Chapter 9.1

"We've arrived, it should be in here, right?"

"So they reported... let's get going."

The two guards who had moved me around the building as if I were a puppet, an inanimate object, left me in front of a door, telling me to enter.

"Here is death?" I asked myself more than them.

"What?"

"What's inside?" I requested this time addressing those men.

"Come in and you'll see," one of them said angrily, opening the door for me and pushing me forward.

"I can't stand crazy women!"

"Shut up you idiot! What if someone hears you and tells Empress Zeyana when she wakes up? Do you know that she had anyone who treated her witch badly punished..."

I listened to part of their conversation until the door closed, then I noticed the turmoil of my emotions when I heard the name of the woman who had crept into my mind and wouldn't leave me… my empress… Zey, my Zey… how was she? How long had it been since I had been locked up in prisons?

"Alex?"

"Fiamma?"

I immediately threw myself at her feet as soon as I realized that it was really her: I clung to her skirt, crying again and asking her for help, begging her to get rid of all my demons and to save Zeyana.

"Get up silly."

I did as he asked and looked around: it was a common room, probably where formal meetings were held. At the moment, only Fiamma and I were present inside the room.

The woman's amber eyes were menacing, but I knew she would never hurt me. Fiamma was very angry: "I see that you have chosen the wrong path although I have shown you the best one... you have ignored my warnings and hurt yourself and your empress. What do you think would have happened without my intervention Alex?"

I held back more sobs as I listened to her and digested all those bitter truths.

"Zeyana was on the verge of death and you were no different."

"It wasn't supposed to go like this... not Zeyana..."

"Alex look at me!" Fiamma grabbed my face and looking into her eyes I felt a rush of anger engulf me: only Fiamma knew where I would hold the ritual, because she herself had shown me those ruins of the temple and only she could have brought Zeyana to me.

"It was you!"

"Alex don't make me laugh, do you really think I would have let you destroy everything? You never listen...you are incorrigible. I am disappointed in you, very disappointed, and right now I only came to tell you one thing before I leave."

"No Fiamma... I can explain... I had to-"

"Alex of Clevwood stop desecrating the gift that nature itself has given you. Bring honor to your family, do not tarnish the good name of the dead."

"No, no, no, wait, please wait!"

I ran towards her, trying to grab her but she disappeared before I could grap her: I screamed in frustration and soon the doors opened again; other hands held me, this time familiar: "Keira, Fiamma is gone!"

"Alex take it easy... let's go... I'll take you to Zeyana, at least you'll be able to see her."

I stopped fidgeting and screaming when I recognized the path to the Empress's chambers: on the way there I felt the eyes of the staff on me, all wary, cold looks. When we found ourselves in front of the doors behind which my Zey must have been, other guards stopped us: "Halt! Mellarc, what do you think you're doing by bringing the prisoner here?"

"Alex has been cleared of charges, now let us pass, it's an order."

They moved despite the wariness that was evident from their hostile attitude and the air of caution they exuded. Keira led my arm into the room and closed the doors. My eyes fell on a bed, which I knew all too well, and on a pale body, covered by a light sheet. Zeyana had a serene expression, but in those conditions she looked similar to a corpse: "Keira... what have I done to her?!" I threw myself at the foot of the bed, near Zeyana's head and stared at her face, feeling consumed by the guilt that I felt for having hurt her. She had injured herself because of me, she had stabbed herself because of me! She loved me… and I had committed one of the worst sins, a blasphemy! For my family values… I was a monster, I was nothing but a monster, an impulsive beast, out of control, I deserved to be punished.

"Keira take me again as a prisoner... I don't care about the demons, the cold, the hunger, the brooding moon... I don't care! I deserve that execution, for doing this to her... and my family ...I failed, I failed, I failed miserably! Keira I won't be able to get them back, do you know what that means?!"

Keira was watching me with wide eyes and parted lips: maybe I was scaring her, but it was for the best. I was a waste of life and would kill anyone close to me.

I had to kill myself for my family… and Fiamma… had nature rejected me? My powers…their absence was a sign, yes a sign that only death could await me.

I got up, after leaving a kiss on Zeyana's forehead and whispering my apologies, then I threw myself into Keira's arms, but only to steal her sword: by the time she realised, it was already too late. I unsheathed the weapon and brought it to my throat, ready to cut my throat, but I couldn't do it, something blocked my desperate gesture. I saw blood and bitterly discovered it wasn't mine. Keira had stopped the sword with her hands, holding it towards her.

"Is this how you will repay everything the empress has done for you? Don't you want to pay her even a shred of respect?!" she screamed furiously at me and her words were clear enough to make me back away and immediately let go of the sword. I was wrong again, wasn't I? Fiamma was right…Keira could see it clearly too, so why couldn't I at all?!

"Alex..."

I remained motionless, my mind returning to the past and remembering all the impressions I had had of Fiamma and our first meeting.