69. Chapter 69

Hi, hello! I am still here! I have not watched PD in over a year at this point, buuuut I am still working to wrap up this story. Appreciate your patience and reviews :)

Kate begrudgingly agreed to Erin's plan and was settled in the hallway of their building as her mother entered the apartment. The ride over had been completely silent, Kate's anxiety radiating off her tiny body. "I'll be right out baby, okay?" Erin knelt in front of her little girl. Kate was pressed up against the wall, eyes wide with skepticism.

"You comin' back?" Kate confirmed, glancing nervously to the door.

"I am," Erin promised. She paused, "Daddy's alright, baby, I just know it."

Kate was quiet for a moment, "I-I know. I love daddy. B-but he maked me scared." She cast her eyes down toward the hall carpet, "I didn't like it."

"Me too," Erin replied, kissing her forehead gently, "I'm going to grab some stuff and talk to daddy for a bit. Everything's going to be alright."

"Er?" Jay jumped up as he heard the lock turning in the door. His haggard partner entered and glared at him.

"Have you sobered up?" She asked curtly, headed for the kitchen to fetch Kate's medicine.

"Yes, and I am so incredibly sorry about last night," Jay started, "If you'll just let me explain-"

"Explain it to your little girl," Erin snapped, slamming the cupboard door closed. "Explain your actions to our extremely observant and intelligent child and tell her how her father could get drunk enough to remind her of the scum that used to abuse her." She headed to her bedroom and began taking clothing out of drawers, angrily stuffing them in a tote bag, "Not to mention the fight you got into with Hank that Kate saw. Honestly, Jay, I know you think I side with him all the time but I don't and you didn't even clue me in as to why you were pissed in the first place."

Erin aggressively shoved the drawer closed, "Kate spent the afternoon cowering in Platt's arms and you just stormed off and didn't even think to let me know what had happened!" She paused, trying to keep her tears at bay, "You know what she said last night? Daddy smells like the mean men." A tear trickled down her cheek but she quickly brushed it away.

Jay swallowed thickly, following his partner into the bedroom "I know that my actions yesterday were unforgivable, especially to Kate. But please, let me explain."

"I don't know, Jay. Are you going to tell me the truth? Or are you going to give me some crap about 'blowing off steam'? Are you going to chalk it up to a rough day? Tell me, how many rough days should I be expecting, as your partner?" Erin tossed a few more articles of clothing haphazardly into a bag before storming into Kate's bedroom, trying to resist the urge to burst into tears out of sheer frustration.

"Er, I-"

"A little heads up about going missing for hours at a time and getting drunk off your ass would be much appreciated, so I can protect our child from being scarred for life!" Erin frantically shoved some of Kate's clothes into the suitcase and slammed the drawers shut, turning around to face her partner.

"Do you know that she didn't even want to come home this morning?" Erin spat as Jay opened his mouth to reply, "She is so afraid of you now she didn't want to see you. Your child is waiting in the hallway because you remind her of the men who used to abuse her!" Tears streamed down Erin's face and she tried to maintain her composure. "What I am supposed to tell our daughter, who last night begged me to not leave her? How am I supposed to explain that the man we both love is becoming…" She trailed off, turning on her heels and headed for the apartment door. "I just…"

"Erin!" Jay called after her, tears in his eyes, "Wait, please."

"What?" Erin shouted, whirling around to face him. "What haven't you been telling me?"

"It's my dad," Jay choked out, running a hand across his face, "It's my dad."

"What about him?" Erin asked tersely, still seething.

"He's in the hospital. Liver failure. I found out yesterday." Erin's expression softened as she heard the news. Jay took a breath as Erin set the suitcase down on the ground beside her, folding her arms across her chest but now listening intently.

"He's dying, Erin. And I, I just couldn't…" Jay inhaled shakily, "And last night, I had to be with him and Will and then he just- he just reminded me why I don't see him." He was barely holding it together as he tried to finish the story, "And Will and I, ugh, we left and did what he used to do and-" Jay didn't finish his sentence before his partner wrapped his arms around his waist, reaching her hands up to stroke his back. He breathed in her sweet scent and allowed the tears to fall slowly down his cheeks as she held him close. "And I'm sorry," he whispered tearfully, "I am so, so sorry."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Erin pulled back, gazing up into her partner's wet eyes, "Why did you try to take it all on your own? I would have understood."

