17. All of Me Loves All of You

Thanks for the reviews! I know I say it every chapter but I do appreciate them. Since I probably won't get to update for a few days, this one is going to be kind of longer. If you are celebrating Thanksgiving tomorrow, then I hope that it's a very blessed day. If you don't celebrate Thanksgiving, I still hope that you have a blessed day. If you're going Black Friday shopping...God's Speed and "May The Odds Be Ever In Your Favor.

00000000000000000000000000000

The sound of the blender running woke Jay from his sleep. He groaned and squeezed his eyes shut as the dull ache in his head made itself known.

"Good morning, sleepy head" Maddie said

Jay's eyes opened and he sat up on his bed. He saw Maddie standing in his kitchen still dressed in her clothes from last night. Jay looked down and saw that he was still dressed in what he'd worn the night before.

"Morning" Jay said getting out of bed and walking to the kitchen.

"I made you this" Maddie said pouring a glass of liquid from the blender and into a cup before handing it to Jay.

Jay looked down at the green liquid and smelled it before frowning. "What is it?"

Maddie shrugged her shoulders. "Just a little hangover cure, you pick up a few things from bartending...try it, you'll like it"

Jay sighed and took a drink. It wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. "It's not that bad"

Maddie smiled "I told you so. I went and got your paper this morning. I sat it on your table"

"Thanks" Jay said and he walked over to the table and saw a piece of folded up paper laying on the coffee table in front of his couch. He bent down to pick it up and unfolded it.

All he saw was "Erin" across the top of the letter and the drink he was holding fell from his hand and onto the floor.

The sound of glass shattering tore Maddie's gaze from the sink and over to where Jay was standing. She smiled and took a step towards him "Good job clumsy"

Maddie's smile fell when she saw Jay turn around holding the letter in his hands. "Where did this come from?"

Maddie shrugged her shoulders "I don't know"

"Where the hell did you find this?" Jay asked again raising his voice.

"I found it in the hall" Maddie said getting defensive. "She stopped by..."

"She what?" Jay said taking a step towards Maddie. "When?"

Maddie shurgged her shoulders again "I don't know. Last night...about 10"

Jay felt his heart racing "What did you do?"

Maddie shook her head "Nothing. I answered the door. She didn't want to stay"

"Shit" Jay exclaimed and grabbed his keys off the coffee table and went to put his shoes on.

"Where are you going?" Maddie asked.

"I've got to go see Erin" Jay said as he finished slipping his shoes on.

"Jay, no you don't. I'm sure that she's fine" Maddie said walking over to him.

"You don't understand Maddie" Jay said "You don't understand at all"

Maddie walked over and grabbed Jay by the arm. "Jay, just stay here with me. Forget about Erin"

Jay was about to respond when Maddie stood on her tip toes and crushed her lips against his.

Jay grabbed Maddie by the arms and gently pushed her away from him. "Maddie, you need to leave"

Maddie raised an eyebrow "Leave? I thought this was what you wanted. I thought you wanted me"

Jay shook his head "Maddie, at one time maybe. But this...I can't. You need to go...I have to go"

Maddie folded her arms over herself and looked at Jay. "You two will never work"

Jay ignored Maddie and walked out of his apartment leaving Maddie standing in the living room alone.

00000000000000000000000000000

Erin sat in Dr. Sullivan's office. Last night's events played through her mind. She expected to be mad at Jay, mad at Maddie, mad at the world. But she wasn't. If anything, she was numb. Numb to it all.

Her phone went off. She heard Jay's ringtone "Cop Car" by Keith Urban playing from inside her purse. Erin thought about answering it but decided not to. She'd deal with this later. The door to Dr. Sullivan's office opened and he walked in.

"Erin, I have to say. I'm really proud of you for coming in on your own will" Dr. Sullivan shook Erin's hand and sat down at his desk. "May I ask what changed your mind?"

Erin shrugged her shoulders. "I just had some advice from a friend"

Dr. Sullivan nodded. "So what would you like to talk about today?"

"I don't know" Erin shrugged her shoulders

"Should we talk about work?" Dr. Sullivan asked.

"Yeah" Erin said pulling her legs up under her on the couch.

"Do you see yourself always staying in intelligence?" Dr. Sullivan asked.

"Maybe. I don't really know. I love my job. Sometimes with certain cases, I wish there was more that I could do" Erin scratched the back of her neck subconsciously as she looked at Dr. Sullivan.

