87. Never Grow Up

Thanks for the feedback guys. It honestly made me tear up to know that this story continues to be supported. You really have given me an outlet to tell my version of Linstead and I honestly never thought that this story would turn into anything that ya'll would ever even like. Thank you so much for the sweet reviews and PM's I appreciate each and every one of them and have taken into consideration what you've said.

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Erin's eyes fluttered open as she took in the darkness and the cool air around her. She sat up in bed and held the blankets against her naked form as she noticed the space next to her was empty.

She ran a hand through her messy hair and looked over at the clock and saw that it was just after three in the morning.

Erin slipped out of bed and pulled on Jay's discarded shirt that was laying on the floor and some underwear before heading downstairs to find her husband.

Erin smiled when she saw Jay sitting by the fireplace in front of the picture window of their cabin watching it snow.

She watched him silently for a few moments, silently thanking whoever was up there that he was hers and only hers for the rest of her life.

Erin silently walked over to the oversized recliner and Jay's eyes rose to meet hers.

"Room for two?" Erin asked as she looked down at her husband who was sitting under a quilt.

"With your cold ass feet? No" Jay teased.

Erin scoffed and turned on her foot to walk away and Jay quickly grabbed her by the hand and laughed as he pulled Erin back to him.

"Come here" Jay said as he lifted the quilt and pulled Erin in next to him.

Erin laid her head down against Jay's shoulder and tilted her head to look up at him and ran her hand across his stubble covered cheek.

"Have you slept any?" Erin asked as she noticed her husband's tired eyes.

"For a little while. You know those sex tips from those magazines will wear a man out." Jay teased as he placed a kiss on Erin's forehead.

Erin gave Jay a smile and cuddled deeper into him. "Babe, seriously, why are you awake? It's the middle of the night"

Jay sighed and shook his head "Just a nightmare"

"Another one?" Erin asked as she looked up at him. "Jay, this is starting to get serious, you need to go and..."

Jay shook his head "Erin, I'm fine. Really. I've got it under control"

Erin's eyes kept focus on Jay's face as she searched his face. "Jay, please...just go talk to someone about this before it gets worse"

Erin felt Jay tense against her "Erin, it's fine. Really. I don't want to hear anything else about it"

Erin nodded and looked out the picture window as the snow fell. "Ok"

Jay looked down at his wife and he instantly felt guilt as he looked at her "Erin..."

Erin shook her head "It's fine"

Jay ran his hand down Erin's cheek and tilted her head up to look at him. "It's not fine. I'm sorry"

"Then talk to me" Erin pleaded. "Tell me what I can do to help you"

Jay shrugged his shoulders and sighed "I don't know. Sometimes I think I'm passed the help that you can give me...That anyone can give me"

Erin watched as Jay looked away from her and she sighed and looked out the window. "Did I ever tell you that winter is my favorite time of year?"

Jay looked back at Erin and shook his head "Erin, you hate being cold"

Erin shrugged her shoulders as she felt Jay run his fingers through her hair. "I know that. I just mean, I love when it snows, like this. It reminds me of being little. Before Teddy was born and when my mom and dad were sober. I remember them taking me to pick out a Christmas Tree and I couldn't have been much older than Everly, and I remember they were both holding one of my hands and we were walking and looking at the trees and it started snowing and Bunny had picked me up to carry me while my dad got the tree and I remember just feeling so safe, like this person was going to always protect me from everything. I guess I didn't know how wrong I was."

Jay placed a kiss on the top of Erin's head and pulled her even closer to him. "Baby"

Erin shook her head "It's fine. I think it's why I worry so much about being a good mother to our kids. I want them to think of us and always have good memories and know that we tried hard to make sure that they had more than what we did. I want them to know that they have two parents who will always do anything and everything they can for them. I hope that they'll always have good memories of us when they're older. Not terrible memories that are hidden inside a handful of good ones"

Jay nodded and continued to run his fingers through Erin's hair. "Our kids are never going to have bad memories of us, Er. I can't promise you a lot. But I can promise you that. They're always going to know just how much we love and wanted them"

Erin smiled and ran her fingers across Jay's chest. "I just want them to feel like they belong. Because I never really felt like I did...Even when I was living with Hank and Camille and things were really, really good...I just always had that feeling that I didn't belong that something was missing."

