets were changed, and there were no clothes scattered on the floor. There was no sight of soju bottles in the living room, and the kitchen countertops and aisle were clear from any pizza boxes. You had to admit that it was a beautiful view.

Maybe I should start cleaning the house myself.

You sat down at the small dining table, and Judy served you your bowls of ramen. You mouthed a small thank you, before taking some of the food. You kept eating, waiting for her to start talking, you didn't want to ask her to start speaking, since she was the one that had something to tell you, and you didn't want to pressure her into it.

"I'm getting married." She blurted out of nowhere, making you choke on your food.

She quickly passed you a glass of water, encouraging you to take small sips from it.

"I'm sorry, What!" You exclaimed, once you finally regained your posture.

"I'm getting married, Yn." She repeated this time with a sigh.

She seemed kind of uncomfortable, which made you feel guilty for a second, for having an exaggerated reaction.

But... she never even mentioned meeting her soulmate, let alone marrying them.

"I mean congratulations, but... to whom? You- Are you seeing someone? You never told me anything..." You ask, this time taking a more careful turn.

"I know, and I'm sorry. I feel bad now that I think about it because... I have known him ever since I knew you, yet I never told you anything... But Yn please promise me you won't get mad at me for what I'm about to say. Marrying him wasn't part of my plans yet but... with the new law and everything... I didn't have a choice." She asked, eyes pleading.

You were getting confused about this law. What is it? And why is it that everyone is talking about it?

You decided not to ask her anything, Judy seemed on the verge of tears.

Realizing how serious the situation is you put down your pair of chopsticks, and cleared your throat. "What's wrong Ju? You know you can tell me everything." You said, with a small voice, to prove to her that she could confide in you.

She had always been understanding and listening to you, so now it was your turn to do the same.

"I don't even know where to start..." She sighed.

"Well, you can start from the beginning... For example, who's the guy?" You asked, holding her hand, showing her that you weren't pressuring her into anything.

She looked at you with hesitant yet regretting eyes, before starting. "How am I gonna say this... It's crazy..." She mumbled to herself, before taking a deep breath and looking you straight in the eyes.

"The guy I'm getting married to is my soulmate, Lewis." She says with one breath, making your hold on her hands loosen.

You couldn't believe what you were hearing. Lewis?

"Lewis? Lewis as in Lewis Seo...? My brother Lewis Seo?" You asked in disbelief, her nodding with each word that came out of your mouth.

This is absurd. "But.. He's your soulmate? Since when... You- you never told me anything and-" You started rumbling but she cut you off midway.

"I know, I know... I should have told you, and I'm so sorry for that. But when I knew that you two were siblings, I just couldn't bring myself to tell you anything... I- I was afraid you might not want me to be with your brother... Or maybe you didn't trust me enough since we had just known each other at that time. But it was all a coincidence, the day I met you was the same day I met him, at your mother's flower shop... And- and... Ugh. I'm so sorry. My relationship with Lewis started evolving into something more serious each day and I still didn't dare to tell you. And to my luck, the day I had finally decided to expose my secret to you, was the day you ran away." She concluded.

"Then why didn't you tell me when we met again? All of those years and you only decide to tell me when you're getting married?" You asked, trying hard to comprehend everything that was happening.

"I wanted to tell you but I just couldn't. You were so busy with your life and everything that, every time seemed like the wrong time." She said, and with that, you slumped your back against the chair, letting everything she just said, sink in.

"I'm so sorry, Yn. I am. You can hate me all you want, but just, please... Please don't stop me from being with Lewis, I just don't know what I would do without him." She begged, making me think everything through.

"I don't hate you, Judy.. and I never will, at least not for such a reason. If anything I'm happy that it's my brother... At least I know you both are in good hands." She smiled at your words, and you resumed eating.

There was a moment of silence, both of you just reminiscing about what had occurred in the last years.

For you it was a routine, you would always dedicate a moment of your day, to suffocate yourself with the 'what ifs'.

But for her... She was just grateful that things happened the way they did. Although glancing up at you, she wished you would make up your mind and go back home... She stared at you for a while, her eye catching the sweater you were wearing. She debated whether to voice what was on her mind or not. Oh, fuck it. She thought.

"Is that Chris' sweater?" She asked, voice small as if she was afraid you might snap.

She knew that the person in question was a triggering subject for you, but she couldn't help and ask.

Sinking back in your chair, you hugged your knees and snuggled your face in the collar of the clothing.

"Yeah... It somehow still has the scent of his cologne, it makes me feel at ease." You uttered, instantly relaxing, inhaling the fragrance of the sweater.

She smiled slightly at the fragile sight of you.

You had told her about everything you went through when the two of you had reunited after years. She knew just how hard life was on you. She hated seeing you like this, broken..., hopeless. So she promised herself she was going to bring you back.

"C'mon, we have some shopping to do."