The monster

Ugh...

Fuck !

What ?

What happened ?

Um...

Yes... Ashley !

" Ashley ! "

I screamed in panic and sat up on the bed and my breathing hard and fast.

" Mr. Miller, calm down !

Let me help you lay down on the bed again.

Yes, just like that.

You are alright, Mr. Miller.

I'll call Mr. Allen... "

Nurse said making me lay on bed.

" Where is Ashley ?

Is she alright ?

She is safe right ?

Speak up, don't stand here like a statue !

Say something !

Is she alright ? "

I yelled at her panicked.

" Relax, Mr. Miller !

I don't know whom are you talking about.

Let me call Mr. Allen, he might know what are you talking about.

You... "

Nurse said.

" Get the fuck out of here and get Dominic right away ! "

I yelled at her.

" Mr. Miller, you can't use such words for sta... "

Nurse said telling me not to use such language.

It's not the time girl !

" I said get the fuck out of here ! "

I yelled again.

" Yes, yes.

I am leaving, don't scream your lungs out.

It isn't good for your condition right now... "

Nurse said trying to calm me down.

" Cole !

You are... "

I guess I screamed so loud, Dominic came running here and is out of breath.

" Where is Ashley ?

Is she alright ?

She didn't got shot, right ?

Tell me she is fine, Dominic !

because if, she isn't I won't forgive myself ever ! She is... "

" She is absolutely, fine ! "

Dominic said making me calm down immediately.

" She didn't got shot, you took the bullet in your chest.

She is at home with us.

We got her shifted the next day !

She just fainted because, she was in shock.

She never had witnessed any shootout and she saw you bleeding so much.

She was shocked as well as scared to witness all that bloodshed.

She is fine and keeps asking me about you everyday and... "

Dominic told me what happened after the shootout.

But I couldn't focus on anything other than,

" EVERYDAY ?

How many days I've been here ? "

I asked him shocked.

" 5 days !

You were responding very well to the medicines, but you weren't waking up and opening your eyes at all.

It got me scared so much.

What do you remember, Cole ? "

Dominic asked.

" We went at her apartment and they attacked us. We lost few of Derek's men and finally killed 5 of them and one escaped who shot a bullet and it got me.

And just now the scene came infront of my eyes again, a sudden pain raised in my chest and hand ! "

I told him.

" Good, it means you remember everything.

I am very happy to see you fine again Cole... "

He said relieved and hugged me from left side.

I too wanted to hug him back but...

He released me and started checking my vitals.

" You know, she was very scared to see you like that.

She cries almost everyday after listening that you didn't opened your eyes yet.

We try to calm her down but she don't listens ! She'll stop crying only after you tell her that you are alright and she doesn't need to worry about you.

Only she knows how is she spending the days.

I tell her everyday about your good response to the medicines, but she only focuses on your unconsciousness ! "

Dominic said.

" You need to give me discharge soon then.

I don't want her to cry over me everyday !

She...

Ugh... "

I said feeling the pain in my chest and hand.

" I know you care for her and can't see her sad and worried... "

Dominic was going on the path he shouldn't.

" Shut up !

Don't start writing your own story.

I already have told you that she is our responsibility till we find her Mom and only because of that... "

I said lying.

" It won't kill you to accept sometimes that, you too have FEELINGS and you DO care !

It affects you to see someone you love in pain... "

Dominic was saying the truth I try hard denying.

" Shut up, Dominic.

I don't love her !

Why do all of you have to... "

I said getting mad.

" Fine !

Be a ruthless rascal and die alone without love ! Remember one thing Cole, love is a two way thing, you don't receive it unless you give it ! "

Dominic said.

" I don't need anyone !

You heard me ?

I don't need anyone at all.

I am fine alone.

The lonely wolf.

I don't need anyone.

I can be happy alone... "

I said lying more and more.

" Well, try to convince it to yourself first and then to others. "

Dominic said the truth again.

" I will bloody ki... "

I was gonna yell at him but he didn't let me.

" Shut up !

You are not allowed to talk this much just after waking from coma, it is not good for your health.

Nurse, come to my cabin and inject the medicine I give you in his saline bottle !

And if he continues to utter rubbish, give him the sleeping pill. "

Dominic said to the nurse.

