Chapter 20: Cat’s Out, Mask Off

Rooftop; 20 Minutes Before Kotori's Arrival

"After Fujibayashi distracts him, Manabe will send Kotori up to the roof and—"

"Wait. Hold up, Fuyuki," Yamaguchi holds up her hand, cutting me off mid-sentence, "How do ya know she ain't just gonna come up here anyway?"

"That's because she can't," I bluntly retorted, "So long as she's vaguely aware that there's a possibility one of us left that note, she won't risk coming here while Ryuji is present."

"I see…"

"Poor Kotori-chan…" Kyoko sympathetically remarks.

"Anyway, once Ryuji is out of the picture, I have no doubt that she'll come here. That's where you two will come in."

"How can ya be so sure she'll come here? Even if that asshole is distracted, can't she just ignore the note?"

"No wayyyy… Kotori-chan would never ignore a note if she thought it was from one of us, right…?"

"Yer too optimistic Kyo-chan," Yamaguchi makes a pained expression, averting her gaze toward the ground, "For all we know she might not even want to be around us anymore… She already said as much, didn't she…"

Yamaguchi is probably the one that wants her to come most of all. Ever since this morning, she's had an extremely transparent expression. I can tell she's anxious and doubtful. She really wants to be together with Kotori again. So much so that she's even started to completely contradict herself.

The time she spent with Kotori must've truly meant a lot to Yamaguchi for her to be acting this way. And… I'm definitely sure it's the same for Kotori. That's why…

"You're wrong, Yamaguchi," I say, looking her straight in the eyes.

"How so…"

"Kotori will definitely come here. She wouldn't miss the opportunity we've created for her to see her two precious friends."

"…"

Yamaguchi's eyes widen as she stands there. Her expression ever so slightly softens as she gazes upon me, awaiting my words of reassurance.

I take a deep breath in and relock eyes with her.

"The time you spent together with her; I'm sure it wasn't for nothing. I'm sure those moments were just as important to Kotori as they are to you, Yamaguchi. And that's why… I want you to believe in her."

"Fuyuki…"

"Kyaaa! Akira-kun you're so cool~"

Kyoko lets out a cute shrill and abruptly hugs me from behind.

"H-hey! Don't just suddenly cling to me like that, Kyoko."

"But~"

"Sigh… Ah jeez! Alright, I'll trust ya on this one, Fuyuki," Yamaguchi says, lightly scratching her cheek.

"I'll make good on my promise to you two," I hold out my fist to her, "So, it's up to you guys to handle the rest."

"Gotcha," Yamaguchi nods with conviction and bumps my fist in return.

"By the way, Akira-kun," Kyoko calls out to me, still latching onto me from behind.

"Yeah, what's up Kyoko?" I ask, peering behind me.

"How come you don't want to talk to Kotori-chan with us? Wouldn't it be better if we all tried to convince her together?"

"Well… I don't think my words will hold as much weight as you guy's will. Especially since I've already tried talking with her. And besides…"

"Besides?" Kyoko asks, tilting her head.

"No…never mind. It's nothing."

Besides… I don't have the right to try and convince her not to run away from her problems.

"Alright, she should be here any minute now. I'm gonna go hide behind that wall over there," Kyoko gives me a concerned look, probably because of my response to her question. The last thing I need is for her to be worried about me…, "If anything starts to go south or an opportunity presents itself, I'll come out and join you guys. How's that sound?" I ask, placing my hand on Kyoko's head.

"Sounds good to me~," Kyoko says with a bright smile.

"No objections here," Yamaguchi pitches in.

Alright, the stage is set.

There's only one thing left to do now.

"We aren't going home today unless Kotori is there, smiling and laughing together with us!" I loudly chant.

"Yeah!"

"Yeah!"

Kyoko, Yamaguchi, the rest is up to you two.

*******

Kotori Miyazaki

Before me stands not Fuyuki, but the two girls who are most precious to me. And… The two girls that I must've hurt very badly.

"Kyoko-chan… Yurika-chan…" I avert my gaze, unable to look either of them in the eyes.

Anxious.

Regretful.

Ashamed.

I couldn't look them in the eyes even if I wanted to… Not feeling like this.

"Why don't we have a little talk, Kotori-chan?"

"Refusing ain't an option either. Rather ya like it or not, yer not leavin' until we get some answers from ya."

