38. Chapter 38

Oops sorry for leaving y'all hanging like that...

"Don't make me go," Kate whimpered, clinging tightly to Erin as they stood in the lobby of the 21st District, "I don't wanna go, I don't."

"I know you don't want to come with me, sweetheart, but it will be okay." Social worker Margaret Cunningham smiled kindly, "Just until we find your dad."

"W-what about Will?" Erin asked, realizing that her boyfriend's brother was biologically related to Kate, "Will Halstead, Jay's older brother. He works down at Chicago Med, can Kate stay with him?"

Cunningham furrowed her brow, "Maybe. I'll have to call my boss. If you can get him down here, that would be great."

Erin pulled her phone out of her jacket pocket with one hand and quickly called Will, "I-I need you to come down to the station, right now. They're trying to take Kate away from me, I need you here, please, Will," Erin rushed out, tears still trickling down her face, "Okay, okay, thanks." She breathed a sigh of relief, "He's on his way."

"There still needs to be approval from my supervisor," Cunningham warned, "I cannot guarantee that Kate will be allowed to stay with Detective Halstead's brother."

"He's a surgeon," Erin informed her, "And he can stay with us so that Kate doesn't have to leave. You've read her file, you know what happened to her. My daughter has been through so much, it wouldn't be fair to place her with strangers." Tears welled in Erin's eyes but she fought to keep them back, "And we're going to find my partner. Soon. I know him, and he wouldn't be gone without having a really good reason."

"Erin!" Will raced into the 21st district less than fifteen minutes after he had been called. He was still clad in his maroon scrubs and had a surgical mask around his neck. "Kate!"

"We're here," Erin replied tiredly, sitting on the bench with Kate clinging desperately to her mother, "We're okay."

"Will Halstead," Will extended his palm to the woman looking expectantly at him, "Jay's brother. Kate's uncle. Can you please fill me in on what's going on here? You're trying to take my niece away from her mother?"

"The state requires me to intervene when a child's parent or parents are listed as a missing person. Because Detective Halstead is Kate's only biological parent, I have been asked to take Kate into DCFS' custody. However, as a blood relative, you are able to have temporary guardianship until Detective Halstead is found."

"Good," Will stated, "I'll do it. But I'll be staying with Erin and Kate at their apartment. There's no need to cause my niece any more stress than what she's already facing," he smiled kindly at Erin, who relaxed against the wooden bench in relief.

"That's fine. I'll check back in a few days." The social worker turned on her heel and exited the building, the entire room exhaling.

"Thank God," Erin murmured as Will sat next to her, "And thank you for coming so quickly."

"I would do anything for you or Kate, you know that." Will wrapped an arm around Erin's shoulders.

She nodded, "Thanks guys," she looked up at Ruzek and Atwater, who were standing rigidly by the steps, "For keeping her safe."

"Always, Erin." Ruzek nodded, Atwater bobbing his head in agreement, "And we'll find Jay soon enough."

Erin sat behind her desk with Kate fast asleep on her shoulder while she worked through an old report. Unfortunately, the trip downtown for Jay's car had been unsuccessful and they were still no closer to finding her partner. Will had returned to Med to finish out his shift in the ED, but promised to return to their apartment later that evening. "How are you holding up?" Hank asked, emerging from his office and leaning against Jay's empty desk.

She shrugged, running a hand over Kate's back. "I don't know…I mean, they almost took her away from me today," Erin swallowed, "And right now, she's the only thing keeping me together. If-if Will hadn't been able to step in, I don't know what I'd do."

Hank nodded in understanding. "I know it's been hard for you, kid. I do. And I hate to be the one to have to tell you this, but there's a possibility of Halstead not coming back."

Erin set her jaw, "No, he's going to come back. I still don't know why he left. He wouldn't do that to me. He wouldn't do that to Kate."

"I know, Erin, but he may be hurt and he could be dead," Hank said gently, "Jay's a good man and I don't think he would just up and leave you for days on end, which is why I think something's happened to him. And it's tough, but you need to be prepared for that possibility."

She shook her head, tears trickling down her cheeks for what felt like the hundredth time that day, "I-I can't think like that. This little person is depending on me to be strong and if I start believing that's he's not coming back or that he's dead, there's no way I can do my job as a mother." Erin sniffed, "So we're going to find him. We have to find him."

Hank nodded again and was about to open his mouth before Erin's cell phone rang. "Hey Will," she breathed, "What?" Her eyes widened and she sat up rapidly, disrupting her little girl from sleep, "We'll be there in ten." She looked to her father figure, "Jay's at Med. Will couldn't talk."

"Let's go," Hank picked up Kate's coat from atop Jay's desk.