Jay ran his hand from Erin's hair to her arm "I can understand that feeling. I used to have it when I came home from overseas"

Erin kept her gaze on the snow falling out the window and sighed.

"Really?"

Jay nodded and continued to watch the snow fall through the window. "When I was over there I started to feel like a part of me was missing. Especially when the others were always getting letters from home. When I came home the feeling kept growing and I tried a lot of different things to fill it. Some legal...some not...but finally on January 8, 2014 I found the missing piece"

Erin furrowed her brow and she looked up at Jay. "January 8th?"

Jay nodded "It was the day we met"

Erin's eyes welled with tears as she looked at Jay. "You remember the day?"

Jay brought his hand up and brushed Erin's hair across her face "The day my life changed for the better? I'll never forget it"

Erin leaned up and brushed her lips across Jay's "I love you"

Jay pulled back from Erin's kiss and ran his fingers gently over her cheek.

"I love you, Er"

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Adam walked into the kitchen inhaling deeply the aromatic scent that was coming from the stove.

"Kevin, man, you are a God, you know that?" Adam said as he walked over the stove to grab a piece of bacon off the plate. Kevin's hand came out and slapped his.

"Get lost Ruzek. Breakfast won't be ready for at least ten more minutes."

April laughed as she walked into the kitchen. "Awww, poor Adam getting scolded."

Adam narrowed his eyes at her and she leaned forward to kiss Kevin on the cheek.

"Why don't you go back out and play with Jackson and his new toys from Santa."

Adam rolled his eyes at April and she laughed again when he childishly stuck his tongue out at her when he thought she had her back turned.

"Didn't your wife tell you last night that it's not polite to do that?"

Adam put his arm around April's shoulders.

"April, I know you're dating one of my best pals, so I guess I should tell you that Kim loves it when I stick out my tongue. In fact she really loves it when…."

April smacked him on the chest. "Adam, don't. I do not need to hear what Kim lets you do to her." She scolded as Kevin laughed.

"Speaking of my tongue loving wife, where is she?" Adam asked as he sneaked another piece of bacon from the plate while Atwater wasn't looking.

April shook her head at him. "Adam you are something, you know that? She's outside on the front porch talking to Sean."

Adam looked toward the door and he could see them standing on the porch. He didn't want to spy but it took all his effort to not go over and look out the window. He walked to the refrigerator and took out the orange juice as he tried to keep his gaze away from the direction of the porch.

The door opened and Kim walked back in. Adam pretended not to see her and continued to read the label on the bottle of orange juice. She smiled, knowing what he was doing and she walked up behind him.

She slid her arms around his waist from behind and kissed his neck softly. "Hey, Sean would like to talk to you for a minute."

Adam turned around, pulling out of her embrace and looked at her skeptically.

"He's leaving but he just wants to talk to you first."

Adam looked at her and smiled. He could see the worry in her eyes and he reached up to cup her cheek.

"I'll be nice, I promise." He leaned down and kissed her before

handing her the orange juice and heading out the door. Kim bit her bottom lips as her eyes followed him.

Adam stepped out onto the porch where Sean was standing, looking down the street in the distance.

"Kim said you wanted to speak to me." Adam said as he stepped up beside him. The urge to pummel him into the ground had not lessened any and Adam put his hands in the pockets of his pants.

"Um, yeah." Sean began. He shifted nervously from one foot to the other. "Um, Kim told me that you saw what happened in the kitchen over Christmas."

"Yes, I did." Adam said, his tone even and controlled.

"Well, before I left, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I already apologized to Kim but I felt I owed you one as well. I never meant for my feelings for Kim to come out, especially not like that, and what I did was completely inappropriate."

"You're fucking right it was." Adam answered him harshly. He was trying to keep his temper in check but it was incredibly difficult.

Sean was not surprised by his response. "I had no right to act on my feelings and I had no right to kiss her."

Adam turned to Sean and decided to just lay it all on the line for him.

"Look, Roman, I told Kim I would be nice, but since it's just you and I here, I have a few things I want to say to you."

Sean braced himself for the verbal attack.

"It is taking all my strength not to pummel you for what you did not only over Christmas, but what you did to my wife when you were drinking last year. You know, I don't blame you for falling in love with Kim. I know better than anyone how easy she is to love. And I know you're still going to be working together but I want you to know I'm going to be watching you. Kim is my life. Everything I do including living and breathing is for her and I won't let anything or anyone jeopardize that."

