25. On The Train To Edinburgh

The train ride was the most fun I'd ever had. Simon and I sat side by side the whole way to New Castle, with Eloise and Benedict opposite us. We watched the scenery, told stories, ate sweets, and played Uno- though you know how competitive my siblings get. By the time the train came to a halt at New Castle station, we were all ready to stretch our legs.

Every train passing into Scotland has to transfer at New Castle. Don't ask me why; I couldn't tell you. Not that it was a bad thing though. I think we were all relieved to have a break and stand up for a bit- get away from all that stale air anyway. Plus I like New Castle rail station very much.

We all got off and checked our tickets. Benny kept looking between his and board overhead, trying to make heads or tails of things. Unfortunately for us there were three trains headed to Edinburgh, and they don't like it if you grab the wrong train. My brother scratched his head perplexed- it wasn't clear which one we were supposed to take.

"Erm, which one is ours?" He asked no one in particular. We all studied the rail board. "I don't know. What time is our train supposed to be leaving?" I also asked to anyone. "I thought four o'clock, but… none of these trains leave at four," Benny's head cocked a little. "Maybe I should go find someone," Simon offered. "Good idea! I'll stay with the stuff," our brother chimed. Eloise perked up a bit.

"Is there enough time for a Starbucks run?" "You wanna leave the station now? We don't even know what platform we're supposed to go to," poor Benny sounded exasperated; it was usually Anthony who dealt with details like these when the family went out. The rest of us just came along for the ride. But Eloise's coffee quest would not be deterred. She pulled at his arm. "Oh, come on. Starbucks is right across the road; I googled it before we arrived. Please? This'll be our last stop before Edinburgh, and I want a decent coffee." "You can get something at the stand." "I said a "decent coffee"," her eyes rolled.

Benny huffed then checked the time on his phone. Even if our train did leave at four- which none present on screen did- that'd still give us half an hour. He knew he didn't have a legitimate reason to say no. With a reluctant sigh, he relented. "Fine. But straight there and straight back. We don't know when we're leaving." "It won't be for a while. Stop worrying," Eloise countered. "Get me an iced white chocolate mocha, venti," he ordered. Our sister visibly winced. "Ew! How can a relative of mine have such bad taste? Come on, Daph." I blinked, previously not really engaged in their conversation. I was still busy minding the board with Simon. She waved her hand in my direction. "You need to help me carry the drinks." "But I don't want anything," I countered. "They have hot chocolate." "….. I'll come. You want anything, Simon?" I then hollered out to him. "A lemon bar crème Frappuccino please," he called back. "A what?" Was all I had time to ask before Eloise yanked me by the wrist to follow her. "Come straight back!" Were Benny's last words to us. Simon took off to find some assistance soon after we left.

Of course the Starbucks across the road had to be super packed. It took forever to order our drinks and even longer to get them. The store was jammed pack so there was nowhere for us to sit; Eloise and I stood by the window facing the rail station where we could see everything. I kept anxiously checking the time on my own phone, half-expecting our brother to call demanding to know what was taking so long any minute. He didn't call.

I was in the middle of peaking at the time on my screen when Eloise dropped a bombshell. She was watching my face as she said it, so to gauge my reaction I'm sure. "So, this exhibition at the University of Edinburgh…. It wouldn't have anything to do with that application you've been working on, would it?" I nearly dropped my phone. The look of horror I gave her was palpable. She smirked, but not as maliciously as you would think. More like a "gottcha" sort of expression. My face, however….

"How did you….?!" "I have ears, Daph. You were talking about it with your old supervisor." I cursed myself for not getting a lock on my bedroom door. How stupid can I get?! Course Eloise saw fit to continue. "What's it for?" "Nothing! Well, nothing you need to worry about." She looked at me hard for a second. Her eyes flared with realization. "It's for PhD, isn't it? Gasp! It is a PhD application?! Does Anthony know?" "No! And no, it's not. It's just… something I've been working at for a while. Look, it probably won't amount to anything anyway! Just don't tell anyone else, please. It's just… easier this way," I was practically begging her. Everyone in my academic sphere knew about the application- no one else did, and I wanted to keep it that way. She looked at me for a moment, as if she was deciding what she ought to do with this new information. I knew my secret was safe- for the moment anyway- when she smiled; a real smile this time. "Don't worry. It'll stay between us. But what are you going to do? If it is for PhD, I mean…" "I don't know; I haven't thought that far yet. But….. I'm not going to worry about it; not now anyway," I don't even have an interview scheduled, after all.

We returned with four oversized drinks with time to spare. The train pulled up right as we were all finishing our beverages. Like before, Simon and Benny loaded everything on, and we piled onboard the cart. This train was smaller and blue; I missed our old train. Growing tired by this point, we switched positions. There was no more games or loud chatter; we were all pretty knackered. Eloise and I sat on one side of the table with my sister taking the window seat. Simon and Benny sat across from us.

I'm not sure quite when, but at some point both my sister and I fell asleep, leaning up against each other. I kept drifting in and out of consciousness; the rocking of the train helped lull me back to sleep each time. Neither of the boys slept, though they were quiet, and not just for our sakes I'm sure. They were talking in hushed tones when I woke up next. I'm positive that they were under the impression I was still fast asleep like Eloise. Otherwise I doubt they would have said what they did. I couldn't see their expressions because my eyes remained closed but I could hear them well enough. They were talking about Simon's deceased father when I reawoke for what felt like the millionth time.

"I never did give you my condolences on your dad's passing," that was Benedict. "It's fine. Happened almost six months ago. His affects are all sorted out now," this was Simon. Funny, he always talked about his father so coldly. I already had the notion in my head that he and his father were likely not on good terms. He certainly hadn't disclosed any details to me to make me think otherwise.

