Last memory.

At a point, life seems like everything we want it to be. The feeling you get every morning you wake up as the sun kisses your face to the confidence that fills you up once you get ready to make the most out of the day. It's just another day to live, to be free, to do what you love and enjoy. To be with the ones you cherish, the ones who make the love you give count and today is just one of those days. Monday, the first of July, 2022. I am Annette Diallo and since I promised Claire I would see my doctor, I guess I have to keep to my words. 

I exhaled. Remembering I had little work to do at the office, I knew I had no excuse and couldn't lie to myself. I tried but as I struggled to the bathroom and wardrobe afterwards, I realised it took more of my energy than usual. I stopped to take a seat at the bottom of my bed. Rimmed my fingertips on my forehead with my eyes shut as I took deep breaths. For a moment there it felt like the room was spinning and my feet didn't seem to be touching the ground. I shook my head trying to clear my vision. It worked, luckily for me. Just then a notification came on my phone screen. It lay only a few inches away from my left hand. Reaching to pick it up, it was a message from Chris. A smile came to my face at once. He had sent a romantic morning text with a photo of his morning face. He was such a beauty and he knew it. At the bottom of the text was his usual– "Je t'aime".  

Since the very first day we met at the coffee shop, he has remained enthralled by my nationality. He even bought a dictionary just to communicate better and even when he realised my English was just fine, he still wouldn't give it a rest but it was quite impressive. 

I valued his effort on our vacation to Paris two months back. It all happened so fast I remember but it's been worth it. Our love has been like it was ordained from the heavens. He is my perfect man and I am his woman. My prayer has been that things never change in the wrong way.

–

Doctor's Office.

I had gotten tired of waiting. I kept staring at my watch as I sat directly opposite the empty chair at the other end of the table. I hated hospitals, they just give this negative vibe I don't quite like.  I needed to be out of here soon enough to go pay a surprise visit to Chris. I love to see him all dressed in his favourite black suit outfit. For me, it was simply – HOT.  An idle mind they say is the devil's workshop, well I couldn't help my imagination, I shut my eyes slowly picturing his breathtaking eyes peering into mine as I sat on his office desk with my legs apart and him in between. I imagined his left hand cupping my chin to bring my lips close enough to his as his right hand slowly worked its way up and in between my thighs. How my body would tremble. It wouldn't be the first time we made love in his office. Good thing I am dating the boss.

" Miss Ann."  The doctor had stepped into the office. I quickly adjusted to seem normal. He walked round till he took his seat before me. I looked at him.

"Busy day?" I asked.

"Oh busy indeed." He replied to me. He was holding onto a file and having flipped through the pages, he dropped it on the table, looked straight at me and locked his fingers in the spaces between them. 

"This is not good." He said, 

"What do you mean?" I scoffed. "I am perfectly fine. You don't need to scare me, it's something you doctors are great at." I told him, folding my arms as I leaned backwards on my chair. 

"Miss Ann…" he began, almost like he was finding the right words to use.  "From the lab results here, it's obvious you didn't take my warnings seriously. I get that you aren't a fan of pills but as I made you understand the last time you were here, it is for your good. Your nonchalance towards your treatment has only made matters worse and I'm afraid there isn't much we can do for you at this point."  He said to me,

Okay now, I was bothered. 

"What are you saying?" I inquired. 

I watched him heave a sigh and take off his specs.

"You wouldn't take medications, you shunned surgery, you disregarded the warnings, and it's been almost a year since you last checked in. Lung cancer is a very deadly disease, I explained this to you, and now it has gone too far, you are lucky to still be alive. I don't know how you even coped with the symptoms this long but from what I have here, I am sorry you only have a few weeks to live." He told me.

At that moment it felt like someone rang a huge bell in my ears. Some sort of hypnotising bell because all of a sudden I was taken away from that consciousness to another where I witnessed life without Chris –being dead!

"Wait-wait-wait. Just hold on." I said, trying to get myself back together. "That's not possible, I feel fine. I have been feeling fine." I said, 

"Lie to me but not yourself. If you are here now it's because you were starting to worry. Ann, I had a very good relationship with your late father and you know this. With this, I just cannot express how hurt I am by these reports all because of your stubbornness.  I feel like I have failed him."  He answered back feeling sad. 

"How long do I have?" I heard myself ask him in a shaky tone.

