5. Broken Pieces

Hey there,

first of all I'd like to thank you all for the reviews!

Aaaaand then, is anyone as excited as I am for Wednesdays episode? Because I literally count down the hours. Can't wait for the Jay-centric episode where we will hopefully finally learn something about his past.

At the same time I'm a bit worried that the episode that was supposed to be a Linsteadpalooza will now be Linsteadtrouble all the way thanks to weed lady. It's not that I don't trust Jay. The Jay Halstead we know would never do anything. But unfortunately his life is badly influenced by Derek Haas and friends and they are the ones I don't trust...

But there's still a little hope left in me that Erin will be there for him and not weed lady and that we'll finally get proof that they are in a deeper relationship...but it's CPD, so you never know...let's just wait and see and pray that Wednesday comes fast! :)

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything.

5. Broken Pieces

Jay woke up early Sunday morning when the sun lightened up the bedroom of Erin's apartment. He yawned and turned his head around to Erin's side of the bed. He wasn't surprised to see that she was still asleep. Her body needed tons of that at the moment and he wanted to let her sleep as long as possible. He got up from the bed and went to the kitchen, preparing a little surprise he had planned for Erin. Today was his last free day and as the weather was surprisingly warm for early May, he wanted to take her out to Grant Park, having a picnic there and just enjoy the spring-sun.

He made some sandwiches and put them in the picnic basket along with some grapes, strawberries, bananas and chocolate. Last but not least he also placed some bottles with juice in the basket. After finishing with all of his preparations, he went back to the bedroom and laid down again. He didn't want Erin to wake up to an empty bedside.

About an hour later, her eyes fluttered open. She twinkled some times and a small smile rushed over her lips when she saw Jay staring at her.

″Stop being so creepy,″ she yawned with a raspy voice.

″Creepy? Am I not allowed to stare at my beautiful girlfriend and realize how lucky I am?″ he chuckled and leaned over her to kiss her.

″No,″ she laughed, replying his kiss.

″Do it anyway,″ he winked and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Of course she didn't hesitate to curl into his arm like she always did.

″As I said, creepy,″ she answered with a laugh, tracing soft circles onto his bare chest.

″Whatever. How do you feel today?″

″Better than the previous mornings.″

″Good,″ he mumbled, kissing her hair and burying his face in it. ″You feel up to a little adventure today?″

″Adventure?″ she asked and looked up to him, raising her eyebrows.

″Not what you think,″ he laughed when he saw her face.

″You don't know what I think,″ she defended herself while her cheeks blushed a little. He loved it when this happened. It made her even more adorable than she already was.

″Oh I do,″ he smirked. ″But I think we should wait a little until we do that again,″ he said with a low voice but his lips crushed hers anyways.

″Should we?″ she asked playfully and gazed at him all innocent.

″We both know how your body reacts when it meets my body...and I don't want you to collaps again due to breathlessness,″ he whispered with a grin.

″Wanna tell me I'm not up to that, Jay?″

″Exactly. Not yet at least.″

″Jerk,″ she laughed. ″But maybe you're right,″ she admitted. She knew herself that she wasn't fit enough for any kind of physical strain at the moment and she didn't even feel like she was up to that in the near future.

″Say that again,″ he begged and had a little winning smile on his face.

″You're right Jay Halstead. But I don't think this is a reason for you to celebrate because we both know that neither of us likes this,″ she winked and now she was the one with the winning smile on her face.

″Well...you got a point there.″

″I know, right? So as we now figured out what you don't mean with adventure, can you please tell me what you actually mean?″ He could tell from her face that she was quite curious.

″I thought we could go to Grant Park and have a picnic there. Maybe somewhere close to the lake or the harbor. The sun and the fresh air will be good for you.″

″This is a great idea,″ she nodded and snuggled even closer onto him.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

It was around noon when they walked through Grant Park, holding each others hands tightly, and enjoyed the sunny day. They strolled around a bit and sat down on some benches from time to time when Erin needed a break. As Jay had predicted, the sun and the fresh air were good for her still sick and weak body but she felt exhausted after the shortest amout of time. They walked along the lake for a little while longer and then finally found a nice place under a big tree were they still got enough sun not to freeze. Jay placed the blanket on the ground and unpacked the picnic basket. They sat down, ate some sandwiches and then fed each other with fruits and chocolate, giggling around like two teenagers who just fell in love for the first time. After finishing their lunch, Jay leaned back to the tree trunk and Erin laid down between his legs, resting the back of her head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her waist and closed his eyes when he buried his head in her hair and smelled the sweet scent of her shampoo. For a while they just sat there like this, enjoying each others closeness, and watched the sailboats come and go or even dozed off a little in the warm sun.

