41. All Along I Believed I Would Find You

Thanks for the reviews, I don't even know what to say about Chicago PD. Linstead was dead in the water before it even started. It's really a mix of emotions, I cried, I'm pissed, and just really annoyed which is a form of pissed I guess. I honestly thought I was prepared going into it last night. I was not. Because it hit me like a punch to the stomach. I'm telling you, this is why I try so hard not to get into ships I didn't learn that lesson with Brucas on "One Tree Hill" and I took the Linstead bait like a hungry trout. It would be easier on me had they not spent last week hinting about having a future together and I feel like I'd have appreciated all of their looks and kisses a lot more had I known that they were in fact having their last kiss (for now).

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"Are you sure that you're ok with her today?" Erin asked from the bathroom as she ran a brush through her hair. "You're ok to watch her and everything?"

Jay looked up from the changing table where he was drying Everly off from her bath. "You mean am I ok taking care of my own kid? I think I can manage"

"I didn't mean it like that. I just know that you and Ruzek had plans today" Erin explained as she walked out of the bathroom and over to the changing table and looked down at Everly and tickled the baby's belly before walking over to the dresser.

"We're going to Cabela's. Evie is going to love it" Jay finished lotioning up Everly's tiny body and started dressing her.

"Don't turn my sweet baby girl into a tomboy" Erin sighed and sat down on the bed as she slipped some socks on.

"You can't wait to spend the day with daddy can you. Do you want to hang out with your old man?" Jay asked looking down at Everly.

Everly smiled and cooed as she looked at her father before sneezing.

"Oh my" Jay said as Evie sneezed.

Erin stood up from the bed walked over to where Jay was. "She's been doing that a lot lately"

Jay shrugged his shoulders and looked at Erin. "People sneeze"

Erin sighed and placed her hand on Everly's forehead and cheeks. "She isn't warm"

"Erin, she's fine" Jay assured as he waited for Erin to move so he could finish dressing Evie.

"Maybe I should take her temperature. I can call Kim and cancel" Erin said as Everly turned her head and started to whine. "She obviously doesn't feel well. She's fussy"

Jay shook his head "Cause you're pissing her off. She's fine. Go have fun with Kim"

Erin looked from Evie to Jay and shook her head "Fine, but just promise me that you'll call me if she gets worse"

Jay nodded "I won't need to because you're going to be calling every 5 minutes. I'm not even going to be able to look at fishing boats for this summer. We're going to need it for the cabin"

Erin walked away from Jay and over to the closet. "I never agreed to go to Wisconsin"

"Sure you did" Jay said as he pulled Everly's arms through the pink dress he'd picked out earlier.

"When exactly did this happen?" Erin asked.

"February 14 at 10:46pm" Jay answered picking Everly off of the changing table and kissing the side of her head as he rubbed her back.

"You can't take advantage of me when I'm on a pain killer induced cocktail" Erin said folding her arms over her chest.

"Baby, an agreement is an agreement. Your word in your bond" Jay explained a smile forming on his face.

"We're not going to Wisconsin" Erin raised an eyebrow and looked at her husband.

Jay shook his head and walked the short distance over to Erin. "Oh, we're going. If I have to live with Hank Voight for a month than you're going to Wisconsin"

"Not this again" Erin groaned "It's a really great idea"

Jay shook his head "Living with Voight is not a good idea. We don't have sex now, we're never going to have sex again. Not only living in his house, but living next door? That's like an unfunny version of "Everybody Loves Raymond" only it's "Everybody Hates Jay"

"Jay, It's April 9th our lease is up in less than three weeks. It's not just about you and me" Erin placed a hand on Everly's back and looked up at her husband.

"I know it's not" Jay said. "I just don't want you to agree to moving next door, at least agree to look at a few more places before you agree to move into the house next door to Voight"

"Ok" Erin agreed "And for the record, Hank doesn't hate you"

Jay rolled his eyes "Yeah, ok"

"He doesn't. And for that matter, you two seemed to be in bonding mode over the White Sox game the other night" Erin smiled as she looked at Jay.

"I was just being kind" Jay explained "Trying to set an example for our daughter"

"It's ok to like Hank, Jay. You can come to the dark side. We're fun over here. We'll treat you right" Erin teased.