"More?" What do you mean?" Dr. Sullivan asked as he started making notes.

Erin shrugged her shoulders "I just mean that I'd like to see what it would be like to focus more on kids and them being victims of the crimes I see on a daily basis"

"You really care about kids don't you, Miss Lindsay?" Dr. Sullivan laid his pen down and looked over at Erin.

Erin nodded but didn't say anything.

"Do you want kids, Erin? Would you like to be a mother?" Dr. Sullivan sat back in his chair and folded his arms over his chest.

Erin thought for a minute. "I don't know. I've never really thought about it. I would like to. But, I don't know if I'd be a very good mother"

Dr. Sullivan nodded. "What makes you say that?"

Erin sighed and looked at her hands. Therapy is for the birds, that's for sure. "I didn't have the greatest example of parents. I don't want to ever put a child in that position. I'd hate to have a baby and not be able to give it the love it would deserve"

Dr. Sullivan picked up his pen and began to write again. "From what you've told me about taking care of your brother and taking care of the kids who you do rescue from crimes on a daily basis...I'd say you'd be an amazing mother if that's what you'd choose for yourself"

Erin nodded "People put you down enough, you start to believe it"

"I take it people have put you down a lot" Dr. Sullivan asked.

Erin nodded. "Something like that"

Dr. Sullivan nodded. "Well, I haven't known you very long. But I think that you're a very smart, driven and beautiful girl. You've got a lot of gifts that you should be sharing with the people who care about you"

Erin looked up at Dr. Sullivan "The bad stuff is easier to believe. Do you ever notice that?"

Dr. Sullivan nodded "That's because the brain handles positive and negative information in different hemispheres, Negative emotions generally involve more thinking, and the information is processed more thoroughly than positive information"

"Well how do we fix that?" Erin asked.

"Well, we're going to work on reprogramming your brain to believe the good things about yourself" Dr. Sullivan explained.

Erin laughed to herself. "Do you think I'm even fixable?"

Dr. Sullivan nodded "Miss. Lindsay, you're very fixable"

000000000000000000000000000000

Erin walked out of the clinic and went to the parking garage. Thunder rumbled in the distance and Erin looked up at the dark clouds that were rolling in. She tightened her sweater around her and walked up to her car and sighed when she saw Jay standing against it. Erin wasn't expecting to see him. That was for sure. But she had to face him sometime. She just thought it would be later.

Jay spotted Erin and watched as she walked the rest of the way over to him. He took a breath and looked at her.

"Hey" He said softly.

"Hey" Erin replied she looked everywhere but at Jay. She couldn't bring herself to look at him. Not yet.

"Erin, what you saw last night with Maddie..." Jay started.

Erin shook her head "You don't owe me an explanation. You're free to do what you want Jay. I don't expect you to sit and pine for me. You should be out doing what you want. With who you want. Don't let me stop you. Maddie seems like a good girl"

Jay held up his hand as an unspoken cue for Erin to stop talking. "If you'd please let me finish"

Erin pulled her sweater tighter around her and nodded.

"Nothing happened with me and Maddie. I swear to God on my life and on yours. I drank too much and I fell asleep. She slept on the couch and that is it" Jay assured

Erin nodded and looked at Jay. "I know that I said some really bad things to you and I am sorry for that"

Jay shook his head "Er, don't worry about it. It's fine. I've said some not nice stuff to you before. We've all been there"

Erin shrugged her shoulders "Yeah...but you were only trying to help me and I didn't make it easy on you"

Jay took a step towards Erin "Do you think that we could go back to your apartment and talk?"

Erin lifted her gaze to Jay's and nodded "Yeah, you can follow me there"

Jay nodded and watched as Erin walked past him and got into his car and followed her.

000000000000000000000000000

The rainstorm had hit downtown Chicago in full force. Erin and Jay walked around her apartment lighting candles just in case the power were to go off. The sound of the weatherman talking on the tv about how everyone should stay indoors and avoid travel if possible filled the silence as the two finished lighting candles.

"I think we're good to go" Jay said standing back.

"It's really a mix of smells in here now" Erin said stepping back from the counter where she'd lit the last candle.

