48. Give It To Me

My mood had been high since the interview. I was trying my best not to get too optimistic; the interviewers didn't show a lot of positive emotion to be honest. But my supervisor and Dr. Pillar reassured me that it was nothing to worry about. It's just the way they are. I did my best to keep my absolute happiness and joy under wraps, but everyone could tell something was up. Colin mentioned how I was even walking differently; there was apparently a little bounce in my step now. I guess it didn't help matters that I was low key looking up housing options in and near Amsterdam either.

Despite my sudden and unexplained change in mood, Anthony took it as a good sign. He thought I was feeling much better physically, which I was; stress hurts my condition. I didn't mind this until Eloise informed me that they all were under the impression I was acting this way because I was in love. Oh boy, how do you correct something like that? But then…. I suppose it's not bad they think so. I had a number of months left and the time was flying fast. Assuming I got the position, that is. Again, not going to get my hopes up but man, did I want it! Even if I filled a whole book, that would not begin to express how much I wanted this for myself.

And with every great victory comes great sacrifices.

Anthony and I arrived at the palace gardens to meet up with Prince Friederich. Imagine our shock and horror when his loud cousin, Lady Featherington, decided to accompany us. Even Friederich cringed at her antics. As usual she was brash and constantly nudging Friederich to stand closer to me. I think at some point Anthony wanted to intervene but she shot him a look which told him to butt out. No one was doing any talking but her, at least for the first little while. Friederich and I walked side-by-side in front of my brother and Lady Featherington, who stayed close behind; close enough that we could hear them perfectly. I was willing to bet that she'd deliberately set us up that way- the scheming woman.

"Ah! Just look at them! Did you ever see a more handsome pair, Viscount?" Lady Featherington asked Anthony very loudly. I rolled my eyes and Friederich was enough of a gentleman not to crack a smile. "No, my lady," poor Anthony sounded beaten down. "Such an adorable couple. Edmund would be so happy; don't you think?" "Yes," my brother sighed to himself. I think he was more tired of having to listen to her no matter what she said. Not like Friederich or I were fairing any better. We merely gave each other a pained side glare. "Oh, how I wish your dear father was here to see this. He would be impressed by my handwork and ingenuity, of course," I'm not sure Daddy would call this ingenuity. "Yes, my lady," poor Anthony, I inwardly groaned. Did I really want to marry into this family? I had to shut my eyes. Just think of Amsterdam; keep your mind on Amsterdam…..

We'd reached the centre of the garden by now. I guess Lady Featherington finally realized she'd been doing all the talking since he took Anthony by the arm; something he reluctantly conceded to. "Come, dear boy. Let's give these two some privacy. Ah! But not too much privacy now; wouldn't want anyone to talk. Speaking of which, do you have twitter? Lady Whistledown is a marvellous source for all the latest gossip in London high society. Let me tell you all about it, Viscount!" Oh poor, poor Anthony. I could hear his internal cries from here as she practically dragged him away. Once they were fifteen feet distance or so, Friederich let out this long-relieved sigh. Then he held his arm for me. "Shall we?" Grinning, I took it letting him guide me further into the garden over to the rose bushes.

Neither of us spoke right away, but once we were by the roses my lips felt confident enough to part. "So, when are you going back to Munich?" "Next week, after the July ball this weekend. You're going, aren't you?" "Anthony would shoot me if I missed it," I chuckled softly. Friederich gazed forward in front of us. "Good. Then maybe I'll have a chance to finally dance with you." This made me look up at him as I began thinking to myself.

Friederich released my arm and went over to smell a particularly beautiful long-stemmed rose. Then him flashed me his classic relaxed grin. "And you? When do you return to Brussels?" "Soon. I uh, just have to finish a few things up here first," I replied while rubbing the back of my head. Boy, when did I become this awkward? Still looking my way, Friederich straightened up. His feet stepped over to me. "Be sure to write once and while. I'd hate to lose touch with someone so….." As he said this his fingers crept up to run along my hair. My lips snapped open as I reminded myself to keep my composure. Sensing that I didn't take it with humour, his head lowered slightly. "That was a joke. No one writes letters anymore." "Oh… Oh, yes; of course!" My back flinched.

