Chapter 6

I went to talk to her the day before the end of exams. I wanted to finish what I started, to conclude what was in the poem and declare my love to her.

She was walking out of the exam hall with her best friend, Bridget. When I reached for her, Bridget displaced herself without word. Since she knew she had to leave the two, it gave me another evidence that the poem had been read by both of them.

"Hi" I said confidently.

"Hi" she replied smiley.

Wow she was much alive and ever smiling as usual, my vivacious Tiara.

What! My mouth couldn't let out any word. Darkness had overtaken my ability to speak to her. I was scared and I couldn't utter any word. Inside I was rich and full of lyrics but my mouth couldn't open. 'How, where can I start from…' all these questions battled in my head. She was dazzling with beauty on my side, It was difficulty to let out any word and I stiffened. I was trembling, my fingers were shaking and I felt hot. I loved her but I couldn't admit it. When I discovered that I had covered a distance mute. I was disgusted because I didn't want her to note that I was shy.

"How is the day" I struggled to ask just to cut the silence.

"Good" she replied turning to look into my eyes. I was filled with love but I was trembling, afraid that she might say that this love boy is shy. What a short answer she had given, I thought she would tell more about the day like she used to do. She is talkative but couldn't she do that here. Was she really shy? Oh this girl!

My mind asked questions and answered itself many things as in a conversation that my mouth just vomited, "it's true" and there was silence again. She said nothing and I hoped she didn't hear what my mouth vomited. I knew that she knew that I knew that she knew I was shy.

When we were getting nearer to her hostel I slowed down. I wished someone could come and carry me home.

"Did you see another Ms. Document besides the Computer Science Project" I was shy to call it a poem.

"Oh, no, I didn't see it" she denied, "Was there anything else I wanted to see?" she couldn't hold back the smile.

I knew she was shy to admit having read it but I knew she read it. Maybe she was afraid to face me when I would propose to her.

"You need to look at it, and I'll meet you tomorrow"

"Ok I'll, so I need to meet you after I read it, ok I'll" her voice was so sweet than I imagined it to be. My love for her just got deeper.

"Bye"

"Bye"

I was free now and I discovered that my heart was beating faster and sweat had bathed my body. I watched her walk to her hostel. I saw God's limit. Every figure and shade of hers was beautifully made. Believe it or not I started appreciating God's works when I met her. She was just damn good.

Yeah I was trapped when I was talking to her but it felt good. At least I had the chance to listen to her beautiful voice. Her stare, eyes and smile were obviously the core of her beauty. I didn't lie when I said God expressed His limit on this one. If I was American I would have shouted this bitch is fucking damn good. Sure I felt favored to meet and love such a beautiful and loving woman. I won't cease to thank The Lord to destiny me to meet this most beautiful creature, Tiara.

I was in two, I was disgusted that I went shy and joyed that I talked to her. This alternated my whole day, joy and embarrassment. I wrote the following poem in regard to what had happened. It was a Friday again and the weekend followed.

That Awkward moment

My spirits high, my happiness arouse finally had the chance to tell her to tell her what I feel "Hi" I arrive with my hand on my chest The other in my empty pockets like an Early English Gentle man "Hi" the lioness roars What is it I wanted to tell? Was it 'I love you?'

Awkward! My mouth can't let it out Hugsh I'm thinking again what, how can I say it? Oh I'm out of lyrics what's she thinking Oh my! She might think I'm out of words I'm shy Where can I start from?

"How is your day" I suddenly vomit Just to cut the silence what have I just said? "Good" she roars again I'm shy but she's not Oh no! I'm sweating, my clothes are soaked I'm trembling, my fingers are shaking I can't do that

Why am I here? Oh ma come take me home Hugsh I've walked far, my mouth is shut It's just my eyes twinkling in the bright what's she thinking, what's she thinking of me Does the lioness know that the lion can't

Lyrics, battling in my head "It's true" have escaped, through my mouth my mouth is slipping words Just hope the lioness didn't hear the lion chirping

Where can I hide? There's nowhere to go, I'm trapped Oh Sir Sun, cover yourself She's watching me melt Sure I'm burning, the drum is drumming My stomach is aches, I feel dizzy I'm not in my world Where am I?

