I Believe In Myself

I could not be more embarrassed to hear such lewd voices from my phone, together with a man I had only known for a few hours. The shame almost caused me to throw my phone away.

And when I saw Derek's reaction, it frightened me that it diminished his opinion of me.

But now that he had heard it, I would seem guilty if I were to turn it off immediately. The only way I could cover up my embarrassment was to pretend as though I was not ashamed.

Thus, I forced a smile.

"My husband and I have been married for two years. It wasn't until today that I finally knew him. Several hours ago, he forcibly aborted my child, just so he could have fun with another woman…"

I was far too sad to continue talking.

Derek sneered, rolled down the window, and threw the cigarette butt out of the window.

"Your husband isn't a man. A responsible man would never do that. He's nothing but a scumbag."

I knew he was right. Shane was a beast; a fucking asshole. It was ridiculous how I once thought of being with him for the rest of my days. I could still hear the voices from the phone.

"Who's better? Eveline or me?" The woman's mention of my name made me nervous.

Shane gasped, "She's like a dead starfish in bed. I don't even feel anything for her. But you, honey… I can't live without you."

He couldn't live without that woman? I scoffed in my heart.

Shane's remarks while he was having sex with another woman were outright disgusting. He not only betrayed our marriage, cruelly aborted my baby himself, but also mocked and belittled me in front of his whore!

What made me feel ashamed the most was the fact that Derek heard it all.

I immediately turned off the bug application, bringing back the car to its silence.

I had heard from people that a way to win a man's heart was to win his stomach. That was why I had been learning how to cook, so that I could satisfy Shane's palate in different ways. But it was only until now that reality told me that the only way to win a man's heart was to pleasure his penis first.

When we passed by an old street, I asked Derek to stop the car. I ran towards a clothing store on the street and bought some red cloth. Then, I tied the red cloth to Derek's rearview mirror.

It didn't match his car at all. With a frown on his face, he glanced at the red cloth that was fluttering under the rearview mirror. Then, he looked at me in confusion.

I understood why he reacted that way. When I got in the car again, I explained, "My horoscope said that I would have a disaster this month. Well, lo and behold, it became true. The horoscope said that if I didn't want to get others involved, I had to give them a red decoration to ward off evil spirits. And drivers should be especially careful. You know, my dad, he…"

Upon speaking of my father, my heart began to ache, and my voice was choked with sobs.

"My father died in a car accident."

Derek gazed into my eyes, nodding as if he understood why I had done that. A faint smile appeared on his lips. "I don't believe in such things."

"Then what do you believe?" I asked subconsciously.

"Myself," he said plainly.

I was stunned by his confidence, and couldn't resist the urge to look at him.

Just about any angle, he looked charming, both in appearance and demeanor. Even as he sat still, he exuded a masculine charm that would beguile anyone.

"So, where are you heading now?" He suddenly turned his attention to me, causing our eyes to meet.

Awkwardly, I averted my gaze and pointed a finger to an alley ahead.

"Over there."

When the car stopped, I thought for a moment before expressing a sincere gratitude. "Thank you for all that you've done for me today. How much should I pay you for the car washing fee and the fare? I really want to pay for what I owed you."

Derek smirked at me, wetting his lips with the tip of his tongue.

"I may be a businessman, but money isn't all that I care about. I'm a man. Earlier, I saw a woman crying and she told me that she was now homeless. No man with even a little sense of responsibility would stand by without helping her."

Shocked by his answer, I looked at him with admiration. Perhaps because of how much Shane had hurt me, I believed that Derek was a truly good man.

It was a pity that I wasn't destined to be with a good man. Otherwise, I never would've chosen a devil like Shane among my admirers, and cherished him like a treasure.

I didn't walk into the alley until I saw Derek's car leave.

The alley was narrow and lacking in street lights. In the moonlight, I could faintly see the potholed ground, and the mottled traces of weathering on the limestone walls on both sides of the alley.

The moment I opened the door of my previous house, a distant sense of familiarity and intimacy overwhelmed me. Soon, I found myself crying yet again.

This house had not been occupied for a long time. Dust was everywhere. But right now, I didn't have the strength, nor willingness to clean. Thus, I only tidied up a few things and soon lay on the bed.

I charged my phone, and logged into WhatsApp, only to see an unread message from Seagull.