Chapter 7
NATHAN'S P.O.V
Two weeks had passed since my mum left us. They said things were going to be okay and they were right. It hurts that she's gone but I know she's in a better place and like Emily said she lives in my heart, as long as I can remember our time together, she will forever be alive. The funeral took place on the designated day and it helped with the healing. My dad got to express how he felt in front of everyone and we got a chance to say goodbye. I channeled my emotions into writing and now I have a lot of songs about how much I love and miss my mother. One of my family members from my mum's side gave me a guitar. It was my mum's guitar when she was my age. Turns out my mum wanted to be a musician before she had a changing dream. I've been playing with the guitar and I think I could make something out of the guitar and my songs. Eating has been hard for me, my mum always cooked for me so now whenever I eat I can only think of how I'll never taste my mum's home-cooked meals again. My dad thinks I'm developing anorexia but I'm sure I'm going to be fine. It'll pass. I haven't gone to school since it happened and I'm more than okay with just sitting at home in my underwear writing out my feelings. Wow, I never thought I'd be that guy. This might sound weird but I still talk to my mum, sometimes the songs I write are like letters to her. I don't care how it makes me look. People grieve in different ways.
"Aah," I groan as the light is turned on. I turn to the source, it's my dad
"Please turn it off" I beg.
He shakes his head and gives me a serious look
"We need to talk" he states and sits on my bed
"Okay but can't we talk with the lights off"
"No," he says sternly and looks at me.
I can feel his vulnerability and his hurt.
"Son, we need to be strong, because no matter what we do it wouldn't change the fact that your mum is gone. She wouldn't be happy to see you sitting at home all day in darkness and not eating"
"Okay I'll keep the lights on," I say with a little smile
"I'm being serious Nathan. I know this is hard on you, it's hard on me too. You lost your mother and I lost my wife, but we cannot continue living like this. What did your mum tell you before she died?"
I sit up and recall the last conversation we had
"She said that even if she isn't here I should make sure I live my best life and be happy"
"Is this you living your best life? Staying indoors all day. Not eating and not going to school"
"No sir" I reply suddenly feeling bad. My mum wanted me to continue living and this isn't how she wanted me to do it
"Tomorrow is Monday. You are going to go to school. And I want you to have fun. Go to parties, get a girlfriend just do stuff that teenage boys do. That will make your mother happy"
"Okay dad, I'll prepare for school"
"I love you, Nate"
"Love you too dad"
********
Night time comes but I can't sleep. Sleeping has also been a little hard. Every time I close my eyes I see the image of my mum's eyes closing and it's like I'm reliving that moment again.
I stay awake watching videos on my phone and morning comes fast. I get ready for school and decide to walk instead of calling Zeke.
"Dude you came. I'm so glad to see you. Why didn't you give me a call I would've picked you up" Zeke says as soon as he sees me.
We share a handshake
"I needed a walk"
"I'm really happy to see you," Zeke says all smiles
"Yeah me too" I try to match his smile but I can't
"Nathan you're here," Emily says with a high voice and hugs me, I hug her back and we separate. I actually missed these guys
"So what did I miss?" I ask
"Nothing much. Same old boring stuff in school" Zeke answers
I nod my head and then from the corner of my eye I see Emma walking toward us, she doesn't notice us. Since our kiss, we haven't spoken. I saw her at the funeral but we didn't get a chance to talk.
"Emma" I call out and wave at her.
She smiles as she sees me and hurriedly walks toward us
"Nathan, I'm so happy to see you," she says, hugging me. Feeling her body against mine, I feel a shot of happiness rise in me
"I'm happy to see you too" my usual goofy smile doesn't hide anymore
She smiles as she sees it
"Your smile is back," she says excitedly as she tiptoes and joins her lips with mine
"Woah" I exhale as we separate from the kiss
"I'll see you after school" she trails her hand on my shoulder and walks into class
I turn to Zeke and Emily who are both standing with their mouths hanging open and their eyes wide
"When did that happen?" Emily asks steadying herself.
"She came over and stuff happened"
"You go dude"Zeke cheers and slaps me lightly on my shoulder
"So are you guys dating now?" Emily asks
"I don't know. What's with the questions?"