"There are ways you can treat me right, baby" Jay supported Everly's head as he leaned down to nuzzle his nose against Erin's before kissing her.

Erin pulled back from Jay's kiss and looked up at him "Well, if you agree to move in with Hank for a month, I could think of a few ways to treat you right"

"Like what?" Jay asked as Erin reached over to take Everly from his arms.

"I'll think of something" Erin said placing a kiss on Evie's forehead. "Maybe even surprise you"

"Is the surprise the thing we don't do or the thing we NEVER do?" Jay asked.

"Well, it's not going to be either of those so dream another dream detective" Erin laughed as she watched Jay's smile fall.

"I don't want to live with Hank. It's going to be awkward. I just have visions of him standing over me with a pillow in the dark" Jay shook his head and frowned.

"If you can't live with Hank for me...then do it for Evie" Erin turned Everly in her arms so she was facing her father.

"You did not just play that card" Jay sighed and looked at his wife.

Erin nodded and her gaze dropped down to Everly who was smiling at her father as Erin swayed side to side.

"Say please daddy. Do it for me so I don't have to live on the street next month" Erin placed a kiss on the top of Evie's dark hair and breathed in the soft scent of baby lotion.

"Fine. We'll move in with Hank" Jay conceited "But you owe me"

Jay held up his finger as he walked towards the bathroom "You owe me big"

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Erin reached the front door of the apartment, her step a bit lighter than it was this morning. "Girls Day" with Kim had actually been a welcome relief from the daily struggles of motherhood. Not that Erin didn't completely and utterly love her baby girl, she did. But, a break for a few hours was really nice. Her doctor's appointment the day before had went very well with Dr. Backus giving her a clean bill of health all around. She was absolutely thrilled and knew Jay was as well. It had been too long since they'd been intimate. Although they cuddled and caressed and held one another, not being able to make love had been torture on them both. Of course most of the time, they were both too exhausted to do anything more than snuggle, but the reality that they could now was an eagerly welcome relief.

Erin slipped her key into the lock and turned the handle. She pushed the door open and stepped into the warm apartment, her eyes falling on the most beautiful sight she'd ever seen. She quietly closed the door behind her as but her eyes never left the two people laying on the couch in front of her. Jay was reclined on the sofa, bare-chested with Everly sleeping peacefully against his heart. Everly was dressed only in a diaper but didn't appear to be cold as she lay safe and protected in her father's arms. Jay's arms were wrapped around Everly's tiny body with one hand at the base of Everly's head and the other resting gently on the baby's bottom.

Tears sprung to Erin's eyes as she drank in the sight of them together. In front of her were the two people she loved most in the world and seeing them so content together warmed her heart like nothing else ever had. Erin slipped her coat off her arms and dropped it softly onto the chair beside the sofa before she padded quietly to the bedroom. She quickly grabbed the camera that was sitting in the closet and walked over to the couch and snapped a photo of the sight in front of her.

Erin looked down at the recorded image on her camera As her thumb moved slowly over the screen, Erin realized her daughter's face was exactly as she dreamed it so long ago. A perfect combination of both she and Jay. She had Jay's eyes and her nose and bone structure The only difference was the smile. Although Everly had only started smiling in the last week, just as they both suspected she had dimples.

Erin placed the camera on the coffee table in front of her and continued to watch her husband and daughter. She didn't have the heart to wake them as much as she wanted to let them both know she was home. She looked over at the clock on the wall and noticed that it was about time for Everly's late evening feeding. She'd taken a bit longer with Kim than she originally anticipated and was nervous that Everly would become hungry before she returned home. She'd pumped some milk just in case but she knew Jay was a bit nervous about giving it to Everly, not exactly sure what temperature was appropriate for her tender tongue.

