Chapter 9: Something Broken

BRANDON

"Brother! What were you thinking, telling Ava about the annulment? Didn't we agree to keep this from her?" I exclaimed, storming into Brother Landon's chambers following his lead. Greyson was behind me and gave his share of berating.

"We agreed to get rid of that document. Why did you suddenly tell her about it? Please explain yourself, brother!" Greyson interjected, clearly upset.

"Keep it from her and what? Risk the possibility of Ava trying to escape the mansion by her own means again? Or are we going to place an army of escorts by her side and keep her supervised day and night? Haven't the two of you been getting reports about Ava as well? Didn't your servants tell you how suffocated Ava had been due to the strict security?" Brother Landon answered with annoyance in his tone.

Greyson and I resigned into silence at his words.

"Even so, to tell her about annulling the adoption… I feel like Brother had been too impulsive," Greyson remarked quietly.

"I might have but it's the best thing I could come up with to keep Ava at bay," Brother Landon replied with a sigh. "I didn't want to tell her as well, but I don't want to make things more complicated. We don't know about what's going on in Ava's head but she made one thing clear today. Even though she's being treated better in the duchy, she doesn't want to stay here. We can simply keep her here by locking her up and restricting her freedom but do you really want to do that?"

I clenched my hand into a fist. I understand what brother is trying to say. Restricting Ava's freedom to keep her in the mansion won't be any different from where we started. Ava would probably hate us more than she already does.

"There's still over a month's time before Ava's birthday. It's not as if the document had been made official and she'll be leaving for good," Brother Landon said and paused with a sigh. "We can still… do something to change her mind…" he added, but he sounded as if he's also trying to convince himself.

"To be honest, I'm really anxious about it… But we reaped what we sowed. We made the child suffer so much. I understand why she wants to leave," Brother Landon continued and gave a bitter smile. "Isn't it ironic? I wanted her gone so many times in the past, but now I'm clinging to her and doing everything to make her stay… It's pathetic, truly pathetic…"

Silence enveloped the three of us as we shared the same thoughts. Our unreasonable dislike towards Ava as young children was finally giving us the punishment we deserve. If only we treated her well and accepted her as part of the family earlier, things wouldn't have gone this bad.

Strangely, I recalled a childhood memory when I was playing and accidentally broke my favorite toy. I fussed and cried and whined for it to be fixed but it was beyond fixing. Father comforted me and said that he'll have a craftsman make the very same toy thus I should give up on the broken one. He told me that fixing something broken is much more difficult than making something from scratch.

With Father's words in mind, I looked back on the day I saw Ava for the first time. Thinking about it, the child back then was confused and probably scared, but all I noticed was the fact that she was clothed in Lottie's clothes and being called Lottie's name by Mother. I never saw the cowering little girl; I only saw the circumstances that upset me. I was never the empathetic type but that was no reason to overlook how I treated her.

If only I did things differently… Rather than pushing and tripping her and playing stupid pranks on her, if I held her hand instead… Would she have called me 'brother', not because she was told to do so but because she wants to?

Is it really too late for us to patch things up?

"So… how much are you planning to tell her later?" Greyson suddenly said and I snapped out of my own thoughts.

"You told Ava you'd have a butler call her so you can talk about the documents in the will… Are you planning on telling her everything?" Greyson added.

Brother Landon sighed and sat down his bed. "I'll think about it but there's really not much to gain if I leave out anything… For now, the two of you should go back to your rooms and rest."

"Can Greyson and I also join your talk with Ava?" I asked and immediately wondered what I plan on doing or saying if brother permits my presence.

"I don't think that's a good idea since she puts her guard up when all three of us are present. I'll talk to her alone and tell you about it later," Brother Landon answered.

We stayed silent for a moment, processing our own thoughts.

"What do you think about what Ava said?" Grey suddenly remarked.

"About what?" I asked.

"About having a dream about Lottie being alive somewhere in Seaside Shore…" Grey answered.

After being reminded about that strange predicament, Brother Landon and I looked at each other.

"Ava wouldn't gain anything by lying about something like this… And she was right about Lottie's kidnapping occurring on an autumn day. The predicaments of the kidnapping were not publicly announced and no one besides our family and the knights involved with the investigation knew of the exact day she went missing… The public was informed three whole weeks after the actual kidnapping in order to widen the scope of the search, thus the tabloids printed stories about the Krauser Dukedom's only daughter going missing during the winter season seven years ago. Even so, Ava had gotten the timeline right," Greyson said pensively.

