47. Chapter 47

Sorry for the wait - let me know if you like it and peep the note at the end!

Sleep did not come to either Jay or Erin the night their little girl was wrenched from their grasp by the Department of Children and Family Services. Platt put in calls to everyone she knew down at DCFS, and Hank was pulling strings on the legal side. Steve Khatt, who had recently moved to the private sector, had agreed to help them get their little girl back. "God, I hope she's okay," Jay murmured, filling up Erin's mug with coffee for the third time that morning.

"This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't filed for adoption," Erin muttered bitterly, taking a sip of the piping hot liquid, "How is it that when she was literally being tortured the state had no idea she existed, and that now after the effects of the abuse came to fruition, they think it's our fault?"

"Babe, you heard what Khatt said. The application being filed only gave them an excuse. They would have come either way after I disappeared for two days, okay? Margaret Cunningham or whatever her name was clearly thought something was wrong with me, and she wasn't wrong. But the allegations are not your fault, okay?" He swallowed thickly, "But we're going to fight this, and you're going to be her mom, for good." Jay gripped the countertop tightly, "That is the only thing getting me through this. Please, Er."

She nodded, setting the mug down. "Okay. Okay. We're going to get her back. We're due down at Marcus' office in a bit, hopefully Khatt's call cleared everything up and Kate'll be there waiting for us."

Jay nodded in agreement. "I can't imagine what she's going through right now."

"Kate, sweetheart, we need you to speak to us, otherwise we can't help you," Betty Klein said calmly, trying to get through to the child in front of her. She had sobbed for five hours after she had been removed from her parent's care, desperately trying to separate herself from the social worker.

The little girl just stared back at the woman with red, swollen eyes from across the kitchen table. She hadn't slept the night before, absolutely terrified about being forcibly taken from her parents. After repeatedly crying out for her Mommy and Daddy, Kate sat in the corner of the bedroom where she was staying. The foster parents had four other children and were accustomed to taking in displaced kids for a night or too. While they seemed nice enough, Kate was incredibly skeptical and refused to talk, eat or sleep.

"She hasn't said a word," Colleen Humphrey, the foster mother, said to Klein, "Won't eat either. And I don't think she slept either. Just sat on the floor."

"Aren't you hungry?" Marcus tried, "I'm sure we could get you something to eat. What about some pretzels or crackers?"

Again, Kate did not respond. She continued to look sadly at the other woman, waiting to hear about her parents. "I know you're scared," Colleen said kindly, "But I'm sure everything will be figured out soon enough, but Ms Klein really needs you to answer a few questions."

"You've got to talk, sweetheart," the social worker sighed in irritation as the little girl remained silent, "I get that you're upset, but we only are here to help you." She forced a soft smile, "You need to answer a few questions."

"I want my law-yer," Kate informed them, her small voice thick with emotion.

Betty Klein and Mrs. Humphrey exchanged surprised glances. "Why do you want a lawyer, honey? You're not in trouble."

"I don't gotta talk until I got a law-yer," Kate insisted, folding her tiny arms across her chest, "I know that."

"Kate, we're not here to get you in trouble. We just want to talk to you a bit about what's been happening with you." Betty Klein's face softened at the little girl's statement, "I know you're nervous, but we're not here to do anything bad. We just have some questions, you won't be in trouble, I promise."

She shook her head, "That's what you say when you wanna get someone to kuh-fess. I know 'cause Mommy and Daddy do it when they know a bad guy is guilty."

"The sooner you tell us about what's been happening, the sooner we can clear everything up," Mrs. Humphrey offered, "We just want to help."

"I can see my mommy and daddy?" Kate narrowed her eyes slightly, "If I talk to you?"

"We'll see," Klein smiled, "We'll see."

"I don't trust you." The little girl brought her arms tighter around her body, "I want my mommy and daddy."

"How is she?" Jay asked after he and Erin caught sight of Danielle Marcus exiting the elevator at the Department of Children and Family Services. They had been waiting as patiently as they could for their scheduled appointment with social worker, anticipating an update on their little girl and the horrific situation they were dealing with.

"She's fine," Marcus said calmly, "I heard from the social worker who stopped by at the foster home where she's staying, and Kate is in good hands."

