50. Ray Of Sunshine

50 chapters, can you believe it? Because I can't :D Thank you for the ongoing support, the feedback, the reviews, simply everything! This story is my escape from reality and I'm glad that you still like it! So on to the next 50 (well, maybe not but we'll see) :D

I still own nada. Unfortunately. Would change quite some things *cough*

50. Ray Of Sunshine

It's barely been 24 hours since Erin's breakdown when Jay found himself in one of the parts of Chicago he usually only visited when it had to do with a crime, facing a certain, bedraggled bar. After breakfast he'd told Erin that he would go for a run like he usually did on Saturday and Sunday mornings, except today his destination had never been the Lake Front Trail but rather the exact building he was standing in front of right now. There was something he needed to do to protect his family, something he usually never did but this time he would step out of his comfort zone, go beyond his own limits if it was necessary because he would do everything to keep his family safe, to keep Bunny as far as possible away from Erin and Emilia so she could and would never hurt Erin again.

Jay took another deep breath of air, almost as if he soaked in courage as he knew he would need it, before he walked right to the front entrance, knowing very well that no matter the early time of 10.30am, it would be open. Because bars like this one opened early for their regular customers that day by day started their mission to drown themselves in alcohol in the morning already. He hesitated for a short moment when his eyes fell on the sign with the owner's name next to the door. It read Barbara Fletcher and though the sleazy bar had most probably not been too expensive, he seriously wondered where she had gotten the money from to buy this place. Maybe she'd made a good deal with her last husband but maybe he simply didn't want to know any details about any kind of shady deals that had gone down here.

A wave of smoke and alcohol and something else he was sure was illegal met him when he stepped into the bar he's never been in before, the bar that looked as shabby from the inside as it did from the outside. The cop he was, he gazed around to check what kind of people where in here but he wasn't surprised by the clientele that ensured the turnover of the bar on this Saturday morning. Two men where sitting on bar stools, sipping on their beers, smoking cigarettes and he was sure to see little packages with a certain white content in front of them for a split second. And a group of three men and a woman sat on a table in the corner, pouring down shots. For a moment Jay couldn't help but think that this was how Erin must've looked like during her darkest time, how she must've spent her days caught in the clutches of her mother, all muzzy by booze and pills, probably waking up being drunk already and then spending the day in here, reaching a higher alcohol level that would help her to forget.

After letting his gaze wander around in this triste, dark place, his eyes fell on the blonde woman behind the counter, who was the reason why he was in here at all. As she currently stood with her back to him and probably filled a glass with a long drink for one of her loyal customers, she of course didn't see him, so Jay made his way to the counter, his fingertips thrumming against the sticky surface of the counter impatiently, maybe even nervously.

When Bunny finally turned around and saw him standing there she literally froze in her movement, if only briefly. It was obvious that she'd never imagined the possibility that he would show up here in her little kingdom. It only took Jay a second to see in her eyes that she wasn't anywhere near of being sober and in the corner of his eyes he saw a little box with pills standing next to all the bottles filled with booze which should hide the box but didn't.

″Detective...,″ she said, obviously not knowing his full name anymore, a faked smile covering her features. ″How can I help you?″ she asked and Jay could've sworn that he heard a nervous undertone in her voice. Which had every right to be there. He wasn't here to be the nice son-in-law. Sensing that there was trouble lurking, Bunny poured him a shot and flashed him a sweet smile.

″Not with this,″ he answered harshly and pushed the drink back, the clear liquid slopping over the edge of the glass. ″But you can help me by staying away from my family,″ he said and his voice was as cold as seldom before. But not threatening. Not yet.

″So you are Erin's baby daddy, that's interesting,″ Bunny laughed scornfully. ″I never thought you'd want someone like her to be the mother of your child. But I guess you will only wake up when she one day shows you who she really is, when you find her high and drunk, your baby lying next to some needles and empty bottles.″

″Well, she's not you, right? So I don't have to worry about this,″ Jay said all dry but he was seething inwardly. No one was allowed to talk about his girl like this, least of all this woman who was nothing but bad news. ″You have no idea who Erin is and you only want her to be worse and weaker than you are yourself. But Erin is so much better and stronger than you are and than you ever were and than you'll ever be.″

″No Detective,″ Bunny said, pointing her finger on him. ″You have no idea who Erin really is. You only see what you want to see but what will happen if she shows you her true self? Will you still defend her then? Will you still tell yourself that she's different than I am? Will you keep your eyes shut from reality?″

Jay ignored her remark although it was hard. It didn't make any sense and Bunny would never suddenly turn into the sweet mother, would never stop talking Erin down. The things Bunny said about Erin hurt him and he didn't even dare to imagine how much worse it must've been for his fiancée yesterday because the way she spoke about her own daughter broke his heart.