Brother Landon suddenly went towards a shelf and took out a large file case. He took out a book and started scanning through the pages. "This is a compiled case file from when Lottie went missing. Father made these reports himself in hopes that he could find a clue to where Lottie was taken," he told us. After skimming through half the book, he shook his head, looking overwhelmed. He showed us part of a page wherein a memo was clipped with a tabloid report.

"Ava was also right about the kidnapper's carriage sliding down a roadside. She couldn't have known about it since the details of the investigation was not made privy to the public. Even our house's servants weren't able to caught wind of the information. Father was extremely strict keeping the whole thing confidential," Brother Landon said and pointed at the memo. "It said here in Father's notes that the crash was the only fruitful profit from those weeks of investigation and it was discovered late since a blizzard covered up the crash site with piles of snow. It was also hard retrieving evidence from the crash since it was located on a steep cliff side. The bodies of the kidnappers were found there but Lottie wasn't among them. It was hard to think that a small child would live after that accident and so it was presumed that she was propelled out of the carriage and her body fell elsewhere. The area was searched but there was no sign of her or of any evidence that would leave us to believe that she died. Thus, everyone hoped that she's alive and the search for her continued," Brother Landon narrated. "However…" he added as he went back to the page and read it closely. "There's nothing written here about the kidnappers having stab wounds. Ava told us the perpetrators argued and started stabbing each other, but all of the bodies' forensics reports stated that they died of traumatic wounds and internal bleeding sustained from the crash…"

"Ava's dream has some truths in it but it also has loopholes," I commented thoughtfully. I formed a decision then and there and straightened up my visage. "We should call Sir Pearson immediately so we can have a professional's opinion about this dream of hers. I don't think this is something that we should just ignore," I told my brothers seriously.

Brother Landon and Greyson both nodded. "I think so too," Grey remarked.

"However, we have to keep this secret. If Ava did have a prophetic dream, you know what would happen next…" Brother Landon added.

I gave a solemn nod. "This isn't exactly prophetic dreaming since what Ava's dream portrayed was an incident in the past but extracting accurate information from lucid dreams may be involved by either light or dark magic," I remarked.

"Mana-less people with no noble blood but exhibiting these properties are taken into the Ministry of Sorcery for investigation and in the event that they exhibit even the slightest trace of mana, they would be forced to join the temple as apprentices to priests and priestesses," Greyson continued. "We should be discreet about this," he added with a stern expression.

"Sir Pearson can be trusted with this information since he's fond of Ava… We can ask him whether he could make sense of that dream," I told him.

"Very well then… The two of you should go and send a message to Sir Pearson while I talk with Ava alone," Brother Landon said, ending our conversation.

As we went on with our own tasks, I resigned back to my room. The first thing I saw after closing the door was the table at the corner of the room where the maids placed the mountain of gifts that I bought for Ava this early morning.

I strolled over there and opened a cake box. I didn't know what flavor Ava preferred so I bought one with every flavor in the pastry shop. I also didn't know what color of ribbons she liked and ended up getting accessories of differing colors and designs.

"It's so stupid of me to buy this much... I could have asked one of her maids about what she likes," I told myself, smiling bitterly.