"Yeah, who knew that you were such a Yankee Candle hoarder" Jay said looking around the living room at the various candles that filled the apartment. "Not really liking the smells that are mixing around in here...Kinda smells like we're baking cookies in a forest"

"Yeah...I don't really think they're meant to burn all at once" Erin sighed and went to sit down on the couch.

Jay followed and took a seat next to her. The two sat in silence for a few minutes watching the news and listening to the storm outside.

"How's your therapy going?" Jay asked.

Erin turned her head and looked at him. "It's ok I guess. I don't really like talking about such personal stuff. It just makes me feel weird telling a stranger things that even I don't like talking about"

"Like what?" Jay asked.

"Mostly about not feeling like I'm not worthy of love" Erin said looking down at the floor.

Jay frowned and he looked at her "Erin, I wish that you could see yourself the way that everyone else sees you"

Erin shrugged her shoulders. "How do you see me?"

Jay looked at Erin for a minute before reaching down and pulling her legs up onto his lap on the couch. "You want to know how I see you?"

Erin nodded and looked at him "Yes"

Jay cleared his throat and adjusted his position on the couch so that he was sitting at Erin's bare feet. Erin started to feel self conscious and instinctively started to pull her legs up to her.

Jay shook his head and grabbed her ankles and pulled them back down to him"I want to look at you."

Erin watched him through half lidded eyes as he ran his fingers along every line and curve on her body. "You are so beautiful," he whispered. "Every single part of you is beautiful." Erin's breathing became labored as he went over her body again, and she fought an internal battle to allow him to continue his investigations. "Your feet are so elegant, I loved watching your toes curl when we'd make love." Erin closed her eyes and let the heat of his words wash over her. His hand moved upward along her calf. "Your legs are long and sensual; your skin feels like silk." His fingers came to rest on her hips. "Your hips are incredible. My hands fit there perfectly when we dance."

He continued to her stomach. "This is my favorite spot. It's smooth and tight, and sensitive when I touch it just right." Erin whimpered as he circled her belly button and wriggled on the couch, looking for more. Jay smiled and trailed the porcelain line of skin that peeked out from under her shirt and ran down from her belly button. "This is the part that will one day give our children life, and protect them as they grow." Tears of happiness and frustration spilled from Erin's eyes but she made no move to brush them away. "This," he trailed his fingers to her breasts over her shirt. "These fit perfectly into my hands when we'd make love"

Jay ran his hands across and took ahold of her arms "These arms have held scared and abused kids, held me, given strength and love when people have needed it. These shoulders have held the weight of the world, carried the people you love through the hard times and remained strong enough to do it again."

He ran his hands along her face. "This mouth has comforted me, kissed me, brought me pleasure and spoken the greatest words I have ever heard. And these eyes," he traced the outline of her closed eyes with his thumbs. "These eyes have smiled, cried, laughed and shown me more love than words could ever say." Erin stopped him then, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck.

"I love you Jay" Erin.

Jay smiled down at her and ran his hand across her cheek "I love you, too"

The power flickering off caused Jay's gaze to lift from Erin's. He nuzzled his nose against hers and stood up from the couch and walked over to the windows to look at the dark city below. Only lit up by flashes of lightening.

He walked back over to Erin and sat beside her again, his eyes scanning her face, drinking in her beauty in the candlelight. Erin reached up and started unbuttoning her shirt but Jay reached his hand out and stopped her.

"Let me, love."

Erin dropped her hands and tilted her head back, her body shivering as his soft fingers brushed against her skin. Once he had the entire shirt unbuttoned, Jay slipped it down her arms and tossed it to the side. His eyes hungrily drank in the sight of her.

"Jay," Erin moaned as her head lifted and she looked at him, her eyes again dark and heavy lidded with desire. She reached over and grabbed the hem of his shirt, sliding it up his body. Jay lifted his arms and let her slide it over his head.

Erin tossed it in the same direction as her shirt before she reached out and pulled the snap on his jeans. Jay leaned back slightly and let her unzip him, his hips bucking as she deliberately brushed against his throbbing cock in the process. She tugged gently on his jeans and he lifted his hips in an attempt to help her divest him of his clothes. She left his boxers on and his cock twitched against the cotton fabric as she pulled his jeans off.

She reached up to cup him through his boxers and Jay took her hand, pulling it away from his aching flesh. She looked up at him, surprise coloring her features and he smiled as he sat up again.

"I want this to last. If you do that, it'll be over in seconds." Jay clamped his lips gently on her shoulder as he urged her to lay back again. "Besides, you're not naked yet. That's not exactly fair."