″Stay. Away. From. My. Family,″ Jay said once again and this time the tone in his voice was definitely threatening. ″Stay away from Erin. Stay away from our child. Stay the hell out of our life. Erin is a ray of sunshine and you will not take this light away from her!″ With these words he turned around. He actually knew that this wasn't enough to keep Bunny from doing whatever she wanted to do but he's never been good at threatening people. Maybe he should give this all to Hank but this was about his family, so it was his task to keep them safe, not Hank's. But for keeping them safe and protected he needed to do more than this, way more and he'd told himself that he would do anything to keep Erin and Emilia safe, that he would go beyond his own limits. Which he hasn't done so far. In this moment he decided that he would not simply leave like that, as the nice guy, but before he could fire more things at Bunny, it was her who fired back at him.

″Ray of sunshine?″ Bunny echoed and laughed synthetically. ″Come on Detective, your ray of sunshine didn't even want this. A baby, being a mother. I bet this was an accident. I bet she actually didn't want to keep the baby. I bet she rather would've wanted a life without a baby. I bet you forced her to keep the baby and she was as stupid to listen to you,″ Bunny said and Jay's jaw dropped by her words. Because parts of it were true, Erin's first intention had indeed been to terminate the pregnancy and for a split second he only heard Bunny's words ringing in his ears and wondered whether he'd really forced Erin to keep their baby against her own wishes.

″And seeing your reaction now I bet I'm right,″ she laughed maliciously and Jay had to give his best to defend the urgent wish to punch her in her face to erase this winning, ugly grin from it. It took him a moment to swallow all his anger down and to remain cool. He usually had a good self-control but in this moment it took him everything to keep calm and act like he normally did, not letting his actions turn into Voight-style. At least not as much. But he knew what he wanted to say and chose his words advisedly, hoping that they would have the effect he wanted them to have.

″Do you see a badge on me Bunny?″ Jay asked rhetorically but didn't give her the chance to answer. ″No? That's because I'm not here as a cop today. I'm here as a father and as Erin's partner, so this is basically your lucky day. Because in here are at least ten reasons for me to shut this place down immediately and to bring you all behind bars and charge you and your little drug dealer friends for drug abuse and dealing with drugs. So I tell you one last time, stay away from my family. Or I will come back with my badge and no matter how hard you've cleaned up in here, I'll find exactly the amount of drugs that will keep you behind bars for the rest of your life, so you'll never be able to come close to my family ever again. You understand?″

″Is this a threat?″ Bunny asked but her voice didn't sound as confident anymore.

″This is whatever you think it is, so if you feel threatened, good for you.″

″You wouldn't do that. Hank Voight would do that, but you wouldn't,″ Bunny snapped.

″Wanna test it?″ Jay asked back provokingly. ″I'm not in the mood for jokes today because you're pissing me off and there's one thing you must know about me: I would do everything to keep my family safe, so you really don't want to get on my bad side, Bunny, believe me. Stay away from my family or you'll regret it for the rest of your life that you tried to sneak back into Erin's life.″

With these words Jay turned around and tried to leave the bar for a second time, with the difference that he really wanted to leave this time as he'd said everything he needed to say and had made his point clear.

″You can't forbid me to contact my daughter,″ Bunny called and sounded like a defiant child.

″Do whatever you want Bunny, I'll be more than glad to shut this shabby place down and clean this city from some little drug dealers, because you know, many a little makes a mickle,″ Jay waved aside without looking at her again and then left the bar to step out into the fresh spring sun again, inhaling some deep breaths of air as soon as he was outside to bring his pulse back under control.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Erin was changing the sheets in the bedroom, the faint spring sun shining through the open windows, when she heard Jay unlocking the door of their apartment.

″Hey, I'm back,″ she heard his voice calling from the hall.

″Hey,″ she said when she stepped into the living room, still having one of the pillows pulled into her chest. She tilted her head to the side and frowned a little when she saw him as he wasn't sweaty at all. She couldn't say she was surprised though.

″I need to talk to you,″ Jay said and came some steps closer to her. He didn't want to have any secrets from her and while he was sure that she would have tried to stop him in case he had told her about his plans before, he could at least be honest with her now after he'd done what he'd needed to do. No more secrets, no more lies, no more walls.