"…"

I say nothing, keeping my head turned.

"Kotori-chan are you not feeling well? Your complexion is pale and you don't look very cheerful."

Cheerful? What exactly is there to be cheerful about?

"I-I'm fine…"

"I see. Um… Is there anything that's been bothering you lately, Kotori-chan? If so, we would be happy to listen to you and help if we can. We're friends after all."

What is this?

"There's nothing like that… I'm getting along just fine."

That's a lie.

"Is that so? Ehehe, well that's good to hear. I'm glad Kotori-chan is doing well~"

Why…

"By the way Kotori-chan, I saw a really cute cat on the way home the other day and…"

Why are you smiling at me so tenderly?

"Oh oh, get this, during math class Akira-kun was totally dozing off in the middle of the lecture. It was really cute…"

Why aren't you asking why I cut you guys off?

"Ri-chan and I visited this store that had super adorable accessories. We should definitely go together…"

Why aren't you angry with me?

"Anyways, I'm really happy to talk with you again Kotori-chan. We've missed you a lot…"

Why won't you berate me?

"…"

I continue to silently stand there with my head downcast.

"Hey, Kotori-chan…"

"…"

Upon hearing Kyoko-chan's somber voice, I slowly raise my head. Not enough to look her in the eyes, but enough to show I'm acknowledging her.

"Do you…hate us now? The time we spent together... Did it really mean nothing at all?"

Her words cut deep into my heart, inflicting a lingering pain in my chest.

"For me at least, they were precious memories that I treasure. And… I want to make more of them with you. Tell me Kotori-chan, don't you feel the same way?"

"No… I…"

Of course I don't hate you guys. If anything I should be begging you not to hate me.

The time we spent together, I treasure it too. How could I not… For me, it was the first time I've ever met people who I thought might genuinely like me for who I am.

It's the same.

My feelings aren't any different from yours Kyoko-chan.

But…

"That's not it, Kyoko-chan…" I mutter in a pitifully low voice as I cast down my head once again.

"In that case let's spend more time together! Let's make even more precious memories together, Kotori-chan!"

I want to.

I want that as well, but I…

"…I can't. I'm sorry..."

"Why? What do we have to do to make you come back to us, Kotori-chan…?"

It's not you guys.

It's me. I'm the problem.

It's all because I'm a coward.

"…I already told you guys, I don't want to be friends with you anymore…," I clench my fist and force myself to utter the same words that hurt them once before. Words completely contrary to how I really feel, "So why… Why won't you just understand and leave me alone…"

"Kotori-chan…"

Now I've really gone and done it. Kyoko-chan looks like she's about to cry and it's all my fault.

I hate myself so much for making her look so sad.

"It's alright, Kyo-chan. Don't take this stupid girl's words seriously."

"Yurika-chan…"

She hasn't said anything this entire time. I guess that's what she thinks of me now… It's to be expected after what I did. I already figured as much, so why… Why does it still hurt so much to hear that from her?

I guess it's really over between us now.

I close my eyes.

I'm sorry, Kyoko-chan, Yurika-chan. And… Goodby—

"Ya already she's a big ol' sweetheart and she would never really say something like that to you."

"Eh…?" My eyes shoot open.

"Hey, Kotori. I wantcha ta look at me and answer my question."

"…"

I slowly look up, trembling with an overbearing feeling of anxiety. That is until I saw her face.

Standing before me, arms crossed, looking straight into my eyes, Yurika-chan who is always frowning and has such a sharp glare. The same girl; So fearsome that she wouldn't back down in the face of a boy twice her size.

I never knew she could make such a warm expression.

"Answer me this Kotori. Right now, at this very moment, who do ya want to be with, us or that assshole Ryuji?"

"I… I can't."

"I didn't ask ya what you can or can't do. I asked ya who ya want ta be with right now."

"Who I…want to be with…"

"Just to let ya know, the person I wanna be with right now, at this very moment, more than anyone else… It's you Kotori. Those are my honest feelings."

"…"

A brief moment of silence ensues as I contemplate her question as well as my own feelings.

Yurika-chan has such a hard time expressing herself and yet… Without hesitation, looking me straight in the eyes she told me she wanted to be with me. I thought she hated me now. I thought she didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. Hearing her say that makes me happier than I can possibly describe with words.

