C27: Sasha

[ Wednesday, October 12 ]

The idea about Amethyst being at home still sucks. I want to change my perspective and attitude towards all of them but I just don't know how. Whenever I do something bad, Summer does something to get me in trouble, like when the issue about Amethyst, Vaughn and I happened a few months ago, Summer spread the news in our school making everyone hate me for hearing the rumors.

What I've learned from that is the fact that I should never mess with my sisters especially Summer, because she's the most dangerous girl that I know. She may be beautiful, popular and smart, but when someone messes with her – at least in my experience – she'll make their lives a living hell. I still have a couple of years in college but my reputation is already ruined, thanks to her.

If Keith's not in school, I'd probably be alone for the next few years. Thankfully, he told me last September that he'll enroll in my school this November and I can't help but be excited about it.

I stepped out of the room and descended the center stairs seeing Summer and Amethyst sitting on the couches of the living room. Summer straightened her legs from being crossed, putting down her mobile phone which I suppose she used for social media as always. Summer fixed her eyes on me with an intense stare.

Amethyst put the porcelain cup of tea on the table and focused her eyes on me, flashing an expression that I couldn't read. Her lips are sealed, but even if she doesn't show any hints of anger, I'll never be deceived with the looks again – I can never tell who the real sharks are until they bite.

I still don't get it. Normally, at this time of morning – 9 am – they're already in their offices.

If not, they won't be home for their day off to go shopping or whatsoever to unwind. The sight of them feels wrong. Something isn't right. I trust my gut on this.

I decided to look away, ignoring these women's reactions upon seeing me. However, when I wasn't far from the door, Summer pulled me by the arm, stopping me from escaping the heated-up scenario.

I am not surprised.

"How long are you planning to run? We're living under one roof." Summer frowned as I look at her.

"You're not getting away this time."

"What do you want from me?" I asked, pulling my arm away from her tightening hold which is tight enough to make me feel like my blood will pour any minute from now.

"Obviously," Amethyst said as she stands up from her seat and walked towards us. "Fix things. We can't live like this every day. It's toxic."

"What do you want? I asked, haven't I?"

Summer let my arm go and crossed her arms, her eyes narrowed. "What do you think do people do to fix things?"

"Talk," I answered. "But not right now since I have class at 10 am."

"Yeah so? Do I look like someone who cares?" Summer asked. I rolled my eyes, clenching my teeth inside me. I feel the rush of blood in my nerves and the blood pounding in my ears. What now?

"You don't know how to be honest, don't you? I asked mom about your class schedule and you don't have a class during Wednesdays. Your classes are just on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays this semester. For once, can't you be honest with us?"

I raised my arms in front of me, leveling it to my chest in surrender. "Alright," I confessed. "You got me. Now can you answer me? What kind of talk do you want? Aren't we talking now?"

"I want us to talk somewhere private. Dad's study here in the house would work. No maids are there, mom isn't there, and neither is dad. Just the three of us."

Without any other choice, I followed their lead even if this kills me from the inside.

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Summer left Amethyst and me in the study when she remembered something which makes the room feels suffocating. Of everything that can ever happen, being alone with Amethyst is probably the worst idea. I still feel guilty about what happened and even I can't forgive myself. However, saying the s word feels wrong. I have to swallow all my pride just to say sorry. I can't even imagine myself doing that.

Amethyst sat down on a couch and I took a book from one of the shelves to kill the awkwardness, hoping that it works. I sat on the couch opposite her and opened the book to read for my own pleasure.

"Hey," Amethyst said, breaking the silence. "Aren't you planning to say anything, now that we're alone?"

"Like what?" I blinked, acting innocent. I hate myself doing this, but apologizing is certainly not my thing. If I can only hit my head hard somewhere and get an amnesia, gee, I would've done it already. That way they can understand that I don't have to apologize since I can't remember anything.

Unfortunately, that's not the case and I don't want to hurt myself like that.

She shrugged and didn't bother to push it further. Honestly? It would be easier to apologize if it's only the two of us than with Summer around. That witch would certainly give side comments about everything that I'll do which I'm sick of.

"Amethyst, listen …" I began as I heaved a breath as I find the right words. "I –"

The door opened, revealing Summer with a maid next to her who's holding a tray of cups and teapot. The relaxing fragrance of lavender and Earl Grey tea filled the room, and the aroma becomes stronger as the maid walks closer to put the tea set on the table.

Summer looked back at the maid before sitting down. "Thank you," she said with a small smile. The maid smiled back as she closed the door behind her.

"So, did the two of you talked while I wasn't around?" Summer asked as she glances at Amethyst and me.

"Hardly," Amethyst replied as she pours tea into her porcelain cup, lifting it to her lips.

Summer chuckled as smirked to mock me, not really surprised by Amethyst's answer.

"You know, you two are more than free to strangle each other if you want to, I'm not going to stop you."

I rolled my eyes as I pour tea into my cup. This is sickening. It feels like I'm going to get stabbed in the chest any minute from now.

"That's not necessary," Amethyst commented. "We're here to fix things and not make things worse. Unless …" Amethyst meets my eyes, not a hint of anger can be read in them. "… you want to express your feelings by doing that."