I couldn't help but ponder over Ava's words about wanting to leave the duchy and starting life as a commoner. Does she really hate us that much? Is there really no hope for us to be her actual brothers? Is it really too late to fix what was broken?

~~~

AVA

It had been an hour and a half since I left the sitting room. I couldn't stand waiting anxiously so I took out the summaries I made about 'The Lily and The Rose'. I stared at the compiled pages pensively.

This makes no sense. An adoption annulment wouldn't have surfaced until five years from now.

The novel-Ava's familial ties with the Krausers wouldn't be dissolved until her twenty-first birthday. The person that would spark that would be the new crown prince, Alfonse Gouveia, right after Prince Carlyle Alcott, the original crown prince and the male lead gets kicked out from his position after his Father's death. Ava asked the annulment as a favor from Alfonse in exchange of all the things she did for him to seize the position of crown prince. After that, a noble rank would be forced onto Ava by Alfonse so that she could be eligible as his bride. She would refuse that noble rank and would be forced into hiding after Alfonse was crowned as the new King.

Is it possible that the circumstances changed so much that all the information I know about the novel are now useless? This was what I had been anxious about ever since learning about 'The Lily and the Rose'.

The world I live in is a reality, not a book. Even if it is indeed following the plotline of an existing book in Yukina's world, the actual events could easily change if circumstances change. Each of the characters are real people capable of making their own choices. Choices by powerful and influential people can change the circumstances.

All this time, I had been building up my confidence and courage because of the fact that I know the storyline of the novel. Only because of this knowledge that I dared to become so bold and reckless. But if this information becomes useless, what would I do? I have absolutely nothing to guarantee my survival. Clearly, I had been too optimistic that everything would work out fine by using the knowledge I have of the book.

Suddenly, I felt so frightened. I felt like a traveler who lost his one and only map after entering a dangerous forest. If things are developing away from the book's plotline, I no longer have a guidepost.

"Yukina… What should I do now? I don't know what to do… My plans may be useless now," I mumbled, swallowing back a lump in my throat.

At that moment, a knock on the door startled me back to reality. "Y-Yes?" I called out.

"Milady, the Duke is calling for you at his office," came the voice of Derrick, the mansion's new head butler from the other side of the door. Unlike the previous butlers who did not pay any respect for my privacy, Derrick is always cautious not to cause me any discomfort. He doesn't open the door of my room unless given permission and always contented himself with relaying messages from outside the hall.

"I'll be out in a minute," I called back and took a look at myself on the mirror. I have absolutely no idea what kind of face I should make. All my emotions and thoughts are all jumbled up inside that I cannot make sense of anything. Perhaps, this talk with the Duke is going to help me understand what is happening.

As Derrick led me towards the Duke's office, he startled me with a sudden remark. "Milady, pardon me for prying but are you alright?" he said.

"H-huh? Me?" I blurted out, giving away the fact that I'm not focusing.

"Well… All the servants had been worried…" he added.

"I'm sorry for startling everyone. Rest assured that I put in my word to the young masters that no one among the servants helped me get out and that I did everything by myself. No one innocent would get caught up in this…" I answered.

It was a custom for servants to walk behind their employers and thus Derrick was right behind me. His silence made me look over my shoulder and I saw him staring at me with an expression that I couldn't quite recognize.

"We weren't really concerned about us getting punished… Milady's safety is more important… It might sound unbelievable coming from someone who had just started this job for mere months but everyone in this mansion worries about Lady Ava," he remarked.

Indeed, the new batch of servants had been good to me from the beginning. But I had gotten so used to getting treated badly by the former maids and butlers that I didn't know how to respond and react to being treated properly. Thus, it had always been awkward for me to interact with them.

A minute later, we arrived at our destination and Derrick announced my presence. "Enter," came the voice of Sir Landon.

Derrick smiled as he held the door open for me. I blinked back at him with eyes filled with uncertainty and just quickly entered the office.

A few moments later, I was seated across from Sir Landon and a maid started preparing tea for us. I didn't want to beat around the bush thus as soon as the maid took her leave, I brought up the question myself.

"Pardon me for being hasty but what was that document that you were talking about earlier, Sir Landon?" I told him.

Sir Landon just picked up his tea cup and was holding it halfway to his lips when I posed the question. He looked a little surprised. It's considered very bad manners to interrupt someone partaking to food or drink but etiquette is the last thing I could think of at the moment.

"Very well. If that's what you want, let's get right into business…" he said, placing back the cup to its saucer. He took an envelope which had been sitting beside him and took out the contents.

"Father left this with his will. There was an instruction written for this envelope to remain sealed until your sixteenth birthday but I opened it accidentally," he said as he showed me the documents.

I took the papers from him and scanned it with my eyes.

"As you can see, this is a notice regarding your adoption's annulment. There is also a declaration of transfer of property and the granting of a lower noble title prepared by Father himself," he told me before handing another envelope. "This is a letter from Father addressed to you. I apologize but I took the liberty of reading it firsthand together with Brandon and Greyson."

Looking at the documents made me even more confused and emotionally disoriented. "Why?" I asked audibly, unable to keep my thoughts to myself. "Why would the Duke do this for me?"

"The answer to that would be inside the letter," Sir Landon suddenly remarked.

Hearing that, I took the other envelope and started taking out the folded papers inside.

Sir Landon seemed startled and suddenly stopped me. "Can you just read it later? I believe you'll need your privacy while reading it," he said.

"I want to know now so I can ask questions if I have any," I answered stubbornly.

He stared at my determined visage with bewilderment. It seems that every uncharacteristic thing that I do is met with surprise from the young master's perspectives. I couldn't blame him since I had been an obedient child for all these years. However, I cannot afford to be passive this time around or the anxiety would kill me. I need all the answers immediately so that I could comprehend my current situation.

"Fine. If that's what you want," Sir Landon said and let me open the letter.

I have to admit that I was surprised to find three pages inside the envelope. Why would the Duke have so many things to say to me when he barely talked to me apart from giving orders and reminders regarding how I should behave? All the pages were also hand-written in quite a sloppy way as if the Duke wrote it with shaking hands.

Unable to control both my curiosity and anxiety, I began reading and as I read one page after another, I was filled with many conflicting emotions.

His regret, gratitude and apologetic heart were so well-portrayed by the messily-written words that I felt a lump forming at the back of my throat. I didn't know what I am feeling. Am I touched by the sincerity? Sad? Angry?

I didn't think much of when I prepared tea for him every night. I made that tea to drink myself since tea leaves were one of the few things I could sneak out of the kitchen unnoticed. The head maid and butler during that time were so strict that they notice even a loaf of bread missing from the pantry. Thus, I made tea for myself every night to alleviate my hunger or calm my stomach after eating the messed-up meals brought for me to eat.

Back then, I was young and merely felt pity for the Duke as I watched him wither away. Pity was the reason why I made tea for him and not because I worried for his welfare. I also told myself that it's the least I could do to express my gratitude for not turning me outdoors even after the Duchess died.

I didn't do it because I liked him. I never liked that cold and scary Duke who wouldn't have cared if I died in front of him. He just adopted me to honor his late wife's last will. After accomplishing that, his duty was fulfilled and he proceeded to live on as if I didn't exist.

I also didn't watch after him like he claimed and my tea wasn't that similar-tasting to the one the Duchess brewed. On that night mentioned in the letter, I only adjusted the blanket because it had fallen out of place. It must be because he had been emotionally overwhelmed amidst his worsening health that he assumed about how kind and saintly my actions were and gave his own interpretation of what he witnessed.

How should I react to this? What did the Duke expect on how I would take this in? Even I cannot recognize this suffocating and burning feeling that took over my chest and stomach. The emotions churned inside of me and hurt me so much that I wanted to cry.

But I won't cry. Not in front of the current Duke.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and turned to sir Landon. "Can I… be excused now?" I asked, my voice cracking from the effort to speak.

"Go ahead. Do you need someone to escort you back to your quarters?" Sir Landon answered.

"Thank you Sir Landon, but that's not necessary. I'm fine on my own," I told him and stood up with the letter clutched on my hand. "If it's not such a bother to the Duke, perhaps we can talk more in detail about the other documents some other time," I added.

Sir Landon gave a nod. "You can have Derrick tell me once you're ready to talk," he told me.

With that, I bowed and left.