He left the room pissed at me.

He was right.

I need to convince myself that, I don't need anyone to be happy.

I had convinced myself this a long ago, but this girl broke my belief just like that, without doing much.

She is melting my heart day by day.

Knowing that she cries everyday for me is killing me.

I need to see her and hope to take her in my arms and calm her down and make her stop crying !

But...

Ugh...

My stubborn ass is standing between me and her as a major obstacle.

I badly want to break it, but I just doesn't !

But now that he mentioned her crying, I badly want to see her.

Can't she come see me ?

I'll ask Dominic abou...

NO, she can't !

She shouldn't.

She mustn't !

What if they try to hurt her here ?

I won't be able to protect her in this condition.

I guess, I'll wait for Dominic giving me discharge.

That bastard mustn't keep me here to get some revenge on me, I'll kill him if he did that to me !

It's a relief Dominic didn't took revenge on me and didn't kept me here uselessly.

It's been 15 days I am here.

My body never betrays me.

My wounds heal at miraculous speed.

They don't look that bad now.

When I got the knife cut, it was so deep my bone was visible then.

But now, the skin is all over there.

The colour doesn't match the rest of my body, but at the place of exposed bone, there is fair amount of skin there.

And the hole the bullet left in my chest, just beside the earlier one isn't anymore.

Yes it's definitely gonna leave a mark there for life time, but it isn't a hole anymore.

It does hurt a bit when I try to pick few things up. And both of the injuries are on right side and bad news ?

I am right handed.

I am worried how much time the injuries will keep me from working.

I don't want to be left out on recovery leave.

Afterall, I have to catch and kill that bastard Michael for trying to kill my kitten on regular basis without letting her breath peacefully for a bit.

As much as I hate to admit it, I am falling for my kitten.

I can't accept it infront anyone; but I can't lie to myself anymore now !

Dominic said tomorrow will be my last day here.

I love my guys.

Though, I don't show any kind of soft feelings for them, they never fail to show me theirs.

Lauren didn't left me alone here and didn't went home even for a bit in all these days.

He stayed here for my protection and Derek took Ash home and didn't allowed her to come visit me, for her protection.

I don't know what I did to deserve all of these creatures !

But, I shouldn't fall for any of these things.

I can't say with full confidence that, they won't ever break my heart and repeat the history.

I am eagerly waiting for tomorrow to finish and finally see my kitten.

I hope she would take me in her embrace as I won't.

But now, I want to take her in my arms and feel her and keep her safe there.

" How are you feeling, Cole ?

Your injuries are looking quite well healed up as usual.

And I am going to give you discharge within few hours. "

Dominic said.

" Why few hours ? "

I asked irritated.

" I need to do some tests to make sure your injuries are healed up from inside and won't cause any problems later.

It is good for you. "

Dominic explained.

" Can't you perform them at home ?

You have a mini hospital there itself ! "

I said.

" Ha ha, very funny.

Are you this eager to meet Ash ? "

Dominic got my intesions and the reason for my impatience.

This fucking bastard !

Why did he had to point that out ?

I gave him a death glare and he understood what he should do.

" I am just kidding, dude !

Yes, I do have the test kit at home.

But if we perform them here, we can get your reports instantly, as our lab is here and they can give emergency report too.

And if I performed those at home, we'll have to wait for the reports for few days.

So, better wait for few hours than few days !

And about your eagerness... "

Dominic said staring teasing me again.

" I am sick of this hospital smell and tasteless food here !

I want to taste the food made by Jules and Derek at home ! "

I said changing the topic.

" Are you SURE you are sick of the food we give you ? "

Dominic asked feeling bad.

" Why are you asking that for ? "

I asked confused.

" Because the food you had all these days was home made and the chiefs were Jules, Derek and ASHLEY !

We didn't gave you the hospital food, as Ashley denied to let it happen.

She knows you don't like tasteless food and so she insisted that we give you home made food. "

Dominic said slowly.

Fuck !

Now what shall I say ?

Actually, the food wasn't the problem at first place; missing my kitten was !

" Yeah, yeah.

Shut up !

You know, I am sick of staying in the hospitals and take medicines.

That's why I said that in frustration, so that you should give me discharge as soon as possible ! "

I said changing my words.

