26. That First Night Together

I was starting to feel lightheaded by the time we exited the train in Edinburgh's Waverly Station. We took a taxi to our hotel right in the middle of downtown. Granted, the four of us could have walked there but we were all getting tired. Benedict went to the front desk to check us all in. While he was busy with that, we stood off to the side. I was breathing a bit heavier than normal since it caught Simon's attention. He looked at me with mild concern.

"You alright, Daphne? You've been awfully quiet since the train pulled up." I didn't even bother to try and give Simon a fake reassuring smile. My eyes kept facing forward as I focused on my breathing. A quick check of my pulse reaffirmed my suspicions. "Y-Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little tired…." Both Eloise and the duke were looking at me when Benny came back with our room cards.

"Here we are! Four room keys. Eloise is on Daphne's right and Simon's sandwiched in between us….. Hey, you ok, sis? You're looking a little pale," our brother finally noticed my flushed face. There was no point in mincing words with him; I looked him straight in the eye. "I need to lay down, Benny." "Oh… Oh! Wait, is this cause of your condition? Do you have a fever?" My overly-anxious brother put his hand to my forehead right there in the lobby. I cringed, knowing we weren't the only ones present. Still, I knew why he was acting like this. If Anthony was here, he'd be laid back and let him deal with everything. But we all knew who Anthony'd destroy should anything happen to me. It didn't help that it was painfully obvious Benny had no actual idea what he was doing and merely mimicking what he saw our brother do. He didn't take care of Dad in his last year either- only Anthony and I really knew what was going on.

His eyebrows set in. "Hmmmm, I can't tell if you're warm." "Oh, for god's sake, Benny; stop it. I'm fine; I just need to have a little rest, that's all," I pushed his hand away from my face. "Ok well here's your room card. Let's go all get settled in," he then led us to the elevators. Simon didn't say a thing the whole time but he stayed very near my side until we got to the hotel room doors on the first floor.

Eloise entered her own room and both Benny and Simon joined me in mine first. We all glanced around. "Nice, very nice," Simon noted, allowing me to hear his voice for the first time in minutes. Benny approached my side. "Now just lay down and…. do whatever it is you need to do for this…. thing. Did you bring your digital thermometer?" "Yes, bro. Don't worry about me! I got this," I rolled my eyes. His sharpened. "Don't worry? Don't worry?! You know who Anthony will blame if you go unconscious?" "But that's not gonna happen. This happens all the time, Benny; it's just something I have to live with. I'll be fine after I drink some water and have a rest." My brother didn't look convinced, and neither did Simon for that matter. They were about to say more before Eloise burst my room door open. Out of everyone, she was acting the most gleeful.

"Alright?! Everyone settled in? Let's go!" "Go? Go where?" Benny's eyebrow raised in her direction unsure. "Duh! Out to see the city! Edinburgh's so pretty a night! Plus I'm starving. There's a sushi place on Princes Street I saw on the way in I wanna try." Our brother simply shook his head. "I don't think we should go out tonight. Daphne's not feeling well and I should stay…." To our surprise, the duke cut him off by lifting his hand up into the air. He smiled- also for the first time since we got here.

"Why don't you go out with your sister?" "What?! But what about….?" Benny sounded surprised, or he did until Simon shook his head. "Don't worry, I'll stay here with Daphne." "Oh no, Simon! You don't have to do that. She's my sister. You go and I'll stay." "No, really; it's fine. I don't mind. Plus I'm a little tired myself; be nice to go to bed early, seeing as we have a long day tomorrow," the duke explained.

