The Turning Point

Months have passed since Carly lost her baby, Jade, whom she had no chance to literally meet. Her heart was always in so much pain. She had been merely taking care of herself, she barely ate, she resigned from her work and she stopped taking care of her business as well. Carly was terribly down and crushed, she was at the lowest point in her life, she didn't even want to get back up. She wished to follow Jade to the place she went to, Carly didn't stop praying every day to see her daughter even if that is only in her dreams. Carly wished to see her grow into a lovely girl, and someday in the future, she could've seen her turn into a fine woman. But all of her expectations turned into nothing. Carly woke up every night, screaming and crying from nightmares. Her parents were so much worried about her, no need to mention Joshua, yet they couldn't do or say too much. And Joshua needed to leave her from time to time to go to work. All she would want to bear with was their presence and nothing more, everytime someone said something such as telling her to eat or take a shower, or everything that related to her taking care of herself she would refuse harshly, and sometimes even shout back in response at them.

"Leave me alone," Carly talked coldly that evening when Joshua came in and brought her a tray of full dinner to raise her appetite.

Joshua could only sigh and thought, "someone needs to stay sane, she needs me to be sane."

Carly's mom caressed his back soothingly when he came to the kitchen with a complete fully untouched tray.

"Are you okay?" She asked slowly, her voice and gaze sounding worried.

"I have to be okay, mom, don't worry, I'll survive this, we will."

"It's almost been three months."

"Yes, I know, but," Joshua sighed and lowered his eyes before continuing, "there is nothing much we can do, she refused to meet a psychologist or any therapists. It's hard, I don't know what to do now but to stay beside her."

Carly's mom leaned her head down and placed it on Joshua's arm, sniffling slowly and faltering, "Thank you for being very patient with my daughter, Josh. I can't be more grateful to have you as my son-in-law."

"It's very hard for me, mom. I can't imagine how hard it is for Carly. She was the one who got pregnant and carried Jade for the past few months."

They both kept sighing, Carly's mom tried not to sob too loud, the atmosphere in the house was already saddening with Carly's situation itself.

***

Joshua climbed up to the bed where Carly had been lying all day. He stroked her arm warmly and tried to embrace her. She wasn't sleeping, she was spacing out with her gaze pierced at the door.

"Josh," Carly whispered barely audibly.

"Yes, honey," that was the first time Carly spoke in a somewhat friendly tone and that surprised Joshua somehow. He started kissing her arm, the spot where he touched earlier.

"I feel so sad, Josh," Carly started sniffling, Joshua tightened his arms around her and kissed her more on her exposed shoulder.

"I know, baby, I am too. We both have lost our precious hope, she wasn't only yours, she was mine too," Josh felt so sad and yet a huge relief that Carly started talking to him and that brought him to tears.

Carly cried louder, her whimpering echoed in the room, synchronously with Joshua's.

Joshua turned Carly's body around, making her face him. He kissed her forehead and wiped her tears affectionately.

"It's okay, Carly. Things are going to be okay in the end. I know you're sad, I am too, but we have to face this together, okay? You and I, we are stronger together," Joshua tried to convince her, encouraging her. That was the first chance where Joshua could bring Carly back to her life, facing reality and reconciling with the circumstances.

Joshua embraced his wife tighter, trying to give her comfort to be in his arms like she used to be. Things had been very hard for them both and Joshua knew that Carly needed him the most at that moment, but she was too much indulging in her own grief because she didn't know what to do, or whom to blame, or how to survive from her sorrow. Joshua tilted her face to look at him. Joshua's heart was broken watching Carly's pale face, with obvious dark circles around her eyes, her hollowing cheeks topped with prominent cheekbones.

Joshua sighed deeply, catching sight of his wife's face, "I know you're hurt, Carly, but we have to go through with this. It hurts me even more watching you like this. There was nothing we could do about Jade, accept it, her Creator loved her more than we did. Please, Carly," his voice lowered within time and was followed by desperation.

Joshua embraced her quivering body while Carly was leaning on him and sobbing against his chest. All he could do was only stroke her back to soothe her, at least that was what he thought would work. But Carly just kept screaming roughly in her heart calling Jade while Joshua was talking. She could not let it go, she couldn't accept or reconcile, she didn't want to. Her heart, her soul couldn't bear losing a baby.

Joshua cupped Carly's cheek and started kissing her lips very gently. Carly could not resist although she didn't want it, all she wanted was just crying and nothing else. She noticed Joshua's hand on her waist and moving down to her bottom when his kiss intensified and his other hand started sneaking and groping her breast.

"It's okay," he said when he noticed that Carly slightly pulled back.

Carly lowered her sad face and sniffled softly, "I can't, Josh."

"Why?" Joshua asked in a very warm tone.

"I just can't, I don't want to."

"Come on, Carly, it's been almost 5 months."

Carly froze and spaced out, "I don't want to, Josh."

"Honey, we can make more babies, come on," he said while his hand was getting between her thighs.

Carly's eyes widened in surprise, couldn't believe what she just heard from her husband, Jade's father, "What the f**k," she cursed in her mind and looked up at him.

She pushed him away and shouted, "Are you freaking crazy saying that, Josh? What the f**k, Josh!! more babies?? You're a freaking psycho!!" 

Carly rose in anger, getting up from the bed 

"Damnit," his brain swore his own words, "No, Carly, I mean, I'm sorry, I was stupid saying that, I didn't mean that, Carly, I'm sorry," Joshua rose and knelt on the bed, trying to reach her in his hands.