" Yeah yeah sure, it was ! "

Dominic said trying hard not to laugh in amusement.

" What do you mean by that ? "

I asked narrowing my eyes.

" Um...

Nothing.

Time for your tests.

Let me... "

Dominic did few things to check if, my wounds were healed from inside well.

And I was counting the seconds in the wall clock which were feeling like hours.

Finally the reports came and it was as I expected. My wounds were healed from inside completely, just the outer side needed to heal.

And I am sure they will, soon.

And then, I'll break that bastard Michael's ass ! Lauren came in my room after few minutes.

" Time to go back home, baby !

Are you ready ? "

Lauren said smiling.

" I am dying to finally go back home !

And I am feeling pity for you.

You were able to go back home the next day, but you chose to stay here for so long ! "

I said.

" Don't need to feel pity for me dude !

Whatever I did, I did it for you and your safety. And boredom and work less days could never stand by family and friends.

And you are both ! "

Lauren said getting emotional.

Stupid rascal.

Why did he had to say such emotional things. Now a days, my emotions have started to show up in my eyes.

This all is happening because of my kitten !

As much as I love her, I hate her for making me weak.

" Don't say you did that out of your love for me !

I didn't asked you to do... "

I said building the cold wall back again.

" Yeah, I know you love me !

Now can you change your hospital dress with your daily or shall I help you out ? "

Lauren asked.

" I already said I don't need anyone, I don't want anyone.

Don't you dare think, I am finished just because of these stupid injuries on my arm !

I can do everything !

I don't need your help.

Fuck off ! "

I said almost yelling at him.

" Relax, I am leaving.

Calm down.

Just let me know when you are done, I am waiting for you outside. "

Lauren said putting his hands infront in defeat.

He went outside.

Why the fuck did I scolded him ?

It wasn't necessary.

He was just trying to help me because I am injured and he just asked if, I can do it or do I need a helping hand ?

Why the fuck he had to ask ?

Why would I need a helping hand ?

And why am I thinking he is hurt and I did something wrong ?

I've never felt this guilty after insulting these guys since childhood and now ?

And now I have started feeling guilty for hurting him !

All because of my kitten !

She have sown the seeds of humanity and emotions in my heart and this guilt is the first flower to that plant grown !

This is bad.

This is very bad.

I can't let this happen.

What if, I become soft hearted and show them my emotions and they hurt me like my...

No !

I mustn't let this happen to me and mustn't let my kitten melt my heart day by day.

This could end up as a disaster !

I got up and...

Fuck !

A bolt of pain ran throughout my body as my injuries got a little stress on them.

I somehow managed to get off the bed.

I tried to take the hospital dress off and ohhhh fuck fuck fuck !

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts real bad !

I can't take it off on my own.

I must call Lauren...

Oh wait !

I just fucked him off and told him I don't need anyone's help or anything.

How shall I call him now ?

He will laugh at me !

I tried hard to get the fucking dress off but failed.

" Cole, I need to practice the act of dressing and undressing others.

So, I've decided to try it on you ! "

Lauren said entering the room.

" Fuck off...

Ugh... "

I felt the pain as I tried to move.

" Shut up and let me do what I want to.

I don't want any resistance ! "

Lauren said ignoring me shooing him away and came to help me without saying it.

I hate to admit it, but I love this rascal !

I am sure he heard my painful moans and came to help me, even though I've asked him to fuck off !

He helped me and got me dressed.

I didn't thanked him, I just patted his shoulder and he understood I was thankful to him.

We met Dominic and he too joined us.

We left for home with him where my little kitten is there.

I am dying to meet her !

I hope she missed me as bad as I missed her.

My heart started beating faster as we got closer to our home.

We got off the car and knocked at the door. Everyone is home today.

Nobody left for work.

As I stepped in, my kitten came running to me and hugged me tightly and...

" Ugh... Careful ! "

I grunted in pain.

" I am...

I am so sorry... "

Ashley flinched in horror of hurting me.

She took her hands off and I suddenly felt the pain getting worse !

Why did I had to ask her to be careful ?

Now she won't hug me !

I didn't even felt her closer to me.

I looked at her.

Her eyes were filled with tears.

I reached out to wipe her tears and she wrapped her arms around me from left side and grasped so tight around me, I could even feel her heart beating against me.

