40. Chapter 40

I am actually really pleased with how this chapter turned out, so please let me know what you think!

"You ate all your French toast," Jay glanced down at Kate's plate in surprise. She had managed three pieces of the kiddie menu's French toast in addition to all the fruit that topped it, "Good job."

"I was really hungry," Kate replied, a bit of syrup on her cheek, "Cause I was so worried the other days. And now I'm not." She smiled brightly up at Erin, who carefully wiped her cheek with a napkin.

"I'm glad you're hungry now. Are you full?" Erin asked, smiling when Kate nodded seriously.

"I'm sooooo full," she giggled as Erin booped her nose, "I liked the fruit."

"You are a little fruit monster," Jay said teasingly, earning another joyful giggle from his daughter. Erin beamed at him, so thankful to have her partner back and to see their little girl happy again. Kate was so intuitive of her parent's emotions that watching Erin stress about Jay sent the child into quite a funk. Will had later informed Erin that when he was keeping an eye on Kate while Erin was searching for Jay, the little girl had barely eaten, slept or even spoken. But once Jay returned and Erin had relaxed, Kate was like another child.

"I not a monster, Daddy!" Kate squealed, "Deys no such thing as monsters!"

"You're right," Jay wiggled his eyebrows, "Now, I think it would be really fun if we went to build a snowman in the park. Does that sound like fun to you?"

"Yes!" Kate gushed, "So fun!"

"We better go home to get our snow pants, then," Erin decided, "And gloves and scarves and hats."

Kate nodded eagerly, scooting out of the booth after her mother. "Can we build a snow-doggy too, Daddy?"

"We can try," Jay said, helping the little girl put her winter coat on, "We'll see what we can do but I think a snow-dog can be arranged."

"Erin!" A high-pitched voice called out as the bell above the door jingled, "Erin!"

Kate, Jay and Erin turned to the source of the exuberant holler and saw Bunny Fletcher standing in the entrance to the diner, pulling her gloves off. "Hey, honey!" Bunny exclaimed, quickly approaching the family. Kate immediately shrank behind Jay, gripping his jeans tightly in her fists.

"Mom," Erin said tersely, "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I came for breakfast, of course," Bunny replied, "You can put the armor down, sweetie. I'm meeting a friend." She looked over at Jay, "Oh, Jay, nice to see you. And your little girl," Bunny smiled sweetly at Kate, who was now fully behind her father's legs. "Shy one you have there."

"She knows not to trust you," Erin said through gritted teeth, "We'll be going now."

"We should meet up for a drink. You know, catch up. We haven't had any real mother daughter time in so long, sweetie. I miss you. And you've been so distant lately, is everything alright?"

"I'm fine, Mom, just busy," Erin replied, placing a gentle hand on Kate's back, "I'll have to rain check on that drink though, maybe some other time."

"What, you're not drinking?" Bunny raised her eyebrows, "Are you pregnant?" She reached a hand out and touched Erin's flat stomach, "I thought you looked chubbier! Am I going to be a grandmother?"

"I'm not pregnant," Erin hissed, swatting her mother's hand away, "Like I said, I'm busy. And I'm wearing a sweater, thank you very much."

"Just as well," Bunny spat, "You're not cut out to be a mother."

Erin opened her mouth to respond, but she couldn't find the words to retort. "Actually, Erin an amazing mother, despite of the fact that she didn't have one growing up," Jay snarled, "You have no business telling Erin that she isn't a good mother. You have absolutely no idea." He placed a hand on his girl's shoulder.

"You'll never be a grandmother, not to any of my kids," Erin said, "Not after what you did to my child. That is unforgivable." Bunny didn't reply. "We're leaving," she squeezed Jay's arm, "Don't call me."

"Have a nice life, Bunny," Jay said, scooping his frightened little girl into his embrace and heading out the door behind Erin.

"God, I can't believe her," Erin said as she leaned against the passenger seat in exasperation, "She is such a bitch." She winced, immediately remembering that there was a four year old in the backseat who was not only incredibly perceptive, but very intelligent. "Sorry."

"She's just a bad person, Er," Jay said as he drove along the street, attempting to put as much space between Bunny and his family as possible, "And she's wrong, you know that, right? You're a great mom."

Erin sighed and closed her eyes. "You are the best mommy," Kate said softly, offering a small smile, "Even though you're the only mommy I ever had, I know you're the best."

"You're absolutely right, Squirt," Jay grinned at his daughter in the rearview mirror, "See babe? Don't listen to Bunny."

"I know, I know," Erin brought a hand to her forehead, "Just every time I see her I'm reminded of what she's done and it throws me off."

"I get that," Jay said understandingly, "I know she's put you through hell and I'm sorry we ran into her."

"Who knew she'd show up at the same diner," Erin scoffed, "I just don't want to see her again." She exhaled and turned around to face her little girl, "But the good news is, we're not going to, and we are going to have a fun time in the park."