"I understand Adam. And I don't blame you in the least."

"I don't give a shit what you think Sean." Adam stepped closer to him, getting right up into his face. "Stay away from my wife. I won't tell you twice."

Sean looked him straight in the eye as he nodded his head before he turned silently and walked off the porch to his car.

Adam watched him drive away. The door behind him opened and Kim walked out and over to where Adam was standing at the top of the steps.

"Did Sean leave?" She slipped her hand in his and he thread his fingers between hers.

Adam nodded. "Yeah."

"Did everything go okay?" Kim asked as she stepped closer to him.

Adam wrapped his arm around her and bent his head to kiss her softly. "Everything's fine Darlin. Sean and I understand each other completely."

Kim looked at him skeptically for a minute but then she smiled.

"Well, come on back inside. Breakfast is ready."

Kim tried to walk away but Adam tugged on her hand, pulling her off the porch.

"Adam, the kitchen is the other way."

"I know that Burgess. We're not going back in the house just yet. I want to give you your present first. The one I didn't get to give you on Christmas"

Kim looked at him funny. "Aren't you going to get a coat Adam? It is the middle of winter you know."

"I know that Burgess, but it's nice today. Just shut up and follow me, will you?"

Kim shrugged her shoulders and followed him silently as he led her to the side door of the detached two car garage of Atwater's house.

He stopped in front of it and turned back to her.

"Now close your eyes Kim." He urged as his grin widened. He was so excited to give her her present.

"What did you get me Adam? A new car?" She smirked as he narrowed his eyes at her.

"You're going to get nothing if you don't close your damn eyes and play along here." He grumbled and she laughed.

"Okay, Okay." She said as she closed her eyes. "But I hope you remembered that I like leather interior."

Kim heard some rustling in the garage and then she heard the door open. It was quiet for a minute and then the door opened again.

"Adam, what the hell are you doing?"

Kim felt warm breath on her face and she smiled, until she smelled it. She grimaced and Adam laughed. "Open your eyes Burgess," he whispered against her ear as she felt a tongue on her cheek. How could he be whispering in her ear and licking her face at the same time. What the hell was he licking her face for?

Kim opened her eyes and she looked into the soft brown eyes of a puppy. As if almost on cue, the puppy started to whimper and Kim's eyes widened as she turned to look at Adam.

Adam put the small yellow lab puppy in her arms and pulled her closer, sandwiching the small puppy between them.

"Adam? A puppy?" Kim asked as the puppy slobbered all over her face and she giggled softly.

"Yeah, what do you think? He's kinda cute, huh?"

Kim giggled some more as the puppy squirmed in her arms and barked. "He's adorable Adam. Are we even allowed to have a dog?"

Adam patted the dog on the head and lifted him out of Kim's arms. He placed the small dog on the snow covered grass and he began rolling around in it. Adam pulled Kim back into his arms again. "Yes, I checked with our landlord. She was thrilled with the idea. So tell me the truth, do you like him?" Adam asked, the excitement shining in his eyes.

Kim smiled back at him. "Adam, I love him. Thank you." She leaned up and kissed him softly.

"Ewww, Burgess, you have dog slobber all over your face and now you kissed me. Ewww." He teased but pulled her even closer.

"Well it's your dog's slobber Adam."

Adam shook his head. "Uh uh. He's your dog Burgess. Now what are you doing to name him?"

"I don't want to name him Adam. You're better at that. You name him."

"You know Burgess. If you leave it up to me, he'll be named after the dog in How the Grinch Stole Christmas." Adam wriggled his eyebrows mischievously.

Kim smiled at him and laughed, knowing full well that the Grinch was Adam's favorite Christmas movie.

She looked over at the puppy who was jumping happily in the snow and then she looked back up at Adam again.

"Max it is then!"

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One Week Later

Erin walked out of the bathroom with a freshly bathed and vapor rubbed Caleb in her arms. She yawned and knelt down on the floor and laid him on the blanket as she started to dress him in his pajamas.

Caleb coughed a few times and sneezed as Erin frowned and looked at her baby boy.

"I know buddy, you don't feel well at all, huh?" Erin said as she watched Caleb's tiny hands come up and wipe his eyes.

The sound of Jay gagging caused Erin to turn her head over towards her husband who was trying to clean out the nose of Arden.

"You OK over there, Jay?" Erin asked as she found herself smiling in spite of everything.

