15. Friends In Low Places

Thanks for the reviews. So, I don't think I posted in my last chapter, but what did you guys think of "Chicago PD" on Wednesday? I liked it, it really lacked the "Linstead" I wanted. I had thought about doing a "One Shot" on what may have happened in those 5 hours that were unaccounted for when they were at the sex club. I didn't expect them to "Scrabble" or anything, but I still really wanted it. Or at least some form of undercover couple-ness. When Jay said he was on board with whatever they needed to do to look legit, I was like "Do it all! Do ALL the couple things"

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"So tell me about Hank Voight" the therapist said leaning back in his chair.

Erin sighed and looked down at her hands. Day two of her mandatory psych evaluation was already off to a bad start. First, there was no coffee in the kitchen, and now she was in an hour long "one on one" session with a therapist.

"There's really nothing to tell. He took me in when I was 15 and then he gave me a job" Erin explained running a hand through her hair and looking at the man across from her.

"And your brother Teddy?" The therapist asked.

"What about him?" Erin asked

"Anything, tell me about him" The therapist looked down at his notes and then back up at Erin.

"Well, I was almost six when he was born. I basically raised him until I was 15 and I met Hank Voight. Teddy didn't want anything to do with Hank, Hank tried to help him, he really did. But, Teddy is Teddy and when he was old enough he took off to New York" Erin folded her arms over herself and leaned back in her chair.

"Do you still keep in touch with you brother Teddy?" The therapist asked making some notes.

"Yes, he's my brother. Sure, we fell out of touch for awhile, but we recently reconnected and we're getting back on track" Erin smiled when she thought about her baby brother. Teddy had his demons, that was for sure. However, they were cut from the same cloth, and he was just as strong as she was. At least she'd taught him that.

"When you say you raised Teddy, you mean by helping your mom and dad with him?" The therapist put down his pen and looked over at Erin.

"No, when I say I raised him, I mean I raised him. I took care of him to the best of my ability as a six year old could. My mom was starting to get addicted to drugs, and my dad...he just wasn't cut out to be a father. So, it was just me and Teddy. I'd wake up early and feed him a bottle, change him and go to school. I'd come home and feed him dinner and get him ready for bed, play with him. I'd do whatever I had to, that's where I learned to steal, I used to steal food and clothes for me and my brother. That's how I got caught shoplifting, I was stealing a pair of shoes for Teddy" Erin wasn't proud of her past. She did what she had to do for her brother though.

The therapist picked up his pen and started to write again. "So, that's where your drive to protect kids comes from? Is that what led you to intelligence?"

"I don't know. I think in some part, maybe. I just wish that Teddy would've let Hank give him the help that he gave me. I just care about kids, I don't want to see them ending up where I was" Erin looked at the clock on the wall and sighed. She really just wanted to go home.

"Tell me about Jay Halstead" The therapist said looking up from his note pad.

"What about him?" Erin asked.

This was what she didn't want to talk about. Her attack? Fine. Her shitty childhood? Whatever. Hank Voight? If she had to. But not this. Not now.

"Do you see him as someone you can count on?" The therapist asked.

"I don't want to talk about this" Erin said pulling her legs up under her in her seat.

"Erin, I'm trying to help you. In order to do that, I need to know what triggers your panic attacks" The therapist leaned forward in his seat and looked at Erin. "I understand that he's the one who saved your life"

Erin's gaze fell to her hands and she twisted her pinky ring around and around. "He did"

Erin's therapist sat back and went back to writing his notes. "Would you say that your panic attacks are brought on by Jay?"

Erin shook her head "No. I don't. Jay's...well, he's..." Erin's voice trailed off as she looked down at the floor "Everything"

The therapist nodded and looked up from his paper. "Everything?"

Erin nodded and looked up at him. "Yes. He's the reason I'm sitting here today. I know that if he'd never came to look for me that I'd be dead right now. I know that he's the one who did CPR on me to save me when I was bleeding to death. I know that his face was the last thing I saw before I closed my eyes, and the first thing I saw when I opened them again. I know that I love him, more than I've ever loved another man...or person in my entire life. Everyone says he loves me back, but why would he? I mean look at me"

Erin's therapist moved from his desk over to a chair closer to her. Finally getting a breakthrough with her. "What about you?"

"Jay deserves better. I'm just some white trash street kid. What could I possibly offer him?" Erin shrugged her shoulders as she looked up at the man who was sitting next to her.

"I think that you could offer this guy a lot" The therapist assured.