~~~

A day later

GREYSON

Brother Landon told us about the conversation he had with Ava but there wasn't much to tell. They weren't able to talk in detail because after Ava insisted that she read Father's letter on the spot, she asked to be excused. Brother described to us how her expression changed as she read the letter. She was visibly frowning with her eyebrows knitted together but the look in her eyes was hard to read and he couldn't tell what she may be feeling or thinking.

I have sent a message to Sir Pearson and he replied almost immediately and said that he would be coming to visit today. And indeed, he showed up as soon as we finished breakfast. Ava did not join us for breakfast today and sent a maid to inform us that she's not feeling well.

After greeting us, Sir Pearson was escorted to Ava's room and talked alone with her for half an hour until he went out and delivered a message to us about Ava asking permission to leave the house for a moment.

"Rest-assured that she will be safe since I would be accompanying her along with a knight of your choice," Sir Pearson told Brother Landon.

"Did she mention where she planned on going?" Brother Brandon asked with his forehead all wrinkled in a frown.

"The destination is not far from here. It's the Krauser duchy's memorial grounds," Sir Pearson answered. "She wishes to pay a visit to the graves of the late Duke and Duchess," he added.

After hearing that, there was no way we could say no and thus Brother Landon arranged for a carriage to bring Ava and Sir Pearson to the memorial grounds.