Her lips curved into a soft smile when she saw Everly stirring against Jay's chest. She'd really started to come into her own in the last week or so with hints of her personality coming out more and more each day. She'd started to respond to stimuli such as objects placed in front of her. She'd grab for things that were held close to her and she was starting to make facial expressions in response to sounds and sights around her. She'd started sucking her index and second finger and not her thumb and both Jay and Erin thought that was strange until Jay's mom showed them a picture of Jay doing the same thing as an infant. Apparently he hated his thumb for some reason and enjoyed his two fingers much more. She'd started loving bath time as she quickly realized that the water was fun and seemed to get a reaction out of mom and dad when she'd kick her legs and splash in her baby tub. And each and every day they both fell more in love with her.

Evie started to whimper softly and Jay's eyes fluttered open in response to the sound. Erin stood and walked over to them, crouching down next to them as her hand reached out and softly caressed Everly's soft hair, her whimpering instantly ceasing as she recognized her mother's touch.

"Hey," Jay murmured sleepily as Erin leaned down and kissed Everly's head softly before kissing Jay on the lips just as softly. "Mmmm. When did you get back?"

"Not too long ago." Erin frowned softly as she noticed that Everly's forehead was still warm. "She still feels warm," she commented as Everly's eyes fluttered as she began to wake.

"Yeah. That's why we took our clothes off. I was hoping it would help cool her down a bit."

Everly recognized her mom and started to fuss a bit and Erin lifted her from Jay's chest and cradled her against her own. She rubbed her face against hers before she settled comfortably against her chest as her two fingers instantly entered her mouth.

"So, you felt the need to go shirtless out of sympathy?" Erin teased as Jay sat up and reached his hand out to her to pull her down next to him on the sofa. He helped her to settle next to him and wrapped his arms around both of them.

He nuzzled her neck softly as Everly's eyes wandered around the room, her head bobbing softly as she took in the sights. "Well, she was really fussy and I remember you reading to me that it can help calm an upset baby to hear mom's heartbeat and feel skin to skin contact. I was at wit's end so figured I'd try it with dad's."

"Did it help?"

"Yeah, she nodded off very quickly actually. I guess she likes my broad chest and manly heartbeat." Jay smiled proudly, touched by his daughter's ability to recognize and be soothed by his heartbeat.

"I know I do." Erin leaned her head on his shoulder and sighed softly as Everly settled more comfortably in her arms. Jay reached out and caressed Everly's cheek lightly as the small baby's eyes settled on her dad's face.

Jay kissed Erin's temple before making silly faces at his daughter. Everly gasped, her only real language skills as of yet and Jay tapped her on the nose. Everly removed her hand from her mouth and reached up and grabbed Jay's finger and pulled it to her mouth.

"So, how was girls day?" Jay gently massaged Everly's gums as Everly sucked on his father's finger.

"Perfect," Erin turned her face and smiled up at him as she brushed her lips gently against his. "How was Cabela's?"

Jay shrugged his shoulders. "It was ok. Ruzek and I found a boat"

"How much?" Erin asked

"It's not important" Jay said. "I'm not going to get it"

"How much was it?" Erin asked.

"About $4,000" Jay said.

Erin was quiet for a few moments before speaking. "Do you think Ruzek would go in half with you?"

"Oh, I don't doubt it. But he and I don't go fishing that much" Jay explained.

"You should get it" Erin ran her hand down Everly's back and looked at Jay.

"Baby, we've got a house we need to think about buying. I don't need a fishing boat" Jay assured.

"Jay, you sacrifice so much for me and Everly, you should have something for yourself. We can afford you buying the boat or going in half with Adam if that's what you want" Erin held Jay's gaze.

"I don't know" Jay said.

"Just think about it" Erin said.

"What did Kim say about babysitting this weekend?" Jay asked.

"She said that she and Ruzek would be happy to do it. They were supposed to have a date this weekend but Adam wanted to take her out tonight instead. But she said they'd watch Ev for us for a few hours" Erin explained tilting her head up to kiss her husband.

"Thank God," Jay growled softly against her lips before his mouth closed over hers. Erin moaned softly and opened her mouth, letting him slide his tongue between her lips to taste her.

After several minutes Erin pulled her lips away and leaned her forehead against his cheek. "I told Hank we'd move in"

"Do we really have to go?" Jay pouted as Everly released his finger and replaced it with her own as her eyes scanned the living room.

"We can't back out now" Erin replied and Jay dropped his head onto her shoulder.

