Another Day Without Her

As I open my hefty eyelids, the only things keeping me linger in my dream like fantasy. I release a sigh and squeakily utter

"ah, it seems that I've dreamt of her again.."

with a minor tear streaming down my face, I swiftly wiped it trying not to think about it.

I tried to snap myself out of it quickly and get up, but not wanting to move I simply stared into the ceiling which seemed so close yet so far away for quite a while.

As I reorganize my thoughts and try to clear my mind I sit up from my stiff mattress and sigh once again this time letting all of my unnecessary thoughts go.

"another day has passed since then, I knew it was coming.. No, we all knew.. she even knew it herself.. it was foretold.. it couldn't be stopped.. so why.. why can't I stop feeling like this.. I should've went with her.. i should've ended it there.."

I pause

"I should stop.. I must stop.. If I continue to think the way that I am now.. then surely it'd defy her last wishes.."

I mutter.

I bring out my hands and stare at them, getting lost in thought I start to think about all the negatives.

Once again, I think

"these hands.. these hands were the hands of a lowly person.. but i.. touched her.. her tender hands.. she touched me.. my blemished hands.. we touched each other.. if only-"

But then I freeze mid sentence realizing I hadn't changed, not when I decided to move on and start a new life.

I rapidly slapped myself on the cheeks with the same two hands I was staring intensely just a few minutes ago. I pulled myself together and stood up opening my mouth and letting a big yawn out while stretching.

"Alright! Let's have another crappy day!"

I yell trying to lighten the mood in the empty room which only has me in it, nevertheless it seemed to had brighten the beginning of my day.