Kate smiled brightly, relieved to see her mother's demeanor change, "We still going?"

"Of course!" Erin tapped the tiny boot that was on Kate's foot, "But we're going to have to bundle up really good, okay?"

"He's almost as tall as Daddy!" Kate was in awe at the size of the snowman that they had created: at almost six feet tall, Mr. Snowman was the largest in the park by far. Erin brought an old scarf and a carrot as well, so he was also the most handsome.

"You did a great job rolling his head," Erin smiled at Kate's rosy cheeks and twinkling eyes, "And I think the pebbles for eyes was a great idea."

"I like the carrot best!" Kate pointed up at the vegetables sticking out of the large ball of snow, "Do you think an am-inal not in hiber-nation could eat if they were hungry?"

"I'm not sure if there are any animals willing to brave the snow," Jay said, "But I'm sure if they wanted to get to it they could."

"You are so thoughtful," Erin brushed some snow off Kate's beanie, "You're always thinking about others."

"It's 'portant to think 'bout the am-inals, 'cause sometimes they can't help themselves," Kate explained, "That's how come Grandpa Hank puts food out for the birdies. 'Cause in the winter they get especially hungry."

"I forgot Hank still does that," Erin looked to Jay, who was wearing an incredulous expression that read Sergeant Hank Voight leaves seeds out for birds?, "Camille used to put peanuts out for the squirrels too. She used to get Justin and I to cover pinecones in peanut butter and seeds and leave them in the backyard for all the birds and squirrels."

"Did they eat it?" Kate asked, "The pine-cones?"

"I think so," Erin tried to remember, "I think the squirrels took all them, which is why Hank got a bird feeder for Camille for Christmas. One that the squirrels couldn't break into and steal all the birdseed."

"Voight is basically Snow White," Jay joked. Erin rolled her eyes and continued to pat the snow into a shape that somewhat resembled a dog.

"I'm sure he'd love to hear you say that," Erin retorted, "What do you think about this ribbon for a collar, baby?" She reached into her pocket and pulled out piece of ribbon that was left over from Christmas wrapping.

"Perfect!" Kate wound the ribbon around the lump of snow, "Now Mr. Snowman has a dog!" Her tiny teeth chattered as she grinned up at Jay, who was smoothing out the snowman's head.

"You're shivering, Squirt." Jay crouched down, "I could go for a hot chocolate to warm up, how about you?"

She nodded and slipped her mittened hand into Jay's and the other into Erin's. The detectives exchanged grins, absolutely in love with the tiny human between them.

Kate practically fell asleep into her hot chocolate, so Jay carried her home through the windy streets of their neighborhood. It was no surprise that the little girl was exhausted after running around in the park, amused by the concept of snowmen and actually building one for the first time. Every time Jay and Erin took Kate on what to most would be an ordinary childhood activity, they were reminded how much their little girl had been deprived of during the first few years of her life. "She's absolutely passed out," Erin commented as they exited the elevator, Kate still asleep on Jay's shoulder.

"A few hours in the park will do that to ya," Jay said, brushing his boots on the mat while Erin unlocked the door, "When Will and I used to build snow forts, I'm pretty sure we'd be fast asleep by like seven. Made my mom's snow day a whole lot easier," he chuckled at the memory, "She used to make us this really good mint hot chocolate after we came inside. And she let us watch TV even if it was a school night, just because she knew we'd fall asleep."

Erin smiled wistfully at Jay's fond memories. Unlike her partner, growing up with the Chicago snow and with Bunny as a mother usually meant freezing cold feet from leaky boots and cracked knuckles from the harsh wind. Her first time building a snow fort had been with Justin in the Voight's backyard after a particularly brutal storm that dumped nearly two feet of powdery fluff onto the city. Hank had literally dug his way to the district, but school was cancelled, so Camille watched from the window while she and Justin pelted each other with snowballs. "Maybe just put her on the couch?" Erin suggested, "I don't want her to wake up and not be able to see us."

Jay nodded in agreement and carefully set Kate down on the sofa, gently removing her wet boots and heavy coat in the hopes that he wouldn't wake her. "Coffee?" He asked knowingly, after successfully shedding Kate's winter wear. Erin nodded as she unwound the scarf from her neck and placed her coat on the hook behind the door. He set about brewing a pot while Erin quietly rummaged around in the kitchen.

"God, we have no food," she muttered, closing the fridge and leaning against it, "We need groceries."

"I can take a trip down the street," Jay offered, waiting for the machine to work its magic, "Pick up some fruit and maybe some pasta and ground beef for spaghetti Bolognese?" He tried to catch Erin's troubled gaze, "Okay, not pasta. What about a stir-fry?"