"I set up that appointment with the realtor" Jay said "Just to keep our options open. You know if our decision to live with Hank Voight or next door to Hank Voight doesn't work out"

Erin chuckled softly at the tone in his voice "For the last time, Hank likes you. He just has a hard time showing it."

Jay rolled his eyes and saw the camera on the table. "What's that?"

"I may have taken a picture of you and Evie."

Jay slid out from behind Erin and reached over to pick up the camera. His eyes misted as he looked down at the image of him and his daughter. She'd captured it so perfectly Jay felt his heart stumble in his chest.

He turned his head to look at her. "It's perfect."

"Yes it is." Erin agreed as she leaned forward and kissed him before she shifted so she could stand again. Jay helped her and then stood as well.

Jay sighed and looked down at Everly "So, about what we talked about earlier, Evie-bug. You're going to go to sleep early and stay asleep for a long time tonight so that daddy can seduce mommy, and I'll buy you that big wheel with all the bells and whistles like we talked about, right?"

Jay lifted Everly gently so he could look in her face. Everly looked blankly at him, the right corner of her mouth quirking slightly and Jay smiled and rubbed his nose against Everly's small one. "Sure you are," Jay responded to his own question as Everly smiled and gasped at the contact as she kicked her legs excitedly.

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"How was your dinner? Was it ok?" Adam asked as he and Kim walked along Navy Pier.

"It was delicious. Thank you for takimg me out" Kim smiled at Adam and linked her arm through his.

"Good...good" Adam's voice trailed off as he and Kim walked along the pier.

"Are you ok?" Kim asked looking over at Adam.

"Yeah...yeah, I'm great" Adam assured. "Do you want to go on the ferris wheel?"

Kim looked at the ferris wheel on the pier and then at Adam. "Sure"

"Great" Adam said wrapping his arm around Kim and walking towards the ferris wheel.

"I told Erin that we'd babysit this weekend" Kim said as she and Adam paid for their tickets and waited to get on the ferris wheel.

"Yeah, Jay mentioned that she was going to ask you. I told him that I figured that you'd say yes" Adam reached his hand into the pocket of his sports coat and he willed his heart to stop racing as he and Kim stepped onto the ferris wheel and took a seat.

"I love that little girl so much. I don't mind spending a few hours with her. It'll be a fun, learning experience" Kim smiled at Adam as he wrapped his arm around her.

"Learning expierence? Yes...I'm not so sure about the fun part" Ruzek joked.

"Please, you love that baby" Kim said.

"She is pretty bad ass" Adam confessed. "But our kids are going to be a lot cooler"

"So much cooler" Kim agreed.

Kim laid her head on Adam's shoulder as Adam ran his thumb over her shoulder as the ferris wheel made it's rotation towards the top.

"Are you ok?" Kim asked.

"Yeah" Adam said his knee starting to shake. "Actually, I need to talk to you"

Kim felt her heart sink to her stomach and willed herself not to cry. This was it. Adam was going to break up with her. Why did he have to do it here? Why couldn't he just have done it when they weren't 150 feet in the air? Now she was going to have to ride all the way to the bottom with the man who was about to break her heart.

"Adam...if this is..." Kim started.

"Can I talk first?" Adam asked.

Kim nodded as her gaze fell down to her feet as the song "Back at One" by Brian McKnight started to play over the speakers.

"I love you" Adam started. "You know that right?"

Kim nodded and looked out at the city lights and the river below them.

"I've been in love with you since you did that stupid traffic cop dance, shaking your hips and directing traffic this way and that way. And I knew that one way or another you were going to be in my life forever. Up until recently I didn't think that anything could come between us and then you were shot. And that was the scariest moment of my entire life. And I think it made me love you even more because you were so graceful and forgiving towards Roman for not watching out for you like he was supposed to. I am constantly in awe of you, I'm in awe of your compassion, your drive, you kindness, your heart. Your beautiful heart that's always looking out to help and care for others. I think it's what I love most about you. And I don't know where life is going to take us, but I know there's noone else I want to share this crazy life with us. I searched for you and I've finally found you, my missing piece. The girl who puts peanut butter on her pancakes, the girl who cries when she watches "Titanic", the girl who would burn water when it comes to cooking a meal. But also the girl I can't imagine a life without. So, I guess the point of my rambling is...I love you. I'm so completely in love with you and I want our life together to start as soon as possible. So, would you please do me a favor?"