She started crying like a baby !

She was so happy and relieved and excited to see me, she didn't waited for her crying to stop and then talk.

She started talking while crying.

It broke me heart to see her cry, but deep down I felt glad and happy that she missed me and she cared for me.

What a weird situation is this ?

I couldn't see her crying yet, the way she was sniffing between every few words like a baby made me want to see her like that more.

" I am so relieved to see to you... standing fine infront of me.

I am so so happy to see you here Cole after so long.

I've missed you so much...

I can't even tell you how badly I wanted to visit you daily.

Be with you... daily.

Just stay beside your bed and...

never leave you even for a bit till...

you open your eyes.

I was waiting for this day... from day one !

And now that you are here...

I am so so happy...

I've missed you so much Cole...

So much... "

Ashley said crying.

I badly wanted to wrap my arm around her.

I even raised to, but hesitated in mid way whether to nor not ?

Derek was standing just beside me he grabbed my hand and pressed it into her back.

I looked at him and he smiled.

The moment I took her in my embrace, she tighten her grip on me.

It felt very good to finally have her so close to me.

" I am so sorry Cole.

I know this all happened because of me.

I should've listened to you.

I didn't and you had to face this all.

I am responsible for all this.

You got hurt and Lauren for the second time !

All because of me !

I am so sorry.

Please forgive me... "

Ashley said.

She pressed my weak nerve !

I was enjoying her being close to me, why did she had to spoil my mood ?

And yes, this IS her fault; not ME being hurt, but what SHE had to go through !

Her words pissed me to another level.

My expressions changed from calm to about to burst.

Dominic was standing towards my right side, he saw that and he kept his hand on my shoulder.

I looked at him, he pleaded me not to be mad at her.

Though I was mad, but he was right.

She already is facing too much for her age, I mustn't add few in it.

I pulled her closer to me and put my right hand on her head and patted her to soothe her.

" It's alright.

You don't have to apologise for anything, kitten ! You've got nothing to do with what happened. Don't blame yourself.

See, I am standing here right in your arms, safe and healthy.

Don't worry about it.

I am fine and so is Lauren.

He isn't complaining about anything.

And if does, I'll break his jaw ! "

I said as usual.

She chuckled a bit and pressed her face on my chest.

It's a relief for now that, she is too shorter than me.

Her head touches my mid rib.

And so, I don't have to raise my hand to pat her, I can easily pat her head without any pain.

She finally let me go and I wiped her tears.

" Don't worry, everyone is alright !

And now, I need to rest.

I'll head to my room.

And see you guys at dinner. "

I said.

" Can I come with you for company ?

I promise I won't bug you.

I just want you infront of eyes for some more time...

So, can I... "

Ashley requested.

" Now, now !

Aren't you getting too friendly ?

I don't want any disturbance. "

I said returning to being Mr. Cold.

" I won't... "

Ashley tried to convince me but I didn't let her.

" Enough !

I let you hold me because you were crying and emotional.

Don't mistake it as my friendliness for you.

You still are mere a responsibility to me !

Now if you'll excuse me. "

I said coldly.

Ugh !

Again.

I did it again !

Why do I do it ?

" Cole !

You shouldn't act like that.

She is only being nice to you and you... "

Derek said taking her side.

" Well, I didn't asked her to, did I ?

I can't lie to someone at face... "

I tried to stay as me.

" Like you never lie ! "

Dominic scoffed.

" When did I lied ? "

I yelled.

" You should ask, when you didn't ? "

Lauren said joining the team.

" You are crossing your limits now ! "

I said raising my voice.

" No we aren't, YOU are !

Enough is enough now, Cole.

For how long are you gonna hurt her like that ? "

Jules said seriously.

" I am not in the mood of arguments now, Jules. And I don't even have the energy to face all of you, right now !

I need to rest.

Stop bugging me all of you !

I need to sleep. "

I said.

" Let him rest, guys.

Go Cole, we won't bug you anymore.

Go and take rest... "

Ashley said sniffing.

Oh my poor kitten !

I made her cry.

How heartless I can get ?

I am very bad, kitten.

Stay away from me, I will hurt you so much !

" I don't need your permission for doing what I want ! "

I said and stormed to my room and slammed the door hard.