"I don't know about that" Erin laughed to herself and she turned her head away from her therapist.

"Why do you feel like you're so unworthy of love? Is it because of your upbringing? Or is it because you're afraid to open yourself to the possibility that there's more to your life than just car chases and taking down bad guys?" The therapist moved his chair closer to Erin's.

"I don't know. I just feel like it's easier to close that part of my life off. If you don't give your heart away, then it can't get broken. I learned that early in life" Erin laid her head back against the back of the couch and rubbed her eyes.

"That makes for an awfully lonely life, Miss Lindsay"

Erin looked at the ceiling as the therapist's words played through her mind. "Yeah, I guess it does"

The therapist looked at the clock and then at Erin. "Well, our time is up for today. I really hope that you'll come back and see me again tomorrow. I know that it'll be your last day and you won't have to come back if you don't want to, but I suggest that you do. I think that it could do you some good to come work out these issues with why you don't feel like you're worthy of love"

Erin shrugged her shoulders and she stood up. "I'll think about it"

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Jay used his key to open the door to Erin's apartment. He thought it would be emotionally best for him and Erin both to get his stuff before she came home. He walked in and flipped the lights on. The whole place was silent, the only sound was of his footsteps and him placing the keys onto the counter. He walked into the bedroom and started gathering up his clothes from the drawer she'd cleaned out for him. He'd picked his clothes up and started putting them in the duffel bag when he felt something small and hard in the back of the dresser drawer. He grasped his hand around it and pulled out the small velvet box that contained his mother's wedding ring. The same ring that Erin had worn on their undercover work, the ring that a nurse had given him when they'd wheeled Erin into surgery at the hospital. The same ring he'd hoped to give her for real one day.

He sat down on the bed and looked at the ring in his hands. It amazed him how it had fit perfectly on Erin's hand. Like that was the hand that it was meant for all along. He wished like hell that it was still on her hand. God, he'd give anything he had to make that true.

At this moment though, she was so mad at him. He knew that. Part of him didn't blame her. He'd went behind her back to Voight and he knew that she'd be hurt, but he had to do it.

Jay shook his head and laid back on the bed. The sheets smelled like Erin's perfume and he closed his eyes and breathed it in. This bed was where he'd spent every night since she'd come home from the hospital and he'd taken care of her.

This bed was where he'd held her, kissed her, made love to her, and embraced her while she cried. He didn't want to go back to his apartment, but he knew he couldn't stay here.

Jay got up from the bed and walked into the bathroom to get the rest of his things.

He pushed the door open and that's when it caught his gaze. His white dress shirt was still laying on the tile floor. He walked over and picked the now dry and wrinkled shirt up off of the floor and tried to shake the memory of the broken girl he'd taken it off of out of his mind.

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Erin walked through the sitting area of the clinic and over to the small kitchen. It was strange. She didn't feel hungry, but she could feel her body craving something. ANYTHING, she knew it was because she hadn't eaten since she'd came in yesterday morning. And come to think of it she really didn't know the last time she really did eat a meal that she had to sit down to. It probably explained why her favorite sweat pants were so loose around her slender hips.

Erin walked into the kitchen and grabbed a small plate as she looked at the lunch spread that was being offered. She frowned at the selections, but picked up a half piece of a peanut butter sandwich, a few celery sticks and a water before she made her way to a small table and sat down.

She was just about to take a bite of her sandwich when she heard a voice behind her.

"Erin Lindsay?"

Erin turned around and saw him standing there. At first she wasn't sure how to react. But she found a small smile form on her lips and she stood up and looked at the man standing behind her.

"Kelly Severide"

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Jay closed the door to Erin's bedroom after he'd finished packing his stuff. He took a quick glance around her living room making sure he'd not left anything behind. He laid his duffel bag down on the floor and grabbed his keys and took Erin's apartment key off of his key ring. He didn't want to just leave it sitting on the counter so he walked over to her desk and started opening drawers looking for an envelope. He opened a side drawer and he felt his heart skip a beat. There laying on top of take out menus and a phone book laid a picture of him and Erin.

It was from the day their undercover mission had began. Just as they were boarding the boat staff from the cruise ship had hounded them to get a picture taken. So sticking with their alias they did.

Jay picked the picture up to get a better look at it. He and Erin were standing chest to chest looking at the camera. Her head was under his chin and her hand on his chest showing off his mother's ring. His arms wrapped around her, holding her tight against him. Both of them were smiling as they looked at the camera. Looking every bit the newlywed part.

