3. Chapter 3
Hi, hello, I actually have a lot of this written since I took a fuckton of nyquil the other night and literally dreamed the majority of this story SO please enjoy. Apologies for mistakes and whatnot, I am only human. Peace.
Trigger Warning for child abuse. Rated M as such but don't expect sexytime because I am hella-terrible at that.
"You're kidding me, right?" Jay looked at Hank and Susan incredulously. "This is some kind of mean joke?"
"I'm afraid not." Susan responded, pulling out her blackberry after it buzzed again, "Apparently, this woman, Jillian Turner Bissett whatever her last name is, believed you to be the father of her child."
"Bu-but that's impossible," Jay sputtered, examining the document, "It was like five years ago. And we used protection!" He looked down at the birth certificate again. "At least, I think? God, I don't know, I was such a mess back then, but she never said anything! The only time I ever heard from her was yesterday when she showed up to the district strung out." He paused, looking from Susan to Hank to Natalie for some kind of explanation.
"She never reached out to you?" Hank asked, and Jay shook his head vigorously.
"No! What the-" Jay ran his hands over his face, "I have a kid?" He peered back through the small window in the door. "A kid who has been abused for the past however many years and I didn't know about it?" He began pacing back and forth, "Good god, the kid is absolutely petrified and probably scarred for life and I don't know anything about raising a kid let alone-"
"Jay," Erin interrupted him, "Hold on." She grabbed his forearm and pulled him closer, placing a hand on his chest. "What happened to Kate is not your fault. You had no idea she even existed."
"B-but…" Jay stammered and took another look at his daughter through the window, "She's mine?"
"We'll find out for sure in an hour or two with the DNA test. Since you're CPD you're in the system, so if it matches, we'll let you know." Dr. Manning spoke up.
"I-I just can't believe this." Jay ran his hand over his face again. "I gotta get some air." He headed down the hallway, nearly knocking over a nurse in his haste to get away.
"What am I gonna do, man?" Jay turned to his brother as he sat on a staircase in the back of the hospital. "I mean, I have a kid."
"You're talking to the wrong guy," Will Halstead mused, looking down at the copy of the birth certificate that DCFS obtained. "I mean, I can't tell you what to do. But I am confident that you and Erin will figure it out."
"Oh god. Erin." Jay brought his hands to his temples. "I didn't even consider what this is doing to her. If she wants to stay. Oh god. I live with Erin. And I'm a police officer. How am I going to raise a traumatized little girl when work is so hectic-"
"Dude." Will patted his little brother on the back, "Erin is going to be fine. Knowing her, she's not going to cut and run out on you and a kid. Just talk to her. And talk to Voight. He can be reasonable." Jay looked at his brother incredulously. "Okay maybe he won't be reasonable, but it can't hurt to try. I mean the guy's a father. Trust me, Jay, you're probably the best guy I know. And I'll deny that tomorrow. But right now, you need to find out for sure if you're the dad. You can go from there."
Jay let out a sigh. "You're right. It's rare, but you're right." He stood and headed down the steps. "Thanks man."
"Hey, I'm an uncle now," Will called after him, "I'll come by later."
Jay emerged from the stairwell and saw Susan Perkins standing outside Kate's room, presumably waiting for him. "Hi, sorry." He said breathlessly, pausing outside the door. "So?"
"She's yours, Detective." Susan informed him, "I just found out myself. DNA hit came back for a Jillian Turner and Jay Halstead." She glanced up from the blackberry to see the wheels turning behind Jay's eyes. "Now, if you are unable to or don't want to take her I can figure something out, seeing as this whole thing was just sprung on you. But if you do, it is an extenuating circumstance so I will have to check out your home in a week or so and check back in periodically, but it will be much less formal than fostering a child. That being said, I am giving you an out here, I can find a good family to take her-"
"No. I want her." Jay assured the woman, "I just don't know if she'll want me. With all that she's been through…"
"Your partner tells me you've been great with her." Susan motioned to the small window in the door. Jay peered in to see that Erin was sitting on the hospital bed, reading a story to Kate. "And something tells me that between the two of you, that little girl is in very good hands."
Jay smiled gratefully. "I really should talk to her about it. And also the therapist? About what to tell Kate?"
"Dr. Handel will be up in a little bit to talk logistics with you. Detective Lindsay informed me that you two live together, and have a spare bedroom?"