The prince watched me a second more, then went back to the flowers. He curled down so he was close to the ground so to get a better look. All I did was observe him with fear… fear and resolve. Amsterdam; it's almost in my grasp and I'm not going to lose it. Not when I've come this far…. I don't care if Grandfather wins; I'm not going to lose either. I refuse to make that mistake.

"Aren't these lovely? The look a lot like the flowers we have in our estate garden back in Bavaria." "Is that so?" "Uh huh. What about you, Daphne? Which flowers are your favourite?" His eyes returned to me. I blinked, collecting myself for what felt like the millionth time that day. "Uh, roses…. I like roses," my hand rose up to my pounding chest. He turned back to the blooming buds. "Roses…. Heh, I'd pick you one if they didn't have some many thorns." "Oh…. Oh no! Don't worry about it!" "Eh, it's the least I could do, having such lovely company agree to go on a "promenade" with me," he chuckled. My mouth began to open on its own accord. "Friederich?" "Hmmmmmm?" His head slowly spun back in my direction, happily so. My expression grew serious for a moment.

"If I married you, would you let me go to PhD anywhere I want? Anywhere on the continent?"

He could only ogle me for what felt like eternity. His eyes grew very, very wide. Eventually he cracked a small grin- a forced grin. "Marriage? Who said anything about marriage? We're too young to get married, aren't we?" I didn't say anything verbally in a reply. Instead my head lowered a little; this warm summer breeze rustling my hair gently in front of me. The prince watched me still wide-eyed come over to crouch down beside. Then I did something I'd never done before in my life. My hand reached out to take him. I'd never reached for a man's hand before, and the moment our fingers and palms touched, my heart skipped a beat. And not for the reason you'd expect. I shut my gaping eyes. It wasn't Friederich's hand I was holding just now. It was…..

When my eyes reopened, I found myself laying on a bed in a familiar room. I was lying in bed with the covers on; I was in my pyjamas. My arm was stretched out and there was something holding onto my hand. Peering down I saw Simon sitting there on the floor leaning up against the side of my bed. He was currently holding onto my hand, protectively so. He smiled at me; oh how he was smiling at me just then….. I know this scene; I know it. I've lived through it before. Simon and I were holding hands….. He took hold of my hand while I was in bed, and I remember as to why.

His hand gave mine a tender squeeze. "I'll hold your hand until you're sleeping. I'll let go… when I leave." Simon, my eyes widened. No, don't go; I don't want you to leave. Stay; let's stay like this… for as long as humanly possible. My fingers cradled his so affectionately. Please stay, Simon. What can I say to make you stay? Please stay with me…. His smile grew; his eyes lowered onto me in the most tender way ever. "Have a good sleep, Daphne." Daphne…. He called me "Daphne". Daphne….. Daphne…

"Daphne."

"Daphne? Hello? Earth to Daphne?" I couldn't have blinked harder, falling back to reality hard. All that sweetness, all that ecstasy I just experienced- out the window. My head shot beside me to see not Simon but Friederich there at my side; our hands still clasped together. My expression was so entirely floored just then. The prince looked concerned. "You feeling alright?" "I uh…. Yes! Yes, I'm… fine; I'm fine!" He didn't appear convinced, helping me stand back up. The whole time he didn't let go of my hand. Instead he held it firmer. He finally grinned a tad playfully.

"Well, this is a first. You've never tried to hold my hand before." I kept my eyes down, hesitant to say anything. But…. "Friederich, let me be plain with you. There's something I want and in order to get it, I need to do something." "Hey, wait. I thought you wanted a PhD?" His eyebrow raised. My lips sputtered a tiny bit. "I do….." Unable to physically say any more, Friederich only watched me, letting this quiet pause slip in. Eventually our hands lowered, still clasped against each other.

"Me too." "Huh?" My eyes peaked back up to his face. His met mine straight on, locking our gazes solid. "You remember me telling you there's something I want too." My mouth very slowly opened in realization. "Yes…. I remember." "Well, time's running out. I want it, and I want you to give it to me, Daphne." "Friederich!" My eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. But he was not deterred. He simply drew his head in closer to mine; so close that our foreheads were nearly touching. "Give me what I want, Daphne. And then I'll see about getting you what you want." "Friederich….." I was both terrified and….. Would it be wrong to say hopeful? Everything I did now was for PhD, after all. His eyes lowered ever so little. "Give it to me…

Give me five minutes alone in a room with you."