Jay unbuttoned her pants and slid them down her long legs, his cock hardening even more as each inch of her flesh was revealed.

"You might not think that once you've really taken a look at my scars." She tried to mask the worry in her voice, hoping her teasing tone accomplished it, but Jay heard her loud and clear.

Jay sighed and stood up off of the couch and pulled Erin by the hand and walking into her bedroom. He ran a hand over her cheek and gently pushed her back until she was laying on the bed.

He bent over her body and pressed soft kisses across her abdomen, letting his lips brush over each of the marks that were still fading. Erin slid her hands into his hair and sighed as his lips brushed over her body.

"You're so beautiful, Erin. I don't know how you don't believe me" Jay ran his tongue along the top edge of her panties before his fingers dipped into the sides and pulled them down her desire to bury his face in her core was overwhelming, but he resisted. He would get to that in good time. But right now he just needed to show this girl how beautiful he thought she really was.

His fingers caressed the insides of her thighs softly and her body arched toward him in response. "Every part of you is breathtaking, Erin. These scars will fade and even if they don't, I look at them and I only see what a fighter that you are. How strong you are. I see how much you've overcome. You see these as a sign of weakness? No baby, they're a sign of strength"

His fingers gently floated over her abdomen and traced the lines. The love she saw in his eyes as he did that made her breath catch in her throat. She saw herself through his eyes and it amazed and awed her. He leaned over with one knee between her thighs and kissed her abdomen again before making his way upward slowly, with open mouthed kisses, over her skin. He reached the underside of her breast and he slid his tongue along the length of her bra.

"Not very sexy, I'm afraid," she murmured above him, referring to her simple white bra. He lifted his head and smirked as his hands slid around her body, blindly reaching for the clasps.

"You have no idea how sexy it is, Erin." Jay removed her bra lovingly, His hands slowly running over her breasts.

A soft sound escaped Erin's lips and she felt a rush of warmth flood her core as her body reacted to the ministrations of his hands.

Jay kissed a gentle path across her chest and collarbone. Erin arched her back, silently begging him for more and he obliged her as his cock twitched against her thigh. The throbbing between her thighs was growing to an unbearable ache and Erin wasn't sure how much longer she'd be able to wait to finally feel him inside her again.

Erin reached one hand down and slid her fingers into his boxers, cupping him in her small palm. He groaned as his hips jerked and he pressed himself further into her hand. She stroked him slowly and firmly, the way she knew he liked, letting the silky liquid at his tip coat her palm with each upward stroke. Jay bit her neck softly in response and Erin's hips arched off the floor as an unexpected orgasm ripped through her body.

Jay lifted his head, a surprised look on his face as he looked down at her flushed face. Her eyes were clenched shut and her mouth was formed into a small "o" as her body continued to jerk beneath him. He lifted his hand to her cheek and cupped it gently in his palm, his thumb softly caressing the skin just beneath her eye.

Erin opened her eyes and smiled at him, almost embarrassed at her body's reaction.

"Wow," Jay whispered, letting her know how thrilled he was at her reaction and Erin sighed contentedly.

Her fingers never ceased their motions and Jay's large body shook above hers as she brought him closer and closer to the edge. He reached down and stopped her hand, the action almost killing him. But he intended to be inside her when he came.

Erin knew without him saying a word what he wanted and she removed her hands from the slit in front of his boxers. Using both her hands, she pushed them over his hips and Jay sat back as he took over for her and pushed them down his legs and off his body. There was nothing between them any longer.

Erin held her hand out to him, her eyes shining with the love and anticipation she was feeling. He moved between her thighs, his hands supporting his weight on either side of her torso. Neither one of them wanted to wait another minute. They'd waited long enough.

So Jay settled the tip of his cock at her entrance, rubbing it along the length of her folds, letting her coat him as he looked deeply into her eyes.

"Jay, please," Erin begged softly as her hips arched, trying to capture him, her body desperately needing the hard weight of him. Jay lowered his head and ran his tongue along her bottom lip and she opened her mouth, inviting him inside.

"I love you," he whispered against her lips before he slid his tongue and his cock inside her simultaneously. Her walls gripped him just as tightly as she always had and his eyes rolled back behind his eyelids. He deepened the kiss, letting his tongue sweep along the inside her of her mouth as his hips came to a stop against her pubic bone. He held still for a moment, savoring the feeling of having her wrapped completely around him again and he realized that this was what he lived for. The girl he lived for. The girl he'd lay down his own life for.

