30. Who's In Denial?

"Benedict?" "Hmmmmm?" Hesitation. "What does it mean when a man likes you?" My shoppingmode brother froze so he could spin around in his seat to face me. He wore a look of bewilderment and surprise. "What? Why are you asking me that? Did someone…..?" "No! Well, yes… It's complicated," my shoulders shrugged. I felt his eyes narrow in onto me. "Was it Prince Frederick?" "No…" His gaze narrowed ever so slightly- and cleverly. "Was it the duke?" Silence on my side; I just met his stare meekly. He studied my expression for a minute before smirking in victory and leaning back in his chair. His hands keenly lased across his vest.

"So he told you that, did he?" "I never said he did. But IF he did….. what would that mean?" "Well it means just that: the man likes you." "Men don't talk like that. When they say they "like" someone, it means something else… doesn't it?" Benny rolled his eyes a bit too dramatically and shook his head. "You're overthinking this, Daph." "No, I'm not! Does…. whoever it is like me as a friend or more than a friend? Do men tend to not like women in general? Is that not true? What am I not understanding here?" My useless shoppingmode brother chuckled and shook his stupid head again. "You're not the only one who it sounds like they don't understand. "Like" is just a steppingstone to "love", you know." "What's that supposed to mean?" "Honestly, sis; isn't it obvious? Any man who tells a woman he "likes" her is just as out of touch with his own feelings. He's willing to admit to himself that he likes her personally, but he can't admit that he's already falling in love with her."

Love….. My lips instinctively parted a sliver in realization. Wait, does that mean…..? Is Lord Hastings falling in love… with me? No! That's impossible…. isn't it? And even if he is falling for me, that wouldn't change anything, would it…?

Would it?

Of course not! God, I'm such an idiot. Who am I fooling? The Duke of Hastings is most certainly NOT falling in love with me. That's not what going on here at all. Sure, he may act a little differently now than when I first met him, but that's cause we're becoming friends- not lovers. Really! This is the same guy who said a jewel is too weak to catch his attention and that the best wife is one you're immune to catching. Ugh, even just remembering those horrid words make me sick. I can't believe I'd almost forgotten what a jerk he really is! And anyways, he doesn't want a shy, soft-spoken girl like me; he's after a quote, "sun".

My hands curled into tight fists in memory rage. No, men like that don't change; I can't change him, and I'm not about to try. It's not my job to fix him. Besides, it's not like I have…. feelings for him either… I don't, do I? Ok, maybe I think he's a little- a lot- attractive, but attraction isn't love. I mean I like him, but I DON'T love him. And I'm not in denial! Not like….. Oh my god, no! He's not in love with me, and I'm certainly not in love with him. I'm not; I'm not. I'm so not! We're friends- that's it, isn't it? It's not that…. I'm secretly afraid I'll fall for him if I'm not careful, but he won't love me in return?

"Oh, come on, Daphne! Who could ever love that insufferable, arrogant rogue?!"

"Uh, sis?" Benny blinked at me repeatedly dumbstruck. I also blinked, comprehending what I just did, or said. My whole body stiffened to an upright position as I stood there with my jaw dangling. "Um, nothing! It's nothing; forget I mentioned anything," my hand waved around in the air like I was trying to banish the sudden awkwardness. Still keeping his eyes fixed on mine, my shoppingmode brother leaned forward, resting his elbows on his legs. "Look, Daph, if there's anything you wanna talk about….."

Oh boy, that brings up another thing; something I've been putting off for a while now. Taking in a deep breath, I went over to the locked cabinet drawer and opened it with a key Father gave me. Benny watched as I pulled out a folded piece of parchment, anxiously bringing it over to him. "Actually, there was one thing….." Glancing curiously from me to the paper, he proceeded to take it from my hand. He unfolded the note and began reading; his eyes growing progressively wider as he did so. I just held my breath, waiting for him to react. And react he did. I'd never seen Benedict look at me the way he did just now after he finished reading.

"Daphne….. Do you know what this is?" He sounded so completely floored, it took me back a little. "U-Uh, a poem….. written for me, I think?" Benny let himself fall back somewhat, his hands falling down on the arms of the chair. His eyes wandered out in space momentarily. "I can't believe it….. Twice….. He's written to you twice….." "Who? Who has? Do you know who that letter's from?" "You mean you don't?!" This caught him by sheer surprise. He forgot to be quiet for a second, raising his voice. I was quick to shush him, but he was having none of it, continuing to stare at me incredulously.

"How did you get this?! He didn't…. hand-deliver this to you, did he?!" "M-Mary gave it to me. She passed it along…. from whoever this nefarious Mr. G.G.B. is." "You have to keep this. I destroyed your last one, but this is extraordinarily valuable," Benedict commanded. I wasn't shocked to hear that; I remember Mary saying something similar….. "But…. who's it from?" I wasn't really sure I wanted to know anymore; someone this notorious can't be good to be know, can it? Wait…. "I can't keep it! It's called "Child Daphne"." "So?" "So?! What is someone reads it?!" "Then they'll think you're the luckiest girl in Britain. Trust me, sis; this is beyond special. Very few hold what you possess now; you must treasure it. Even if you never read it, keep it. I'll hold onto it for you if you want, but you could make a pretty penny off this someday." I had the audacity to roll my eyes. "Oh, honestly. How precious can it be? It's not from the duke….. I mean the prince! It has no sentimental meaning to me." "But it's undoubtedly valuable in the monetary sense. I'll keep it for you; just so you don't worry, I'll hide it in some of my art books where no one will find it. But Daph….. Do you realize just how incredible this is?" "No? It doesn't feel that way to me. I don't love whoever wrote that for me, so why should I care?"

Benedict stared at me for a long minute. It took a moment but eventually he smiled. Standing up, he brushed some stray hairs off my cheek. "Innocent…. You're so innocent, little sister." "I don't think….." But he cut my sentence off with a shake of the head. He shut his eyes briefly, chuckling ever so gently to himself. Then he looked straight at me again. "I don't blame you for not wanting to read it. It's very….. intimate, one might say," he said, making me blush all colours of red. This only made him laugh. "Don't worry, Daph; your secret's safe with me. You can always come to me with this sort of thing." "Thank you, Benedict. I appreciate it."

His mouth opened a tad, as if he wanted to say something but held back for some reason. "Are you sure you don't want to read it?" Was finally his question. I shook my head resolutely. "I'm sure Father wouldn't approve," not to mention my overbearing fiancé. Benny grinned, slapping the paper in his palm a couple of times. "Very well then; I'll take care of it. You can count on me." "Thanks, Benny." "Alright. Now you better be off to bed," he nodded. I kissed his cheek and headed towards the door, but not before he stopped me one last time. "One more thing, Daphne." "Yes?" I paused to peer back at him. He made sure that our eyes were locked in that instance. "Be patient with Hastings." "Huh?" My eyebrow raised. "This is all so new to him and he's learning to navigate, just as you are. Patience is all that's required of you- patience and that wonderful kindness of yours. It's just a matter of time." "Time for what?" "The inevitable.

You're like a hurricane; can see it from miles away but can't escape the chaos that's coming."