Boy Lust And Full With Relief

chapter 9

"I'm gay" I whisper. "I'm gay" I say it again like I'm crazy, Jesus, I'm gay, how did I not know boys looked that yummy. did I just call boys yummy. holy shit boys are yummy!!!!. I'm home, after my little gay awaking, I couldnt sit at ihops anymore because I couldn't stop myself from staring at Shawn's wonderful ass. Jesus, I'm such a whore. ohmigod!!!! I just called my self a whore. I hear the door click open and see Quinn standing by the closed door.

"why are you staring at me like that?" she asks a confused look on her face. she starts toeing off her shoes but never takes her eyes off me. "what is wrong with you today?"

"I. Am. Gay" I say in awe. she looks at me like I've gone mad and then she arches her left brow in question.

"you're serious?" I nod. "you're really really serious?" I nod again. "huh" she says simply and walks past me.

"that's it?" I ask. "huh?"

"you really are gay. why can't you just come out with out the fanfare?" she say softly and I frown and she sighs. "I honestly wasn't sure if you were, I was honestly just trying to get under your skin but since you are" she say the next words while doing jazz hands with her shoes dangling on her fingers "welcome to the world of boy lust, gay"

"eww, gross" then. "tell me more"

"it's just that sometimes all we girl or guy have on our mind sometimes is boys. boys. boys. it's a wonder how we get things done at all"

"youre making this up, why would I have someone on my mid all the time" I say unsurely then i consider for a second because she might not be. oh no. "its Shawn"

"who?"

"yeah, let's keep it that way, hun. you're getting way into my bidnes" i say and she gasps.

"listen to how gay you sound!!!!"

"I don't sound gay!!!"

"yes you do, you're so fucking gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy" she's screaming the word gay. well, I'm getting the fanfare I asked for, aren't I?. I'm chasing after her around the living room, I dive at her and we both go crashing to the ground.

another crash follows and funny enough, it's the sudden realization that I'm gay. the emotions hit me at once and my eyes fill. "hey, what's wrong?" her voice is gentle and soothing and oh God, this amazing person is my sister.

"I don't know, I just feel like I need to cry all of a sudden. is that a gay thing?" I ask and she smiles.

"how am I supposed to know?. do I look gay to you?" she asks and I give her a ones over. I look at her straight blond hair, her baggie, oversized jeans, her black tee with a flannel shirt worn over it.

"yes, you look like a homeless lesbian" she smacks me upsids the head and for some reason, I snap my teeth at her. "hey, I'm just answering your question!!!'

"shut up" we stay like that on the floor cuddling for a minute or two before she suddenly pushes me off her and says. "eww get off me"

"yeah yeah" I said and sat on the floor next to her. I look at the brat for a head to toe and realized we looked like twins. our eyes were both brown, our hair was blond, we had the exact face shape and our smiles were the same.

"why are you staring at me like that?" she says and narrows her eyes. "this is very weird" she get on her feet. "I'm leaving now"

I"hey brat!!" I call after her and she turn around and gives me a deadly look.

"I've told you to stop calling me that stupi-"

"I love you" she literally melts and gives me a big smile. well she doesn't 'literally' melt because if the did, that would be kind of sad. keyword, kind of "eww gross. get out of my sight" she laughs and runs away and I feel satisfied because I get to make her smile.

I'm laying one the floor and I hear the front door click. "why is it that anytime i come into this house, you're always laying on the floor?" mum asks and I laugh and lay on my side so I could see her face. "well if you can't beat em, join em" she sighs and lays on the floor beside me, laying on her side so she can look at me. "your hair is getting so long" she lift her hand and brushes my hair behind my ear. "you wanna cut it?"

"no" I say simply and look at her. she looks tired.

"you look like you've been crying" she says softly. "your eyes are red and puffy" she says and touches under my eyes. "you know, it runs in my family, cry for just a second and you'll be looking like you've been crying your whole life" she chuckles. this actually explains alot both me and Quinn have to get some eye cream to make the puffiness go away after we cry.

"when I was in college I had this small breakdown over a paper that was due the next day but my roommate had destroyed it with coffee. I spent an hour look for a copy shop at 11pm at night and for some absurd reason, I couldn't find one. so, I cried. when I was done, I wiped my eyes and started walking home.

while I was walking this creepy long haired guy kept following me. he said I should wait and I ran. then he screamed 'you left you phone on the bench'. who on Earth dies that, who returned a phone they found at midnight on a park bench." she pauses and laughs for a second. "well the creep gave me my phone back and asked me what I was doing outside this late and I told him what I was doing"

"and the he told you he had a copy machine in his apartment..." I said because I've heard the story a thousand time.

"and i went home with him and he printed out two copies of the paper"

"you told he thanks a bunch... "

"and then I kissed him on his cheek and ran for the door because I need to get back to my dorm"

"then you opened the door and ran face first into dad" I say and she smile. "why would you follow someone you thought was a creep into his apartment?"

"I ask myself that everyday but you know what, I got to meet your dad and I got to meet your uncle Marty" she say and rolls unto her back. I roll unto my back too

"what happened to your old roommate?"

"she got hit by a bus a week to graduation, she died" mom says and turn her neck and she can look at me and she see the face I'm making"kidding, she didn't die, just broke a few bones is all, she lives in the Barbados now"

"where's Marty by the way?" I ask.

"being gay in Japan" she says. my dad's best friend is gay af and any time he comes from his travels, he, brings presents. "he'll be back by the end of the month. you excited?"

I look at mom and she's staring up at the ceiling and she so perfect and content here. "yeah. I can't wait to tell him I'm gay" I say and she turns and looks at me. "I'm gay" I say and I feel the tears again.

"wait don't, we're out of serum and if you cry, I will and I don't want to look ugly" she snaps and I laugh. she sits up and I follow and look at her. she slowly cups my cheeks in her hand and rests her forehead against mine. "I love you Binky bear, who or what you like doesn't make you who you are, it's the way you treat people that does" I immediately burst into tears. "I know for a fact that where ever your father is, he's waving the damn pride flag" she says and I laugh. I lunge into Mama's arms and cry.

"ugh, you guys are so gross" I hear Quinn say from a corner of the room. I lift my hand and give her the finger. "Mama, vee's using the bad finger again"

"vee, stop it mom says" and I laugh.

I wasn't really scared that they wouldn't accept me, infact I was so sure that they would but deep down, I was still scared they would and that little part of me that was scared feel full with relief.