"Baby, we're going to the hospital. Uncle Will's with Daddy," Erin said as she stood with sleepy Kate in her arms.

"Daddy?" She asked tiredly, "He found?"

"Yes, sweetheart," Erin accepted Kate's coat from Hank and slipped her into it, "We're going right now to see him, okay?"

"'kay," Kate looked more awake and took Erin's hand as they followed Hank to the Escalade.

"Will!" Erin shouted, hustling through the ED. Hank followed closely behind, holding Kate in his arms. She caught sight of the red-headed doctor coming out of an exam room, "Where is he? What happened to him? Have you seen him? Is he okay?"

"He's here," Will confirmed, discarding of his rubber gloves, "Physically, he's fine."

"Physically? What happened to him? Where has he been?" Erin rapidly looked over Dr. Halstead's shoulder in search of her partner, "Where is he? Can I see him?"

"Slow down, Er." Will placed a hand on her shoulder, "Jay's not hurt. Mouse brought him in."

"Mouse?" Erin paused her frantic search and looked at Will incredulously, "Mouse, as in, Greg Gurwitz?"

Will nodded, "Jay drove to Columbus, I guess to find Mouse? He said Jay was really out of it and that he basically fell asleep for twenty four hours."

"And he didn't call me?" Erin shouted, "Where is he?"

"Mouse brought him here because Jay wasn't making sense, Erin. He's up in CT right now."

"W-what?" Erin asked, taking a step back from her partner's brother, "They think something's wrong with his brain?"

"I don't know, that's why they're doing the scan. I was in surgery when he was brought in, but he should be coming back any second."

"Where's Mouse?" Erin choked out, Hank placing a comforting hand on his daughter's back, "Is he here?"

"Present," Mouse said, poking his head out of a trauma bay, "Good to see you, Erin."

"What happened?" She managed, giving the former Intelligence tech wizard an awkward hug, "What happened to Jay?"

"He showed up at my place at like six in the morning, absolutely freaking out. Kept saying that he was a danger to you, that he had a kid, all sorts of stuff. Then he passed out on my couch for like eighteen hours, and I had to go to training, and I got back and he was saying all this same stuff and then I drove him back here." Mouse looked over to Hank. "Hey Sarge. Who's the kid?"

"Jay's daughter. My daughter," Erin said tersely, "And you didn't think to call me?"

"He didn't have his phone," Mouse squeaked out, "And he started saying all this stuff about how you'd be better off if he stayed away, that he could have hurt you, and I didn't know…"

"Doctor Halstead?" A nurse interrupted, causing everyone to turn toward her, "Detective Halstead is asking for you."

Erin nodded toward the doctor and looked back at Mouse, "He said he thought he'd be better off if he went away?"

"He said that you'd be better off," Mouse corrected her, "He was all torn up about being damaged goods and that he wasn't cut out to be a father, that his kid would be better with you, that he could have hurt her…I didn't realize he actually had a kid. Hi, I'm Greg, but everyone calls me Mouse."

Kate looked at the man in front of her warily and then over to Erin, "We gonna see Daddy?"

"Yes, we are baby, just hang on." Erin smiled gently at the little girl before turning back to Mouse. "You had him committed?"

"No!" Mouse exclaimed, "He was freaking out about hurting people or something. I just brought him here. It was Jay who wanted to come." He turned around, "I gotta catch a bus back to Columbus, but tell Jay to call me, okay?"

"I-I need to talk to him," Erin stuttered, starting down the hallway in the direction that Will had gone, "Hank, stay with Kate please. I'll-I'll be right back." She continued down the hallway until she saw Jay's name on the door. Without hesitation, she flung the door open to see her partner sitting on the hospital bed in what were his pajamas from two nights before, looking as haggard as she had ever seen him.

"Er-" Jay started, but Erin held up her hand.

"What the fuck Halstead? You decided that you were just going to get up in the middle of the night and leave me? Leave Kate? How could you do that to me? To us?" Tears dripped down her cheeks before she could stop them, "And Mouse tells me that you think we'd be better off without you? How could you even think such a thing? I've been in hell for the past two days, Jay. I don't understand why you would just leave, I thought you were dead." Erin's voice broke and she began crying in earnest, "It isn't fair, I'm so mad at you right now but," She burst into tears. Will quickly stood from the stool he was swiveling on and held Erin upright, guiding her over to the bed.

"I'm sorry," Jay choked out, tears sluicing off his cheeks as Erin crumbled against him, "I am so, so sorry, Erin."

"What happened?" She whispered after a moment, sitting up and taking a deep breath, trying to regain her composure, "You left."