As for me, I couldn't stay still and decided to follow them to the cemetery, utilizing my skills as a sorcerer to keep myself hidden. I found out minutes later that it wasn't just me who had itchy feet.

"What on earth are you doing here?" Brother Brandon asked in surprise as he bumped onto me while hiding behind the trunk of a huge oak tree.

"I should say the same to you. You said you'd be resting all day in your room. Does this place look like your room?" I interjected.

Brother Brandon cleared his throat and averted his eyes. "I was just… curious as to why she wants to visit the grave all of a sudden," he told me.

"I see that I wasn't the only curious one," a voice suddenly said from behind us. We turned around and found Brother Landon standing not far from us.

"Didn't you say you'll work all day in your office?" Brother Brandon said as he pointed at Brother Landon in accusation.

"I did?" Brother Landon replied nonchalantly. "Anyway, have they arrived?" he added, walking towards us and peering behind the tree trunk at the memorial stones of our parents.

"They stopped for a moment to buy flowers," Brother Brandon said and also peered from behind the trunk.

"Grey, be sure to cast an invisibility spell once they arrive," Brother Landon told me as he and Brother Brandon huddled behind the tree trunk like a couple of teenage boys out for mischief.

"Yeah, make yourself useful," Brother Brandon added.

I shook my head in disbelief. It is the first time I have seen my mature brothers act this way.

"There they are, be quiet," Brother Landon suddenly said and I hurried to cast an invisibility spell over the area we stood on.

On my signal, my brothers and I moved to a spot closer to the grave for us to hear whatever would be said between Sir Pearson and Ava. Clearly, we shared the same sentiment of wanting to know what she is currently thinking and feeling. We were also anxious to know of what she thought of Father's letter.

According to Kathy, ever since returning from brother's office yesterday, Ava had been more pensive than normal that she couldn't be spoken to properly. She must have a lot on her mind but she wouldn't speak of her thoughts to anyone.

Sir Pearson had been successful on coaxing Ava to speak her mind and he had won her trust as a friend as well. There is a high possibility that she would talk if he asks.

We watched as Ava and Sir Pearson payed their respects to Father and Mother's graves, bowing their heads and laying down flowers at the foot of the memorial stones.

After several moments of silence at which we suffocatingly held our breath, Ava spoke. We were quite surprised at this for we were sure that it would be Sir Pearson who would start the conversation.

"Sir Pearson, did you know that the devotion of the late Duke Krauser towards his Duchess had been famous even among commoners in the countryside?" Ava said, placing a palm on the memorial plate of our father.

Sir Pearson looked sideways at her. "They were?" he replied.

Ava nodded and continued, looking quite immersed in her thoughts as she talked. "Back when I was still living with Miss Mary, the other children and I heard a few stories whilst playing and running errands in town," she said and looked at Sir Pearson as if reminded by something.

"I just realized I didn't tell you about the name of my benefactor… Miss Mary was the person who helped me when I ran away from the brothel. She was the one I talked about, the person who opened up her home to me," she told him.

"Yes, I remember that," Sir Pearson said with a slight smile.

Ava cleared her throat as if embarrassed and she smiled a little. "Anyway, people back then often said that if Duchess Krauser asks for his husband to pluck the stars, he would absolutely do so," she said, going back to her earlier topic. "I also saw it for myself, how the Duke lived for his wife. He so loved his duchess that his children were second priority. He had been fine after losing his daughter but losing his wife, he withered away and year after year, I could see it in his face that he was slowly following her. He said so in the letter as well…"

All of a sudden, there came a bitter change in Ava's expression and tone of voice. "Honestly, I was appalled at what was written in that letter… It wasn't as if I watched over him or made a particular effort for the tea I brewed to taste similar to what the Duchess made. I think that he felt that way because ever since the Duchess departed from this world, he had been chasing after his wife's shadow every second of his life. That is why I cannot bear for myself to accept his gratitude since he painted it over with his own hallucinations. And I couldn't quite tell if his apology was sincere or it only seemed so because it was also painted over by those misunderstandings," she said and gave a short, bitter laugh.

"People are funny creatures. We can make ourselves believe whatever we want to believe in, with or without facts to back them up. We're also incredibly selfish creatures who can only see what's important to us and what brings us pain or bliss. Miss Mary told us not to live that way; for living that way is easy but demeaning. But honestly, for street-children who have nothing, it's incredibly hard to live in any way. We could barely protect our lives; would we dare to be selfish?" Ava added, finishing with a hard look in her emerald eyes.