″You weren't out for a run, right?″ Erin asked instantly, her eyes focussing on his tensed features. Something had rattled him, she could see it. ″You were at Bunny's bar, weren't you?″

″How do you know?″ he asked back, letting out a sharp breath.

″I know you, Jay,″ she answered, giving him a faint smile to show him that she wasn't mad at all. ″Plus you're not a single bit sweaty, that's suspicious,″ she added, a little laughter escaping from her lips. It was Jay's favorite sound, especially after last night, but he was still too angry about Bunny's behavior as that he could really enjoy it.

″Yeah...but I could really need a run right now,″ he sighed and rubbed his temples that ached a bit.

″After meeting Bunny you usually need more than just a run,″ Erin said bitterly. ″Will you tell me about it?″

″Uh-huh,″ he nodded, reached for her hand and pulled her down on the couch with him to tell her about everything that had happened inside of this heartless, icecold witch's bar.

Usually Erin was an independent person and liked to figure problems out on herself, wanted to deal with certain people all alone, especially when they had to do with her past, and most of all she didn't want to get patronized by someone else. But not this time. This time she was beyond grateful for everything he'd done to protect her and Emilia, that he'd gone to Bunny's bar to basically tell her to go to hell because she herself couldn't have done it this time. Not after everything that had happened the day before. So when he'd finished to tell her about the happenings in the bar, she couldn't hold back some tears of emotions from falling and thanked him for simply being who he was, for protecting her and Emilia with his life, before she curled into his side to be as close to him as possible.

Now there was only one thing on Jay's mind he still was thinking about. It were in fact some of Bunny's words that preyed on him. Yesterday he'd wondered why Erin had given Bunny's words so much credit but now he understood it completely because he was also giving some of her words more credit than he should have, instead of simply ignoring them. Because he actually knew they weren't true. But still. Bunny's words were in his head now.

″Erin,″ he somewhen whispered into her hair.

″Huh?″

″Back in the beginning of your pregnancy, I didn't force you to keep our baby, did I? I didn't force you into something you didn't want? You didn't keep her just because of me although you didn't want it, right? You're not living a life now that you never wanted?″ he asked and his voice was nothing more than a faint whisper.

Erin got out of his embrace and looked at him, deep confusion reflecting from her face. She could see in his face that this really seemed to prey on him and she also saw that he was embarrassed to even ask this question. She could see that his eyes were looking for comfort in hers and of course she got it.

″Bunny said this, right?″ she asked back, already knowing the answer. After everything that had happened in the beginning of her pregnancy she couldn't even blame him for sort of believing Bunny's words. Because especially in the early stages of her pregnancy she hadn't given him the impression to be happy and she had to admit, she hadn't been happy about it in the first few weeks. It had been a real struggle for her and it had taken a while to accept the changes a baby would bring. But the more her baby had grown inside of her, the more she'd fallen in love with this little miracle and she has been her happiest self ever since they'd welcomed Emmy into their life. In addition, it was Bunny they talked about and she had the incredible talent to always make people believe her cruel words, to get right to their core and pull on their heartstrings. She'd experienced it firsthand yesterday and she still struggled with the aftermath.

″Possibly,″ he shrugged. ″Was she...was she right?″

″Jay, you didn't force me to do anything,″ she said softly and stroked his thigh right above his knee. ″Your words had a big influence on my decision and I'm beyond glad and thankful they had. I know I said that before but I'll say it again: I don't know how I could ever have lived and functioned without Emmy and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I didn't know how much I needed her until she was here. She made me realize that being a mother is all I ever wanted to be deep down inside. So that I can make it better and can be that kind of mother I never had. That being said, if you forced me to anything, it was only that you forced me to my biggest fortune,″ she said quietly and cupped his cheek with her hand, her thumb stroking along his jaw and over his stubble. ″I know we don't talk about it often but I can't tell in words how much I love the life we live. It's everything I never knew how much I need it.″

She flashed him a little smile that reached her eyes and let them slightly sparkle and brushed her lips against his, ever so soft, ever so sweet, ever so thankful.

″I love you,″ she murmured and straddled him, her hands cupping both of his cheeks, before Jay returned the kiss, though it was definitely more passionate, his hands finding one of their favorite spots on her waist.

″I love you, too,″ he breathed out, their lips melting yet again, right before Erin broke the kiss as they were about to get to a point of no-return, close to completely losing it on this spring morning in their living room. On their couch. The one couch.

″Jay, Emmy's here,″ Erin chuckled innocently and motioned her head to the baby mat on the floor at the other end of the couch close to the window.