"Ok see you tomorrow", I take strides back "Bye" she roars Oh it's me who should have said that It sucks, I'm a loser "Bye" I roars like a cub

Hugsh, stupid me I just said a dozen How will the lion face the lioness when the sun returns 'Huh!' I laugh at myself

Since I had failed to tell her I loved her. I went home and noted down the words I would tell her the following day, that is, after reading the poem. The rough draft was designed as below,

Did you went through the poem...? It's not too much right…? Well I really felt those things... I don't maybe I'm shy to tell… just can't tell you... You know… given the chance to put a price tag on you.., maybe a cent will do so that I can afford… Or I wish I had lived back then, I'd just tackle , I'm afraid you might say no... Huh just didn't know if the creator was perfect till I met you… I'm just asking you to grant me one chance…, a chance I would protect with my life…, a chance that I will always take mine no matter what and how the world will scold me... A chance that will make me hold somebody for eternity.., a chance I will always carry no matter how far it may be…, how high it will be, how long it may take, how deep, hard or how pleasant the world will be… A chance I would use to make the heavens sink down, a chance that I will use to make the impossible possible and…That is to love you, I like you, Tiara. I mean I love you

I prepared it that when I finish this commitment I'd look into her eyes such that she would say something. I was fully geared for this day. I laundered my school uniform extremely well, brushed my teeth three times the night before and stole some aesthetic materials which my mother had brought for my sister. The deodorants, lotions and some dyes. I made everything on me just perfect, perfect for sure. Not only did the outside of me perfect. I prayed for God's leadership, denied our usual sadza and I ate some fruits, creamy foods and goodies.

It was on a Monday when the whole class was sitting in our base room. I was sitting with Kuda as usual when our biology teacher entered to give us back the exam papers that we wrote. I just got away from Kuda without word and I sneaked to her when all her friends were on the teachers table receiving their papers. It wasn't formal enough to get to the point. I had to talk of something else before I go to my story. We discussed about the results and she had failed a few subjects. She was worried about her mother and afraid that her father would scold her. Oh she didn't seem worried for she was ever smiling but I really felt the tragedy that she went through. It was like a part of me had been pained; surely I don't know how I felt what she felt. My heart was now heavy, it was bitter; someone I liked was in depression.

I couldn't comfort her adequately, for I never failed any exam. I knew that there was no other kind of comfort greater than knowing that someone is with you in those difficult times.

On my side I was worried that I'll have to endure a thirty two day holiday without seeing her.

So I just comforted her by saying that these school exams are much difficult than the national exams. I proceeded to say that these exams were too harsh and that I would possibly help her the following year. I didn't know if this was enough to comfort her but she agreed with me.

"Well, you managed to read the document?" I jumped to my story.

"Oh I forgot again, oh I don't know whom I gave the flash document to, I will tell Bridget to remind me" Hugsh she came again with her stories, "I'll get it when I go to the hostel" My plan was doomed and I knew she will never admit having read the poem. So I had to work out my plan from there.

"It was a poem?" she tried hard to cover her smile, "I'll look at it, yeah I will"

I knew why she denied having read the poem. She thought I would just say, "Answer" and she would be shy.

We remained sitting beside each other quietly, for a while ,not chatting. I looked reluctant sitting beside her but inside many reactions occurred and I could feel the heat. I stole a look at her; she was waiting to hear me out.

My eyes went droopy and I could feel that I looked drunk. I didn't know how to tell her my little story. After what seemed to be five minutes of silence courage grew unto me and I sat straight,

"Well it was just a small poem…, structured with what I feel and see each day God created on this earth…, you know…"

She smiled still staring at a blank wall at the front of our base room.

Confidence grew unto me and the fear disappeared when I noticed that she was shy, "Yesterday I don't know what happened that I got shy, I…" I stopped when Kuda came to me.

"Sam, find a query for one mark. The first positioner leads you by a percent."

Since then oh what a disaster, everyone started coming, Bridget, Beauty, Tatenda and William. 'What's your percentage mark, it's this and that' all asked each other and I. My conversation with her was disrupted.

Before the others could come also, Tiara came again with her story that she was worried because she had lower marks in some subjects. That was before Kuda started comforting her, he did it so good that I was jealous of his words. I wished I had told her the same words that Kuda did told her. He defeated me. He was the only guy who was like me in many ways.