Benny's eyes drifted between me and him, still somewhat reluctant. I don't think he minded the idea of leaving Simon and I alone together; I think he felt guilty of going out and enjoying himself while the duke's stuck here in his hotel room. When Simon flashed him a convincing smile, he turned my way. "You ok with this, Daph?" "Yeah! Why wouldn't I be?" I glanced to Simon. Benny shrugged. "Well, alright then. Just get some rest, and drink lots of water, and let me know if you start seeing stars or whatever it is you see." "I will, I will. Go and enjoy your sushi, you guys. Have a good time!" "Want us to bring you back anything?" Eloise inquired. "No, I think it's too late for me. Simon?" "Same. We'll eat breakfast together tomorrow," he said. "Alright then, see you in the morning," they called out before leaving. "See you in the morning," I chimed back.

The door closed behind them, leaving Simon and myself in the room. We looked at each other, a grin naturally appearing across our lips. "Well! Here we are…." "Here we are," he chuckled back. "Thanks again for coming, Simon." "Would you stop thanking me? I want to be here, Daphne." Him saying this only deepened my smile. Simon… He always knew what to say at the best of times. And this was not the best of times.

I don't think Simon has ever witnessed anything bad concerning my condition but he was about to on our trip. All the blood suddenly rushed from my head, causing me to be supremely dizzy. He watched with horror as I collapsed onto the bed. I didn't fall or anything, and was still sitting upright, but it was clear that I didn't intend to do that. He hurried over to my side while my hand came up to my very light forehead.

"Hey! Are you alright?!" "Nugh, I'm just lightheaded. That's all," it gets worse when I'm tired, and the lack of electrolytes today didn't help matters. "Here, lay down," Simon stood at my bedside as I did as I was told. I did feel a bit better once I was in a vertical position. My gaze wandered back up to his worried expression and I smiled. "It's not dangerous. Well, this isn't dangerous. I just need to be a little more careful on this trip."

Simon sucked in his lips in a nervous fashion. "Does this….. happen a lot?" "I wanna say no….. but it's getting worse. The older I get, the more symptoms show up. Daddy was over the age of thirty before he showed any signs." "So this… isn't a good sign, then?" He meant for me, I'm sure. I continued to look at him, eventually grinning. It wasn't a happy grin, more so an understanding grin. "The doctors say it's because I'm female, and slim, and it does run on Daddy's side of the family. The good news is I haven't actually fainted….. yet. That's when the real problems start." He nodded, calming down a little. His eyes drooped downwards to my unclenched hand. "And you're doing… everything in your power to avoid that?" My grin widened in the corners; my eyes lowered. "Yes."

Somewhat satisfied, though obviously not wholly satisfied, Simon clasped his hands behind his back and went to look out the window. There was a terrific view of the castle, which looked so lovely lit up at night. I wanted to say something but couldn't shake the feeling that I should wait for him to talk first next. Turns out I didn't have to wait long, not that I was uncomfortable with the silence. Simon wasn't looking at me when he spoke, just continuing to stare outside like his mind was flying off somewhere. Hopefully somewhere nice… somewhere good.

I didn't like to think of him as being unhappy in any way.

Simon's voice was a little hollow. "I can't imagine what it's like for you. I've always been in peak health. It must be so trying…. Your heart condition, I mean." "Oh, it's not so bad. Could be a lot worse," I brushed it off, perhaps a tad too quick with hindsight. Simon's head shook, him still not glancing my way. "Sometimes I can't understand your father or brother's actions, but other times…" "What?" I blinked confused, not grasping that he was talking about their instance at my marriage. Finally Simon spun around so to face me; he did not look particularly happy just then.

"Be honest with me, Daphne." "Always," I said like it was a given. This made his grin return- somewhat. But don't be mistaken, his expression was still as serious as ever. "Does our being here… have anything to do with you getting into PhD?" This certainly caught my undivided attention, but I knew there was no way he could know about the Amsterdam application. It probably pertained to the conversation I overheard him and Benny have on the train. The one where he sounded relieved that I wasn't getting married any time soon…. I leaned back against the pillows and lowered my eyes with a clever smile.

