5. Mixed feelings

Michelle's POV

Did something wrong happen? Why does she want to leave all of a sudden? Why do I even care? Why am I upset that she's leaving? Tsk.. these questions just couldn't leave my head as I couldn't find answers to them, as she left I almost forgot that my babe was right beside me and her friends were around too i was so lost in my own world looking for answers to my questions till Racheal tapped me asking what the problem was I guess she noticed that I was lost lols I wonder when she started noticing things like this about me, I have been hurting since the day I accepted to date her but she never noticed and all of a sudden she's showing concern, tch what a sly bitch I whispered to myself but isn't this what I wanted all along? For her to care for me and notice the little things about about me and I sworn to be patient till she starts showing them but why am I feeling irritated all of a sudden, what do I even want?!.

Racheal insisted that I follow her back to her lodge which I accepted after much persuasion from her, I wonder what she wants from me now I thought to myself as she tapped towards her bed side for me to relax on, I have never laid on Racheal's bed since we started dating cause every time I visit her it's always occupied with her friends and I just have to sit on a chair or a corner on the bed and she never cared to ask if I was comfortable lols that's how pathetic my situation was but yet I kept coming hoping that one day she will give me a chance I guess the day is here already but why am I not excited?

As I laid on the bed next to Racheal trying to calm my nerves cause I was feeling really nervous till she finally spoke up and asked me a few things about my personal life which I never expected that she would ever ask but I still answered her and we started a conversation and I finally felt relaxed till their was nothing to say. There was total silence for a while and I didn't like the silence at all I felt like I needed to do something but what? Her back was turned against me as if she was sleeping and I tried cuddling her from the back and she flinched at the body contact I thought that she didn't like it cause of the way she flinched and I attempted to withdraw my body from her's but she turned to me instead and gave me a little smile while she rested her head on my neck and I used the opportunity to caress her open skin and she let out a little moan which motivated me to continue, I felt warm under but I really needed to control myself but sharing a kiss won't harm anyone right? I really wanted to know what her lips tasted like, i have lost count of how many times I have imagined her small pink lips on mine although it wasn't really my type of lips, I preferred full shaped lips cause the were more comfy to kiss unlike the small shaped one's that are just attractive but not really good for deep kisses but I really needed to know what I felt for her and I felt that maybe getting a kiss might clarify all these misunderstandings in my head so I cupped her face and stared at her for awhile trying to get a reaction but she looked at me with a confused face like asking what's the problem but I didn't mind that and crashed my lips on her's and she kissed back immediately but I didn't plan on deepening it and I withdrew and stared back at her with a smile on my face and she was blushing so much that I guess she was feeling shy and she turned her back on me and chuckled I to myself I was feeling really amused I haven't ever seen this side of Racheal, she's a crazy being and her acting all shy cause of a kiss was the least expected but I couldn't stop their I was yet to feel what I wanted to feel so I turned her towards me and crashed her lips on mine for the second time but this time around I deepened it and slide my tongue asking for entrance which she accepted immediately while I explored her entire mouth and kept kissing her a little roughly trying not to hurt her little lips till I withdrew perking her a little on her lips while she was blushing really hard at that and I couldn't help but smile widely she's really cute and I wished she would always be like this but on a second thought I didn't really feel excited about the kiss, I have had a lot of flings and lovers lols not something to brag about though but yea I know the difference between a kiss gotten from a fling and a kiss gotten from someone I love and to be sincere this kiss really felt way too ordinary for someone I love and I kept thinking to myself maybe what I felt was just lust and never love but I didn't let whatever I was thinking show on my face as I kept smiling at her while we watched some movies till it got late and I wanted to take my leave but she begged me to please stay for the night but I didn't want to because I have already realized what I felt for her and I really didn't want to keep leading her on that's something I can never do to anyone but on a second thought she doesn't love me after all so maybe spending a night with me isn't much of a deal to her so I agreed with no intentions of touching her at all, we ordered some takeout and ate and I started feeling sleepy immediately I finished eating which was really unexpected from me because I'm used to keeping late nights especially when I'm with company well maybe it's cause I am really tired I thought to myself and slept off forgetting that I was actually with someone. Waking up the next morning and finding out that she was still sleeping I didn't want to wake her up but I had to cause I was in a hurry to go to my lodge and prepare a few things I have a lot of things to do but I can't just leave someone's house without their notice so I tapped her but she didn't wake up she's really a deep sleeper lols I chuckled to myself I never really expected that but that was the first sleepover with her so you wouldn't blame me so I tapped her again a little bit harder but not too hard and she woke up opening her eyes a little bit and I told her that I was leaving she just nodded her head as if it didn't matter to her but it didn't really bother me maybe she's really feeling sleepy or she really doesn't care but I prefer going for the latter cause I know she doesn't care and it's best for both of us now that I have found out what I actually feel for her and I didn't plan on ever seeing her again, I would have really felt bad for thinking of leaving her if she loved me but she doesn't love me anyway so leaving her won't make no difference to her I was sure and their was no need for a breakup either cause we were never really together or will I say we never really behaved like people in a relationship so having a breakup will make her look at me like someone that dwells in delusions or is it just me thinking that? and I think I have already lost a lot of pride in her sight and I didn't want to loose anymore so I walked away from her and her life Silently.