But even so…

"I… I want to be with you too, Yurika-chan. You and Kyoko-chan and Fuyuki-kun. I want to be together with you guys again… I want to laugh together with you guys again… I want to make more precious memories together with you guys again… But..."

Even if I feel that way, it doesn't change the harsh reality of the situation. No matter how desperately I want to be with them. So long as I'm chained down by the shackles of my own cowardice and insecurities, I will never be free… And we can never be together…

"I… can't *Sniff* be with you guys," Tears begin to pour down my face, "I'm sorry for hurting you *Hic* I didn't really mean any of it... I jus *Sniff* I just wanna go back to how things were before… I'm sorry… I'm…sorry… *Hic* I'm so…rry… I'm… *Stiff* sorry…," I crumple onto my knees as I let out all of the feelings I'd been holding in, ever since the day I cut them off.

"Kotori…"

"Kotori-chan…"

This is pathetic.

I'm making a complete fool out of myself crying in front of them like this.

But… I can't help it.

When I think about how unfair this is…

I can't hold back the tears.

"I'm sorry that it has to be like this…," I apologize, lowering my head.

"You don't have anything to apologize for Kotori."

A voice calls out to me.

It's a firm, but kind voice.

"Fuyuki…kun?" I look up toward the voice, teary-eyed.

"Yep, it's me," he slightly smiles, kneeling down.

"Why are you…"

"A cute girl like you shouldn't be crying like that Kotori," He says as he wipes the tears trickling down from my eyes.

"Heyyyy!"

"Shhh, just deal with it for now, Kyo-chan."

"Mmmm, not fair…"

"You don't have to say anything else, Kotori. I understand."

"You…understand?"

"Yes, I know Ryuji forced you to cut us off," he says whilst gently stroking my head, "And I know you don't actually hate Kyoko and Yamaguchi."

"H-how did you…"

"Look Kotori, I don't know what that guy's holding over your head, but it must be something very personal if you were willing to cut them off and go back to him. I get that now."

If you get that then why?

Why are you guys…

"However, you seem to have forgotten something Kotori."

"I…forgot something?"

"You forgot that when you're in trouble, it's ok to ask your friends for help."

"Ah..."

"If he's blackmailing you then all you have to do is say so and we'll do everything in our power to help you. It doesn't matter what kind of trouble you're in, we'll always be there to back you up. That's what friends are for. Isn't that right, Kyoko, Yamaguchi?"

"That's right~"

"Damn straight."

I see.

If I had just told them from the start, would they have helped me?

No, even if I didn't tell them about it…

"B-but he… He has it… And I… I don't want anyone to see that…"

Especially not you three. If it was anyone else I could get over it… Because no one is more important to me than you three. And that's exactly why… I couldn't bare the thought of you all finding out about that…

"Kotori."

He once again calls out to me, this time placing his hand on my shoulder.

"Fuyuki-kun…"

"Whatever he took from you, we'll get it back. If you don't want us to see it, then we'll close our eyes and cover our ears. It doesn't matter because we'll help you regardless."

"Why… Why are you guys going so far for someone like me…"

"That's because yer our friend, you idiot!"

"Ri-chan you didn't have to say it like that…"

"Sigh… Well putting aside Yamaguchi's phrasing, that's the gist of it. We're friends. That's more than enough reason to help you when you're in trouble."

"Friends…"

Is it really alright for me to rely on them?

Even though I'm hiding something so big.

Even though I'm deceiving them.

Am I still allowed to…

"Kotori, you still haven't said it yet."

"Said…what?" I ask him in a quavering voice.

"You still haven't asked us to help you."

"Ah…"

I feel my eyes start to quiver as I place my hand over my rapidly racing heart.

If… If they'll forgive me…

If it's ok for me to...just this once, rely on someone…

If I'm allowed to utter the words that I wouldn't dare say to anyone else…

And… If there's even the slightest chance that I'll be able to smile together with them again…

Then I…

"…Fuyuki-kun, Kyoko-chan, Yurika-chan," in a single breath, in a voice just loud enough for them to hear, with dried tears painting my face, "Please help me…,"I ask the only real friends I've ever made for help.

"" OF COURSE WE WILL! ""

Their voices echo through the air and resonate deep in my heart.

"Guys…"

A warm feeling begins to arise in my chest as I truly start to believe that everything will be alright.

(Clap Clap Clap)

"Hahaha, Bravo Bravo, that truly was a touching scene. I almost shed a tear from that little performance, Fake."