Jay didn't know when she'd bought it. He'd forgotten all about the picture until he'd opened the drawer. He placed it back into the drawer and grabbed a piece of paper and an envelope and walked back to the counter

Jay grabbed a pen off of the counter and looked at the paper and began to write.

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"And that's why "Molly's Two" is still on the search for a chef" Kelly and Erin laughed as he finished his story.

Erin sighed as she took a drink of her water. She noticed the band on Kelly's hand and exhaled. "So, tell me about her"

Kelly looked down at his hand and said "Oh, Brittany? She's something special"

Erin nodded as she looked at Kelly. "You know that there's a pool at the precinct on how long you two are going to last"

Kelly shook his head "One down there too? Jeez. I guess you got in on that action"

Erin shook her head "No, I don't really think I'm in the place to make bets on anybody's relationship"

Kelly nodded and looked at Erin before reaching over and placing his hand on top of hers. "Is there a problem with Halstead?"

Erin shook her head "Yeah, me"

Kelly furrowed his brow as he looked at Erin "What do you mean?"

Erin shook her head "Just what I said. I'm the problem. Jay's just too blind to see it"

Kelly squeezed Erin's hand and kept his eyes on her. "Erin, that's not true. You're pretty great. In fact you're amazing. Halstead should be so lucky to have you. I don't know why anyone would want to let you go"

"Why did you?" Erin asked "I mean you sit there and say that to me, but you let me go"

Kelly sighed and let go of Erin's hand "And I regret it every day. But Erin, I couldn't give you what I knew you needed. I wasn't in a place that I was ready for someone like you. And you deserve more than just a physical relationship with someone. You need the emotional support too. The stuff that I'm not that good at. The stuff that makes the physical stuff that much better...and deep down, I know that I didn't have your heart. Even then I didn't. Deep down you know that too"

Erin looked down at the table "I said some really horrible things to him, Kelly"

Severide nodded and reached his hand back over to Erin's "He'll forgive you"

Erin shook her head "I don't..."

Kelly squeezed Erin's hand "He'll forgive you. I'm sure that he already has"

Erin nodded and looked at Kelly. She didn't know why she couldn't tell a therapist about Jay, but had no problem talking to her ex about him. "What are you doing here, Kelly? I mean this isn't exactly the place that I'd expect to see you"

Kelly exhaled and let go of Erin's hand. "I kind of figured you'd ask me that"

"Well, I know you and I know there's other places you'd be on a Sunday afternoon" Erin raised an eyebrow and took another drink of her water.

Kelly sighed and thought for a minute "I come once a month to talk about Shay"

Erin nodded and reached across the table for Kelly's hand. She felt like it was her turn to be supportive now. "I'm sorry"

Severide nodded "Sometimes, it's easier to talk to someone from the outside looking in. I miss Shay, so much. She was my best friend. A loss like that is hard to handle on your own and I come and see Dr. Jackson and she lets me talk"

"Dr. Jackson?" Erin said

"Yeah, she works down the hall. She's pretty easy on the eyes, too. So it's easy for the feels to come out" Kelly joked and smiled when he saw Erin laugh and roll her eyes. "Who is it you're having your sessions with?"

Erin sighed and shrugged her shoulders "I don't remember his name. I think it's Dr. Soloman...Stevens..."

"Dr. Sullivan. I know him. He's a good doctor. Maybe you should stick with him" Kelly suggested.

"Oh, I don't know about that. I'm only here because Voight won't let me come back without doing a 72 hour stay" Erin said sadly the hurt was still there from Voight doing this to her.

Kelly looked down at his watch. "I have to go. I have to be at work soon. But Erin, you should really consider keeping in touch with Dr. Sullivan. I'm sure he'd do you some good"

Erin nodded as Kelly stood up and she in turn stood. "Thanks for staying and talking to me"

Kelly smiled "You're welcome"

Erin and Severide stood in silence for a few moments. Kelly pulled Erin into a hug and she sighed into his embrace "Take care of yourself, Lindsay. I expect and invite when Halstead finally wears you down and you marry him"

Erin smiled at the thought of marrying Jay. "I'll keep you in mind"

Severide pulled back and hugged Erin one last time before leaving.

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Hope you guys liked this chapter. Too much Severide? More? Never Again? Don't be too mad at me for putting him in. I promise some Erin and Jay interaction soon. If you have any ideas on what you'd like to see happen between them, just drop it in a review. Enjoy your Saturday!