Jay nodded. It was Nadia's old room. Erin never set foot in there, choosing to keep the door closed and avoid taking spare linens out of the closet at all costs. It would be a good room for Kate though, he thought. "Yeah, I need to get a car seat and some more clothes for her and stuff."
"You're also going to need to find a preschool and the sort out logistics regarding your job. I'm going to assume that you'll need to take a few days off to get her settled in." Susan remarked, adjusting a purse on her arm. "I'd recommend speaking to your boss and if you need my help, I'd be happy to offer it."
"I do need to discuss this with Voight." Jay mused, running over the growing list of things he had to do in his head.
"Good news is, he's here now." Susan gestured to the man making his way down the hallway.
"Hey kid." Hank called after he caught sight of Jay and Susan. "Nice to see you, Ms. Perkins." He was carrying a bright pink bag in one hand and shook Susan's with the other. "What's the verdict?"
"She's mine." Jay replied, earning a pat on the back from his sergeant.
"I'm glad that little girl is going to be with someone like you and Erin," Hank said gruffly.
"I haven't even gotten a chance to talk to Erin." Jay closed his eyes for a second. "I gotta make sure she's okay with all of this."
"Halstead, even if that kid wasn't yours, I'm pretty sure she'd be heading home with you anyway," Hank told him, nodding to the window. Kate was snuggled up to Erin on the bed, snoozing softly. Erin was running her fingers through Kate's hair, just watching the little girl sleep.
Jay smiled at the scene. He tapped on the glass, pulling Erin out of her reverie. She carefully got up so to not disturb Kate and quietly exited. "So?" She asked, looking at Jay expectantly, "She coming home with us?"
"Well, she's my daughter." Jay responded, "But all this was just sprung on you and I don't want to force you into anything so just say the word-" Erin cut him off by pressing a kiss to his lips.
She leaned away, bringing a hand to his cheek. "I'm with you, Jay. For everything. And that includes a kid you didn't know you had. We can do this. One day at a time."
Jay grinned and kissed her again, not caring that his boss and her father figure was standing right in front of him. He was just lucky to have found someone like his girl. "What would I do without you?" He replied, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "You sure you're okay with this?"
Erin turned to face him. "That little girl has been through hell and there was no way I was sending her into the system. I probably would have taken her home with us even if you weren't her dad."
"Told you," Hank said, passing Erin the pink bag. "Now, I've got some more good news for you. We've got a lead on the offenders, it looks like they headed back to New York, so NYPD is on it."
"At least they're out of Chicago." Erin mused, glancing down at the contents of the bag, which was full of child-sized clothes and shoes. "Sergeant Platt really likes to shop."
"That's not all," Hank paused, "We found 200k worth of heroin in the basement of Jackson's house. Since she was technically a CI, 10 percent of that money belongs to Kate's mother. And because she's deceased, it goes to Kate." Hank passed Jay an envelope. "It should help with getting her set up with you guys."
"Sarge. Thank you so much." Jay shook his hand, overwhelmed by the generosity of the people surrounding him.
Hank offered a smile. "Now, I already put the car seat in the back of the Sierra and I picked up a few essentials. The two of you should take a few days off, get settled. I'll see you on Monday, sound good?"
"Thanks Hank." Erin hugged her parent goodbye before turning to Jay. "I think Dr. Handel is supposed to be coming in a bit to tell us about Kate."
"She's right here!" An energetic older woman ambled down the hallway toward the couple. "Susan, always a pleasure."
"Hello, Dr. Handel." Susan Perkins greeted, "This is Detectives Jay Halstead and Erin Lindsay. We found out that Jay is actually Kate's biological father, and he and Erin are planning on taking Kate to live with them."
"Well, congratulations!" Dr. Handel exclaimed. "Let's have a quick chat. That little girl is something else, gosh she is just so lucky to have been found."
"I'm going to take off. Good luck detectives, I'll be in touch." Jay and Erin bid Susan Perkins goodbye before focusing their attention on the exuberant doctor.
"Now, Kate has been through a lot of trauma in her short life. The best thing to do right now is just to be Jay and Erin. While she is extremely bright, I don't think she's going to grasp the fact that you're biologically related to her. It's a good idea to build a foundation of trust and I would be happy to help you find a time to eventually tell her, maybe in the next few months." Dr. Handel smiled kindly at Jay before turning to Erin. "And that little girl is very trusting of you, Detective Lindsay. Her experience with men has not been a good one, so you are going to be crucial in showing her that the men you introduce her to will be harmless. That includes helping her open up to Jay and any other males in your lives."