"Ann can you just–"  he tried to speak.

"How long do I have!" I repeated rather harshly this time.

"A few weeks." He said, 

"A few weeks? How's any of this possible? I don't even smoke!" I yelled, springing up on my feet and banging my hands hard on his desk.

"Unluckily, you happen to be amongst the 8% of persons who got it through genetic predisposition, I explained all of this to you. You cannot cheat nature!" He yelled back. I guess we were two frustrated people at the moment. 

"This- this cannot be. Okay, tell me, what can be done? Anything, something, just say!" I asked him.

"It's gone beyond–" He tried to respond.

"I need solutions! Think of something. Try! " I ordered.

"You will need to spend the remaining days of your life here in the hospital while we try to keep you alive or find those solutions." He told me. I guess at this point he wished he had been this stern from the beginning. That wasn't my problem. I needed a way out. A way out!

––

I found myself walking down the long corridor. My heart raced, my mind was shattered and so was my will. I could feel my phone vibrating non-stop in my handbag. I knew it was Chris but I just couldn't bring myself to talk right now. I wanted to be very far from this building, maybe this was all a dream, maybe all I needed was to wake up. Suddenly I felt cold which prompted me to fold my arms having hung my bag on my right shoulder. He must be worried. If I go home, there is every possibility he would be there waiting. I can't face him. Can't lie to him. I ran into the ladies restroom. It was empty so I quickly locked the door. Rushing for the wash bowl I could feel my legs tremble. I grabbed the bowl with both hands and hurriedly washed my face after I had gained balance. I didn't care about my makeup at this point. My hands were shaking and my phone wouldn't stop vibrating. I reached for it from my bag and switched it off. I was losing it and I knew. I also knew the doctor was right. I have been careless with my health and now I have to watch my life fade away as punishment. I don't want this. I don't want to die. My life can't just end like this. I can't lose all I have, not now.

—

12:45 a.m

Sleep wouldn't come. Laying on this hospital bed with all these things attached to my body was even more of a reminder that I wasn't going to make it. I can only be hopeful and no one must know this, especially not Chris. His sister, Claire is aware of my coming here, she could tell him but she is a loyal friend, she would stick to her promise as always. She would cook up something. She always has my back but if only she knew.

Just then I heard my room door creak open. An old woman dressed in a grey-coloured cleaner's uniform slowly walked in and shut the door behind her. She paid no attention to me or did she think I was asleep? She took out the mop from the bucket and began cleaning– weird.

"Not to worry, I will be done in a minute." She said in the most creepy voice I had ever heard. I could only watch her carefully. She was aware I wasn't asleep. It freaked me out. She stopped, still holding onto the mop with both her hands and then turned towards me.

"Death surrounds you young one." She said, " let me help." She added.

I had no idea what was playing out but she had to leave.

"I think you need to leave," I replied.

"As you wish." She said with a smile. Her teeth were decaying. My heart raced. She took her stuff and moved towards the door. Once she was close enough, she stopped again.

"He wouldn't survive your death." She added.

My eyes opened wider. 

"Wait, who are you?" I quickly sat up. She turned toward me.

"If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. I am that horse, would you ride me or not?" She responded. 

I couldn't quite understand this old lady. Was this some sort of game to her? Was she some insane patient who escaped from her room to mine? As I had these questions running through my head, I realised she was about to leave.

"Wait! " I stopped her with my right palm directed at her. "Yes, yes I want to ride. I will ride. I don't know what's happening right now but I do not want to die or lose him. I want to live. I wish to live and I know how stupid this sounds but  if you can save me, then save me." I heard myself reply. 

She smiled at me once more and it wasn't the kind of smile that makes you feel at ease. Still, I didn't mind. I was desperate. She waved her right hand at me weirdly and that was it– the last I remembered of this night.

––

I felt myself awakening. It was cold all of a sudden and my bed seemed more comfortable than it felt earlier on. I turned my head to my left side and opened my eyes. They rested on the mini calendar that sat on my bedside table. It was the 31st of April, 2022. I quickly sat up. I realised I was not in the hospital. Nothing was attached to my body. I felt– perfectly fine. It was all so confusing. Looking around, I recognised where I was, I was– Home. 

"What's going on?" I asked myself.  "I just f*cking went back in time, this cannot be real". I muttered.