However, that belief is shattered to pieces in the very next moment as if to mock me for being so naive.

I feel all the strength dissipate from my body the moment I turn to look toward the voice.

This must be some kind of sick joke right?

It has to be.

Why else would every bit of happiness I attain get crushed and thrown into the wind, every…single…time.

The one person I didn't want to see was now standing before me, putting an abrupt end to any semblance of hope I had grasped onto.

"Why… Why is Ryuji here?!"

Confusion, shock, frustration, I pour out all of my current emotions as I shout those words. Words that aren't even directed toward the person himself, but at the so-called god that's supposedly watching over us from above.

Is this fun for you?

Is watching me suffer really that entertaining?

Am I… really such a bad person?

With no one else to blame, I silently curse a god who isn't even listening to my cries for help. The small hope to be liked for who I was, my meager desire to make real friends, and the trivial wish to get the approval of that single person. Even after all these years, my desperate prayers for salvation have gone unanswered. And now, you would even go so far as to dangle one of those hopes in my face, within my reach, only to ruthlessly snatch it away from me.

Hey god… Do you really hate me that much?

*******

Akira's POV

My mind is racing a mile a minute trying to comprehend the current predicament we're in.

What the hell is going on here? Fujibayashi should've been distracting Ryuji and he shouldn't have known where Kotori was. So why is he here right now? How did he find out where she was? What happened to Fujibayashi and Manabe? Think. Think. Think. Wait, don't tell me… Did he…force one of them to tell him… Shit… I was too careless. If one of them got hurt because of me… GODDAMNIT! Just when we finally got through to her… What should I do now…?

"Why the hell are you here?!"

Yamaguchi roars at Ryuji, breaking me out of my train of thought as she asks the question floating through everyone's mind right now.

"Haha, 'why' you ask? It's a master's job to know where his pawn is at all times, isn't it?"

Hearing Ryuji's words, my blood starts to boil. I grit my teeth and clench my fist, trying to keep my composure. However, it would seem that I wasn't the only one hit the wrong way by his asinine comment.

"Kotori isn't yer fucking pawn you piece of shit!"

"…"

Yamaguchi doesn't mince her words as she curses at Ryuji, but that she isn't the only one emitting hostility. Although she hasn't said anything, Kyoko is glaring at Ryuji with an expression that would instill fear in any student who laid eyes upon her.

"Hahaha, don't direct your anger at me. After all, she's the one that willingly became my pawn. Isn't that right, Fake?"

"…"

Kotori says nothing as her face has gone completely pale.

"What happened to Fujibayashi and Manabe…" I ask.

One of the two questions that have been lingering in the forefront of my mind from the moment he showed up. Although I'm afraid that I don't want to know the answer, I have to ask anyway. I'm responsible for bringing the two of them into this whole fiasco.

"Fujibayashi? Manabe?" For a second he tilts his head and makes a confused expression before hitting his balled-up hand against his palm, insinuating he understood who I was referring to, "Oh them! So those are your friends huh? Heh, don't worry I made sure to take good care of them. Especially that asshole who insulted me and spilled food on my jacket."

"You…"

I clench my fist even tighter. So tightly that even my shortly trimmed nails start to dig into my flesh.

"I didn't expect to find all four of you here, but this is perfect. I couldn't have asked for a better scenario."

"What the hell are ya babbling on about? Yer interruptin' an important conversation, so get lost already!"

Yamaguchi walks over to Kotori and starts embracing her seemingly lifeless body as if to shield her from Ryuji.

"Don't worry, I don't plan on staying here much longer," he says nonchalantly.

"Wha—"

The four of us all look up at Ryuji in surprise at his unexpected declaration.

"Hehe, I ain't gonna stay long, but by the time I leave the cat will be out the bag and the mask's gonna be off," Ryuji says whilst snickering like a psychopath.

The cat will be out and the mask is gonna be off?

What the hell is this guy talking about?

"You know what that means, don't you Fake?"

"—STOP! PLEASE DON'T!"

Almost instantaneously after Ryuji posed that question, Kotori starts pleading with Ryuji.

"Kotori-chan what's wrong?!"

"Are you alright Kotori?!"

Hearing the desperation in Kotori's voice, Kyoko and Yamaguchi both try to calm her down.

