I WISH I COULD
The situation of the railway station is busy but quiet; many people are passing by, people come and go all the time, many are sitting on long benches waiting for the train to arrive,
Hira missed the train; she was at Bandung City Station returning from shopping at Pasar Baru nearby the station, waiting for the next departure.
It was noon, and the weather wasn't too sunny, yet there was no sign of rain. It might be like her mood at that time.
From afar seen a blue taxi enters the station area and parks on the edge of the yard near the sidewalk. A man came out of the car; his clothes were pure white, dazzling. Then. Oops, he almost fell because of stepped carelessly. Throwing a glance around, no one noticed him, and he stepped into the lobby where the girl was sitting.
At the same time, Hira's phone suddenly rang. An incoming SMS stated that her number would get the free pulse. There is no clear explanation of who gave it. Hira looked down at her phone and was busy finding out who sends credit, and it was a shame because her phone was postpaid. She has to return the pulse to the sender if possible.
Someone walked past her towards the city platform.
Hira leaned back in her chair. It turned out that the replacement pulses were compensation from the government due to having participated in the UMKM*) program some time ago
She saw a person walking away from her place; the dazzling white hem among the people caught her attention. Ah, feel like she knew the person even though she only looked from behind. His movements are a little sluggish, and the way he walks, his hairstyle, and his perfect posture lack enthusiasm.
Billy? Hira thought.
Hira stood up and start to hunt for the figure. She was curious to make sure it was Billy. But the man had already entered the platform towards the train. Hira tried to chase, but it was too late, now he had gotten on the train, and at the same time, the train had left the city station.
Too late, she realized that it was Billy. A look of disappointment crossed her face. She saw a blue taxi car from a distance. There are sidewalks, and lots of people are passing by. She recalls Dean's message, he is not wrong. What is in his vision is true. It's happened just right now.
After all, what can we do if God has not given his permission? No matter how great people would help, it will not help without His approval.
Her heart suddenly went silent. Hira decided to go home by grabbing a taxi outside the building.
A song plays as she leans her back in the back seat...
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Andai aku bisa
Memutar kembali
Waktu yang t'lah berjalan
'Tuk kembali bersama
Di dirimu s'lamanya
Bukan maksud aku
Membawa dirimu
Masuk terlalu jauh
Ke dalam kisah cinta
Yang tak mungkin terjadi
Dan aku tak punya hati
Untuk menyakiti dirimu
Dan aku tak punya hati 'tuk mencintai
Dirimu yang s'lalu mencintai diriku
Walau kau tahu diriku masih bersamanya
(I wish I could
Turn back the clock
The time that has passed
'To come back together
to you forever
It's not my intention
Bringing you
Go too far
Into a love story
That could never happen
And I don't have the heart
To hurt you
And I don't have the heart To love
You who loved me then
Though you knew I was still with her)
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The cover of Andai Aku Bisa by Chakra Khan from the car tape was so heartwarming and penetrated her heart as if Billy was talking to her soul. Slowly the tears fall.
Even if this was pain, maybe it was a beautiful pain. Hira knew that Billy felt the same way, and so did Julia. All parties are hurt, but the pain of upholding a value is far more honorable than being unfaithful. Even if this is a defeat, Hira is willing to lose, because there will never be a victory for betrayal.
The love that was so great had dragged them out of consciousness, but reality made them come back to forget each other before creating everlasting pain.
Not because he was weak, Billy gave up on his love. Remember how the man was willing to go back and forth from Jakarta to Bandung every day and drove his own car during the fasting month just to see her? To see the girl he loved even though only their souls greeted each other without saying a word.
There is no WA number stored on each cellphone, although effortless to attain it. But like Hira, Billy upholds integrity. As a high-ranking officer, he sustains his pledges of allegiance. Billy was even sicker, letting his lover go after realizing there was nothing he could do but accept the current reality.
Let's time will solve everything.
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*UMKM stand for Usaha Mikro Kecil Menengah, or SMME Small Micro Middle Enterprise