Don't judge a person by his past

I feel I must tell her about me being physically involved with a guy in my past.

She shouldn't say that, I kept this from her.

I don't know why, but I have started to think about what she would feel; before doing anything.

And the funniest part is, it doesn't sound or feel weird to think about her.

Her opinions and her view about me have started becoming very important for me.

I've never gave a fuck about what anyone thinks of me; particularly any girl !

But she isn't just any girl.

She is Ashley !

I don't know why, when and how she became this important and special for me that, I can't imagine my life without her.

I am a kind of guy who is afraid of commitments and having someone to care for.

But for her, I am ready to make any commitment !

I want to take her care life long.

This isn't me.

So not me yet, I want to be that; just for her sake !

I called Charles at her place when it was my turn to be with her.

He came and I introduced them and they weren't behaving like strangers at all !

After sometime when, they got very comfortable with eachothers; I dropped the bomb !

' Um, Ash.

I need to tell you something. '

I said.

' What is it ? '

Ashley asked.

' Charles is...

Um...

How do I tell this...

Um... '

I was searching for words.

' What's wrong ?

Is there something... '

Ashley said.

' I am already so nervous, please you don't get panicked now !

Ash...

I am...

I am...

Um....

Bisexual ! '

I said and immediately regretted it !

Why did I had to say I am bisexual ?

It's not like that I had slept with anyone else than him or ever felt like that for anyone else !

' What ?

Are..

Are you serious ?

I mean you joke alot, so... '

Ashley was too shocked.

' No.

This isn't a joke.

I am serious.

He is um... '

I searched right word for him to introduce to her.

' Your... Boyfriend ? '

Ashley said horrified.

' Oh, no !

He isn't my boyfriend...

We can call him fuck buddy.

Um...

Ex fuck buddy, to be specific. '

I said defending myself.

' What difference does that makes ?

Why didn't you told me this earlier ?

I thought you just called girls every night...

But... '

Ashley said almost disgusted.

What the hell !

In what world is she living ?

How can she feel disgusted with one's sexual preference ?

' Ash, being a Bisexual isn't a crime love ! '

I said trying to hide my irritation at her reaction.

' Did I said anything like that ?

I am just saying that, why did you kept this from me this long ?

I thought you...

Um...

You... '

Ashley was struggling to search the right words.

' I swear Ash, I haven't met him from the day we met you !

I haven't been with any girl either.

If you think I am lying ask him !

I called him here just for that. '

I said explaining myself.

' No, Lauren.

You should have told me this earlier.

I... '

Ashley said disappointed in me.

' Just think it this way.

What if, I haven't told this to you ?

Would you ever have known it ?

No !

I told this to you just because, I didn't wanted to hide anything from you.

None of the guys know about this.

Jules just know that I've kissed him and nothing else.

But, I wanted to tell you everything.

I didn't wanted you to feel betrayed or anything.

I know, I should have told this to you earlier, but I couldn't gathere the courage to tell you.

I thought, you won't talk to me ever if, I tell you this. '

I said softly.

' And what if, I do the same now ?

What if I tell you to get lost from here and never show me your face ever in my life again ? '

Ashley said seriously.

' I would do whatever you ask me to !

I want to be with you life time; but not with some lie.

I'd rather see you happy without me in your life with, you knowing my truth than, keeping you with me by hiding my real self.

And I actually used a wrong word, I am not bisexual !

I liked only HIM and no other man than him !

I swear, I haven't seen anyone else than you from that day !

I haven't cheated on you !

Because whatever my past was, you weren't there in my life then.

So, whatever I did then, you can't consider it a betrayal. '

I started blabbering trying hard to get her forgive me.

' I loved your honesty, Lauren !

You are right, there was no way I would have known this if, you haven't told me this.

And I can't judge you for your past.

But...'

Ashley said uncertain about forgiving me.

' Trust me love, I haven't been with anyone else than you.

I just wanted you to know my truth.

And I wanted to tell it myself rather than you knowing it from someone else ! '

I said genuinely.

' I am glad you did that.

You have earned some respect for you in my heart. '

She said.