"No, no, pasta's good," Erin forced a smile and patted his chest, "Kate loves to help make the Bolognese sauce."

"What's up, babe?" Jay asked concernedly, placing one hand gently on her arm, "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Erin said quickly, maneuvering around her boyfriend and the breakfast bar to settle onto the couch beside her little girl, "I'm good."

"You sure?" Jay raised his eyebrows, "Speaking from experience, I'd say there's something going on upstairs." He sighed and sat beside Erin while she methodically ran her fingers through Kate's hair that was slightly damp from the snow.

"It's just…Bunny," Erin said after a moment. She leaned back against the cushions, "I hate seeing her, I hate how she freaks Kate out, I hate that she knew about Kate and I just hate that she's my mother." She turned to her partner, "Every time I feel like I've locked the door behind me, she finds some way to weasel in through a side window or something. I can't get away from her. She reminds me of all the shit that she put me through, the stuff I put myself through, and I just don't want any of that near Kate, or near you."

"She does have a way of coming back, like a virus or bacteria-"

"Or cancer," Erin interjected, "Hank always called Bunny 'the cancer in my life' and said that I needed to cut her out completely. And I've tried, Jay. I tried to phase her out, I tried completely shutting her out, but nothing works. She's relentless. There's always a new boyfriend or a new bar or she needs money and I've never been able to fully turn my back on her because she's my mom you know, and I…" Erin trailed off, squeezing her eyes shut. "And she basically told me I was fat."

Jay scoffed, "Well that is certainly not true. I think you look beautiful, babe, and I'm not just saying that to get into your pants. Bunny was probably on drugs or god knows what, and she doesn't know anything about you, nor does she have the right to." He wrapped an arm around Erin's shoulders, "She doesn't deserve to have you in her life."

"I know," Erin glanced down at Kate, "I normally don't let her stupid comments like that bother me. But, I, um, thought I was pregnant a few weeks back," she murmured, tracing circles on Jay's chest with her forefinger. He turned to her in surprise but she kept her gaze focused downward. "After my concussion, when I was still getting sick and was just feeling crappy. Turns out it was just side effects from getting knocked out cold," she scoffed, "But I was excited. For the first time I can remember, I was excited about the prospect of having a baby. Having a baby with you." Tears welled in her eyes, "But I can't. And today, seeing Bunny, hearing her say that stuff, made me think that maybe there's a reason why I can't have kids. Like I'm cursed to be just another deadbeat mom waiting to happen."

"Erin," Jay said seriously, touching his fingertips to her chin so that she would meet his gaze, "Your mother has absolutely no idea what she's talking about. You are an incredible mother and you are nothing like her," He wiped off a few stray tears from her cheeks with the pad of his thumb, "And you not being able to bear children has nothing to do with being cursed or anything. It just happens like that, and it doesn't make me love you any less, and it certainly doesn't make Kate love you less, either." Jay tenderly kissed the crown of her head, "All I care about is that you are healthy and safe and happy. And if you need a baby to be happy, we can do that. And if you don't, we can do that to. I am here for you, babe, and I'm here for whatever you want. But please don't think you are anything like Bunny, because that could not be further from the truth."

Erin let out a sniffle and leaned into her partner's shoulder, "How-how do you always know just what to say to make me feel better?"

Jay smiled and chuckled softly, running a hand over his girlfriend's smooth hair, "I think it's something I picked up from my mom. Definitely didn't come from my dad. Certainly didn't come from Will."

"You don't give him enough credit," Erin pulled back and looked at Jay, tears stuck to her lashes, "He's come a long way from the guy who he once was. Jay, he was ready to move in here if it meant I could keep Kate with me. I think he'd move heaven and earth for her."

"I know," Jay acknowledged, "I know. Guess I just got used to him letting me down but he really has been great. And Kate loves him so much it's incredible."

"You don't need to be jealous, babe," Erin touched his cheek, "She may love Will, but he doesn't hold a candle to how much that little girl loves you." She paused, "When I wasn't sure if you were coming home, I was worried about you of course, worried about me, but I was most worried about how I was going to tell Kate." Tears filled Erin's eyes again, "Because she loves you more than anything. And if I had to tell her…" Erin trailed off, unable to finish the sentence, "I'm just so glad you're back."

Jay smiled and kissed her forehead, "Me too, babe. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. And I'm so sorry for putting you through that."

Erin shrugged and snuggled in closer to his shoulder, "I've give you my fair share of shit to deal with. You've met my mother, for crying out loud."

"And your dad is my boss," Jay said dryly, "There's not enough sex in the world that's going to make up for Hank breathing down my neck and threat to have me killed or shipped off to 26th and Cal."

"He said what?" Erin pulled way in surprise, "Hank threatened you?"