The detectives nodded, taking in Dr. Handel's every piece of advice. "From what she told me, Kate doesn't remember Jillian's ex, Tommy, being shot or any of the earliest years of her life, which is not uncommon for very young children. It looks like she remembers the past six months or so, as those are the only times she's talked about. If she mentions any memory or something along those lines when you ask about what she likes or is afraid of, be sure to gently push her a little further. It should help with learning more about her past."
"It may also help us catch the bastards that hurt her." Jay mused, tensing up.
Dr. Handel nodded kindly, "I recommend getting her started in some kind of daycare or preschool. It's important that she interact with other children. Maybe not right away, wait a few days, but as soon as you can establish a routine the better. And most importantly, listen to her. More often than not, she'll tell you what she needs, whether with words or actions." The woman handed both Jay and Erin a business card. "This is my card. Call me if you need anything. Maybe we could schedule an appointment for Saturday? You can bring Kate by my office."
"Thank you so much, Dr. Handel." Erin said, squeezing Jay's hand.
"Not to worry. And it looks like you can bring her home today," Dr. Handel stood, "If you like, I can be there when you tell her."
"That would be amazing," Jay answered quickly. "Er, do you want to wake her up? I don't want to scare her."
Erin nodded and entered Kate's hospital room. The little girl was dozing peacefully, enjoying a mid-afternoon nap and clutching the stuffed tiger. Erin turned on the bedside lamp and gently stroked Kate's forehead. "Kate? Wake up baby."
The child opened her eyes slowly. "Erin?" she mumbled, glancing around the room and catching sight of Dr. Handel and Jay in the doorway. "You're still here?" Kate scooted backwards to sit up and gave Erin a hug.
"I never left." Erin smiled at her, impressed that Kate's first reaction wasn't to cower in fear, but to embrace Erin. She taking a seat on the bed after pressing a kiss into the child's soft hair. "Is it okay if Jay comes and sits here with us?"
Kate nodded, looking up at the man she didn't know was her father. "Hey there, Squirt." Jay beamed, sitting on the other side of the mattress. She smiled softly at the nickname Jay had taken to calling her. God, Jay loved that smile. He couldn't believe that he hadn't known she was his daughter when they first met. Kate had his nose and chin, and her eyes, though they were hazel, shared the same kindness and resilience that Jay's did.
"So Kate, how would you feel about coming home with me and Jay?" Erin asked, carefully observing Kate's expression. The little girl's eyes widened and she glanced nervously at Jay and back to Erin.
"To your house?" Kate was confused, "I would come live with you?"
"Uh-huh. We have a room for you and everything." Erin explained. "How do you feel about that?"
"I-I would be safe there? Where the bad guys couldn't get in?" Kate shifted her gaze to Jay. "And they wouldn't touch me?"
"Erin and I are going to keep you safe and make sure that nobody hurts you ever again," Jay assured her, "And we're going to love you and take care of you."
"I would like that," Kate whispered, clambering out from under the covers and wrapping her arms around Erin's neck.
"I'm so glad, baby." Erin kissed Kate's silky brown locks. After a beat, Kate reached her hand out and held Jay's. Tears sprung to his eyes and he shifted on the mattress to wrap his arm around Erin, pulling his new family closer.
Kate was discharged later that afternoon. Erin helped her change into one of the new outfits Sergeant Platt had picked out, a blue sundress with new pink sneakers that fit perfectly. "Ready Squirt?" Jay asked, slinging the pink bag over one shoulder. "Babe?"
"We're ready," Erin smiled, holding one of Kate's little hands in hers. Kate clutched the plush tiger in her other hand and looked up at Jay uncertainly. "And maybe we could pick up some takeout on our way home, how does that sound?"
"That sounds good to me," Jay pulled open the hospital room door. "Let's go home, shall we?"
The new family headed out of the hospital and into the parking lot where the Sierra was parked. "Where do I go?" Kate whispered after Jay had slid the bag into the backseat.
"Sergeant Voight put a special seat in the back just for you," Erin assured her, hoisting the little girl into her arms in an attempt to boost her into the car seat.
