Chapter 11

"This is how you party." Jenna's girlfriend who's name was Tanya and was actually not a likeable person yelled into Paula's ear. The three of them were fumbling around on the dance floor of some human nightclub. Jenna was uncomfortably moving her legs in an attempt to try and dance among a crowd of crazy humpers and Paula was wondering why she decided to come here. It was nowhere near the vampire parties she has experienced. Crowd was not crazy enough for her, there was no spilled blood out of someone's neck veins and no passion to the make out sessions either. It was just very loud music.

"Why is everyone so dull?" She asked pulling Jenna aside to the bar where a middle aged man with a heavy brown beard was juggling bear bottles at the swooning crowd.

"I know. Who knows what these people find at these parties. Loud music, alcohol and drugs. It's all so crazy, isn't it?" That's when Paula realised that Jenna was an even more infuriatingly boring person. Tanya twirled around them and pulled her on the dance floor with others. Paula watched as Tanya crashed their lips together and Jenna hesitantly kissed back. Soon the both of them were making their way to one of the empty couches in the corner of the club while Paula stood there itself, beside the bar. She should be doing something else, she was a freakin vampire, she could hypnotize anyone with her charm but she couldn't take her eyes of Tanya and Jenna making out on the couch in the far corner. The way Jenna's hips rested on Tanya's thighs, she wondered why it wasn't her in Tanya's place. She was actually feeling the needles of jealousy on her face, one her feet and all over her body.

Without another thought, she strolled over to them. She knew she should not but she was a vampire, she was impulsive and had to do what others would have regretted before actually doing it.

Taking the space beside Tanya, she slided one hand up Jenna's back and curled another around Tanya's shoulder. She then marked her tongue across Tanya's neck side.

"Paula!" Jenna exclaimed as she detached from Tanya and stared in shock at her. "What are you doing?"

"Joining in." Paula said. Tanya had also shifted away from her and was looking at her as if she was out of her mind or something. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Yes Paula. Yes. We do not want this. Please go." Jenna was almost yelling and Paula remembered why she barely dated a human. They are fucking too much sentimental.

"Okay. Alright. Relax. I am going." Paula said and turned to leave. As she left, one of the last words she heard from them was Tanya saying, "We should have tried that. She is so hot."

She smiled to herself and left the club. She didn't remember the last time someone said no to her when she touched them so Jenna freaking out over her was very much of a surprise for her. She had never thought this through that what if someone actually didn't like her. Well tree were more than enough humans and vampires who did it like her but none of them ever repelled away from her and her touch. Not as a vampire at least. As a human, the story was different. She wondered what her life would have been like if she were still a human and had whole of her family around. Her extended family was long dead. Her mother was long dead. She won't say she missed her mother, she didn't really miss her but there was some part of her who wished she was alive, that she could see what Paula has become. She wished she had another chance at making things right with her mother, maybe this time she would have looked at her and understood her. Paula always longed for one look of her mother that said she was ready to hear her and not just see her but actually hear.

She loved her mother, she really did and there was a reason she still goes back to the buried memories in pictures and old boxes. But there was also a lot of hurt wherever the name Christina comes up, the name of her mother. She couldn't quite put the finger on it everytime and that was the worst part of it. She couldn't exactly decide what was so off about her relationship with her mother that she couldn't feel what she wanted to feel, what a daughter deserves to feel while remembering her mother. She felt none of it, no sense of loss, no sense of pain and no sense of love.

She wished she missed her mother. She didn't.

"Hey sister." Merlin's chirpy voice said as soon as he picked up her call. He sounded in a better mood than her.

"Hey. You remember when you said you missed mum."

"I have said that a thousand times. What time are you exactly talking about?" Merlin asked and Paula paused for longer than comfortable on a phone call. "Hey, you alright?" Merlin asked.

"Yes, it's fine. I don't know what I was thinking. Sorry for disturbing you. What are you doing?"

"I was on my way to Leonard's. And Paula?"

"Yeah?"

"You are not disturbing me. You can never disturb me. I know you had your issues with mum but she did love you." Merlin said and Paula sucked in a breath.

"Then why did I never feel it?" Pause. A very long pause. Paula did not expect to say this but it came out exactly the way it was repeated over and over in her brain for years. "I know she loved me Merlin but I can't explain with you why it hurt me more than anything else in my entire hell of a life. I don't even know why I called you. I should not have. See you later." Paula ended the call and stared at the blank screen. 

With a very numb jab to the gut she realised this feeling of emptiness was part of her now and there was no way she would get rid of it.