Jay raised his eyebrows, "Yeah, like all the time. In passing. Mostly before Kate. And not like a formal 'sit me down with the shotgun' type thing, but like once I called you babe in the office and he was like 'I'll kill you if you try anything'. Or one time he saw us kiss right before getting out of the car. And he pulled me aside and said 'Do that again and you're off to the worst job in the city'."

"I thought he was okay with us dating. You said, and I quote 'Voight doesn't have a problem with it'," Erin narrowed her eyes, "I can't believe he said that."

"It was before we got Kate," Jay emphasized, "I think he's over it."

"He better be," Erin muttered, readjusting herself next to Jay, "Besides, it's our business. Ours, and Kate's."

"Speaking of our business…" Jay glanced down at the sleeping little girl, "She's really out," He wiggled his eyebrows, "Wanna hop in the shower?"

"We needed that," Erin murmured after she had finished toweling off her hair. Kate was still asleep on the living room sofa, completely oblivious to the activities of her parents.

"Been a while since we…connected," Jay joked, referencing the therapist's comment about how he and Erin needed to reconnect after his episode. Erin swatted him with the towel.

"Mind out of the gutter, Halstead. We've got a little girl to wake up and she's smart, so you better watch it." Erin eyes twinkled as Jay came closer, towel loosely draped around his hips, bare chest glistening with remaining water droplets. "I said, watch it," Erin breathed, pressing her fingertips against his chest.

Jay leaned in and kissed her deeply, causing Erin to drop the towel in her hands. "Mm," he mumbled against her lips, reaching down to wrap his arms beneath her knees and carry his girl off for another round, "Mm."

"Daddy?" A sleepy voice called out, "Mommy?" The voice came more panicked.

"We gotta go," Erin pulled back and adjusted her tank top, "Kate, baby, we're in the bedroom." She hurried into the living room to see her daughter sitting up on the couch, eyes still cloudy with sleep. Despite having just woken up, the little girl was rigid with fear, but instantly relaxed when she saw Erin. "Hi sweetheart, did you have a nice nap?"

"Uh, huh." Kate smiled sleepily, leaning into her mother's touch as she brushed some loose strands of hair off her face, "I falled asleep before we got home."

"You certainly did. Building Mr. Snowman made you tired, huh?"

"But I'm not tired no more," Kate rubbed her eyes and smiled, "Cause I napped."

"Good thing, because I think Daddy was going to head to the grocery store to get some ingredient for dinner tonight, and I think he's going to need some help cooking," Erin smiled, expecting to see her daughter's face light up. Instead, Kate's eyes widened and filled with tears. "What is it, baby? Do you not want to cook with Daddy? You don't have to," Erin looked over to her bedroom door, where Jay was emerging, "What's wrong?"

Kate shook her head, tears now spilling over her cheeks, still slightly flushed from sleep, "I-I don't want Daddy to leave."

"He's not leaving, babes," Erin assured her, "Daddy's right here. He's not going anywhere."

"You-you said he was gonna leave," Kate stuttered, shaking her head again, "I don't want him to go to the grow-sry store."

"He can stay here," Erin glanced up at Jay who had slowly approached the couch, "I can go out and get some spaghetti and ingredients for pasta."

"No!" Kate all but shrieked, scrambling backward on the couch, "You can't, you can't go."

Jay and Erin exchanged glances, Jay now squatting on the floor in front of his girls, "You don't want either of us to leave, do you, kiddo?" He asked softly, "Because you're afraid we won't come back?"

Kate nodded sadly, stifling a sob. She hiccupped, "I-I don't wanna not have a mommy or daddy." She regarded her parents with watery eyes, "I don't want you to be hurt."

"You don't need to worry, sweetheart," Erin wiped the tears off Kate's cheeks, "Paul Jackson is behind bars. He's not going to hurt you, or me, or Daddy."

Kate shook her head, "No, I'm not worried 'bout him. I don't want Daddy to go 'cause then he might not come back and I don't want you to go e-der!" With that, Kate burst into a fresh set of sobs.

"Kate, I promise you, I'm not going anywhere," Jay reached up to place a comforting hand on his little girl's knee, "I know me leaving was really scary for you, but I promise that it's not going to happen again. I'm here to stay." He looked over at Erin, who was grimacing slightly at Kate's admission. She understood exactly where the little girl was coming from, not wanting to let Jay out of her sight.

"I know it's been a rough couple of days, but Daddy's okay now. He's always going to come back. And so am I. As much as we want to be, we can't be together all the time, and we have to trust each other that we'll come back," Erin placed a hand on Jay's shoulder, "And Daddy and I will always come back for you, no matter what."

Kate nodded after a moment and promptly threw herself into Jay's arms, nearly knocking him off balance. He wrapped his arms tightly around her small body and held her close to his chest. "You promise?" she whispered, "You gonna come back?"

"Always, Squirt," Jay breathed, "Always."

Will the happy family time last forever? Time will tell...