There was an uncomfortable silence until Sir Pearson found the need to speak up. "Pardon me for commenting, milady… May I say something regarding this matter?"

Ava looked at Sir Pearson sideways. "Go ahead," she told him.

Sir Pearson cleared his throat before talking and proceeded to speak with a cautious tone. "Since I also read the letter with Milady's permission, I am aware of each word written on it. Contrary to Milady's thoughts, I found the late Duke's words to be heartfelt and sincere… Perhaps Lady Ava had been painting it over with your own emotions as well? I presumed that you hate the Duke and his children and I seriously wouldn't blame you for that."

"I didn't hate them…" Ava replied, making me widen my eyes in disbelief.

"I feared them," Ava added almost immediately and the small ray of hope that shone in my eyes disappeared as well.

"I had no room for hatred. Like I told you before, I was too filled with self-pity and worry to have any room for other emotions. Even for the servants who mistreated me, I didn't think I hated them. I just worried a lot if they somehow manage to overdo it and end up killing me… I can endure pain, but to be killed after everything that happened to me so far, that just seems so unfair," Ava said.

I flinched and gritted my teeth in silence and I could feel the tension around my brothers as well. It was our own decision to go out like this and listen in to this conversation but it seems that we were all beginning to regret it.

"I didn't mind getting hurt, as long as I'm still alive… At least that was what I thought when I was young… I was desperate to live because I promised the other children I lived with in Miss Mary's house that whatever happens, we would all grow up to be adults who can protect themselves. It's so saddening but children—" Ava paused and seemed to swallow a lump in her throat. "Children are so, so tragically powerless…"

She took a step forward and pressed a palm on the memorial stones of our parents. "Power comes in many forms… It can be money, position, title, mana or even brute strength. And it just so unfairly happens that children lack all of these, especially orphans from common origins… But people like Sir Pearson, the late Duke and Duchess, the young masters and Miss Lottie – you grew up knowing nothing about that vulnerability. You hail from noble origins. Even if you lack all of those things, you have people around you who has those assets; people who would protect you, give you a warm place to sleep, food to eat, clothes to wear. You can live without worrying about anything regarding your basic human needs," she continued.

"It wouldn't be easy for you to empathize with a homeless child who sleeps out in the wild or in alleyways with barely a piece of cloth on his back and an empty stomach that tightens, churns and hurts when you move – children who closes their eyes to sleep while accepting the fact that they may not wake up tomorrow morning… Anything and everything around you is a threat. If you choose to stay in the forest, you can lose your life from wild animals and beasts. If you stay out in the city streets, it would be humans who could take advantage of you or even kill you just for naught," Ava said, spitting out the words quite aggressively.

"While growing up, I often wondered about what could have happened to those five children whom I considered my own siblings. Are they still alive; are they well? Are they trying to keep the promise we made when we were little? That's why, even if it was hard to live amongst the Krausers, I shamelessly clung to them – because I perfectly know how it is to live outside. Under the Duke's home, I could escape from the difficulties of trying to keep myself alive until I grow old enough to fend for myself… I know deep in my heart that I may be in a much better predicament than those other children, so I didn't complain. I wanted to believe that it would be over as long as I wait patiently; and that somewhere, my siblings have also grown up and are living strongly."

There was suddenly an audible sniff and for a moment, I thought it was from my brothers and I looked at them in horror. Invisibility cannot hide sounds. However, my worries were futile for it came from Sir Pearson.

"Sir Pearson, are you crying?" Ava said as she turned to the healer.

"I am very sorry. This is all just… it's more than I can handle…" he said and took out a handkerchief before turning away from Ava and drying his tears.

Ava smiled at his retreated back. "You are really soft-hearted. Even if you cannot fully empathize with what homeless children like me had gone through, you understand how difficult it is… I admired that quality of yours since the day I met you, Sir Pearson. You're unbiased, pure and kind… If the world had more people like you, just what a happy place the world would be…"

"Oh no, milady… Your words are too kind… I'm not such an impressive person," Sir Pearson said as he regained his composure.

"And humble too," Ava added, smiling in amusement.

"Please Lady Ava… I know you're teasing me…" Sir Pearson said with a tone of complaint.

Ava smiled wider and heaved a huge breath. The two of them stayed in silence after that and Ava stared at the gravestones of our parents. A minute afterwards, Sir Pearson broke the ice.