"When can we see her?" Erin asked, sitting down in one of the chairs across from Danielle Marcus' desk.

"Soon, hopefully," the woman said honestly, sinking down into the chair behind her desk, "Kate hasn't been answering questions, but that is not uncommon. Someone should be by to evaluate your home either tomorrow or early next week, and-"

"Next week?" Jay managed, "We won't be getting our little girl back until next week?"

"You can't be serious," Erin narrowed her eyes, "I know my child, and she can barely make it through the night in her own bed, let alone in a strange house where she doesn't know anybody. She won't sleep, she won't eat and she's going to get sick. You can't do that to her."

"DCFS has been in close contact with Kate's foster parents and believe they have a handle on the situation. They see a lot of kids from a lot of different backgrounds and I have full confidence in their ability to keep Kate safe and healthy."

"I'm sure you've read Kate's file, so you know she was kidnapped from school a few months ago. She doesn't trust anyone. It has taken months for us to get her to fully open up, and this is going to solidify her distrust in everyone. Please, if there is any way for us to see her and get her back as soon as we can, please, tell us." Jay leaned forward on the desk, "Or…or at least send her back with Erin. If it's me you're worried about, I'll go stay somewhere else, I'll leave the state, I'll do whatever it takes, but what you're doing is not fair to my little girl," Jay swallowed thickly, "Please."

"I'm sorry detective, I wish it were that simple. After this conversation, you will both be taken for more formal interviews with my supervisor. Once your home has been evaluated and Kate cooperates, I will be able to provide you with a more concrete timeline."

Erin rested a hand on Jay's back, "Okay, fine. What questions do you have for us?"

"Well first off, have you been coaching your daughter in what to say in the event something of this nature were to happen?"

"What?" Jay exploded, "You think we've been coaching her as to what to say if some from DCFS thinks she's being abused? In any scenario I could ever imagine, having my child be taken from me by the people who are supposed to be the good guys doesn't even come close. So no, Ms. Marcus, we have not been coaching Kate as to what to say in the event she was being interviewed."

"Why?" Erin raised her eyebrows skeptically, "That wasn't a normal question."

Danielle Marcus set down her pen. "Kate is refusing to talk without a lawyer."

Despite the situation, both Erin and Jay burst out laughing, "You're serious?" Jay asked, "My kid's asking for a lawyer?"

"According to her social worker, Kate said that she was told she doesn't have to speak without a lawyer present," Marcus informed them, picking up the pen again and tapping it on the paper she was scrawling on, "Kate refuses to speak."

"It's because she's brilliant. And if a suspect lawyer's up, we can't talk to them. It's how it works, and she probably picked up on it by being around us and being at the district," Erin told her, "It's not like we told her to say that."

"She's also incredibly afraid of lying. Won't keep secrets or anything," Jay said, "We always tell her that she should tell the truth, so whatever she tells you, she's not lying or being coached."

"We have never told her to lie, ever. And she never has. When she had to testify against one of the men who abused her, she was being completely honest. And everything she's ever told us has matched up with her physical injuries." Erin sat back against the chair with a hug, "And she will tell you that we have never laid a hand on her, nor have we done anything to warrant the kind of hell we are enduring now."

Speaking with Danielle Marcus was both physically and emotionally draining for the detectives. Following their joint interview, both Jay and Erin spoke with a sergeant from the CPD and a senior DCFS caseworker, explaining how Kate came into their lives and what had gone on since then.

Erin felt like her heart had been ripped out and stomped on as she recollected the first few weeks with her baby girl. Kate had been timid and jumpy, barely able to participate in normal childhood activities. She barely spoke above a whisper for the three weeks, constantly in fear that she had done something to anger her new parents. During the interview with the DCFS caseworker, Bryan Atwood, Erin recalled the time that Kate had an accident in bed after a particularly traumatizing nightmare.

She had awoken to sharp sobs, audible over the whirr of the air conditioning and fan that they had going in their bedroom. It was an abnormally boiling evening in Chicago, the air thick and humid. Kate had fallen asleep after one story, and Erin and Jay had settled into bed at a reasonable hour for the first night in weeks. Jay was still fast asleep, so Erin quickly shed the sheets and padded over to Kate's room, anticipating that she would find the little girl caught in the depths of a nightmare.

