I'm Gay, I'm So Fucking Gay

I was sitting in a booth at ihops playing with my food, I originally wanted waffles and a cheese omelette but I ended up getting pancakes and scrambled eggs because I was lost in my head going through the last conversation me and Wendell had.

he'd called me before school was over, right when I had a free hour. "hey" he had said.

"what?" I whined into my phone. I'd I've spent hours wondering about it and I'd realized one thing, I had a crush on Cal, like a full on crush. I was scared shitless because I haven't felt this way for anyone before.

"you have a crush on him don't you?" he asks and I know he knows because he always knows. "that's cool you know?, that you want him to suck your-"

"oh my God, shut up!!!" I shriek as my face turns red and wendell bursts out laughing. "stop it" I mumble.

"that was Priceless" he says chuckling. "you know, when I was is junior high, I joined the game"

"you did?"

"yep. Sarah Singer was the sun and all the guys and some girls wanted to be with her. so we dropped our name and I got picked as the 5th guy. I had my date with Sarah, she made me feel like a king, showered me with all her love and attention and her time, just for those three day. in the end she chose Micheal Harris and I'm heart broken because I got so emotional attachment to this girl because she showed me a smidgen of her affection" he stops. "you get what I'm trying to say right?"

"you're saying, I shouldn't have this crush on Cal because if he chooses someone else, it's going to break my heart?" I ask and he hums in affirmation. "so, what do I do then, not talk to him at all, pretend like I don't like him?"

"no, I didn't say that. try with someone else, someone who isn't in the game, someone who you think you could have everything with" he says and I desperately wish it to be Caleb.

"okay, I'll try" I say softly. "I wish you were here"

"I do too kid, but you never know what'll happen next" he say and laughs lightly. "talk to you later"

"yeah, you too" he hangs up and I want to cry because I can't have Cal and I want him so bad.

"hey" I hear someone say and he's staring at me. he has pretty, long, lovely lashes, bright red lips, chocolate brown skin, long dark, curly hair and brown eyes that make me want to swoon. did I just use the word swoon?

"hi" he smiled softly and comes in to sit with me in the empty science lab. is it just me or did having my first gay panic make me realize that guys are sexy.

"I saw you in mr. Robitousin class, earlier, you were funny" he say and pulls out a copy of hot six by Janet Evanovich.

"oh, I wasn't trying to be funny" I admitted and he chuckled.

"I'm Shawn" he says and smiles at me and I blush, I literally blush and I'm so embarrassed by it. "and you're Vee, Right?"

"y.. yeah. I'm Vee" I mutter and my face is red. we spend minutes talking about the book he's reading and then the bell goes off. we talk for a minute more and then he says.

"see you later" in the most sultry voice.

I'm shocked out of my thoughts when a plate of pretty little waffles with it's holes filled with syrup and an omelette are place on front of me

"hi Vee" and I freeze and I choke. "hey, I'll go get you a glass of water" Shawn says and i grab his hand before he leaves.

"it's fine, I'm fine" I whisper and bow my head, I look up at him and this time -oh my god- this the he looks pretty. he's in a black shirt and black skinny jeans, an apron is tied around him and his pretty hair that I want to run my hands through is held back in a cute little bun. "hi" I whisper.

"hi" he says back and smiles, all teeth and lips. "I can go get you the water though, I'm a waiter here so I live to serve, your every wish is my command" he say and curtseys. I giggling and cover my mouth as I do. "that's so cute" he says and I giggle again because he just called me cute, well he called my giggle cute but you get the gist.

"I'm fine" I looked down at the plate. "I already ordered, why am getting a second plate?"

"Amber said you ordered the wrong thing, she ordered another plate because by the looks of it, you've only been playing with your food and Haven't even had a single bite if it" I stare at his lips as he speaks and all I could hear is blah blah blabity blah blah because good are his lips so pretty.

"join us" I say before I could stop myself. since I'd already gotten it out, I went with it. " there's an extra plate of untouched food, I would have taken them home but cold pancakes aren't my thing, join us and have 'em"

"I don't know if I should... " he says smiling and scratching the back of his head.

"come on please" Amber, who I had completely forgotten was there, says. "eat them, they look amazing"

"please" I whisper pouting.

"who could say no to this face?" Amber says and grabs him by the arm and pulls him to sit next to her. "certainly not you"

"yeah, certainly not me" he repeats and just gives me a slow once-over. after we'd talked and eating and laughed, he says. "I have to get back to my shift" he stands up and smiles at me. "I'll see you guys later. bye, Vee" God, the way he says my name!!. I watch he walk away, swaying his ass - which you could bounce a quarter on - as he walks.

"what the heck was that?" Amber whisper yells and then I say it, what I've been thinking about all day.

"you remember that thing you told me last night before you hung up, about me telling you when I figure myself out?" I ask still watch his behind the counter.

"yeah, what about it?" the curiusity in her tone.

"I'm gay, I'm so fucking gay" I say and look at her. her eyes were wide and her smile was equally wide.