″I think this is my new favorite place,″ she whispered somewhen.

″Yeah, it's quite nice here,″ he mumbled.

″Not just nice. It's so peaceful. And the flowers and trees and the boats and the sun make it perfect. I could lay her all day. Even every day I think.″

″So you quit your job and start a career in uhm...professional chilling here?″ he joked.

″I'd survive that for exactly one day,″ she chuckled.

″One day? Really? I'd give you some hours,″ Jay laughed.

″Or that,″ she admitted and also laughed.

They kept laying there for the rest of the afternoon and enjoyed being so close to each other. As Jay had to go back to work tomorrow, this would for sure be the last time within the next weeks that they had so much time for themselves and their relationship.

As the breeze got cooler in the late afternoon, they packed their stuff together. When Erin started to freeze on their way back to the car, Jay gave her his jacket and protectivly covered it around her shoulders.

In the evening, they ordered pizza and watched another movie. When Erin laid in his arms on the couch, Jay couldn't deny how much he loved this. And how much he got used to this during the last days. Waking up next to her every morning and falling asleep next to her every evening. Cooking for her and with her, snuggeling with her on the couch while watching TV with her every evening. Just simply living together with her.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

The following two weeks were like hell for Erin. Although she felt better day by day thanks to the antibiotics she still had to take two times a day, the process of recovery was too long in her opinion. She still got exhausted fast and needed to sleep at daytime. In addition, she was bored to death as she didn't know what to do all time. She was quite happy that Jay was at work all day because otherwise she would have taken out her bad mood on him and he didn't deserve that. At least she was able to do the grocery shopping on her own but when she returned home she always felt like she just ran a marathon. Her doctor even extended her sick leave for another week but at least she was finally off the antibiotics for that last week of her sick leave. Jay tried to come to her place every evening but at the moment, their cases required nightshifts almost every day. Sometimes he still went to her place in the middle of the night, sometimes he went to his apartment as he didn't want to wake her up.

Finally, the day she was allowed to go back to work came closer, although she had to do desk duty for at least a week as her doctor didn't clear her for too much physical strain yet.

She woke up early on Monday morning, long before her alarm clock was ringing. She was so excited to go back to work and finally being able to do something again. It has almost been four and a half weeks since she's been at work for the last time. The longest four and a half weeks in her life. She couldn't wait any second longer now. Of course desk duty wasn't exactly what she wanted to do but it was better than doing nothing. One more day in her apartment and she was sure she'd go crazy.

She turned to the other side of the bed and smiled when she saw Jay all curled up in his blanket. He looked so cute when he was asleep. His face looked soft and although his eyes were closed it always looked like he had a little grin on his lips when he was sleeping. Her heart started to flutter when she thought about how much she loved him. At the same time it also scared her but right now she just craved for him so much. Craved for his body and his touches. She rolled closer to him, put her hand under the blanket and then under his shirt, starting to softly tickle his abs. He started to groan when he felt her fingers touching his body. Erin giggled and now started to place kisses on his cheeks and down his neck in addition.

″Erin,″ he moaned when he felt her fingers going down deeper. He opened his eyes and looked into her sparkling eyes. An irresistible smile surrounded her lips.

″What are you up to this early in the morning?″ he yawned.

″Nothing,″ she smirked and crashed her lips with his.

″So, this is nothing?″ he asked and held her hand to keep it from going down any further.

″Exactly,″ she laughed.

″So how about me doing nothing, too?″ A nasty grin rushed over his face as his hand now went under her shirt.

″I like it when we both do nothing,″ she whispered as he rolled over her and kissed her intensly.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

″Look who's back,″ Adam welcomed Erin when she reached the top of the stairs of the bullpen two hours later.

″Was about time Linds,″ Kevin also said with a bright smile on his face.

″Tell me about it,″ Erin laughed.

″Glad you're back. We all missed you here,″ Antonio said and hugged her.

″Yeah and because we missed you so much, we have some presents for you so you won't get sick again soon,″ Adam said with a dorky grin and pointed to her desk. Only now she saw some tea packages, cough drops, vitamin pills and tissues stored there.

″Bite me Ruzek, where's my coffee?″ she laughed and shook her head.

″Waiting for you in my office,″ a familar raspy voice said behind her. She turned around a saw Hank casually leaning on the door frame of his office. A little thankful smile rushed over her face when she looked into her pseudo-father's eyes. ″Come on in, kiddo,″ ordered and went into his office. Erin followed him, but turned around again before she closed the door.

″You better clean this mess up fast, really fast Ruzek,″ she said with a wink and pointed to all the things she surely didn't need anymore and hopefully wouldn't need in the near future either.