"I didn't want to burden you," he replied honestly, "With everything that's been going on, with work, with Kate, I-I didn't want to add to it."

"You listen to me, Jay," Erin put her hands on his shoulders. "You're my partner. What's mine is yours. You don't need to protect me from the bad stuff, okay? We're a team."

He nodded and sniffed, "I'm so sorry, babe."

Erin wiped her eyes. "We're going to talk about this. But right now, I-I have to get Kate from the hall. She's still quite shaken up and…"

"That's my fault." Jay ran his hands through his hair and across his face. "I guess I should go get her and apologize."

"I don't think that's a good idea." Erin placed a hand on his chest. "You stay on the couch, I'll bring her in. We have to do this carefully." Jay wanted to protest, but realized that Erin was right. He nodded in agreement and retreated to the couch, watching his partner leave.

Erin pulled open the door and stood beside her daughter, reaching into gently stroke her cheek. The little girl was in apparent discomfort, clutching her stomach and wearing a grimace. "Mommy?" She looked up at her mother expectantly, taking note of her red-rimmed eyes and shaky breath, "My tummy hurts."

"I know, baby. And I know you're scared, but I just saw Daddy and he's okay," Erin breathed, stroking her child's cheek gently. "I know he wasn't himself last night, but we have to go inside to get your medicine and pick up a few things, okay? I promise, everything's alright now."

She shook her head, tears welling in her eyes, "C-can't you bring it here?"

Erin sighed softly. "Do you remember when Daddy told you about his dad?"

Kate nodded slowly. "Well, Daddy found out that his dad is very sick, which is why he's been so funky. And I just had a good chat with him, and he's assured me that what happened last night will never happen again." Erin paused, "He's inside, but you don't have to talk to him if you're not ready. I just want you to come take your medicine, okay?"

Kate nodded again, allowing her mother to lift her off the ground and carry her into the apartment. "Don't go," Kate whispered into her mother's shoulder, "Please, don't go."

"I'm not going anywhere, baby, I promise." Erin pressed a kiss atop her child's head before opening the apartment door.

Jay was sitting on the couch, expectantly staring at the door. He offered a soft smile but understood Erin's pointed stare to mean 'stay seated'. "Daddy's alright now, see?" Erin cooed, attempting to set Kate down on the kitchen counter. The little girl remained clamped to her mother's neck, trembling slightly. "Jay, will you grab the medicine for me?"

He nodded, slowly rising from the couch and approaching his family. "Hey Squirt," he said quietly, observing her avoidance of his eye contact and hold to Erin. She tensed up as he stepped closer, shattering his heart. After placing the medicine down on the counter, he sat back down on the couch patiently, overwhelmed by how frightened his little girl was. Erin shot him a sympathetic look as she stroked Kate's hair, trying to convey as much security as possible.

"What if we sat on the couch for a bit, hm babes?" Erin suggested, glancing up at her partner, "Would that be okay with you?"

Kate looked over to her father, then back to her mother. "You…you gonna sit with me?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Absolutely. We'll all sit on the couch, is that okay with you?" After Kate gave a timid nod of consent, Erin settled down on the couch with her child in her arms, leaning as far away from Jay as she could without letting go of her mother. "Babe? Do you want to explain to Kate what happened?"

Jay took a deep breath, acutely aware of how his daughter was shaking against his partner. "Kate, you know that I would never do anything to hurt you, or do anything to make you scared on purpose, right?"

His breath hitched when she didn't nod or acknowledge Jay's statement. The little girl continued to cling to Erin, but was still listening. He swallowed and continued, "Um, well, the other day, I, uh, found out that my dad is very sick, and I didn't know how to talk about it with Mommy. And when I went to see him with Uncle Will, he, um, said some things he said made me very angry. Uncle Will and I, we left and that's why when I came home last night, I wasn't myself." He paused, noting that Kate had slightly relaxed in Erin's arms.

"I am so sorry for scaring you last night, and I promise that it will never happen again." He exhaled and smiled sadly at Erin, who had given his knee a reassuring squeeze. Kate turned her head and looked up at her father quizzically, still processing the information that had been relayed to her.

"H-how come you were yellin' at Grandpa Hank?" Kate whispered after a moment, "Why was he so mad?"

"He was the one who told me about my dad," Jay said softly, "And I owe him an apology, because he was just trying to help."