"I hit you," Jay cast his eyes downward, "I woke up to you shaking me awake, and all I remember is thinking someone was attacking me and me punching you." More tears rolled down his cheeks, "I-I had to leave but I was like basically half asleep and I needed to talk to Mouse and I just drove and I passed out and I don't even remember getting there…" He trailed off, unable to complete the sentence, "I hit you, Erin."

"I'm fine, babe," Erin murmured, running a hand through his hair and down his shoulders, "I'm fine,"

"I know how hard I hit you," Jay's voice broke, "What if Kate had been in bed with us? What if you hadn't woken me up? Erin, I am a danger to both you and Kate."

Erin shook her head vehemently, "No, stop it. How could you even think that, Jay? It was one bad night. We had an incredibly emotional day. And we can get you counseling or therapy or whatever, but so help me God if you think that running away from us is the right thing to do, I'm going to fucking kill you."

"Babe…"

"No, Jay, you listen to me. You remember what you told Kate when she tried to run away because she thought we'd be safer if she went back to that bastard? You said that it would hurt us more. And if you left, it would hurt Kate and I more than you could ever imagine." Erin closed her eyes briefly, willing the tears to abate, "I have been in hell the past two days. Kate's barely slept, barely eaten and I thought you were dead." She touched his cheek, "Do…do you remember leaving?"

Jay shook his head slowly, "I remember waking up and then waking up again at Mouse's place. I mean, I think there are moments…oh my God, did I yell at Kate?" He widened his eyes in horror when Erin nodded grimly, "Something is wrong with me, Erin."

"Babe," Erin cupped his face with her hands, "We'll figure it out, okay? But you aren't going anywhere, promise me that."

He nodded, eyes drifting to her shoulder. "Let me see it."

"See what?" Erin asked nonchalantly, dread filling her stomach because she knew what he wanted to see.

"Where I punched you," he whispered hoarsely, "Will said you have a bruise."

Erin shot a look at the other Halstead brother, having forgotten he was in the room with them. "Please, Erin," he begged, "Just let me see it."

She sighed heavily and pulled over the collar on her shirt, revealing a darkening bruise on her shoulder. "It's fine, Jay. Really."

"It's not," Jay uttered, leaning down to press a kiss upon her injured shoulder, "I am so sorry for everything I put you through."

"We're going to figure it out, babe," Erin promised, "We can get you a meeting with Doctor Charles, with any specialist, but you leaving is not an option, okay?"

"Okay," Jay breathed, wiping his eyes, "Okay."

"I'm going to get Kate," Will piped up, standing from the stool and heading for the door.

Once he was out of earshot, Erin turned back to Jay, "Your brother was amazing. He took yesterday off to be with Kate while I scoured the city, looking for you."

"Nice of him to show up," Jay muttered, tiredly rubbing his eyes.

"Jay, today a social worker from DCFS came down to the station and tried to take Kate," Erin said firmly. Jay's jaw dropped. "And she would have taken her if Will hadn't come by and said that he would be her legal guardian until you returned."

"They almost took her away from you?" Jay was beside himself, "They can't do that."

"You were a missing person," Erin informed him, "So yeah, they could have. And Will stepped up and kept her with me, so we owe him big time."

"Shit," Jay blew out a breath, turning to the door when Dr. Abrams knocked. The man entered, bearing a chart.

"Detective Halstead, your CT scan looks fine. From what you told me, your symptoms indicate that you're suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. In some cases, though uncommon, PTSD can lead to extended blackouts as a result of anxiety-inducing situations and flashbacks. I'm going to recommend you speak with Doctor Charles and proceed from there, but you are otherwise healthy, physically." The brusque older doctor raised his eyebrows, "Any questions?"

"His head is fine?" Erin asked, looking for confirmation that her partner was alright.

"Yes. The fact that he got himself all the way to Ohio in the blackout state he was in is nothing short of a miracle. Doctor Charles will be in to see you in a few minutes to discuss other treatment options, but my job here is done." He looked over at Erin and Jay, "Bets of luck, detectives."

"Thanks." Jay said, turning his focus back to Erin. "Will's right, that guy is such a dick," he murmured after the doctor had left the room.

"Well at least we know your head is fine," Erin stroked his cheek, "And that you can come home with us."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Jay asked carefully, "Erin, what if I hit you again? Or Kate? I don't know what's happening to me, I can't risk hurting either of you."

Erin shook her head adamantly, "You're not going to hurt us, okay? We'll talk with Doctor Charles, but we need you at home, with us." Her lower lip quivered slightly, "I-I can't-I haven't slept and I've never been the kind of person who needs somebody so much, but I need you Jay. And Kate does too." Despite all the tears she had shed over the past 48 hours, a few more crept out of the corners of Erin's eyes, "Come home, babe. Please."