″This was the last time you got a gift from me Lindsay,″ he joked as she closed the door. She took the seat adverse Hank, sipped on her coffee and started to laugh.

″What's up?″ Hank frowned.

″You know it's been loooong four weeks when you realize that you even missed the coffee. This freakin' damn coffee that is anything but good,″ she chuckled and took another sip from it.

″I'm glad you're back kid. It isn't the same here when you're not around,″ he said and gave her a warm glance.

″One more day at home and you could've admitted me to Med, to Dr. Charles's station to be precise, for going crazy,″ she sighed.

″I'm surprised that this didn't happen already,″ he grinned.

″I hate to admit it but I think I really needed to stay at home so long as I didn't feel too well.″

″How do you feel now?″

″Back at 100 percent and ready to do my job.″

″For now it's desk duty, you know that Erin,″ Hank said and raised his eyebrows.

″I don't need to be on desk duty, really. I feel good and I can do my job just as everyone else,″ she disagreed although sensed there was no chance.

″You had your second lung function testing yet?″

″No,″ she mumbled. ″It's next week.″

″And as long as this isn't done you're not cleared for full duty by neither your doctor nor me,″ Hank shrugged.

″But...-″ she tried again.

″Erin don't try to discuss because there's nothing to discuss about. We're not going to risk anything this time,″ he said and Erin knew this was his way of saying that her accident had affected him more than he was able to admit.

″It won't happen again,″ she quietly answered and directly looked into Hank's eyes, giving him an encouraging smile.

″Exactly Erin, it won't because you'll stay on desk duty until your doctor says different. You can also do the interrogations and maybe you can go out and do notifications or talk with witnesses by the end of the week. But that's it,″ Hank said and made his point clear. Erin still looked anything but satisfied.

″Take it or I put you on full desk duty all week without interrogations and notifications and let you renew old CI files or whatever,″ he shrugged and scanned her for her reaction. Erin exhaled a deep breath and tried to stay calm.

″I take it,″ she finally agreed, took her cup and got up, ready to leave his office.

″It's only for your best, kid,″ Hank said as she reached the door. She turned her head around again. He cared so much about her and she was so thankful for that although she never really showed him.

″I know,″ she said. ″Thank you,″ she then added with a smile and left his office.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

The week passed without any major happenings. Erin was happy to be back at work and everyone in the bullpen was happy to have her back. As Hank had ordered, she mostly did the paper work of their cases and interrogated the suspects and from time to time she went out with Jay to do notifications or talk with witnesses. The only thing she wasn't allowed to do was chasing the bad guys and she had to admit that she was quite sad when all the others put their vests on and she had to stay at the precinct. She craved for some action. For finally using her gun again and doing the job she loved so much.

After one and a half endless weeks on desk duty, she finally had the appointment for the lung function testing. Her doctor had already done this test three weeks ago and the results weren't too well back then. But this time around she passed it without any problems, meaning she was now finally cleared for full duty.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

It's been three days since Erin was back on her job in full action and now her and Jay were laying on the couch in Jay's apartment and enjoyed their easy evening. They had spent the previous evenings at Mollys with their colleagues or had to do a nightshift to bust some suspects, so today was one of those evenings where they just were too unmotivated, lazy and tired to do anything else than chilling on the couch. They've decided to watch a movie. Or better: Erin had. Much to Jays disfavor. It was a movie where everything was about love to be exact.

Erin had her head rested on Jays chest and he had his arms covered around her shoulder. It was the position they always watched TV together.

″We should've watched the horror film,″ Jay sighed when there was the hundreth or so kiss and another gooey declaration of love.

″Naaah, this is so romantic,″ Erin laughed.

″It's not. Actually it's kinda disgusting. How can you even like something like that?″

″I don't know. I think I just like it when people get their happy end,″ she answered seriously, turned her head up and looked him in the eyes.

″You know, I like these real-life happy-ends a lot better,″ he answered and gave her a kiss on her forehead.

″So I guess you're not that fairytale-kinda-guy who believes that the prince and the princess live happily ever after?″ she joked. Now it was on him to answer all serious.

″I didn't believe in fairytales. Until I found my princess.″ The look his eyes gave her was worth a thousand words. Erin didn't know what to answer. The guy who hated romantic films has just said something that made her speechless and that didn't happen often. She even had to clear her throat before she was able to say something.

″This is about the sweetest thing you ever said Jay Halstead,″ she whispered and kissed him.

″Yeah, all these stupid romantic films turned me into a hopeless, romantic idiot,″ he said after the kiss. Erin just replied with boxing him onto his shoulders.

