16. She Will Be Loved

I don't know what to say, I wasn't expecting that kind of feedback from this last chapter. Thank You! I can't say it enough. This story is my baby, and writing is such an escape. I'm sure the ones of you who write know that. Plus, 16 days until a new Chicago PD is horrible. I know that Thanksgiving is coming up and all, but poop, that's soooo far.

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"This is going to be so yummy, Teddy" Six year old Erin explained to her baby brother who was sitting in his high chair watching her.

Erin was currently standing on a chair that she'd pushed up to the stove. She looked down in the pot of Spaghettios and turned spun them with a serving spoon. "I love Spaghettios"

Teddy sat in his high chair and took a Cheerio and plopped it in his mouth as he watched his big sister cook.

A knock on the door took Erin's attention away from the stove and over to the trailer door. Erin turned the stove down and climbed off of the chair. She walked over to the window and peeked out of the blinds. She saw a man in a police uniform at the door. They'd learned about policemen at school a few days ago. "Policemen are nice" she said to herself.

Erin walked over to the door and unlocked it and opened it. To reveal the officer standing at the door.

"Well hello" The policeman said.

"Hi" Erin said looking up at the man.

"Is your mommy or daddy here?" The policeman asked.

Erin knew the answer was no. But she didn't want to get her mommy and daddy in trouble. Cause if they got in trouble, then they'd be mad at her and then she'd be in trouble.

"Yes. My mommy is, but she's sleeping" Erin lied she looked down at her bare feet and then up at the policeman again.

"Well, what's your name?" The policeman asked.

"Erin Kathleen Lindsay" Erin replied proudly. "I learned to write it at school"

"Oh wow, I bet you're very smart aren't you?" The policeman said.

Erin smiled. Her dimples on full display along with a few missing baby teeth. "I am. I'm in kindergarten"

"You are VERY smart then" The policeman said.

He heard the coos of a baby in the kitchen and lifted his gaze from the little girl to the infant.

"Is that your brother?" The policeman asked.

Erin nodded and pointed over to the kitchen "Yes, his name is Teddy"

The policeman nodded and reached down until he was eye level with Erin. He sighed as he looked at the little girl in front of him. "Erin, do you know how to use a phone? If you need to call someone for anything"

Erin nodded. "I'm not supposed to use a phone though. My mommy and daddy say it's not a toy"

The policeman nodded 'They're very right. But, it's not a toy if you need help. Do you know how to call 911?"

Erin sighed a dramatic six year old sigh. "Yes, I learned at school when the firefighters came to visit"

The policeman nodded and reached into his pocket. "Well, Erin. My name is Officer Hank Voight. If you need help, then I want you to call this number, okay?"

Erin took the card from the policeman and nodded. "I can give it to my mommy"

Officer Voight shook his head. "How about you just keep it. It can be your and my secret"

Erin's eyes lit up, "A secret? I've never had a secret before"

Officer Voight smiled and said "Well, you have your first secret. And your first friend"

Erin smiled and held onto the card. "Thanks"

Officer Voight stood up and said "Don't forget, Erin. If you need me. You call that number"

Erin nodded and waved bye to Officer Voight and shut the door.

Erin walked back over to Teddy and showed him the card. "He was nice, Teddy"

Teddy took the card from Erin and brought it up to his mouth.

"No no, Teddy. We don't eat paper. You're so silly" Erin laughed and took the card from her brother and went back to the chair and climbed on top of it to finish making her and her brother some dinner.

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Hank Voight stood in the doorway of Erin's room as he watched her finish packing. He knew she probably had no memory of the first time that he'd truly met her.

"Are you hungry, kid?" Voight asked as he stepped in to help Erin with her bags.