″Ouh, hey princess, didn't see you chilling there,″ Jay laughed as he looked at his daughter. ″She's so calm, not making any noises,″ he noticed.

″Possibly disturbed by what she's seeing,″ she smirked.

″Naah, she's fine, right Emmy?″ Jay asked, pushed Erin aside softly and got up from the couch to pick his daughter up from the floor. ″Who's two months old today, huh?″ he murmured against her head and placed a kiss on her fuzzy brown hair. ″Is my little princess already two months old?″

″She's growing up way too fast,″ Erin sighed, her heart melting just as always by seeing Jay being all cute with their daughter. ″It's like she'll walk before we even blink. And in ten seconds she'll introduce her boyfriend.″

Jay grimaced dramatically as this was something he definitely didn't want to hear. ″Stop it. Instantly.″

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

After the rest of the weekend had passed smooth and without any other incidents, Erin found herself in front of her neighbor's door on Monday around noon. She'd for sure given her a turn with her behavior on Friday, so she at least wanted to tell her that she was alright and also wanted to give her a little present for being there and not asking any stupid questions.

She knocked on the door, Emilia resting against her shoulder, her tiny fingers clawing in Erin's hair, and it took a couple of seconds before the older woman opened the door, being all surprised by who was standing in front. Erin had only seen her occasionally before, has never had much to do with her, with any of her neighbors in fact, because before and during her pregnancy she used to leave early in the mornings and return late in the evenings as her job required overtime and night shifts almost on a daily basis.

″Ms Lindsay,″ she said and her face lit up like the rising sun.

″Ms Lewis,″ Erin smiled back. ″I...uhm...I just wanted to apologize for Friday because I'm sure I scared you. And I also wanted to say thank you for being there,″ she said and handed her the present which was covered in transparent foil. It was a big mug with three packages of different teas and some sugar candy sticks, something she figured an elder woman could need.

″Oh, you shouldn't have, thank you. Do you want to come in?″

″Uhm...,″ Erin spluttered. She hadn't thought about the possibility that her neighbor would invite her to stay. But she didn't want to be impolite and she had time anyway. ″Yeah, sure.″

Erin followed her into the apartment, of course gazing around to see how her neighbor lived in her apartment that was cut almost like her's and Jay's. The furniture was a little older, not super old yet not super modern, but everything was pretty neat and charming.

″Sit down, please,″ Ms Lewis smiled, pointing to the couch. ″Do you want anything to drink?″ she asked while Erin sat down.

″No, thanks,″ she answered and shifted Emilia down into her arm.

″Alright, if you get thirsty, don't hesitate to tell me,″ she said and sat down next to Erin. ″You're looking way better than on Friday, so I hope everything is fine now?″

″Yeah, I'm getting there,″ Erin shrugged. She was feeling better though she wasn't back to her old self and she knew it would maybe take a couple more days. ″I just encountered someone I didn't think I ever have to meet again and it really shook me up,″ she added, immediately wondering why she was so open towards the woman she barely knew. ″I'm sorry you had to see me like this. That's usually not who I am.″

″Don't be sorry. Though I have to admit you worried me. But I'm glad you're getting better now,″ she said and her eyes fell on Emilia as she made some quiet noises and grimaced in the cutest way.

″She's absolutely adorable,″ Ms Lewis smiled. ″What's her name again?″

″Emilia,″ Erin smiled back, once again being surprised and thankful that Ms Lewis didn't ask any more questions although they were plenty she could ask after Erin's statement.

″That's a beautiful name. And how old are you now Miss Emilia?″ she asked and stroked Emilia's little hand.

″Two months already,″ Erin answered and looked down to Emmy to see that she was smiling.

″They grow up fast,″ Ms Lewis said. It was the preset sentence everyone told them and unfortunately it was true.

″They do,″ Erin nodded, remembering that she hasn't seen her neighbor with her grandchildren in a while. She usually hadn't seen her neighbor often throughout the day while she'd been in Intelligence fulltime but when she had, there'd always been two little boys and a girl with her. But ever since Erin has been on maternity leave she had only seen her neighbor all alone. ″What about your grandkids? They haven't been here in a while, have they?″

″Oh, you mean Xander, Lainey and Oliver?″ she asked, sadness starting to overshadow her features. ″They're not my grandchildren. My husband and I couldn't have kids.″

Erin swallowed hardly and felt how her cheeks blushed. How could she have been so insensitive to assume something she actually had no idea about? With this question she'd made a gaffe for sure. She usually wasn't someone who jumped on conclusions.

