Chp.15: Had you ever have a dream?

Haku went back to lie down on his bed. He was somewhat irritated: he had hoped to get a positive answer right away, but instead it seemed that it would be more difficult. Even if the one he'd sought to lead the gladiators was a confident person, he still wished he were a little more malleable.

"I assume that it didn't go well" Misune muttered, who obviously had been waiting there for him the whole time.

"Did you tell by my huffing or angry eyes?" Haku grumbled sarcastically. "That stubborn guy had the cheek to tell me he doesn't trust me. If it hadn't been for the fact that we need him alive I would have already severed his throat"

Oddly Misune didn't seem the least bit surprised by those words, almost as if she expected that twist. "So now... plan B?" she asked with some apprehension, referring to Haku's idea of ​​kidnapping the lizardman's wife and using her as a bargaining chip.

"Not yet. Darbi is talking to him now. Maybe with another lizardman he'll be more inclined to reevaluate his beliefs" Haku replied, looking at a spot in the dorm where the two could actually be seen muttering. "But if he refuses again... then yes, we'll use plan B"

Misune looked somewhat uncertain. "I'm not sure if that's a good idea. I mean, a blackmailed person isn't loyal. He might decide to betray us..."

"I know, that's why I decided to talk to him first" Haku said. "It would have been better if he'd been willing. But even if it isn't, it won't be a big deal. He won't betray us as long as we have his wife hidden away in an area that only we know, and with a knife at her throat. He won't risk losing the only good thing left to him. He will do whatever we tell him"

Misune began to play with a strand of hair. She seemed to be somewhat nervous. "Yes, but... I mean, if he were forced, wouldn't his charisma be affected? The other gladiators might notice. After all, it is known that the best leader is the one who truly believes that..."

"Why are you defending him?" Haku suddenly asked.

Misune blushed and started sweating even more. "I-I'm not defending him..."

"Girl, I have the most powerful nose in this world. After a year here I have learned to recognize the smell of a newcomer when he lies. Your sweating increases, your body temperature rises, and in your specific case there are also a decrease in the ability to speak and an increase in muscle tension. But in any case, I don't need these signs to understand that you're lying right now and that you're taking Zamor's defense" Haku said in a somewhat irritated voice. "Would you be so kind to explain me why? That idiot just turned down the only chance to get out of here because he doesn't trust me, and he's not willing to risk the lives of others. What would be his justification?"

Misune seemed somewhat undecided about what to say. She seemed to be considering whether it might not be better to keep it to herself and say she was wrong, but finally she made up her mind and in as firm a tone as she could manage (which however was very shaky due to the fact that the dragon's half-open eye was trained on her putting tremendous strain on her) she replied: "Well, first of all, you have to admit that he has every reason not to trust you, sir. I mean... maybe he can even close an eye about the fact that you are… well… a dragon, but he sure can't ignore the fact that you sleep on the skins of other gladiators, have trophies on your wall, strike fear into the hearts of all those around you and just a few nights ago you smashed a man into a wall"

"I don't think you minded that. Besides, he was already dead" Haku reminded her.

"I didn't say he didn't deserve it" Misune said. "But he was still a person. In our eyes that... well... it's called murder"

Haku let out a deep snort. The newcomers were really unreasonable creatures. "So if anyone in this place kills a slave it's fine, if a guard out there kills people it's fine, if one soldier in battle kills ten others it's fine, but if I give a fucking rapist what he deserves then am I a murderer?"

Misune visibly trembled when Haku mentioned the rape, but she managed to control herself. "Okay, I'll try to explain it another way. How would you react if someone else killed a dragon and then smashed it on a wall?"

"Me? I would wait for them to leave and then I would go get the body of the dead dragon, a very good source of meat and materials. If someone is idiotic enough to kill a dragon and then leave their body there, then they deserve to have their loot stolen" Haku replied without showing the slightest annoyance at the idea.

Misune's eyes seemed to fill with disgust. "Um... you're kidding, aren't you?" she asked in a whisper.

Haku shrugged. "Absolutely not. Dragons eat everything they can find, including their own kind. My parents tried to eat me, and so then I ate them... or at least, a small part of them. The rest is still..."

"Sorry if I ask, but can you hear yourself while you speak!?" Misune snapped, who seemed on the verge of exasperation. "What sane creature considers normal to eat its own kind, or its own parents!?"

Silence fell between the two of them. Haku didn't say a word; he just stared at her with an unreassuring look. Misune seemed to realize only then what she had said, because she turned pale and put her hands over her mouth, as if she hoped that the words would have came back inside. "I-I'm sorry sir... I shouldn't have..."