"I'm glad you're okay," she murmured, still holding tightly to her mother. Kate looked up at him again. "But h-how come you smelled like the bad men?"

Erin and Jay exchanged glances. "I, um," Jay started. He cleared his throat, "I, uh, didn't make a good choice last night," he said finally, trying to figure out a way to explain his indiscretions to an incredibly perceptive little girl.

"Daddy wasn't bad," Erin jumped in, "He just had a little too much, and that's why he didn't smell so good."

Kate nodded slowly and looked down at her hands. "I-I didn't mean to be scared of you," she murmured, "I-I'm s-sorry."

"Oh, kiddo, you have nothing to apologize for," Jay said quickly, "I know that it brought back some bad memories for you, and I promise, I won't do it again. I'm the one who is sorry."

Erin stroked Kate's hair gently, "I know what you mean, baby," she said soothingly, "It can be scary when someone you love reminds you of something that happened in the past. But Daddy's the best man I know and he would never do anything to hurt us."

"I know," Kate replied, looking up from her hands. Jay breathed a sigh of relief.

"I want you to know how sorry I am for what happened. Both of you." He kissed the side of Erin's head, and Kate allowed the two of them to be enveloped in a hug. Tentatively, Kate snuggled closer to her father.

"Jay Halstead, what happened to you?" His mother reached her hands out and grabbed the sides of his face, examining the bruise forming around his left eye, "Who did this?"

"It was nothing." Thirteen year old Jay backed up from his mother's grasp, "I'm fine."

"You most certainly are not." She reached into the freezer and pulled out a bag of peas, "Put this on your face, right now."

"Ugh." Jay accepted the bag, "Happy now?"

"No, not really." She folded her arms across her chest, "What happened?"

"Some kid at school," Jay shrugged, "I told you, I'm fine."

"Lose another fight, son?" Pat Halstead asked gruffly, making his way into the kitchen. He placed a chaste kiss on his wife's cheek before reaching into the freezer for a few ice cubes. He dropped them into the tumbler of brown liquid and took a sip. "Tell me at least you fought back."

Jay was silent. He tossed the peas on the kitchen counter and headed for the door, intent on not listening to another lecture from his father about his shortcomings.

"Jay, honey!" His mother called after him, but she was met with a closed door.

"You alright, babe?" Erin reached up and stroked his cheek.

"Mm," he replied, "Glad she's okay. And that you're okay."

Erin nodded, "Jay, I…I think you need to go to see your dad." She focused her gaze on the little girl who was asleep between them, "It may be good just to see him and…"

"I know. And I think I have to go too." Jay sighed, wrapping his arm around his partner's shoulders. "I know I should want to, but I just don't." He paused, gazing at Kate's sleeping form. "I'm afraid that if I go, they'll ask me to donate part of my liver."

"Babe," Erin whispered, entwining his hand in hers. "He's your dad."

"Who is an alcoholic! He did this to himself," Jay huffed. "And he was never a good dad, he didn't give a crap about me really and…" He swallowed, allowing Erin's gentle touches to ground him, "But I have to go."

"I know you do." Erin gently rubbed his arm. "I know you do."

"But leaving you two now, that's just…"

"It's your family, babe," Erin interrupted, "We'll figure it out. But if you don't go, you'll regret it."

He nodded. "What about Kate?"

"She's going to be just fine. The medicine has clearly worked, she's doing a lot better."

Jay nodded again and gently caressed Erin's cheek. "But what about you?"

"What about me?" She looked up at him. "I have Kate. I've been okay for some time now. Right now, it's you who needs to take care of yourself by taking care of your family."

"Daddy's leaving?" Kate asked the next morning as Jay getting ready to leave. "But we just got him back!"

"I know sweetheart, but Daddy needs to go see Uncle Will and his dad." Erin balanced Kate on her hip as she watched her partner pack.

"What if he doesn't come back?" The realization dawned on her, resulting in tears. "What if Daddy doesn't come back?"

"I'm coming back Squirt, I promise you that." Jay paused and reached his arms out, accepting the child from Erin. "But I've got to help my dad now and as soon as everything's squared away, I'll be right back."

Kate sniffed and wrapped her arms tighter around his neck. "I don't wanna lose you Daddy."

"Never again," Jay promised, planting a kiss on her forehead. "I'll be back before you know it."

Not my fav chapter but we're getting to some good stuff...and some really happy stuff (hint). Thanks for stickin' with me!