″No seriously Erin. I love you. And yeah, I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. Happily ever after.″ Erin's heart fluttered and once again she realized how much she loved this blue-eyed, kind-hearted man who held her tightly. She never has had feelings like these ever before. Not even close. And this little fact unfortunately made her fluttering heart heavy at the same time.

Meanwhile Jay kept his gaze focused on the TV and he thought about whether this was now the right time to finally ask her something he wanted to do for two weeks already. It took him a second to figure out that it was the right time. These past four weeks have brought them together closer than ever and in his opinion it was time for the next step.

″So what do you think about the princess and the prince moving into one castle together?″ he asked her with a smile on his lips.

″What?″ she replied and looked up to him. It was more a rhetorical question to insure herself that she had heard right.

″You and me. One apartment. Together,″ he explained and now looked down into her face. He wasn't sure how to interpret the gaze he saw. ″You know, these past weeks when we were together every day and every night...I got used to that. What shall I say, I loved it. And as you're always here or I'm always at your place, why shouldn't we make it one place?″ The second he spoke out his last words he knew he shouldn't have done it. He felt how her body got stiff in his embrace and for the little moment she looked at him he saw how something in her eyes got lost.

″Jay...I...I can't do this now,″ she spluttered and squirmed out of his grasp.

″Erin,″ he said insistently and held her on her wrist.

″Let me go,″ she quitely begged while still not looking at him.

″Erin,″ he said again but he felt how she tried to pull away from him.

″Let me go.″ This time her voice was a lot louder so he did what she wanted him to do.

″What the hell is going on?″ he asked her as she stood up from the couch, searching for her jacket. He didn't get it. Some minutes ago everything has been perfect. They have joked and laughed, he has told her he wants to spend the rest of his live with her and he has simply suggested to move in together.

″Nothing,″ she shrugged and grabbed her jacket from the chair where she had dropped it earlier.

″Nothing?″ he echoed. ″So why are you looking for your stuff then?″

″Because maybe I should better go now,″ she said and walked to the door without even looking at him. He now also got up from the couch and followed her. His anger rose up because she didn't seem to care about anything but getting out of his apartment.

″Yeah, maybe you should,″ he spat therefore. He wasn't able to stay calm any longer. Her behaviour hurt him. A lot. He wanted her to stay, wanted to hear an explanation why out of a sudden everything seemed to break away. She didn't answer anything and this fact made him even more angry.

″So just one question,″ he said before she reached the door. He had a vague idea and right now he was to angry to hold it back. ″Why can't you just completely fall for someone?″ She immediately froze and turned around a moment later. She had her arms crossed in defense in front of her chest.

″Yeah Jay, why can't I completely fall for someone?″ she echoed with a sarcastic voice. ″I really thought YOU out of all people would understand,″ she added, pointing at him.

″Really? How should I?″ he replied and his voice was just as pissed as hers. At this point he was so mad, he really wanted to challenge her.

″I told you everything!″ she shouted.

″Did you? Because I have the feeling you only told me the superficial things you still feel comfortable with. Not the things that are actually important for us.″

″Says the guy who has never told me a SHIT about his past yet,″ she said derisively and shook her head.

″This is not about me Erin. This whole situation. This is not on me. It's on you,″ he almost yelled. He couldn't believe what they were doing there and also what he was doing as he just has done of the things he never wanted to do. Yelling at her.

″I better go now.″ She turned around, ready to leave all of this behind her.

″Yaah Erin, run away. That's what you can do best anyway,″ he said with a sarcastic laughter.

She turned her head around one last time and for one second Jay was sure he saw some tears in her eyes. But when she finally spoke, her voice wasn't broken but simply cold.

″Maybe all of this was a big mistake,″ she said, opened the door and left.

″Yeah! Maybe it was!″ he yelled after her and slammed the door. Frustrated and anrgy he hardly kicked his foot against the door before sliding down on the wall, covering his head in his hands. So that was it? Was it over? Did they just split up because of a fight about barely nothing? He knew that he had said things out of his anger. He'd never meant it like that and he already regretted it. But Erin? Her voice was so cold. And especially her last words stirred his mind up. After everything they've been through she called their relationship a big mistake. And the worst thing was, he couldn't tell whether she really meant it or not. Maybe she'd just said it because she was also hurt. But maybe not. Jay shook his head and got up from the floor, heading to the kitchen to grab a beer. Or two. Or three. Or even more. He needed distraction. He needed something that kept him from thinking and pouring all his feelings and emotions down with alcohol seemed like the best possibility to do so. He wanted to forget this day and maybe he even wanted to forget these past months because all he saw right now were the broken pieces of the best relationship he ever had...

I know, with adding a little trouble I'm maybe just as evil as Derek at this Point. But maybe you want to leave a review anyway!