Kuda was just like me in every aspect of life, in terms of intelligence, reasoning, acquired skills. Not sure if he had feelings for the same person, Tiara. We knew each other since we were at the primary institute. I was in the same class with him since grade one. He was one of the best students till grade four. Since then he wasn't among the best but was himself the best. As for me I occupied 17th, 20th and forth class positions and he always held first positions. He took these first positions grade four, five, six up to grade seven first term. I started to be seen in the top ten since my fourth grade. My positions were roughly the following in respectively from grade four first term up to grade seven first term, 9, 9, 8, 6, 5, 5, 5, 4, 3 and 3. When we were screened by the sixth grade end of year results, well he just came out the best student of all the five classes in our grade and I was in the 7th position of all these five classes. Screening was done and we were in the first class. Came first term results, he was still on the lead of all the five classes and I was on the third position of all. Wow I really worked hard in the first term. Then come second term he took the second position. To my surprise, I had taken the lead, what had just happened, I having to lead the whole stream, unbelievable. So like I told earlier, we were just the same. Though I took the first position at the last term of our primary I couldn't say I was better than him. It's normal that there will always be the first positioner and the second. Just like a race between two cheetahs, in a race they cannot reach the finishing line at exactly the same time. But in the next race the cheetah which came second can also come first.

Come the national exams; we both attained the best units, i.e. 4 units.

At high school, fate didn't separate us. In the course of our ZJC and 'O' level we were put in the same class and sporting house throughout the whole four years and our net grades were the same throughout. We always walked together at the school, I mean every moment. Find Kuda, find me; find me find Kuda. He was my closest friend, my best friend and obviously a good friend. Like I said earlier he was just like me. He even admitted to me in Form two and is still admitting that Lillian is the best and most beautiful lady he had never seen.

Since then when he admitted that Lillian was the best he became my fiercest rival. I knew I had fifty percent and less chance of winning a fight with him. I had in me thinking of the movies when best friends would go against each other in a fight for a girl. Luckily Tiara came as a savior to this fight because I wasn't sure I would win. That is another reason why I didn't try to regain my love for Lillian, I didn't want to lose. I didn't want to fight against him and supposedly to lose in the fight. I'd be happy if no other man beside him takes Lillian, he deserves better. But life is generally unpredictable; no one knows what exactly the future holds. Fate had Kuda's love hidden in the open.

Everyone besides William dispersed and we just played a game that I didn't want to play. William was disturbing my plan. The lunch hour bell rang. Tiara and I remained seated when William went to lunch. Many students in the classroom had already gone to lunch even before the lunch bell. The few who had remained where now going for lunch but Tiara and I went last. "Sam, don't make Tiara Late" someone joked. I only discovered that she was a girl from the same hostel as Tiara, Kent Hostel. People whom I didn't know knew me. I just knew that the face was that of my stream but I neither knew her name nor talk with her before.

"Oh, she's coming right away" I just answered and they went to lunch together. I was scared to be left alone with her.

This was the closing week and we were going for the Christmas holiday. I will miss her, sure I will. The phone numbers she had given me at the beginning of the term were a fiasco. The first one was answered by a boy, of about eighteen years who didn't knew Tiara's surname. The second was answered by a girl whom I knew she lived in the next neighborhood.

The term didn't end well due to the country's economic fluctuation. Almost ninety percent of the boarders left the school before the closing day. She and a maximum of seven girls and about fourteen boys were left out of all the boarder students.

I told Kuda in that closing week that I was targeting the bird since I hadn't told him lately. Plus somehow he was now getting close to knowing it. I didn't want him to note my unsuccessful moves. How loud will he laugh at me, failing to throw the stone? The more he knew now the better. Lest he hears it from anyone's mouth besides mine the better. Kuda said that he had suspected me from that day I escorted Tiara from the school hall to her hostel. He went on to say that if I had told him from the beginning he would have advised me on some aspects and I would have won long back. And later I think he was right.

On the closing day I confronted her, talked a little and I finally asked for her phone number. She persisted that I had to give her mine. I tried to convince her, hugsh she kept his teeth together. So I had to give her my phone number as she was persisting on. We didn't talk much because she was avoiding her hostel superintendent from seeing her since she was against seeing her girls standing with boys for 'no reason'. Kuda had told me that she might not return the following term because of increase in school fees due to fluctuation of the economy. He went on to say that she said that she might stay with her parents who lived overseas. I lastly gave her mine. I was afraid to lose her, though I wasn't sure if she would contact me. My instincts were right, she didn't. The school term ended and we were issued reports to be given to our parents. Kuda and I passed possessing the same net grades like I told earlier.