Erin shrugged her shoulders. "I think I just want to go back to my apartment"

Voight nodded and pulled Erin's bag up over his shoulder. "You really need to eat something"

Erin exhaled and turned to look at Voight. "I'm fine, I just don't really feel like eating...but you've never listened to me before, so let's just go eat"

Voight dropped Erin's bag off his shoulder "Listen kid, I know that you're still pissed at me. That's fine. But you need to talk to me like an adult and not some pissed off teenager"

Erin sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "I did my 72 hour stay. I'd like to talk about coming back to work"

Voight shook his head and bent down to pick up Erin's bag. "We will talk about it when I think you're ready to come back"

"Are you kidding me?!" Erin asked spinning around "I did what you asked. I just want to come back to work and get back on the street. Why is that asking so much?"

Voight raised his hand and said "Considering the fact that you can't go 30 seconds without having an outburst, I think I've made a point"

Erin picked up her paperwork "You're one to talk about outbursts, Voight. I think your career of taking people to the cage and being left alone with criminals in a holding cell says a lot about your character"

Erin walked past Voight and reached out and grabbed her arm and turned her to face him. "I'd like to remind you that I'm still your boss. You'll respect me. I know that you're mad at me for making you come here. I can live with that. But you're not going to come back to my unit, or any other unit until I say that you're ready. You keep saying you want to come back to work, that's fine. We will talk about it when you're adult enough to sit down and have a conversation and not stomping around on your chicken legs and slamming drawers and doors"

Erin jerked her arm away from Voight and pulled her sweater tighter around her. "I'm sorry"

Voight nodded and sighed "Let's go"

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Jay sat at the bar at Molly's nursing his scotch. He looked over at Adam and Kim who were standing on the dance floor dancing to the song "Truly, Madly, Deeply" by Savage Garden

He thought it would be fun going out with the team for a drink, but he was wrong. He just wanted to go home. Home to Erin's apartment, not to his place.

"Can I buy you a drink?" A voice from behind Jay asked.

Jay turned on the stool and looked at the person behind him.

"Maddie?" Jay said standing up from his stool. "How have you been?"

"I've been pretty good. Recovering from getting shot was a bitch...but I'm doing ok" Maddie smiled at Jay and stepped towards him and pulled him into a hug.

Jay wrapped his arms around the former bartender of Molly's. Memories of her getting shot when he had the bounty on his head came flooding back to him."It's good to see you"

Maddie smiled and pulled away from Jay. "So, can I buy you that drink now? I mean I did take a bullet for you and all"

Jay nodded and gestured to the empty bar stool next to him. "One drink. Then I need to go"

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Erin stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her naked form. She had to admit that Voight was right. They'd stopped for some dinner at "Steak and Shake" and she'd ate and that gave her the energy to take a hot shower and actually enjoy it. God, sometimes all you need is to get clean to feel better.

Erin walked out of her bathroom and into her bedroom. She grabbed her brush off of the dresser and started running it through her wet hair. She noticed the fading purple mark on her collarbone and she ran a finger over it and smiled sadly.

She figured Jay would go back to his place. After all, she'd told him to get out of her life. Of course he'd listen to her when she asked that, but ignored her when she asked him not to tell Hank about her panic attack. She still couldn't believe how empty this apartment felt without him. She missed him. She missed everything about him.

She missed him fighting with her over the remote over which late night Jimmy was better: Jimmy Fallon or Jimmy Kimmel, she missed how he'd sleep with one leg out of the blankets, she missed the way his Axe Body Wash smelled on the loofah in her shower that he claimed he "didn't use", she missed the way he'd run his hand through her hair while they'd lay in bed as she'd drift off to sleep.

Jay had done so much to help her since she'd come home from the hospital. He'd taken her to doctor's appointments, changed her bandages and drain tubes without batting an eyelash. Sure he'd made some questionable dinners and taken a little longer helping her get dressed after her showers than he probably needed to, but he'd never left her side.

Erin got dressed and went to the kitchen. God, she needed a drink.

She walked to the fridge and opened the door and pulled out a Smirnoff and she opened the top and turned to throw the bottle cap away.

And that's when she saw it.