There was a brief pause, where I imagined Benny to be nodding. "It's hard….. losing a father. Anthony was distraught when Dad died." "Mmmmm, my loss was not so hard to bear, I'm sad to say." "I'm sorry, Simon. I never met your dad, but my brother said he was quite a character." "Quite a character indeed. I know what they say about your father, but at least he loved his kids. That gives him immense virtue in my eyes." Simon….

I next got the tingling sensation that they were both looking at us, whom they still believed to be fast asleep. Benny let out a chuckle. "Dad did love us, but not equally, I'm afraid. I'm sure you already know this, but Daphne was his favourite." "Favourite child. I heard that you were the favourite son," Simon gently corrected. Benny chuckled again. "Heh, that's true. But she was still his "golden child". You're right about what they said about Dad, and Grandpa, for that matter. They were social-climbers; kinda painfully obvious when you look at the will. Of course, the estate had to be entailed to Anthony, him being the eldest son and all. But Daphne…. Grandpa used to come over and admonish Dad for her behaviour when we were young. Too "unlady-like" he said. Both of them saw Daphne as their ticket up in society. You know, that whole "marrying your daughter up the rank" sort of nonsense. The will was designed to see that through…. Even at the expense of the six of us."

There was another short pause. I heard Simon take an audible breath. "So…. the clause on her PhD trust fund, then….?" I'm sure Benny nodded his head at this. "Call it "insurance". She made the colossal mistake of telling Dad that she wanted a PhD more than anything before he died. That went against everything she was raised for… all their hopes and dreams for her. So, Dad being Dad, amended his will and made Anthony swear to him to see Daphne married… before she turned thirty, respectively."

Yet another lull in the conversation. "So that's why….?" "Yes. He's drags her to all these balls and parties just to show her off, since she has absolutely zero interest in finding her own husband," Benny said with a hint of irony. Simon chuckled. "Yes, she's made that quite clear," he agreed. "Well, it's the same for you, isn't it? You don't wanna get married. Anthony says you've been like that since university." "Mmmmmm, it's true. I have no desire to get married- ever." "Why? Don't think you'll ever fall in love?" Benny questioned. Another low chuckle befell Simon's lips.

"Love… Love has nothing to do with marriage; not at our level of society anyway. That's one view your father and mine had in common, though they thought end goals were different. Marriage is solely for procreation, Dad always told me. He never loved my mother…. I've never witnessed that kind of love before; the kind you see in movies," Simon explained. "Mmmmm, yeah; makes sense. Dad never fell in love either; he only ever loved us…. And Daphne- Daphne was his whole world. She'll be the first one of us to get married, which should make Dad happy… beyond the grave."

I lost track how many pauses there'd been so far, but here was another one. "But… there's no prospects yet? Like serious prospects?" I detected a hint of concern in Simon's tone. "Hmmmm? Oh, no! No, not yet. It's weird. Anthony says he wants her to get married, but he never really considers anyone. He shows her off in society but then wards anyone away who shows even the slightest interest in our sister. I don't think this is what Dad had in mind… Personally, I just think he's the one who's not ready for Daphne to get married," Benedict added some wit to the end of his sentence. Simon sighed. "Well, let's not take it as a bad thing. She should take her time… getting married." "Mmmmm, but time is something she doesn't have a lot of," Benny objected. "What do you mean?" "Remember the clause? If she wants to go to PhD anywhere in the next six years, she better get a ring on it."

The duke scoffed. "That's hardly a reason to get married." "It's better than trying to nab a title. But that was the whole point of the clause," I'm sure my brother shrugged. Simon scoffed again. "Well thankfully, Daphne's smart enough not to enter some hollow marriage just for the sake of a PhD." "Mmmmm, you sure about that?" Benedict didn't sound so confident. "You don't think so?" "My sister's wanted a PhD more than anything for as long as I can remember. I think that as much as she hates the idea of marriage, she loves her academic goals more. Now, I hope she's not forced into something she detests for the sake of her education." "Anthony wouldn't let that happen, would he?" Simon sounded scandalized. "I doubt it. But you never know… Unlike us, she has conditions she has to live with, both health and monetary-wise. I have a feeling if marriage is what it takes, she'll do it. She may not like it, but she'll do it," Benny sighed gravely.

Yet another dark pause set in- this one much heavier than the last. "You said… she has no offers yet?" Simon finally broke the tense silence. "None that I know of; and trust me, we would know. Anthony wouldn't keep something like that to himself." "So then it's a moot point. She can't get married if no one's asks her," call me crazy, but Simon sounded a bit relieved just there. There was this quiet moment where I think Benny was looking at Simon, mulling over what he'd just said to himself. I think my brother was starting to put the pieces together- much faster than either of us were.

"You seem relieved by that, Simon. Why? Why do you care? You said you're never going to get married." "I care for your sister's happiness. That's all," Simon quickly defended himself. "So do I, and definitely Anthony does. But… she is going to have to get married someday." "Someday being the key word. She's not ready yet," the duke said with certainty. "Isn't that for Daphne to decide?" Benedict asked him. "She's already told me that she doesn't want to get married- end of story. I'm sure….. when the time comes, she'll be good and ready… whenever that may be. But I'm quite certain it's a long way off. She hasn't even finished Masters yet." "She'll be graduating this year." "Daphne can't possibly find a husband in between now and then." A final moment of silence fell over the pair. I swore I could feel Benny's hidden smile from across the table. "What if she already has?" He inquired in a sly fashion. Simon snorted. "Well, I couldn't imagine who that would be." I'm one hundred percent sure Benny was smiling ear-to-ear right now facing the duke.

"I can."