Chp.13: Helping a brother

"Damn! How far did he run?" Darbi snapped as he sniffed the ground, trying to trace his brother's scent.

When he and Kotaru realized that Haku was missing, they initially feared that he had decided to leave and used the invisibility rune to disappear; but by sniffing the air, they had easily traced the scent trail left by their brother. Haku knew how to hide his smell well, so the fact that he ran away without bothering to hide it meant that at that moment his mind was focused on something else. Both Kotaru and Haku were worried about what that 'something else' could be, so they set out to follow his scent to find him before he did something very stupid.

Fortunately it was still night. Darbi and Kotaru preferred not to find out what could happen if someone saw Haku, especially when he was in a moment of weakness. It was pretty obvious that he ran away because he was out of his mind, so he probably wasn't thinking very well.

Eventually Darbi managed to see him. Of the two, he was the one who had the better view, and easily glimpsed his brother's scales hidden in the middle of a pile of stones. When he and Kotaru got close enough, however, they both froze.

Haku was curled up in a ball, and his body was visibly shaking. His breathing was labored and his eyes were unnaturally wide. But what really scared Darbi and Kotaru were the numerous pools of blood and broken scales on the ground and, most of all, a large amount of wounds all over Haku's body... many of which were clearly self-inflicted by his own claws.

"Shit!" Darbi exclaimed running towards his brother. Haku didn't even seem to see him, and indeed, he suddenly raised a paw and struck his left side leaving deep furrows with his claws. Blood, skin and scales fell to the ground.

"Stop now!" Darbi shouted, but Haku didn't seem to be able to hear him. Not knowing what to do, Darbi jumped on him and pinned his paws to the ground. "Kotaru! Do something!"

His sister quickly ran towards Haku's head, which was starting to beat rhythmically on the ground. There was a small wound on his head, as if he had struck his skull against a rock. "Haku, can you hear me? It's me! It's Kotaru! I'm here...we're here!"

Haku didn't answer her. Kotaru looked at his eyes: they were wide open so much that it looked like they didn't have lids, and the pupils were dilated. Ragged breathing emerged from his mouth and his teeth clashed hard against each other.

Kotaru couldn't remember ever seeing his brother in such a state. She felt a thrill to see him like this. Haku had always seemed like a mountain to her, practically unshakable, always calm and in control of the situation; even just seeing him a little annoyed was rare. Now, instead, he seemed to have completely lost his rationality and was in the throes of total madness.

Suddenly Haku started to fidget, and his paws moved as if he was trying to claw at something. Darbi got completely on top of his body and pressed him hard to the ground, immobilizing him. However, his brother was strong and staying in that position wasn't easy for Darbi. "Damn it, Kotaru, wake him up!" he growled as he fought hard not to lose his grip.

"I... I'm trying! He can't hear me!" Kotaru said despondently. "It's like he's having a hallucination..."

"OH, COME ON!" Darbi yelled in frustration, and he punched his brother's head so hard that it slammed to the ground below. "HAKU! FOR FUCK'S SAKE, COME TO YOUR SENSES!"

Incredibly, that punch seemed to have some effect. Suddenly, Haku's pupils became less dilated and his eyelids closed slightly. His eyes started moving again and locked on Kotaru, who was staring worriedly at her brother. "S-Sister... are you here..."

Kotaru brushed his muzzle with a paw. "Yes, brother, I'm here. Now take deep breaths. You need to calm down"

"Hey, I'm here too" Darbi grumbled, who was finally able to let go of Haku. He felt a little dirty as he did it, and looking down he noticed that it was stained with blood oozing from his brother's wounds. "We'd better fix these before they get infected, or you risk your whole body going gangrenous"

Normally Haku would say something like 'I don't think that's possible', but this time he was silent. Darbi extracted a potion of regeneration from her dimensional pouch and poured it on the wounds, which began to heal. Luckily they'd stocked up on those potions, thanks to all the dead ogres and fairies they'd plundered... and partly thanks to those they'd captured and killed as well.

Kotaru remained in Haku's field of vision the entire time as Darbi treated him. She feared how her brother might react if she disappeared from his field of vision. Slowly, Haku's breathing eased to near-normal levels. His heart rate dropped too, and he finally didn't seem ready to explode anymore. Kotaru waited until his brother seemed to have calmed down completely (at least physically). When she saw that he seemed to be back to normal, she decided it was time to talk to him. "You're fine now?"

Haku didn't move. He lay where he was, and seemed to be completely drained of energy. He didn't even seem to have the strength to lift a finger. Only his eyes moved, looking sometimes at Kotaru and sometimes at Darbi, and sometimes in some random direction. Then, after a seemingly endless period of time, his mouth moved too and some words came out of his throat: "I think I've gone crazy"

Both Kotaru and Darbi wanted to contradict this, but after what had just happened they weren't sure if it wasn't true.

"Rhaegal, I… I hit him". Tears began to form in Haku's eyes. "My body was ready to snap if he tried to fight back... I almost killed our brother"

"But you didn't. You didn't, Haku" Kotaru told him, placing a paw on his shoulder. "Now you're going off the rails. You're not thinking right. Why don't you calm down and..."