The white envelope sitting on the coffee table in her living room. She walked over to it and saw "Erin" written across the front

She knew the handwriting and she smiled sadly as she ran her hand across the front and she sat down on the couch and opened the letter. The small gold key fell out and Erin looked at it and laid it down next to her and pulled the letter out.

Erin,

I think the last time I wrote a letter I was in 5th grade asking Macy Jo Cameron if she liked me to circle "yes" or "no". That's a pretty big deal to a 10 year old. I thought I was in love at 10. But I was wrong. Sure, sharing packed lunches and pushing her on the swings at recess was in some aspect "love" but, It wasn't love. I didn't know love, not until I met you. I guess you're a lot like the adult version of Macy Jo, we share lunches, but instead of the swings, you drive me around in the car (Still not down with the house husband feeling). But what I've realized in the two months that I got to be Erin Lindsay's boyfriend is that you're even more spectacular than I ever knew. I love everything about you. Every. Single. Thing. Every freckle, every mood swing and every scar. Strikingly beautiful, and equally unaware of it. Quick witted and strong willed. You possess the deep, soulful eyes of an artist, and a shy smile that regularly betrays the tough facade you do your best to keep up. You asked me at the Policeman's Ball if I believed in magic, the answer to that is yes. You're the magic in my life, Erin. I hope that one day you're able to forgive me for telling Voight about your panic attacks. I only did it to help you. Just promise me that you'll find what makes you happy. If it's me and I pray that it is, then I'll go to the ends of the Earth to make you happy. If it's someone else, that's great. I just want you to find what makes you happy. What makes you the person that me and everyone at the precinct love. I am running out of paper, but I could go on forever. Just know how much I love you. My friend, my girl, my Erin.

Love,

Jay

Erin folded the letter up and looked at the clock. It was still early. She was sure he'd be up. So she quickly went into the bedroom and threw on some sweats and grabbed her keys and left.

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"I think...I'm...drunk" Jay closed his eyes as Maddie helped him to the bed in his apartment.

Maddie laughed to herself as leaned into her as he sat on the bed. "I think just a little bit, Halstead"

Jay closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Maddie's middle and exhaled. "Erin..."

Maddie rolled her eyes and ran her hands through Jay's hair. "Jay, I'm Maddie...remember?"

Jay's head fell back as his drunken gaze tried to focus on the brunette standing in front of him. He laid back against the bed and rubbed his eyes. "Where's Erin?"

Maddie shrugged her shoulders "I don't know. Jay, you've asked me that same question all night"

Jay sat up on his elbows. The room was spinning so he closed his eyes as he spoke. "I...Need...To...See...Her"

Maddie knelt down and said "I'm sorry. But you're in no condition to do anything"

Jay took her Maddie's explanation and laid back onto his bed and fell asleep.

Maddie sighed and looked around Jay's apartment. She knelt down by the bed and started to untie Jay's shoes when a knock at the door startled her. She stood up and looked at Jay who was softly snoring.

Maddie walked over to the door and looked in the peephole before opening it.

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Erin held Jay's letter tight in her hand as she waited for the door to Jay's apartment to open. She smiled when she heard the lock flip and the door slowly open. Erin's smile slowly fell as she looked at the girl in front of her.

"Um...Hi" Maddie said leaning against Jay's door.

"Maddie, hi...how are you?" Erin asked.

"I'm ok. How are you, Erin?" Maddie asked.

Erin looked down at the floor. "I'm ok. Is Jay here?"

Maddie nodded. "Yeah, he's asleep though. He had a long night"

Erin nodded and stepped back away from the door.

"Do you want to come in?" Maddie asked.

Erin shook her head "No...I'm sorry. I should've called first"

Maddie nodded "Do you want me to give Jay a message?"

Erin shook her head again "No...no message. Have a nice night"

"You too" Maddie said closing the door.

Erin let go of the strangled sob she'd been holding in. She walked to the elevator and pressed the down button. The letter she held in her hand falling from her hand and floating down to the wood floor at her feet.