I broke an eye contact and looked down to my feet.

"No," I replied as I put down the porcelain cup on the table. "You said it yourself. We should fix this and I …" I articulated my thoughts in my head as I notice the two of them looking at me, waiting for me to say what they wanted to hear. I give up. There's no escape from them. It feels like it's either I'll kneel or I'll bleed.

"I'm sorry," I looked at Amethyst straight in the eyes as I said it. My stomach lurched as I speak out those words, and tears started pooling my eyes. They rolled down my cheeks and they won't stop coming out. This moment turned me into a human faucet. I can't even feel any strength in my legs.

"I'm sorry if I tried to steal Vaughn from you. I just … I couldn't stop myself before because I feel unloved. I kept on flinging with different people like a whore because I want to forget Vaughn. But it's just that…" I squeezed my eyes shut as I wipe and press my eyes with my fingers for the tears to stop coming out. "Vaughn is easy to love. He cares about everyone. He exerts a lot of effort just to keep me or everyone else in his inner circle safe. I love how passionate he is about his music or everything else just to achieve his dreams. He basically has all the characteristics that every girl is –" I hang my head to stop myself from making things worse. Telling them about the things that I appreciate most about him won't make this situation better. In fact, I can imagine Summer throwing the entire teapot on my face if I'll continue.

"It's just that … I need love, for everyone hates me for who I am. I don't even know if someone does! My flings just play around for pleasure, they certainly not. How about you two? Or mom and dad? Do they? I seriously doubt that. Amethyst is mom's favorite. Summer is dad's favorite. Who's left for me? None!" shouting to rant or raising up my voice isn't something that I do every day, but I know I just had to say what's in my mind and heart for long. In fact, saying those boldly made me feel a lot better as if I finally stopped holding my breath for many years. I feel so much better, exploding like a volcano that way.

The smile from Summer's lips faded and her eyes widened a bit, seemingly surprised by my confession. Amethyst hardly gave any reaction – she looks at nowhere, her arms crossed and her back leaned on the couch. I want to ask what they have in mind after hearing all those.

"Sasha, I'm … I'm sorry. I had no idea that you feel that way. I was too insensitive to realize those. I didn't know that's how you feel because all I see about you are your negative deeds but not your thoughts because you've been too distant." I see sincerity in Summer's words, which I appreciate.

Finally, someone understood it. Even though she's regretting, she managed to maintain her composure.

"Nobody understands everyone unless they know all the sides of the story. Can you blame me for being like this? I was just looking for someone who'll accept me for who I am. Someone who'll love me, care for me, look after me. Someone who'll treat me like his queen." I coughed as I said the last words and I managed to make my tears stop falling.

I looked at Amethyst whose reaction didn't change. "I keep on thinking if you're better than me, Amethyst. But I guess you are. You won the heart of the man that I loved most. You're too perfect." I nearly choked the last words ... again.

Amethyst and my eyes met, her expression still blank. "You know what? I'm not better than you. Having him won't make me perfect, that's insane. You just said that because you saw me having someone that you value so much. I can't say I'm sorry, but I want you to believe that someone will see you and accept everything about you and your flaws. I'm sorry if, just like Summer, I didn't see things that way. To be honest, when I saw you again, I don't even know if I can talk to you." She sighed as she closed her eyes and shook her head.

"I'm sorry too and I want to apologize on behalf of mom and dad as well. We focused on our lives too much and the company without even thinking about you. We should fix that and we certainly will. I'm going to tell our parents about this. With all these, I suppose … the three of us can stop being enemies and mean to each other but treat each other as sisters, at least?" she proposed. I immediately looked at Summer's reaction, who seems to be lost in thoughts. Is she thinking about this? Isn't the answer obvious?

"I'll try to be in my best behavior and treat everyone fairly," Summer assured, her face serious.

"I'd say the same. I can't live in a toxic house for long. I hope that everything will just be buried as our past and not be dug up again." I promised.

"The three of us should spend time together to know each other better. Quality time is the key," Amethyst said as she looked at me again. "Sasha, you can't run away this time. We can't just fix this by just talking so, we should go out sometime. Perhaps this Saturday?" she smiled.

I smiled back. "Of course, we all have to change for the better."

"There's one another thing that you need to know, though." Summer said as she crossed her legs and lean her right elbow on her knees, her chin resting above her folded hand. "It's time for you to know about who your biological mother is."

My heart started beating faster and I feel like my breath is being taken away again. "What are you talking about?" I asked as I tilt my head a bit, and I feel like tears are coming again any minute from now.

"Mina Furukawa," Summer added. "That's her name. Your real name is Hana. Hana Furukawa. Mom was planning to tell you about that but she's scared that she might lose you. Besides, you were too distant so none of us can find a chance."

"We're not the best people who can tell you about the story, so mom should."

"It's a wrap then," Summer stood up and so is Amethyst, making me follow. "We'll go out and spend quality time and mom will tell you about your biological mother." She said as she waltzed out of the room.

Amethyst faced me and walked closer to me, giving me a sad smile. She wiped my tears and pulled me to her. "I know that you're hurt, but you'll recover soon, little by little. This day is the start." She whispered to my ear. "Also, I want you to know that I've forgiven you."