"I just want to know but doesn't she have a boyfriend?" She asks adjusting the bag on her shoulder
"Yeah what about her college boyfriend?" Zeke points out
I never got to ask her about that. I knew she was dating a guy but u never actually asked if they broke up. I just assumed since the guy went to college they weren't together anymore
"You don't know, do you?"Emily says with the tone she uses when she knows she is right
"I'm sure they're not together anymore" I try to defend but even I don't know if that's true
"Did she tell you that?"
"No, but I know her. Let's drop the topic"
We walk into class and the biology teacher comes in quickly behind us. He starts teaching and I just zone out and start dozing off. What can I say there's something about biology that makes me want to sleep. Plus all the sleepless nights start catching up with me
I start to feel someone tapping me. I open my eyes to see Emily whispering something to me. I don't know what she's saying but I have an idea of what she is saying when I look to the front and my eyes meet with the teacher
"Why are you sleeping in my class? Is my class boring you Mr. Williams?"
The class burst into laughter at his question
I don't say anything and just stare at the teacher
"Oh, I forgot you're the one who lost your mum. So sorry about that. You can continue sleeping" the teacher says and continues with the class
I don't even know if that's a good or bad thing. Now I'm the kid who lost his mum, and everyone feels they have to pity me. This same teacher kicked me out of the class last semester for sleeping and I got detention, now he's saying I can sleep all I want.
******
Classes go by quickly and soon it's time for lunch.
We all go to the cafeteria but I can't get what the teacher said out of my mind. He wanted me to continue sleeping because he felt pity for me. I don't think I can handle being the center of pity.
What if Emma is only being like this with me because of pity?
"Nathan, why aren't you eating?" Emma asks
There it is again the concern.
"I'm not hungry" I reply and bring out my phone
"Nathan you need to eat something" Emily adds
"Yeah. You normally don't leave anything on your plate" Zeke says
The worry, the concern, the pity all things that I don't need right now
"Would you all just drop it? If I don't eat it's my business, not yours"
"It is our business because we care about you," Emily says. I can feel the sincerity in her voice and I know she genuinely cares for me but I just feel very suffocated
"Newsflash Emily, you're not my mum" with that said I stand up and leave the cafeteria.
It's just suffocating. All of them are just acting like I'm a little kid. I came back to school to get better and be happy but how can I get better or be happy if everyone keeps reminding me of what I'm trying to not think of?
I head back to class and soon after the others come in. Emily sits beside me but doesn't say a word. Zeke takes his position and nods at me and nod at him back. Emma sits on the other side of me and smiles a little at me. I smile back and the classes continue.
School's finally over. I wait for Emma since earlier she had said we would talk after school.
She walks out and we walk together.
"What was that earlier? You were acting weird" she asks
"I don't want to talk about it"
"Whatever it is, your friends and I were only looking out for you, you didn't have to go full anger mode on us. I get that you're going through stuff but it's not an excuse for you to be an asshole"
I take in her words and smile. It was the first time since the incident that someone had talked to me without a hint of sadness and pity. She called me out and wasn't afraid to do it. She doesn't pity me.
"Thanks. I needed to hear that"
She smiles
"I don't know why you're thanking me but you're welcome"
The boyfriend thing pops into my mind.
"I have something to ask you," I say as we start walking
"Ask away"
"What happened to your boyfriend, the one who went to college?"
"We broke up"
"Oh sorry about that"
"No, it was a mutual thing"
I stop walking and face her.
"So what are we exactly? We've kissed twice and I know it's obvious that I like you"
She stops and blushes
"You like me?"
"Of course I do. I thought it was obvious. You're really pretty, you're smart, you're fun to be with and your kiss makes my head spin"
The blush on her face increases but she frowns a little
"What about Emily?"
"What about her?"
"I thought you guys were like a thing"
"Emily? No, we're friends"
"Oh ok, that's good to know. For the record, I like you too"
"Oh, do you now?" I ask wrapping my arms around her waist
"I do I really do," She says and tiptoes, I lean down and for the third time we share a marvelous kiss
"Does this mean that we are a couple?" I ask as we separate
"It does if you want it to" she teases
"Heck yeah I'd love to be your boyfriend" I lift her up and kiss her again
"And I would love to be your girlfriend," she says
"Then it's official"