The tears that Kim had been trying to fight slid freely down her cheeks as Adam reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a small black box.

"Kimberly Anne Burgess, will you marry me?" Adam asked opening the black box with shaking hands.

"Yes...A million times yes" Kim said as she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Adams' neck and kissed him.

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Jay flipped the channels on the TV as he and Erin sat in the living room. Erin stood from the couch and laid a sleeping Everly down in the bassinet next to the couch and she moved to sit down next to her husband.

Jay wrapped his arm around Erin's shoulder and covered his mouth as he yawned.

"Don't tell me you're tired" Erin said looking up at Jay as she tilted her head.

"Well, what do you expect it's..." Jay said looking towards the clock 9:15. My God, I'm getting old"

"Well, you are going to be 30 soon. One foot in the grave, the other on a banana peel" Erin smiled and laughed at her own joke.

"That's funny" Jay said. "You'll be 30 soon enough"

"Aw" Erin smiled and ran her finger over Jay's jaw and down to his chin "The Dirty 30 Club won't be so bad"

Erin ran her hand back up Jay's face and he turned his head and kissed the inside of her wrist before focusing back on the TV.

Erin looked over at the basinett where Everly was sleeping and she stood up. "Let's go"

"Where are we going?" Jay asked looking up at his wife as she stood from the couch.

"In here" Erin said gesturing the short distance to the bedroom.

"What about Ev?" Jay asked looking over to where his sleeping daughter was.

"She'll be ok. She'll sleep for a few hours" Erin explained walking towards the bedroom.

Jay stood and followed Erin and he stopped as she turned in the doorway.

Erin stopped in the doorway and wrapped her arms around him. Looking into his eyes, she moved forward and kissed him sweetly. "I want you to make love to me," she whispered between kisses.

Jay deepened the kiss, wrapping his arms tighter around her back as he drew her closer to his body. Erin moaned softly and slid her hands up his back, her slender fingers running gently through his hair as she pulled his head closer to her own. Jay guided her deeper into the room, pulling their bedroom door to a crack with his foot as his hands roamed the gentle expanse of her back, slipping underneath the loose hem of her t-shirt. She pulled away enough for him to slip the shirt over her head and returned her mouth to his as she expertly unfastened the buttons on his shirt. He rolled his shoulders, allowing her to guide the garment off of him and moved his hands to her bra, unhooking the single clasp quickly. Erin moaned again as her bra fell to the floor, her tight nipples making contact with the warm skin of his chest. She pressed against him, longing for more contact as he broke the kiss and moved to her neck, suckling her sweet skin. His hands found the soft mounds of her ass and he lifted her gently, wrapping her legs around his back as his tongue traced the shape of her ear. .

Jay took the few remaining steps to their bed and leaned forward, easing her down gently. His lips trailed kisses down her chest, closing over her nipple as his hands worked on the string of her sweats. Erin moaned and tugged impatiently at his hair, lifting her hips off the bed so he could pull her pants from her body. "Jay," she whispered, reaching out for him as his tongue traced the circle of her belly button. He sensed the urgency in her voice and slid up her body, their mouths joining again. Her nails raked down his chest gently as they found their target and made quick work of the button on his jeans. He pulled away one final time, standing up to slide out of his jeans. Kicking them off his feet, he toed off his socks and opened the drawer of his nightstand. Erin nibbled on her lower lip as she watched him pull a condom from the drawer and rip the foil open with his teeth. She sat up slowly and reached for him, kissing him softly as she ran her hands along the length of his hardening cock.