Erin gasped softly into his mouth and she tilted her hips as her body accepted him and adjusted to him again she pulled his mouth away from hers and opened her eyes to look up at him.

His eyes fluttered open and he looked down at her, his eyes dark and filled with something close to agony. But she recognized that agony immediately. It was the look he got when he was trying desperately to not move. When he wanted to savor the feeling of her around him but his will to move was overpowering him.

She clenched her muscles around him and Jay gasped and then groaned as his eyes slammed closed again. Unable to take the sweet torture any longer, he pulled almost all the way out of her before he slid smoothly back into her welcoming heat. Erin raised her knees and placed her feet on the bed as her arms encircled him in her embrace. Jay buried his face in her neck, his teeth sinking gently into the skin of her throat as he continued to move inside her, gathering speed and force with each thrust.

"You feel so good Er," he murmured against her skin as his tongue slipped out to sooth the mark he'd left on her tender skin.

Erin moaned his name, the only word she was able to form coherently as her body continued to get lost in the sensations his invading cock was producing. She titled her hips so that his shaft slid along her clit each time he slid into her. Jay slid his hand down her body to her hip and held her against him as he plunged into her heat over and over again. Erin kissed every inch of his head and face as he sucked on the warm skin of her throat. Finally, needing to kiss him, Erin pulled his lips to hers and slid her tongue into his mouth.

Jay moaned and his hips sped up as he felt that familiar tingling starting in his balls. His hand was slowly sliding to the juncture of her thighs, when her whole body arched off the floor and her walls clamped down around him like a vise.

"Jay," Erin pulled her lips away from his and screamed his name as her climax traveled up her legs and slammed into her core like a freight train. Jay watched her face and continued to thrust, harder and deeper as she road out the wave of her orgasm and he clenched his teeth, holding back his own release until he was sure she was finished. .

As her hips dropped back onto the blanket, Jay thrust one last time, before his cock exploded inside her. It felt so good that it was almost painful. Jay covered her lips with his own and kissed her mindlessly, losing himself inside her like he always did.

He collapsed on top of her and they both struggled to catch their breath between kisses. Despite the lack of air, neither one was willing to stop kissing the other. Temporary paralysis was something Jay would've worried about if he'd been able to worry about anything at that moment

Erin wrapped her arms around him lovingly as her fingers trailed up and down his sweat slicked back, urging his still quaking body to calm. They continued to kiss softly, the urgency of a few minutes earlier gone as their soft meeting of lips and tongue expressed their love more effectively than if any words were spoken.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, their lips parted and Jay slipped from her body, rolling them onto their sides. He cradled her against his chest and nuzzled her neck softly. They lay content in each other's arms, no words needed, for a long time. When Erin began to shiver, Jay leaned over and pulled the blanket over her body.

Erin raised her hand and ran her thumb over Jay's eyebrow. "I love you"

Jay turned his head and kissed Erin's wrist. "I love you too, Erin. So much"

Erin smiled "Just don't leave me. I know it's going take time...But I'll get back to me"

Jay's gaze never left Erin's "Baby, I'm not going anywhere. Whatever you need. As long as it takes. I'm all in"

"All in" Erin repeated and she tilted her head up and kissed him.

Jay sighed into her mouth, silently agreeing with her as he wrapped his arms around her again. There was nothing more fulfilling than sharing your soul with another person and Jay knew the woman in his arms would have his soul for the rest of his life. And there was nothing more in the world he wanted than that.

00000000000000000000000000000

I happened to catch "Chicago Fire" last night because Jesse was on it. If any of you don't watch "Chicago Fire" I'll just break the news. SPOILER IF YOU DO WATCH AND HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET... Brittany left Kelly...Now, I don't know if it's for good or not. But, I hope it's not some beacon back to Erin. Cause if it is, I'm already calling some serious Bull Shit. I just have flashbacks of all those years I shipped Brooke and Lucas on "One Tree Hill" and what a disappointment that was (I'm still blaming you, Chad Michael Murray) Anyway, I hope that you guys liked this chapter. I know that some of you will probably think their reunion was rushed. But, they're going to take it slow. It'll be a process...Have a great holiday!