THE LOVE OF A FATHER

She sometimes wondered if she had wanted Vincenzo to love her.

They always said that a girl's first love was that of her father. She had never had that. She sometimes wondered if he ever thought about her.

She tried not to think about him most of the time because there was this feeling in her chest she had every time she thought of him.

A feeling she has never felt before. The rage she felt inside her was something she knew wanted to blow up.

She hated him even if she had never met him. She wondered what life would have been like if he had ever been there at all for her.

Was she not enough to be loved like other kids?

She always assumed that he had other kids. Kids that he loved dearly liked his life despite dying in it.

She could not remember her mother ever talking about him at all when she was a kid. The more she grew up the more she realized that it was because it hurt her.

It hurt her that they had made a kid together and she was the one who was left to raise her on her own. She could not imagine the pain that her mother had endured in silence.

The tears that she had she'd in her bed at night so that Anna couldn't see her crying. She acted like everything was okay when all she wanted to do was to break down.

She was slowly turning into her mother. A woman who wasn't loved and was bitter at the world.

She didn't want to be that woman.

In another universe Mother was happy. She had someone who loved her and adored her. Someone who reminded her every day that she was the best thing that had happened to him.

She deserved it.

Her childhood had been a mess. She had been a grown-up all her childhood and nothing had changed she was still that same kid who hid and cried.

The kid that cried and wished she wasn't alive because no one loved her.

All she ever wanted was her mother.

Yet she still couldn't have that.

She was envious of the people who had families. Maybe if she had grown up in one then she would never have settled for a man that did not care for her.

If her father was there and loved her how a man was supposed to live a woman then maybe she could be happy.

The image of him she had in her brain was slowly fading away over the years.

She did not know what he even sounded like, how could she remember when she had seen him she had thought he was a stranger?

That didn't hurt because she knew he was still alive, unlike her mother who she was never going to see ever.

What hurt her the most was she did but even remember how she looked. She loved to think she was the spitting image of her mother. Her sweet voice was now a memory that was fading and all she wanted was to hold on to it.

She was miserable and she hated it but there was nothing she could do about it. She chuckled as she remembered her childhood days when it was just her and her mother.

She had been the sweetest woman she had ever met. Anna knew she loved her.

She had tried all she could. Even if it wasn't enough it didn't matter she was happy at the moment.

She hated the fact that she had grown up. She wanted to be five years old again to be with her mother. To have her brush her hair as she had a bath.

To listen to her voice as she sang her songs to make her sleep.

To hear her giggles as they played around, she could never have that. Sometimes she wondered what had killed her.

She was a mess and she knew that but for some reason she kept on making her life hard. She didn't know when to stop.

Maybe if she met with her father even once then all the rage she felt inside of her would go away.

Maybe if he told her the way he left them then she would be at peace. She knew she did not deserve that. She did not deserve to see a kid in public holding hands with her father and it hurt her.

The little child in her was hurt that she was never going to feel the way that kid did.

Maybe that was the reason she did not 2nat to have a child. Why would she want her child to go through the same things she did?

She knew for a fact that no matter how much she tried she couldn't love the kid enough for them to just think about their dad.

It had happened to her. Sooner or later the kid would start wondering where the dad was and why he hadn't loved them to stay.

She and Vincenzo were in different worlds and they couldn't survive in one place. She was looking for love that only her dad could give.

He couldn't give her that.

Someone who has never been loved before didn't know how to love someone. It took her being heartbroken for her to learn that.

He was quiet and did not know how to talk about his feelings. He treated her as if he hated her.

She was soft and feminine. She wanted to talk about her feelings and say everything she felt towards someone.

Every single day that he didn't talk to her she thought he hated her and that was all that mattered.

It did not matter if he loved her. Just because he loved her didn't mean that she felt lived by him. That was the difference between them.

She wanted to be loved loudly. She wanted you to tell people and show them how much you adored her. She wanted you to look at her like she was the rarest jewel.

She wanted Vincenzo to look at her and feel like his world was complete. She wanted to know how much she mattered to him.

She wanted to be loved correctly like every other woman was loved.

He wanted to live her in silence.

In whatever universe they were in it could never work out between them.