"Is my daddy sick?" Kate asked Hank softly as they sat in the hospital waiting room for Erin or Will. She was seated in her grandfather's lap quietly, and had barely said a few words since arriving at Chicago Med.

"I…I don't really know, kiddo," Hank said honestly, rubbing her arm gently, "We'll see what Will says and when your mom gets back. But everything is fine, alright?"

She nodded, appearing unconvinced. "But Grandpa Hank, why did that man say that Daddy would be better off without me and Mommy?" Kate looked expectantly at him, "How come he thinks that?"

"I'm not sure he does, I think he's just having a tough time right now," Hank attempted, unsure of the appropriate course of action to take with the little girl. It wasn't his place to talk about Jay's business, and he didn't want to be the one to tell her that her father had been struggling for years and basically snapped, likely the result of such an emotionally grueling day.

"It's because of me," Kate said sadly, glancing down at her hands.

"What? What are you talking about, kiddo?" Hank looked down at Kate, alarmed, "You had nothing to do with what happened to Jay."

She shook her head slowly, "No, I'm the reason Daddy left. Cause I telled him and Mommy and the law-yer 'bout what happened with Mr. P." Kate looked up at Hank with clear and knowing eyes, "I made him upset. That's how come he left. He don't want me no more."

"Oh, no, no, no," Hank reassured her, "Kate, I've known your dad for a few years now, and he's been struggling with a lot of uh, bad memories. But he wants you, more than anything. I can promise you that, okay?"

"But I made his heart hurt worse," Kate insisted, "I telled him 'bout how I used to get hurt and he thought it was his fault but it's not!"

"I know, I know," Hank rubbed her back gently, trying to calm down the child who was rapidly unraveling in his lap, "And he knows it wasn't his fault, sweetheart. He does. What happened to him a few nights ago has to do with his time in the military. Jay loves you so much and nothing that happened is your fault."

"He was 'memberin' 'f-gan-istan?" She cocked her head to one side in curiosity, "That's how come Daddy got upset?"

"That's what it sounds like," Hank confirmed, looking up to see Will walking down the hallway, "Look, Will's back." He glanced desperately at the young doctor, but Will didn't notice his expression.

"He's okay," Will breathed, squatting down before Kate, "Your dad is going to be just fine, Monkey."

Kate eyed her uncle warily, "Daddy's not still upset 'bout 'f-gan-istan?"

Will looked up at Hank, surprised. The sergeant nodded slowly and pinched the bridge between his eyes, clearly overwhelmed by the little girl's intuition. "Well, kiddo, it's going to take a bit for Jay to be alright, but he's well on his way, okay?" Will smiled reassuringly, "You don't need to worry."

"Is it 'cause he killed people over there?" Kate asked quietly, "Mr. Bowler said that Daddy killed people."

"Bowler is a liar," Hank blurted out, instantly regretting what he said when Will shot him a look, "He is just, um, a really bad man. And he's going to jail too, so you don't need to worry about him."

"So he was lyin'?" Kate probed, "All the things he said 'bout Mommy and Daddy, they weren't true?"

Will and Hank exchanged glances, both entirely out of their depth. Kate hadn't yet asked about the accusations Bowler made against them during Joseph Pierce's trial, so Erin and Jay hadn't addressed them. "I-I don't know what Ed Bowler said, kiddo, but what I do know is that Erin and Jay love you so much. They want to spend the rest of their lives with you, okay?"

"How come the lady tried to take me away then?" Kate asked, "She didn't want me to stay with Mommy." The little girl paused, becoming increasingly worked up, "Are Mommy and Daddy bad?"

"No, no, no," Will insisted, patting the little girl's knee, "Kate, Erin and Jay are the absolute best people I know. No matter what happened in their past, they are very, very good people. And they wouldn't do anything to hurt you."

"Then why did she want me?" Kate whispered.

Will sighed, taking a seat beside Hank in an uncomfortable waiting room chair, "Because Jay is your biological father. And when we didn't know where he was, the state was required to come make sure that you were okay. And when they saw that you were safe with me, and with your mom, they didn't want to take you. That lady was just trying to make sure you were safe."

"So I don't gotta leave?" Kate relaxed when Will shook his head, "And Daddy's gonna be okay?"

"He's going to be even better when he sees you," Will smiled tiredly, "Do you want to go see him?"

Kate nodded eagerly, hopping off Hank's lap and taking Will's outstretched hand.

Up next: Linstead family reunion! I figured I owe y'all one :) And don't worry, I haven't abandoned this - work is crazy so it's going to be a few days in between updates rather than every day!