She smiled inwardly as he moaned into her mouth, and she gripped his shaft tighter in her hand, stroking him faster. She ran her thumb along the tip of his cock, spreading the moisture she was beginning to feel. Jay's muscles tensed and he swatted her hands away. She refused to budge, instead reaching out to retrieve the condom from his hand as her tongue tangled with his, copying the actions of her hand on his cock. She moaned into his mouth as his hands kneaded her sensitive breasts, rolling her swollen nipples around on his fingers. She rolled the condom over him quickly, needing to end the games they were playing with each other. He eased her down again and ran his hand gently down her body, slipping a finger between her dripping thighs. She cried out softly as his fingers slid inside her and she arched her back in an attempt to get them deeper. His fingers pumped in and out of her soaked folds, his thumb massaging the swollen nub simultaneously. Erin cried out again and dug her nails deep into his back, sure she had drawn blood.

Jay pulled his hands away from her body and slid them under her knees, positioning himself between her thighs. The tip of his cock teased her folds slightly and she rolled her hips impatiently, helping him find his mark. His fingers pinched her nipples hard just as his cock slid inside her and she moaned deep into his mouth, the sensations overwhelming her. He thrust slowly at first, trying to let her body readjust to the invasion. Erin rolled her hips higher, panting softly as his body came in contact with her swollen clitoris, harder with every stroke. She wrapped her legs around his waist, urging him deeper and his mouth broke away from hers. He straightened up and began to move faster, his eyes watching every expression on her face.

"Harder," she whispered, her hands covering his on her hips as he lifted her bottom off the bed. "I need you deeper." Jay grunted and pounded inside her, eliciting a quiet keening from his wife. "Jay," she moaned softly. "Jay I'm gonna come." Jay grunted again and shifted his hand, flicking his thumb over her swollen clit. Instantly, her walls tightened around his cock and she wailed as quietly as she could muster, squeezing his body with her thighs. He recited a multiplication table in his head as he continued to thrust, riding out her orgasm with her before he began to pound again. The keening returned and his hand found its mark on her clit once again, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger.

"Don't stop" she moaned.

Jay groaned with the effort and moved inside her faster. He felt her muscles contract again and he growled at the sensations of her heat on his throbbing cock. She groaned loudly and arched her back as another orgasm shot through her. Panting wildly, she placed her hand on his chest to still his movements. "What's wrong?" Jay asked as he struggled to catch his breath. Erin shook her head and pushed him off of her. Jay's breath was ragged and his eyes glazed as she pushed him to roll so he was reclined back against the pillows and the headboard of the bed..She leaned forward and moved to straddle him "It's my turn now" Erin said biting her lip as she felt him slide into her. Jay growled and grabbed onto Erin's hips and set the pace he wanted her to go. Erin bit her lip to keep from screaming as she felt Jay's hips slam up into hers. She winced at the momentary pain but continued to meet him thrust for thrust. "God Jay" Erin groaned as she leaned back and placed her hands on his knees. Jay slammed his hips up off of the bed and into Erin's one last time as his release hit him.. Erin's pace slowed down and she slowly rocked in his lap as they both finally caught their breath.

Erin leaned down her head resting against Jay's neck as she caught her breath.

"That was fucking amazing. My wife is the sexiest, woman alive" Jay confessed as his heart continued to race.

Erin smiled and laughed softly against Jay's chest and she pulled back to look at her husband.

"Not bad for a first post baby sex" Erin raised an eyebrow and leaned down to kiss Jay.

As she leaned forward Jay raised his hand to her face and gently took ahold of it. Erin's eyes fluttered open as she met the gaze of her blue eyed husband.

"I love you, Erin" Jay confessed his breathing returning back to normal. "And not because of sex or anything like that. I love you because you're the best thing in my life and you gave me the most amazing daughter, I love you more than anything in the world and when I look at you, rather it be across the living room, or across the bullpen at work I know in my heart that there's no other woman for me. There's nobody who I'd ever want to share my life with. Nobody I want in the rocking chair at our cabin in Wisconsin when we're 90 and there's nobody else I'd rather share this crazy life with than you"

Erin's hazel eyes welled with tears as she tilted her head into Jay's hand on her cheek. "I love you, I'm so completely and deeply in love with you. Always"

Jay smiled and leaned up to kiss Erin just as the sound of Everly's cries filled the apartment.

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Please Review...My broken Linstead heart could use a little cheer. We'll get through this together you guys. After all, Rose broke it off with Jack but then she changed her mind...but then he died, so that's not really a good example, but you catch my drift.