Instead, Erin found Kate shaking like a leaf in the corner of her bedroom, knees drawn to her chest. In the moonlight, Erin could tell that the child's pajamas were soaked and she was traumatized, sobs wracking her small frame as she attempted to make herself small. "It's okay, sweetheart," Erin had cooed, "You just had an accident. No big deal."

"I-I-I I'm sorry," Kate sobbed, knobby knees obscuring her face, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, don't hit me, I'm sorry."

"I won't hit you, I'm not angry, I promise," Erin sank to her knees in front of the little girl, "I promise you Kate, I'm not upset. It was an accident."

"I'm not 'lowed to have ax-dents," Kate whimpered, face still buried in her knees, "It's bad to do it, p-please don't hit me."

"Oh, baby," Erin gently rested a hand on the child's thin shoulder, "It's alright. Let's get you cleaned up and then you can come spend the night with Jay and I, how about that?"

"I-I don't gotta get hit?" Kate lifted her head slightly, revealing swollen and red eyes, "I don't gotta get punished?"

"Not at all," Erin shook her head, willing the tears that were threatening to form to abate, "We're just going to get you out of those pajamas, hop in the shower for a second to get you nice and cool, and get right back to bed, okay?"

"I'm sorry," Kate whimpered as Erin helped her remove the damp pajamas, "I'm sorry, Erin, I'm sorry."

"These things happen," Erin assured her, "It is not a big deal at all. I promise, I am not angry at all, okay?"

Kate had allowed Erin to rinse her with the removable showerhead in the tub so that she wouldn't have to shower by herself. After Erin wrapped her up in one of Kate's new fluffy pink towels, the little girl crumbled against her, body once again trembling in sobs. "Oh, baby, what is it?" Erin asked, threading her fingers though Kate's hair, "Are you scared?"

"You-you didn't yell," Kate managed, lifting her head slightly to meet Erin's gaze, "I-I-I had an ax-dent and you didn't yell or h-hit me."

Erin held the little girl closer, "Kate, baby, I am so sorry that those horrible people did that to you. It wasn't your fault. We all have bad dreams sometimes. It wasn't your fault," Erin repeated, "And I would never be angry at you for something that wasn't your fault."

"J-Jay wouldn't be mad, neither?" Kate whispered, "Cause I-I don't want him to be mad e-der."

"Oh no, sweetheart, not at all. In fact, if it's alright with you, we can both spend the night in my and Jay's bed?" Erin continued to stroke the little girl's hair while she contemplated the option of spending another night with Jay and Erin.

"Even though I was bad and had an ax-dent?" Kate whimpered, "I can still be with you?"

"Absolutely," Erin nodded, placing a pair of dry pajamas over the child's head, "No matter what, you can always come to Jay or I okay? We want you to feel safe."

"Okay," Kate exhaled, wrapping her thin arms around Erin's neck, "Thank you for not hittin'."

"Oh, my love, you don't need to thank me. I would never hit you, okay? I need you to know that. Jay and I would never, ever do anything to hurt you, I promise." Erin swallowed thickly, "We love you."

"I know," Kate murmured, relaxing as Erin carried her toward the master bedroom, "It means I safe."

Similarly, while Erin was being interviewed by DCFS, Jay was talking to a sergeant from the CPD, understanding the allegations of child abuse. "This is crazy," Jay sputtered, "I have never, ever hurt my child. And I never would. I have spent the last eight months trying to make up for the fact that I didn't know she existed for four years. We have loved her and cared for her and it breaks my heart that she had to go through what she did." He took a deep breath, trying to get his rapid heart rate under control, "Please, you've made some kind of mistake."

"Detective Halstead, why were you listed as a missing person last month?" The young sergeant, probably a few years older than Jay, peered up from his notepad and regarded the detective seriously. When Jay didn't immediately reply, the sergeant set down his pen. "Detective Halstead."

