Chapter one, Hello

It is without thought that it all begins with a word as simple as hello. It starts with the simplest "hi" to move a single person, to be noticed amongst the crowd, to make a statement and to make your presence felt by the others. 

A single, innocent hello that came out of your lips accompanied by the warmest smile, what a heartfelt welcome that has made me wish it would have been words that were left unsaid. 

A warm welcome that has bought sleepless nights, a single glance would not hurt, I thought. With the sincerest welcome that had your eyes glistering, together with an innocent face that had now been perceived with desire. 

Return the warm welcome, it would not hurt, I thought. The words that I had wished were left unspoken, have now left unexpressed feelings which will forever remain. 

Keep them to yourself, I thought, it would obviously fade away with time. But one thing I had never anticipated was to learn to care, from afar. You came unexpectedly and knocked down the walls I had built. Walls deviating my thoughts from my shades of desire.

What a wonderful experience, I was told. You are so close to me, yet so far. Some parts of me want to be beside you while the others do not want to. Shoot your shot, they said. But one thing about me - I am a woman of morals, the words that are left unspoken.

A hello that has stirred-up insecurities. Am I perfect enough? What should I do? What is there to do? Nothing, I had thought. But the problem started the moment those questions were thought of. Questions that left a girl looking in the mirror and seeing scars that were thought to be healed, but instead they were left wide open and unnoticed. Not thinking about it numbs the pain. Know your worth, I told them.

Give me a day, by tomorrow I will forget about it, I said. Look at what tomorrow will bring. I mean, it obviously starts with baby steps, being friends. A gullible thought she had, "Call me friend, but keep me closer." That would hurt more than not wasting a second just gazing at me.

As you pass by, in a world of the unknown. A single hello that has left me perished.