Kate whimpered and gripped Erin's shirt tightly in her fists. "N-no thank you." She glanced at the contraption. It did not look like a good idea, full of different clips and restraints.
"Don't worry baby, it's perfectly safe," Erin tried to comfort her, "It's because you're little and the regular seats aren't small enough to keep you in snuggly."
"Maybe Erin could sit with you? Would that be okay?" Jay asked, looking for a way to diffuse the situation that he feared was rapidly escalating.
Kate regarded the car seat warily but nodded and allowed Erin to settle her into it. Jay let out a breath and Erin climbed into the back with Kate, buckling herself up. "Good to go babe," she declared, holding Kate's trembling hand in hers.
Erin exited the elevator on the third floor of the apartment building, Kate in her arms. The excitement of the day had taken a toll on the little girl and she was fading fast. Jay followed, juggling the bag of takeout and pink bag of clothes. "This is where we live." Erin told Kate, fishing her key out of her coat pocket and opening the door to apartment 310.
"You and Jay live here?" Kate looked surprised, lifting her head off of Erin's shoulder to observe her new surroundings.
"Yep. And now you do, too." Erin walked in, flicking the lights on and tossing her keys on the counter. "This is the living room and kitchen." Jay set the bags down on the kitchen counter and headed to the spare bedroom.
"And this is going to be your room." Jay opened the door. The room was plain with a full sized bed in the middle and a night table beside the bed. "And tomorrow maybe we can go find some things to decorate it."
"Really?" The little girl glanced around, taking in every aspect of the apartment. "Is-is there a bathroom?" She asked nervously, squirming slightly in Erin's arms.
"Right here." Erin pulled open the bathroom door. She set her down. "Do you need help?"
Kate shook her head. "Okay, Erin and I are going to get dinner ready, and we'll be right outside the door," Jay told her, motioning to the kitchen. She nodded, watching the detectives retreat to the other room.
Erin let out a breath. "So far, so good." She said as Jay pulled out containers from the takeout bag. "Do you think she likes Chinese?"
Jay shrugged. "Absolutely no idea. Every time I look at her I just want to feed her." He lowered his voice. "And I just get angry that those bastards were barely giving her enough to grow. She's so thin." Jay gripped the takeout bag tightly.
"Babe." Erin gently unclenched his fists. "I know. But remember what Nat said before we left the hospital. While she might be afraid to ask for food, if we keep putting it in front of her she may eat just to please us and might get sick from eating too much, so we have to let her be comfortable enough to ask, okay?"
He nodded and took a breath. "I know. I gotta remember that she's with us now and that in time, she's going to be okay." He grabbed some plates and silverware from the cabinets. "On the list for tomorrow, plastic stuff."
"Mm-hm." Erin agreed, taking two bottles of beer out of the fridge. She paused. "What about drinking in front of her? Do we think that's okay?"
He chuckled. "I think it's fine." She popped the caps off the bottles and handed him a cold one, taking a long slow sip. Jay leaned in and kissed her cheek. "I'm glad you're here with me."
She smiled, "We're partners Jay. You know I'm always here for you." Erin took another sip before a small voice came from the bathroom.
"Erin?" Kate pulled open the door and stuck her head out, catching sight of Jay and Erin getting dinner ready.
"Yeah baby?" Erin turned around to see Kate appearing extremely nervous. "Do you need help?"
"I-I can't reach the sink. To wash my hands." Kate told her, relieved that Erin didn't seem angry. Normally she wasn't allowed to ask for help or sometimes even talk, but Jay and Erin had never been angry with her, so maybe asking wouldn't be that bad.
"Not a problem." Kate visibly relaxed as Erin made her way to the bathroom, grateful that she wasn't upset. She hoisted her up to reach the sink, letting the little girl wash her hands herself. "Good job." Erin said, setting her down on the ground. "How about we get you a stool tomorrow?"
"Sounds like a plan." Jay said, overhearing the tail end of the conversation and Kate nodded. "Do you like Chinese food?" He asked, moving the plates to the kitchen table.
"I-I don't know," Kate replied, suddenly looking nervous again as Erin helped her into a chair.
"Do you want to try some? It's okay if you don't like it." Jay reassured her, scooping some of Erin's favorite noodles onto her plate. "Erin really likes these noodles. I prefer the fried rice," he said, "Do you want to try both, see which one you like?"