I am a devil, I am a monster !

I am the worst person in the world and everything bad in this world is ME !

Why I talked to her like that ?

She was just...

Ugh...

But why did she...

Am I...

I'll go crazy if things are gonna go this way !

I am stuck between the old complete heartless beast and the new emerging a bit emotional Mr. Cold.

I need to stay in one side !

I can't be at both places at same time.

The worst part is, I am hurting my kitten the most in this when, she haven't done anything wrong to me.

If she is trying to do anything then, it is only being nice to me !

She is ashamed of what happened and she thinks that happened because of her.

If anyone else were at her place they would have felt the same.

But that doesn't mean, I have to treat her like some garbage !

I forgot to lock the door and it was slightly opened.

Someone pushed it to open.

I was lost in my thoughts so, I didn't paid attention to who it was.

But I heard something.

I guess, it's my table's sound of moving.

I didn't turned around to see who he was.

" Listen, I am not in the mood to talk right now. Please leave.

I need sometime alone. "

I said.

But I didn't heard any response.

It pissed me and I raised my voice.

" I said leave, now ! "

I yelled.

" Um... "

Kitten ?

What is she doing here ?

" What do you want now ? "

I said coldly.

" I want nothing... "

Ashley said softly.

" Then, why are you here ? "

I asked her.

" Dominic said...

You won't take... Your medicine on time...

And... You have to take them now...

You left them...

Down stairs so...

I... Got them for you...

I am sorry.

I didn't meant to disturb you...

But you need to take..."

She said slowly, scared of me.

I turned around and stepped towards her and she got so scared, she couldn't finish what she wanted to say.

So sweet of her.

Caring for me like this.

No one ever did this for me.

Dominic have gave me medicines earlier, but he never have handed me them like this.

It was on me if I take them or not.

No one asked me if, I took them or threw them away ?

But she got the medicine and fresh water too.

I reached her and placed my palm on her cheek and caressed her with thumb.

I don't know what came to me, I kissed her forehead and pulled her in my arms.

Her body language was screaming that, she was surprised by my actions.

Actually, I too was surprised by what I did.

She wrapped her arms around me and rested her head on my chest.

" Don't be afraid of me, kitten !

I know, I've always been an ass to you and that's why you are afraid of me, I can understand.

You don't know me.

I am a very weird person.

I don't want to hurt you anymore so, please stay away from me.

I don't want to hurt you, but I always end up doing that !

Neither can I stay away from you, but I don't want to hurt you, you got that ?

If not, good because I am that complicated ! "

I said softly caressing her back.

" I got what you want to said.

And this is because you are not what you show you are !

You pretend that, you are cold hearted and you don't give a fuck about anything about anyone. But the reality is, you do care and you do give a fuck about what's happening with your loved ones and... "

Ashley said softly.

Uh-oh, danger !

She is entering the restricted zone.

She shouldn't go there.

I must stop her.

She is catching what I am hiding...

" I don't love any... "

I was trying to deny her words but she didn't let me.

" Lie !

You love all of the guys.

Love them more than your life.

You can do anything for them... "

Ashley said ahead of where she should stop.

" I am a Cop, it's my duty to save lives of citizens at the cost of my own life.

I... "

I said defending myself.

" No Cop gets his eyes wet for the citizens !

Yes, they save them but there's no emotional connection between them.

And you ?

You are emotionally connected to all of them.

You love them and you love m... "

Ashley was about to say I love her; which I do but I must admit it.

" No !

I don't ! "

I yelled in denial.

I pushed her away so roughly and forcefully, she almost fell on the ground.

" I don't love anyone !

I don't want anyone.

I am a heartless beast and I always will.

It won't change even if, the world ends !

I am a lone wolf of the street who doesn't loves anyone nor needs anyone !

Fuck off !

And don't you dare coming close to me ever ! Fuck off ! "

I yelled at her.

She flinched at my pitch.

Her eyes were filled with tears.

She kept the medicine on the table.

" Take these...

You need them to get well... "

Ashley barely wispered and ran away.

What is this girl made of ?

I just pushed her away, I asked her to fuck off and she ?

Instead of throwing the water on my face, she kept the medicine and told me to take them !

I am doing very wrong with her.

Very wrong !