"I know that it isn't my place to say this, but can't Lady Ava consider getting along with the young masters from now on? Circumstances have changed and they have repented for everything that happened in the past. I'm sure that you're not oblivious to that fact. You also told me earlier that just as the young masters did not consider you as a sister, you also never thought of them as your brothers. They didn't give you a chance to be their sister, and you also deprived them of the chance to be your brothers. Perhaps, you can give that chance to each other now," Sir Pearson said.

"Even if I did consider them as siblings, I don't think things would be much different. Rather, if I thought of them as brothers and tried to cozy up to them as a child, they would think that I'm trying to replace their missing sister and hate me even more. Trying to earn their favor might have crossed my mind once or twice but thankfully, I had been warned early by the young masters themselves to know my place and stay quiet…" Ava said and wrapped her left hand over her right wrist.

"This wrist still stings when I think of that day when they summoned me to the sitting room. I don't even know if Young Master Brandon was aware that I twisted my wrist when he pushed me to the floor. I also told myself that even if he knew, he wouldn't care less."

"When my younger self looked at the young masters, I didn't see the charming, handsome boys that others see… I only saw three monsters who would spit fire and crush me flat if I made one wrong move. They were scary… so scary that they even show up in my nightmares…"

"It doesn't make matters better that I also had someone to compare them with. The older brother who took care of me along with the other children under Miss Mary's care, Brother Riven with his warm purple eyes and soothing voice… He is and forever will be the only one I would consider my own brother. My heart fills with pain and worries when I think of Brother Riven… I really hope he survived somewhere and is still alive to this day. One of the things I wanted to do once I get out of the Krauser mansion is to find him. If he is alive, I want to ask him if he wants to live with me and search for our remaining siblings. If…" Ava paused as she faltered. "…if he's dead… I want to give him a proper resting place…"

It was at this moment that tears fell from Ava's face and she gave a small sniffle. "I'm sorry… Thoughts of Brother Riven always make me cry. I miss him so much," she said and turned away to wipe her tears.

When she regained her composure, she stared again at the gravestones of our parents. "I apologize if I disappoint you Sir Pearson but I cannot imagine myself developing a desire to continue living in the Krauser mansion as Ava Krauser. It's true that the young masters changed nowadays but honestly speaking, I don't really care," she said.

Hearing her words plunged a dagger in my chest and I know that my brothers are hurting the same way. Calling us monsters and making it so obvious that she doesn't want us in her life… We should have already braced ourselves for this kind of rejection but it still hurts. It hurts so bad. However, Ava wasn't finished.

"Even if they punish those who hurt me, even if they punish themselves for what they did wrong, it wouldn't change a moment among all those painful experiences I had. I always thought that I was good at moving forward, hating no one, getting mad at no one, and accepting that I'm like this because that's the way it is."

"My mother who neglected me, the brothel owner who tried to use me, the old man who almost assaulted me sexually, the Duchess who used me as a replacement, the Duke who adopted me but acted as if I didn't exist, the servants who hurt me, and the young masters who ignored me… I thought that they all didn't have to ask me for forgiveness because I have no grudges toward them. However, I overestimated myself. I was angrier than I thought. After reading the Duke's letter, I realized how piled up the anger I've been trying to hide and push away."

"No matter how many times I put the past behind me; when I see the young masters, all kinds of emotions creep right back up and I have to shove it down again and again. They are living reminders of the tremendous amount of pity that I felt for myself, so much that before I realized it, I no longer had any dignity nor pride left."

"To be completely honest, it seems to me that the young masters are only trying to be good towards me because of guilt. It was because learning about how much pain they caused me made them look at themselves in a different, unpleasant way."

"So who is it exactly that they're trying to satisfy and please? It's themselves, not me. It's their own self-righteousness. So no one should dare say that they're doing all these for me, not even you Sir Pearson... If they do care for me, they'll let me go – because I cannot happily live with them, I just can't… Something broken for a long time cannot be fixed. You would have to give up on it. My relationship with the young masters is the very definition of that."

At that moment, I felt warm skin on my arm. I looked at my brothers and saw that Brother Landon's hand in resting on my forearm. It was obvious with the way their faces look that they cannot take any more of what Ava has to say.

"We should go…" he whispered.

And just like that, we left the memorial grounds with heavy hearts.