Jay and Erin had come home from Wisconsin to three very sick kids. All of whom had caught a respiratory infection from Noah who had brought it home from preschool.

The round the clock care of three kids under three was slowly starting to have it's effect on Erin and Jay who'd spent the better part of the last three days on little to no sleep.

Luckily, the twins case of RSV wasn't bad enough for them to be admitted into the hospital for further care. But memory of Everly having the virus at that age had kept Erin and Jay on edge and they found themselves running to the twins at each and every noise.

"It's disgusting" Jay frowned as he cleaned out Arden's nose as the baby fussed.

"Do you want to switch?" Erin asked as she reached for Caleb's sleeper to dress the baby.

Jay shook his head "No, I can do this"

Jay frowned as he looked down at his youngest daughter who was fresh from her bath and he held her head still as he cleaned her nose out with the blue suction bulb in his hand.

Arden's cries filled the living room as she protested what her father was doing to her.

"I know baby, it's going to be over so fast" Jay felt his stomach lurch again as he quickly finished up his task and he picked up Arden and patted her back as he soothed her to get her to settle down.

"I know baby, daddy's sorry" Jay soothed as Arden started to calm down and he stood and walked her over to the swing in the middle of the living room where Erin was placing Caleb in his.

"Remember that orphanage we talked about when you were pregnant with the twins?" Jay asked Erin as he laid Arden down in her swing and buckled her in before turning it on.

"Yeah?" Erin yawned as she took a seat on the floor and looked at the twins who were for the moment content.

"Let's just leave them there until they're better and come back for them. Or at least until we can get a few hours of sleep" Jay offered.

"I know you're joking right now, but it sounds so tempting to take you up on an offer like that" Erin rubbed her eyes as she tried unsuccessfully to fight off a yawn.

"We weren't this tired when we brought them home" Jay said as he pushed some toys out of the way and laid down on the floor.

"Um, excuse me? You might not have been that tired but I was. Natural childbirth where I pushed your son out of my body, only to have to have an emergency c-section with our little diva who needed to make a dramatic enterance into the world was exhausting" Erin explained as she laid down next to her husband on the floor.

"You're really not going to let the childbirth story die are you?" Jay teased as Erin curled up next to him.

"Oh no, baby. You'll hear about it on your death bed" Erin turned her head to the couch where a sick Everly was still sleeping she frowned at the sound of her wheezing daughter before looking back at Jay.

"I'll etch it on your tombstone if you go before me" Jay joked as he pulled Erin into his arms and she gently laid her head on his chest.

"If we decide to have another baby. Down the road and I mean way, way, way down the road. I want to do a homebirth" Erin yawned again and ran her fingers over Jay's t-shirt.

"No more, we're done. I've had enough throw up and runny diapers and snot to do an at home vasectomy. But what's a homebirth. In the event that my super sexy, currently kinda smelly wife could talk me into getting her pregnant again" Jay asked as he brought his hand up and rubbed his tired eyes.

Erin slapped Jay on the chest and frowned "I've been taking bird baths for the last three days. Cut me a break. We can't all grow a beard and be sexy like you when we don't get to clean up"

"Sexy huh?" Jay asked behind closed eyes.

"A little" Erin's voice trailed off. "But a homebirth is when you have your baby at home. Burgess was telling me about it. She isn't sure she wants to have Abby in a hospital and was looking into different options. She mentioned something about a water birth"

"LIke in a swimming pool?" Jay asked as he opened one eye "Ruzek isn't going to go for that shit"

Erin nodded and yawned again and continued to run her fingers over Jay's chest. "I know it, but she is pretty adament that she doesn't want to do a hospital birth. I think she's forgetting what contractions feel like"

"I like it when you talk birth to me" Jay teased and placed a kiss on Erin's forehead.

"You're an idiot" Erin laughed and closed her eyes as she felt Jay run his fingers up and down her arm.

Erin started to relax in Jay's arms and she felt his grip relax on her as she too fell asleep with her head on his chest.

Everly sat up on the couch and rubbed her eyes. She looked next to her on the couch at Kane who hadn't left her side since she'd been sick. The German Shephard raised his head up off his paws as he moved to Everly's side as she grabbed her sippy cup of juice and took a drink.

"Kane stay" Everly said as she pushed him away as he tried to climb up on the couch next to her.