As I'm watching them, something dawns upon me.

Wait… Could it be?

(I don't want anyone to see that…)

"Please…anything but that," Kotori desperately cries out to Ryuji.

The pain and fear in Kotori's voice stabs at my heart, causing me to feel an immense amount of guilt.

"Kotori…"

Just what are you hiding from us?

*******

Kotori Miyazaki

"Hey, did you really think I wouldn't notice?"

A voice calls out to me.

The voice of a person I despise.

He scoffs at me as he poses his question.

"Notice what…" I ask, confused as to what he's talking about.

"Dropping your jolly facade the moment I turn my head, sneaking glances at them while you were with us, and that pathetic look you always had on your face when you saw them. You thought I didn't notice, but I choose not to say anything. Do you know why that is, Fake?"

(Crack)

'It's breaking'

"I…"

It's no use. The words won't come out of my mouth.

There are no words to be said. After all, everything he's saying is right. He completely saw through me and is now slapping me across the face with that fact. There's nothing I can say back to him even if I wanted to.

I turn my head into Yurika-chan's chest, trying to hide from not only his words, but from my own shame.

"Hahaha, you poor fool. I didn't say anything because I wanted you to come running back to them! I couldn't wait for you to jump at the first opportunity to turn tail and try to secretly break our agreement. Do you want to know why that is," he asks whilst laughing maniacally. His words linger in the back of my mind, causing my head to spin. However, the following words that leave his mouth, crush my heart and smash what little hope it had remaining in it, "It's because this whole time, I was just itching for you to give me a reason to share this funny little secret I discovered!"

(Crack)

'It's coming off. I can feel it'

Despair begins to seep into my soul. Like venom spreading throughout every crevice of my body. Venom deriving from my own weakness, my own insecurities, my own cowardice, has finally taken effect and started killing me from the inside.

"Hey, I just thought of something fun. Since the gang's all here, why don't I share something interesting with you guys?"

In a tone unbefitting of his malicious nature he makes a suggestion as he pulls out a journal and waves it around.

"That's…"

Fuyuki-kun reacts to Ryuji flailing around the journal. Wait…or was that Yurika-chan? Did Kyoko-chan finally say something? I can't tell anymore. Everything has started to blur and I can't focus on anything barring the singular journal in front of me. A source containing my joy, my sorrow, my regrets, my trauma, and most importantly, a story. One that I planned to take to my grave, but couldn't bring myself to erase. A story that I kept as a reminder to myself. A reminder that no matter what I do, I'll never be good enough. A reminder that the me who I once was, isn't good enough and never will be.

"Ah, it's over," I thought.

I find myself looking up toward the sky.

It's an overcast day. The thick/dark clouds encompass the sky giving off a feeling of dismay. It's very fitting weather, almost as if it's reflecting the feelings in my heart at this moment.

"Hey, give that back to her right now, you bastard!"

"Please give Kotori-chan her journal back…"

"Don't you have any shame bullying a girl like this?!"

"Hahahaha, like I give a shit about any of that. Kotori, Yamaguchi, and especially you Fuyuki, consider this payback. Cope and seeth as I tear apart your sickening friendship with the information she would've never shared with you otherwise!"

(Crack)

'The strongest one I have'

The voices around me are so loud. And yet I can't understand a word that's being said.

It sure sounds chaotic. I wonder what they're arguing about. I wonder if it'll rain today. I wonder if… No, I'm sure it is. This is just my punishment.

I close my eyes, still facing the sky.

Perhaps this is my way of accepting it.

When I really put it into perspective, it all makes complete sense. How could a "Fake" like me ever have hoped to find happiness? It's a preposterous wish and one that I never deserved to have come true.

(Crack)

'The one I've worn for all these years'

That must be why this is happening.

That must be why I'm not allowed to have real friends.

That must be why no one will approve of me unless I impersonate my peers. Pretending to be someone I'm not by wearing them over and over again.

That must be why I always feel alone even when I'm around other people.

And that must be why even she doesn't…

(Crack)

'At long last'

I know this isn't the time to be thinking of this, but I just recalled something from the past. It's an old story. A memory that I try my hardest to forget, but am reminded of every single day as if it were a disease. One that is destined to plague me for the rest of my life, until the day I die. The reason I put one on in the first place. That is to say— The reason why I hate myself more than anything.

(CRACK)

'The mask is finally off'