"N-No! Stay away from me!". Haku dodged at her touch, walking away a few steps. "I would hurt you too... go away!"

"Haku, you won't hurt us. It's not in your nature" Kotaru said. "You protect us, remember?"

"No... that's not true. I've never protected you... I've always just used you." Haku looked ready to hit his head on the ground. "I... just didn't want to be alone... I wanted to have someone... someone who could make me forget... how weak and helpless I am..."

"That's not true and you know it. You're not like that" Kotaru replied. "If you really only wanted to use us, why did you put yourself in danger to save Rhaegal's life when our father attacked us?"

Haku froze at those words. He stopped backing away and his body shook slightly less. "I was directly next to you when it happened, remember?" Kotaru continued. "None of us did what you did. We saw our father appear in the sky and we ran in terror. But you didn't. You didn't hesitate for a single second. You ran, risking your own life, to save Rhaegal"

Haku looked confused. "I... I didn't do it voluntarily... I acted on instinct..."

"And that just show that that was your true nature. Instinct doesn't lie, Haku" Kotaru replied. "Our instincts required us to flee, while your instinct required you to intervene to save our brother. Because that is who you are. You protect us, you always have. Maybe you had more than a single purpose, and perhaps you also did it to not feel alone, but your desire to protect us was real"

Haku stood still for a moment, as if thinking (or probably trying to think), then he shook his head. "Even if it were true, it was before. Now is now. You saw what I did. Rhaegal was right… I became dangerous"

"You're not dangerous, Haku, you just made a mistake... well, more a long series of mistakes, but the concept is the same" Kotaru said. "I don't deny that the path you're taking could lead you to become dangerous... but that's not the case yet. And the fact that you're shocked by what you've done proves it. If you were truly past the point of no return you would have jumped him immediately and subdued him by force"

"But I shouldn't be like that!" Haku exclaimed. "I shouldn't make such mistakes! I shouldn't hurt my brothers or my sisters! I should protect you, guide you, support you..."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Both Kotaru and Haku jumped at the scream. Darbi was gnashing his teeth and looking pretty angry. "You are really annoying! 'I should, I should'… I don't know how many times I've heard you say that! But never once have I heard you explain why you should protect us, guide us, support us or anything else! I don't think anyone put this burden on you! I thought I made myself clear this morning when I told you that we aren't your responsibility!"

Darbi walked quickly towards Haku; he tried to back away, but his brother was quicker and was in front of him in a few seconds. "You're always like this! You think you have the safety of all of us on your shoulders! Well, little info: you don't, Haku! You have to stop carrying all our needs on yourself! And this for a simple reason that I already told you many months ago, ever since we first hunted together: YOU ARE NOT OUR BIG BROTHER!"

Darbi put a paw to his face, as if he tried to stay calm. "You always behaved as if you were the oldest among us, the one with the most experience, the one with the most knowledge of the world and who always knew what to do! But it's not like that! Haku, half a year ago you weren't even born! Just like all of us! You have to get this into your head! You are not the big brother, you just have a little more brain! That's why you can't boss us around, and that's why you need to stop thinking of you as the one who teaches us how to live! You are venturing into this ruthless world for the first time, just like us! And no one told you 'you must protect your brothers' or 'you must lead them', the only one who ever thought such a thing it's you! You, just like all of us, have the right to make mistakes! You have the right to lose your temper! You have the right to mistakenly consider yourself better than the others, because we've all thought that at least once in our six months of life! So stop trying to be perfect and vent! It's okay to make mistakes, on condition that we then learn from them, and if I know you well you will learn for sure! All you have to do is get off from your imaginary pedestal and accept that our thougths are as good as yours, and that you can't decide, protect and manage everything by yourself! Get this right in your head: you're not the big brother, you're just a baby dragon!"

Haku was speechless. He just stared at Darbi with wide eyes. His brother returned that look for a few moments, then lay down next to him. "And now, we're staying with you. And you can't tell us to go away! If you're scared, that's your problem, because Kotaru and I don't have the duty to obey your orders, and we want to stay by your side! Two against one, the result is very clear! So stop shaking like a leaf and accept that there is someone to help you for once!"

Haku tried to stand up, but Darbi put a paw on his shoulder and forced him to stay next to him. Haku tried to slip away, but soon his other paw was blocked as well. "Darbi is right. We want to stay with you, and we don't care if you don't like it" Kotaru said as she lay down next to him. "You can continue to fight and try to escape, as you always do when we want to talk about topics that are uncomfortable for you... or you can try to use that big brain you have to understand that it's better for you to accept our help"

Haku didn't know what to answer. He was tired, upset, sad and afraid. He wanted to get away before doing something bad to Darbi and Kotaru as well, but they wouldn't let him get up. Finally, he gave in and rested his head on the ground. "You are foolish to stay with me" he whispered.

"Probably. But this is family" Darbi replied. "We help each other, even when logic would suggest doing something else. This is the true meaning of that word. Remember it"