Everly pulled her blanket off of her legs and looked at her mommy and daddy who were asleep on the floor. She slid off of the couch and grabbed her blanket and pulled it behind her as she walked over to where Erin and Jay were laying and she covered them up with her Doc McStuffins blanket and looked at her brother and sister who were still in their swings.

Everly walked over to Caleb who was nodding off in his chair and Everly quietly patted his head as she looked at him.

"Sweep Caweb" Everly said as she continued to rub his head.

Everly moved from Caleb's swing and stepped over Jay's arm as she moved to where Arden was wide awake. Everly looked at Arden who looked back at her and frowned before letting out a soft whine.

"Shhhhh sisser, go sweep" Everly said as she held Arden's binky against her lips.

Arden opened her mouth and took the binky from Everly and Everly moved back to the couch and looked to the TV where Sofia the First was playing. Everly took a drink of her juice as the front door opened and Hank and Olivia came in.

"Papaw!" Everly said.

"Hey big girl. How are you feeling?" Hank asked as he lifted Everly up off the couch.

"I ok" Everly said as Hank ran his hand over her forehead.

Hank frowned at the heat coming off of Everly's forehead and looked down at the floor where Erin and Jay were sleeping.

"What's going on there?" Hank asked as he looked back at Erin and Jay.

"Mom-mee and dad-dee sweepin" Everly said as she looked at them.

"I see that." Hank said as he adjusted Everly in his arms.

"We gotsa be shhhh" Everly explained as she looked from Hank to Olivia who walked around the corner.

"Livvy" Everly said as she reached for Olivia who happily took her.

"Hey big girl" Olivia said. "How are you feeling?"

"Ok" Everly said "Where Noah?"

"He's at preschool" Olivia explained as she looked at Erin and Jay who were asleep on the floor.

"I'm going to wake them up" Hank said as he walked towards Erin and Jay as Olivia grabbed his arm.

"No, you're going to let them sleep" Olivia said. "You order some dinner and I'll go and pick Noah up and get dinner along the way"

Hank followed Olivia into the kitchen and she sat Everly down on the floor.

"I think I can manage doing that" Hank assured.

"I'll be back" Olivia said as she leaned in and gave him a quick kiss before walking out the door.

Erin rolled over and her eyes adjusted to the empty swings and she turned and saw the empty couch and quickly sat up "Jay!"

Jay groaned and opened his eyes at the sound of his wife talking.

Erin felt panic fill her as she jumped to her feet "The kids are gone"

"What?!" Jay asked suddenly very awake as he noticed the empty swings and couch.

"Call 911" Erin said

He quickly followed Erin into the kitchen and stopped when he saw Hank standing in the kitchen with the twins in their mamaRoo's and Everly sitting at the table in her booster seat.

"About time that you guys woke up" Hank said as he plated Everly's dinner.

"When did you get here?" Erin asked

"About two hours ago" Hank said as he sat Everly's plate in front of her.

"Tank ooo, papaw" Everly said as she grabbed her breadstick and took a bite of it.

"You're welcome, pumpkin" Hank said as he walked back to the counter.

"Are the kids ok?" Erin asked as she walked over and checked on the twins before running her hands through Everly's hair.

"They're fine" Hank said. "I do know how to take care of kids"

Erin looked down at a sleeping Arden and picked Caleb up from his mamaRoo and placed a kiss on her son's cheek as she cradled him against her.

"Mama's handsome boy"

Caleb grunted against Erin's chest as he rooted against her.

"A boy after my own heart" Jay joked at his son who was searching for his mother's breast to nurse.

"I'm going to get a bottle and feed him. He seems to forget that he eats like his father and we eat formula now. Don't we handsome boy" Erin cooed down to Caleb.

"Where's Liv?" Jay asked as he picked Arden up out of her seat as she started to stir in her seat.

"She's home with Noah. Thought it would be better to keep him there so we don't keep passing this sickness back and forth" Hank explained.

"That's smart" Jay said as Arden started to wake up and Jay walked over to the fridge and started to make a bottle.

"Listen" Hank cleared his throat and looked at Jay "You and Erin don't have to take all this on alone. I know how hard it is to deal with one sick kid, let alone three. You don't hesitate to call if you need help"

Jay yawned and shook up Arden's bottle before he started to feed her. He looked over at Everly who was currently covered in pasta sauce and he shook his head.

"I might just have to take you up on that offer"

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