Chapter five

"Barbara... I was just about to come looking for you... how is he?"

Barbara rushed to Gwen, hugging her. "Gwen, I'm so glad you're okay." She pulled away from her, scrutinizing her. "Are you hurting anywhere? Do you feel okay?..." She continued to ramble on asking questions about Gwen's health.

Gwen froze in shock. She hadn't expected Barabara to still act all loving with her when her son had just died. She gently pushed Barbara away, keeping her in arms length, a million questions in her eyes.

"Barbara, how's Damian? I hope he... he isn't... is he..." she cried, shaking her head. Gwen looked grief stricken as she played the role of a devastated loving wife. But that's not what deserved the Grammy. What took the award was how put and composed she remained when Barabara told her Damian had survived.

He wasn't just alive but according to the doctors, the bullet had grazed his head, so there was no serious damage. But for the extent of the wound he'd sustained, there was no telling how it would affect him. Until he wakes up, which had been predicted to be soon.

"Oh Gwen. I'm so happy. He's alive."

"Me too, Barabara. Me too."

Barbara threw herself on Gwen again. Gwen looked at a confused Cassie. Obviously, the whole room was devastated and shocked at the outcome. It was the perfect plan, the perfect execution, the perfect opportunity, nothing was supposed to go wrong. Nothing.

"He's just been moved from the ICU. I have to go to his room now."

So soon? Gwen thought.

"I'll join you. I want to see him."

"No. You rest. You must have been so shocked. I can't imagine what it's done to your poor health."

"But I really want to see him. Please don't stop me Barbara. Please." Gwen's eyes watered.

"I'm not stopping you, I'm only saying get some rest first."

"But I have had my rest. I'm okay, and he's fighting for his life. He's in that condition because he wanted to protect me. I'm supposed to be where he is. Please..."

Barbara's heart sank seeing Gwen so devastated.

"Oh sweetie, this isn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. Bad things happen to good people all the time. It doesn't mean someone has to take the blame, and especially not you. I believe if you had been in his shoes, you'd have done the same for him. He loves you and you love him. I know."

"I just... I can't... he's..." she stopped, her voice breaking. She began to wail. Dorothy rubbed her shoulders, comforting her.

"My poor girl. The guilt must be killing you. It's not your fault. Believe me, nobody blames you."

"But I blame myself. I feel so horrible. I want to see him, please."

"Okay."

Barbara insisted Gwen sit on a wheelchair. She instructed a nurse to wheel Gwen to Damian's room. When they got to the door, every pair of eyes rested on her. She didn't stop crying, her sobs silent and superficial. She tried to get up, feigning weakness. Sigurd, who had already walked to stand beside her, held her from falling.

"I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to apologize for, dear."

"Lean on me." Barabara said, a sad smile on her face.

She loved Gwen so much, if only Gwen knew just how much.

Gwen held unto her, leaning on her. They walked slowly and carefully into Damian's room. Gasping, her legs grew weak when she saw Damian, Barabara held onto her, refusing to let her fall.

Damian lay almost lifeless on the bed, a cannula connecting to a drip pole the only thing sticking inside of him. Aside from the bandage around his head, he looked okay, as if a gun had not been shot at him. Gwen had expected more. Two or three tubes sticking out of him and or his brain at the least.

"Why? Who would do such a thing?" Gwen questioned. She turned to Barbara. "You can blame me for this, you can put all the blame on me. It's all my fault."

"No. It's not. What kind of a mother would I be if I blamed this misfortune on my daughter."

Gwen's heart sank. She saw the pain in Barbara's eyes, and the thought that she'd caused it made her feel all mushy. Fresh tears rolled down her face, and for the first time since this ordeal, she cried genuinely. Her tears carried the guilt of a daughter who'd caused her mother pain.

This woman had been nothing but good to her, and she'd tried to take away her son. But this wasn't only her fault. If only he'd turned out half as decent as his mother, or if he hadn't snooped around her business ever so often, she wouldn't have had any reason to want to kill him. He'd done this to himself, Gwen thought, Barbara's pain was simply collateral damage. She made her peace with it, like every other thing she'd done over the years, and that was the end of her guilt.

"You need to lie down. Regain your strength."

"please call me as soon as he wakes. I want to be the first person he sees."

"I will. I promise."

Allison took over Gwen's wheelchair. As soon as the door closed behind them and they were all alone, Gwen's face transformed into wicked anger. She wiped her tears, scowling.

"How is he?"

"Not as bad as I expected." She got up from the wheelchair, and lay down on her bed.

"I'm sorry Gwen. I really thought I got him." Cassie said, pacing the room. "So what now?"

"Nothing. We wait."

"Will you try to end him again?" Dorothy sat beside Gwen.

"What do you think?"

"Why do you want this man dead so badly? He's lying unconscious right now and may never wake up. So many people's happiness depends on him waking up. Do you have to do it again?"

"Sally, not now." Allison shook her head at her, pleadingly.

"It's never the right time with you guys. Why does she need to kill him? His mother loves her so much without even realizing that she's trying to kill her son. What.. what... my god!" Sally scoffed. She hated that everyone was starting at her like she was the evil one standing in the midst of saints.

"I get that you're a mother and all and you feel empathetic towards her, but you got to stop bringing bullshit feelings here." Gwen warned.

"Bullshit? You call what I feel bullshit? You can't create life, but you dare to take it?" Sally glared. She had never been comfortable around them ever since she gave birth to her daughter. But she never told them this. She couldn't. They were still the only other family she had.

"Sally, please..."

"What is everyone looking at me for. She's the one trying to kill somebody. Why y'all begging me to stop. Oh right. God forbid anybody says anything to miss I was raped by five men and I hate all men."

"You hate men too, Sally. Why are you judging her?" Cassie scolded.

"Not enough to kill them. I'm a feminist, not a murderer."

"Sally, last I checked, you were on board this plan. You joked about having him dead too. I didn't see your conscience when I told you about it the first time, so what the fuck changed? You think by doing this you automatically become a better fucking mother? Your daughter's life was fucked the minute she came out of you. Your past isn't gonna disappear just because you feel shitty about this. No, you don't get to be mother of the year just because you understand Barbara's pain. So stop your pretense because whether you like it or not, karma is a bitch, and it will deal with us all the way it wants to. But in your case it's worse, because the sins of the mother will befall the child. You fucked her up. And that's gonna be on your conscience. Don't try to play good by making me feel horrible." Gwen sighed.

Sally's eyes grew moist. The room had fallen silent under Gwen's deprecating tone. Everybody stared and said nothing. Sally looked around, waiting for someone to jump at her defense, but nobody did. This was typical of them. When Gwen spoke, nobody dared to object. They believed they were all equals in the group, but like the million and one lies they tell themselves every single day, this was no different. Gwen ruled, and they knew it.

"I don't need this." Sally took her bag and walked out.

"Gwen..." Cassie slumbed on the chair in frustration.

"What? She started it."

"Maybe, but you didn't have to go so far. You know how Sally can be."

"Yes, Gwen. She's a mother now. She's always being pragmatic and emotional when she thinks and talks. She's not the Sally we used to know." Dorothy added. She'd been on her phone deciding her next trip during the entire conversation, only looking up when Gwen berated Sally.

"You really went too far. You broke the poor things heart. And mentioning her daughter, too far, Gwen. You must fix it." Allison rubbed Gwen's hands.

"Why should I? She..."

"Because you know it's the only way that peace can reign. We're men haters, we don't make women cry or break their hearts. Especially when they are family." Cassie said. She too now stood in the circle they formed around Gwen.

"Fine."

"Great."