10. DO YOU LOVE ME ?

After the conversation between me and Arlen on bike I was still in my thoughts because somehow I was able to sense that I was developing feelings for him but I was not truly sure about it and did not wanted to get on any conclusion soon. I was ignoring him since few days I did not received his calls and messages because I needed sometime to understand what I want. I was having feelings for him. I was enjoying every moment we spend together I love when he care for me but giving it a label. I was afraid of it I was in canteen sipping my coffee while scrolling on my phone then all of sudden someone snatched my phone from my hands . I looked back in shock then Arlen set on the chair beside me I asked him " what was this Arlen?" in anger he replied "I was checking if you are phone is working or not" he said in casual stone but I understood his taunt " because you are not replying to me nor you called me. I was looking at the coffee mug in my hands then I left my chair and stretched my hand to Grab my phone and said "I am in little Hurry we will talk later." he stood straight and stretched his hand above his head. Now there was no way I could get my phone back because I was so short. but still I tried jumping and getting my phone but failed. I was on my toes still I didn't matched his height. but my toe twisted and I was about to fall when he hold me from my waist and my hands were on his chest. I was looking into his eyes. his eyes were always unreadable but today I was able to see the uneasiness in his eyes.

The urge to talk to me was seen clearly in his eyes. I said "my phone please." in low voice he made me send on my feet and then adjusted him after that he said "okay but only on one condition as soon as the college will end today you will meet me." I nodded and he gave me my phone and my bag. I left the canteen and instead of attending lecture. I went into the library after the college ended I saw Arlen at the gate waiting I went near him I asked "where is your bike?" "actually....I gave it for servicing." he said I nodded and then we started walking. First few minutes we both were silent then he said "what happened Rose? you look so off." "nothing just family issues." I lied to him because even I didn't know why I was having so weird around him these days then he said in relaxing tone " ohh ! damn and I thought you were upset because of me." He smiled broadly as if all his tensions and worries were taken off. "how is neon?" I inquired to divert our conversation. "Good even he was missing you it's being long since we went to meet him." he said then we talk about each other then about our friends then we reached the corner of the lane of my house I said "OK then bye and don't forget to pick me up in the evening at the bus stop." I waved him and turned. I took few steps then Arlen said " Rose!" I was about to turn but he said "don't turn please otherwise I will not be able to say what I was planning since long.

My heartbeat raised it was all so quite I was able to heart pumping loudly and my body felt so stiff then he said " before coming to this university I had a very bizzare life, broken family shatter dreams and I never thought I could laugh and enjoy my life. I was always afraid of relationships. I tried to run away from this but after meeting you I saw change in myself you made me laugh you cared for me you should me the best side of mine but few days back when we were not talking I became restless and I understood I cannot stay away from you. I know I am not best for you but trust me I will try my best to be with you. I will not force you to feel same for me but I want to say this to you that I love you Rose!" my heart stop beating I felt chill On My spine. my mind got blank. I wanted it turn and say yes I was happy. more than happy I was running away from him because I had feelings for him but now he himself Express is feelings but as I close my eyes and happiness. I got flashes of Laurens the time we spent together laughing ,playing , cuddling then the scene of Club of Michelle kissing him. I opened my eyes and tears roll down my eyes I was afraid of the betrayal again. my mind went numb. I did not wanted my heart to break again I did not turn and started walking neither I heard Arlen saying anything. I entered the gate of my house and went straight into my room. I took shower to relax myself. I felt guilty that I did not express myself in front of him. No matter how much I tried to forget my past but I was never completely out of it. I was thinking about all this sitting on the bed while scrolling randomly on phone.