"Okay." Kate agreed, watching carefully as Erin poured some water into a cup and set it in front of her. "Thank you," she said, hastily drinking the liquid.
"No worries if you don't like it." Jay repeated, taking a seat across from the little girl, watching her every more.
"We can always find something that you like." Erin promised, refilling Kate's cup and sliding her chair in. "Just let us know, okay?"
She nodded, tentatively lifting the fork to her mouth. After swallowing, she smiled brightly. "I like it!" Kate exclaimed, taking another bite of the rice and noodle combo on her plate.
Jay grinned. "Well you can have as much as you like."
After dinner and ice cream, Erin helped Kate change into a new pair of pajamas courtesy of Sergeant Platt and helped brush her teeth. The little girl appeared to have a basic knowledge of hygiene, like washing hands, brushing teeth and the like, but had no idea what kinds of food she liked or that it was okay to ask for help or seconds. Jay could have sworn that she tensed up more than a dozen times in the evening and would only relax after reassurance that what she was doing or was invited to do was okay.
"Do you ever watch television?" Erin asked, settling down on the couch with Kate snuggled in her lap, clearly exhausted by the events of the day.
She shook her head, eyes drooping. "I don't watch but I listen if I'm in bed because it means that bad things aren't happening."
"Bad things?" Jay questioned gently, sitting on the other side of Erin, carefully avoiding touching Kate so to not spook her. Dr. Handel had advised to occasionally inquire into Kate's past when she brought it up, but to tread very carefully.
"Mm-hm." Kate opened her eyes and looked to Jay, "It means that Uncle Bobby and Big Joe and Mr. P are in the other room and aren't with me."
Jay and Erin exchanged sad looks. "You're safe here, I promise you." Erin murmured into Kate's soft hair. "Jay and I aren't going to let anyone hurt you again."
"I know," Kate breathed, placing one hand gently on Jay's leg. "I trust you." Erin's eyes filled with tears and she held the little girl closer. Kate yawned, eyes drooping closed again.
"How about we tuck you into bed, maybe read a story?" Erin suggested, gently toying with Kate's hair. "I bet Jay will even make funny voices for some of the characters."
Kate opened her eyes and nodded, allowing Erin to carry her to her new bedroom. "The bathroom is right across the hall if you need to go, okay?" Jay said while Erin helped Kate under the covers. "And you can wake us up if you need anything. Our bedroom is right over there."
She nodded and leaned against Erin after she settled on the bed with The Very Hungry Caterpillar. "Jay, I think Hank got a monitor that's in the pink bag?" He rifled through the bag that sat on the floor and sure enough, Hank had purchased a baby monitor and two nightlights that Jay set about plugging in.
"Nobody's getting in?" Kate glanced up at Erin expectantly.
"Nope. Doors are locked and you," Erin tapped her nose, "Are safe."
"Is Jay gonna read the story?" Kate asked after a moment, Jay having returned from placing a nightlight in the bathroom.
"You bet, Squirt." Erin passed him the book and Kate shifted on the bed, making room for Jay on the other side of her. "Is it okay if I sit here?" He asked, wanting to ensure that he had permission to be in such close proximity to the skittish little girl. She nodded and offered a sleepy smile, so Jay climbed onto the bed and put one arm around Erin's shoulder, the other holding open the book. "The Hungry Little Caterpillar," Jay began, catching Erin's gaze. She beamed at him, Kate snuggled in between the two of them, one hand resting on Jay's leg, the other clutching the stuffed tiger that didn't have a name yet. Jay's heart soared as he read the book, Kate falling asleep and Erin at such peace.
Kate was out halfway through the story, but Jay was sure to finish the book. He lightly pressed a kiss on her small fingers before helping Erin tuck the little girl under the covers. "Sleep tight baby." Erin whispered, switching off the lamp and following Jay into the living room. She turned to her partner and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head in the crook of his neck. "Good job babe." Erin pressed a kiss onto Jay's collarbone. "Look at how far she's come in two days."
Jay stifled a yawn, "Who knew little kids could be so exhausting," he murmured, returning a kiss to her lips. Erin chuckled, leading him to their bedroom. Jay grabbed the monitor with him and disappeared behind their bedroom door, sure to leave it ajar in case Kate came looking for them.