"For your information, almost all living creatures eat their own kind. Some even allow themselves to be cannibalized on purpose, for example the spiders. It's called survival" Haku said. "I'll ignore it because I understand that for a newcomer like you this isn't easy to understand, but try yelling at me again and I'll remind you why everyone here avoids getting in my way"

Misune gulped. Due to the fact that Haku had become nicer to her she had almost forgotten how scary he could be... and dangerous too. It was better to not piss him off, and at that point a person with a modicum of self-preservation would have kept quiet and hoped the dragon would have forgot about the conversation. But for some reason, Misune didn't want to, so instead of shutting her mouth or walking away she asked: "What kind of life have you lived, sir?"

Haku was quite surprised by that question. Even though they'd been together for a year, Misune had never asked him about his life, and he hadn't asked about hers. He wondered why the sudden interest. "Why do you want to know it?"

"Forgive me, sir... but I think I should get to know you better to make you understand why Zamor doesn't trust you" Misune replied. "I don't know how to say this in a non-offensive way, but... what's normal for you, isn't normal for us... so... maybe if I knew why you've become so... opportunistic... I could help you to understand..."

Haku let out a chuckle. "You want to know why I've become an opportunistic asshole who doesn't hesitate to use anything as a weapon, including terror? Ok. Do you want the long version or the short version?"

Misune wasn't sure which answer was right. "The short one" she replied, hoping there were less gruesome details.

"Okay. So, it all started when I hatched" Haku said. "After just a few days I realized that the food rations my mother brought me and my siblings were dwindling, and so I understood that we would soon be forced to fight each other. I tried to talk to her, but she just didn't care. So I started hunting on my own, risking several times to come across predators and dangerous animals. In the following days my sisters were starving, so I brought them food to keep them alive. Then my brother and I were captured by a group of humans and almost killed, and our mother saved us by making a carnage, and then she kindly revealed to me that she didn't give a damn about us and that the only reason she helped us was her maternal instinct which before or then it would fade away, at which point she would chase us away or see us as food. I was devastated by that revelation, but I stayed strong because my brother was more devastated than I was, and he needed someone to rely on. And then, the next day, my father attacked us and almost killed me and another brother of mine, and then we killed him the next day. My brother suffered a trauma and then I... Misune?"

The half-elf was completely silent and the more Haku spoke the more her eyes widened, until they seemed bigger than half her face. It looked like she was having a hernia. "This… this is not normal" she whispered in a shocked voice. She didn't seem to know what to say, and in the end she just muttered: "I asked for the short version..."

"That's the short version" Haku replied. "We haven't even reached my third month of life"

"What? Did you go through all this... before you were three months old?" Misune looked completely incredulous. "You... that's not how a baby should live... it should... it should..."

"Well, that's how my siblings and I lived. That's how dragons live" Haku said. "We didn't choose it. So, even if I haven't finished the story... we can say that the moral of my story is that if you want to survive you have to do everything in your power, no matter how much it costs. Especially if there are others who are counting on you"

"But a person shouldn't just survive!" Misune exclaimed. "Have you never had any dreams? Any hopes?"

"My dream was to keep my siblings safe, and for now... well, I'm not sure I did a good job, in fact I often screwed up, but at least they're still alive and free" Haku replied. "When I'll be out of here, we'll pick up where we left off. We'll continue our journey until we find a place far enough away from everyone, where we can be left alone..."

"This is not a dream! This is just an escape plan!" Misune was shaking slightly. "Living doesn't mean hiding from everything and everyone! It doesn't mean having to run away all the time! This isn't living, it's just..."

"… survive" Haku anticipated her. "I am aware of it. But for me and my family there is no other choice. My goal, the one I have imposed on myself, is to keep my brothers and sisters safe. And in this world, unfortunately, dragons aren't free to live however they want. If I want my siblings to have at least some semblance of a life, then I have to make sure I keep them away from newcomers"

Misune didn't say a word for several minutes. She had too much information to process. She was so shocked that she didn't even dwell on the fact that she had just found out that Haku had brothers and sisters still alive. "Seriously... have you ever had a dream? A wish, a goal? Something that seems impossible on the surface, but that you've been striving to achieve anyway?"

Haku let out a soft growl from his throat. "Actually, there is something" he replied with a sigh. "I don't want to die like a dragon"

Misune was surprised by those words. "You… don't want to be a dragon?"

"I never said that. I'm proud to be a dragon" Haku replied. "But I don't want to die the way dragons normally die: alone, isolated, more like beasts than thinking beings. That's why I've put so much effort into keeping my family together… and that's why I will continue to do so. I… I know it's probably my destiny to die alone, but I don't want to believe it. I want to believe that I can die surrounded by my family, by people who love me. I don't want to be a dragon who dies like a dragon"

Misune was silent for a second, then she whispered: "So... you want to behave differently from what is normal for your species. You want to be better"

"Something like that" Haku said, nodding.

Suddenly Misune's eyes narrowed and her face became determined. "And then, why do you keep acting exactly like a dragon?"