"I uh, had a bad night. We had a really tough and emotional day and I hadn't been properly taking care of myself. I woke up from a nightmare in Ohio, on the couch of my best friend. He-he had been over there with me, saw the same shit I did, and was arguably more fucked up. And I had been dealing with it, I'd gone to meetings and stuff but uh, with Kate, I felt like I couldn't leave. I felt too guilty. So I let it slip. And it came back and I didn't know where I was or what was happening. And two days passed, I had left my phone in the apartment so I couldn't call Erin and she was freaking out and that's why a missing persons report was filed. Mouse, uh, Greg, he brought me back. And I made him take me right to the hospital because I thought I was crazy, but I have PTSD. But I've been dealing with it better, this time. I go to meetings once a week, I see a therapist once, sometimes twice a week. I'm working on it, I really am. But I would never hurt my child."

"Detective, the DCFS agent who responded the missing persons report noted scars on Kate's back which is what prompted this investigation. According to the story you just told me, you have experienced extensive periods of blackouts without recollection of what occurred during those times. Can you tell me, with certainty, that you never hurt your child? Maybe it was an accident, maybe you were still asleep, maybe you didn't even realize you-"

"No!" Jay jumped up from his seat and dragged his palms across his face, "No, no, I would never hurt her-"

"You may not have meant to," the sergeant replied, "But like you said, you woke up in Ohio. You could have harmed your daughter without even waking up."

He shook his head, "No, no, she-she would have told me. Or I would have woken up before I ever hurt her, but no, no, that is not a possibility."

"J-Jay?" Kate's small voice was barely audible as Jay dozed in front of the television, having fallen asleep while watching a documentary on watchmaking. It had been a gruesome day on the job, five young children killed by their sociopathic uncle. When he and Erin finally made it back to the district, Kate was already asleep after Platt had given her dinner. He had wanted nothing more than to hold his little girl close and be thankful that she was alive, but they had only known each other for a few weeks, and he didn't want to frighten the child.

"Hey, Squirt," he greeted warmly, widening his eyes and turning to face the little voice, "Are you alright? Did you have a bad dream?"

Kate nodded slowly, taking a cautious step toward the sofa, "Are-are you okay?"

"Sure, why?" he cocked his head to one side, blue eyes meeting the troubled hazel orbs of his baby girl.

"You-you were yellin'. While you were sleepin'." Kate's voice trembled slightly as she spoke, "I-I was gonna wake you up, but you were moving." She met his gaze again, "You-you get nightmares too?"

Jay swallowed, having not realized that the poor child had witnessed one of his PTSD induced nightmares. The past few months with Erin, Jay had been feeling better. Solid. But some days still got to him and he would wake up thinking he was back in the desert under siege. "I do, you're right," he nodded, reaching a hand out to his little girl, "I'm sorry if I woke you up and I'm sorry if I scared you."

"I was already 'wake," Kate murmured, taking another step toward her father, "I had a nightmare too."

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Jay asked, helping Kate get settled on the couch next to him, "It might make you feel better?"

The little girl shook her head solemnly but glanced up at Jay, "You wanna tell me 'bout yours?"

He smiled slightly and kissed the top of her head softly. "Well, I don't want to scare you or anything."

"You won't," Kate said seriously, "I only get scared 'bout bad memories."

Jay drew in a breath sharply, "Me too, kiddo." He paused, trying to figure out the best way to tell his four year old about his experience in the military. After a while, the story poured out of him, all the heat, his friends, the loss, the pain, the return home. Kate listened intently and didn't doze off once, captivated by her father's story.

"Are-are you worried they gonna take you back?" Kate asked quietly after Jay had told most of his story, save for the truly inappropriate and gruesome facts.

Jay shook his head, "I'm more afraid of…I guess I don't really know what I'm afraid of. It just hurts to remember a lot of what happened. And when I sleep, sometimes it all comes rushing back."

Kate nodded in understanding, "It makes me not wanna sleep, when I think 'bout 'memberin' things."

Jay kissed her head again and held the child closer, "Mm. How about you and I watch this really cool documentary on watch-making and see if that doesn't tire us out? I'll be right here with you, if that's alright."

Kate smiled up at her father, "Thank you, Jay."

I have not been watching PD at all and have been lacking in the inspiration department, so if you have any advice or requests, I would love to hear them.

To be completely honest, finding motivation given the direction of the show itself has made this harder to write...I had this part of the story planned in order to explore more of Jay's guilt and personal struggles, but am not totally in love with how it's turning out.

That being said, I do have ~a few~ hopefully happier moments planned, so if you are still reading, I thank you for your support and patience. Let me know your thoughts.