"Well it definitely doesn't hurt my chances of getting into PhD somewhere." "Why do you even want a PhD? Do you want to teach at a university?" Simon took a step towards me. My shoulder gave a shrug. "Maybe one day, but that's not why I want one." "Then why? Your brother said you've wanted one for as long as he could remember." My grin morphed somewhat into a playful smirk. "Oh, he did, did he?" Heh, this was fun. Well, for me anyway. I wasn't so sure about Simon, who blinked a bit frazzled. "So it's not true, then?" "Oh, no; it's true. I just… I just want one- that's all." A moment of silence fell over us, giving me the chance to gaze up at the white ceiling in a considerate fashion.

"To be honest, I don't know why I want one so badly. Our family has always had everything: land, money, titles. We've never… needed anything. And I don't suppose I "need" a PhD, rather I want one." Simon eyes softened onto me, his head lowering a bit. "And you don't know why?" "Well, I suppose I do. I've never really….. wanted anything that family valued. Money, titles- it really doesn't mean anything to me. All that can be taken away. You never "own" anything; not really. You just….. have it for a certain amount of time, and not a very long time at that. I don't see the point of stuff like that; I've always wanted something that's mine and only mine."

Another pregnant pause ensued. I sucked in a deep breath before continuing. "But that's where education is different; education and experiences. I remember one of my great uncles once told me that "they can take everything from you, except your education". Heh, well I guess that's true until they invent memory-wiping equipment, but you get what I mean. I guess…. a PhD would be mine and mine alone. No one inherits a PhD or can steal it; I'd earn it, and I'll be the first Bridgerton ever in history to do so. Maybe… in a weird way, that's what I want for me. I don't want money or status, even though I was born into and destined to marry for both. But what I really want is something I can call my own, something I choose for me. That's why I want a PhD; that's why I value education so highly. It's mine…. and no man- no husband- will ever take from me."

Simon could only stare for a long time. Eventually his lips parted, his arms moved a little. It was as if he really digested what I've told him, like he's never heard anyone say that before. There was this faint glimmer in the corners of his eyes.

"You know something, Daphne; I don't think I've ever met someone like you before." "I'll take that as a compliment," I giggled, shutting my eyes. "I'm serious. When you speak….. things just suddenly make sense. Though I admit I'm slightly disappointed you still find men so controlling." "No all men, Simon. You're not like that. I've never met anyone like you either before. You're kind and caring and warm…. I feel safe when you're nearby." "Good, I'm glad to hear it; I want to keep you safe. And I don't want to see your wings get clipped either. If you soar in academia, then you should fly." I smiled at him. "It's not that easy. I want to spread my wings, but… there's a string tying me down to earth, and there's nothing I can do about it."

Simon's eyes lowered with the upmost tenderness onto me. "Don't worry. You'll get your PhD; it just may not be right now. You have time, Daphne- don't rush into anything you'll regret. It's not worth it. You have lots and lots of time. You're not going to end up like Edmund- you're going to be around for a very long time," he said the last part of his sentence with positive gravity. It was my turn to gawk at him and smile. This man… This kind, kind man. "I hope you're right, Simon. It doesn't feel like I have a lot of time….." "You do," his own grin widened.

Simon then went to fill up my water bottle and place it on the nightstand beside my bed. He patted the clear space beside it. "Charge your phone here," he instructed. I blinked to him surprised. But he stayed firm. "Keep it close, so you can call me when and if you need me." Simon, my eyes grew a bit. Then this sneaky smile passed my mouth. "Shouldn't I call Benedict?" I asked this with a bit of a mocking tone. He shook his head, his smirk rearing on it. "My room is closer. Don't be afraid to call whenever you need something. I'll keep my phone on beside me all night too, just in case." "Thank you, Simon. You're too good to me." "I'll be the judge of that," he chuckled. I smiled. "But really, I don't want to be a bother to you. You didn't come to Edinburgh to babysit me." "Didn't I?" He asked sarcastically, causing me to send him a smirk. The tenderness in his stare came back in full force after this. "Seriously, Daphne; I don't mind. Anytime day or night, call if you need me…

I will come."