″I'm sorry,″ Erin mumbled embarrassed and gazed down to Emmy again instead of Ms Lewis's face.

″You couldn't know,″ she answered and tried to sound lighthearted about it before she started to share her story that pulled on Erin's heartstrings in various ways.

″Pretty early into our marriage we discovered that we'll never get blessed with kids, so I started to work as a preschool teacher and it really was my vocation. When my husband got Alzheimers with only 52 I quit my job and took care of him for two years until the day he died three years ago. Afterwards I couldn't live in our house anymore because of all the memories and moved to the city, thought the turmoil would be good for me. I thought it would distract me but it didn't. I didn't need a job but I was all alone and didn't know what to do with my time, was unbelieveably bored and when you're bored you never stop to grieve. But being 54 it was difficult to find a job again and so I offered a daycare facility for four kids max, not for the money, just to do something useful and help someone. Then this family called me and we met and there was a lot of sympathy instantly. They didn't have a lot of money but I offered to take care of their kids for only a small amount of money. They agreed and were beyond thankful that they could go to work while I took care of their three little kids aged six months to four years for four days a week. Those kids were like the grandkids I never had, they lighted up my life and let me live again, made my life worth living again and for two years I was a main part of their lives, of their growing-up. Lainey made her first steps inside here, Xander got potty-trained in my bathroom and Oliver rather slept in the bunk bed here than in his bed at home,″ she said and inhaled a deep breath. Erin saw that she was fighting with her emotions. ″They moved to Boston last November due to their jobs. And ever since I've been feeling so empty but at the same time I haven't been sure whether I can do it again because saying goodbye to them was one of the hardest things in my life.″

Erin's heart broke for the older woman and she just wanted to hug her although this was usually not her thing. Hugging a stranger to comfort them. But she felt so bad for her neighbor who'd not only lost the person she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with but also those kids who'd brought so much joy back into her life after her husband's death.

″I'm so sorry to hear that,″ she said quietly, not knowing what else to say to comfort her. In some situations there simply wasn't anything to say.

″I'm getting better,″ Ms Lewis answered and smiled faintly. ″I just miss these little munchkins. They were somehow all I had and now my apartment is so silent and my life so empty.″

″Have you ever considered fostering a child?″ From her job Erin knew there were lots of children with DCFS who needed a stable and loving home.

″Yeah, several times,″ she confirmed. ″But I'm too old to adopt them and could only foster them until they get adopted, which means I would have to say goodbye again. Unfortunately we never thought about it when we were younger because I had accepted it that we wouldn't have kids and was satisfied with my job. The kids in preschool were my kids somehow and I never felt like something was missing.″

″I understand,″ Erin nodded and looked down to Emilia who started to get grumpy and unsettled. Gazing at her two-month old, a sudden inspiration hit her. She would go back to work soon, as in two weeks, and for the beginning Emilia would be with her but from May or June on they would need a nanny or a daycare facility for two or three mornings a week. And how perfect would it be if their nanny lived in the very same building? She got inwardly excited for a brief moment because this idea was too perfect to be true but she decided not to tell her neighbor about it for now. She first had to talk with Jay and ask him what he thought about it as she didn't want to go over his head.

″Looks like someone's getting tired,″ the voice of Ms Lewis interrupted her thoughts.

″Uhm, yeah,″ Erin nodded and couldn't hide a bright smile because this idea somehow made her happy. ″It's time for her forenoon nap, right Emmy?″ she asked her baby and tickled her belly softly but she kept on mewling, showing her dissatisfaction distinctly. ″I guess I better bring her upstairs before the real terror starts,″ Erin chuckled and got up from the couch.

″Of course. I held you up long enough,″ Ms Lewis said and guided her to the door.

″Naah, you didn't. It was nice,″ Erin smiled.

″It was,″ she agreed. ″Maybe we can catch up again somewhen. I mean, only if you have a spare minute and want to spend your time with an old trout like me,″ she laughed.

″Yeah, for sure,″ Erin nodded eagerly.

″Fine,″ Ms Lewis answered and Erin could've sworn to see her eyes sparkling excitedly for a split second. ″Then have a good sleep little lady,″ she told Emmy before Erin left to put her tired baby to bed.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

″Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear mommy, happy birthday to you.″ The sound of Jay singing let a smile grow on Erin's face even before she opened her eyes on the morning of the 12th of April, her 32nd birthday. She blinked some times to get used to the light while Jay sat down on the edge of the bed, holding Emilia against his shoulder.

″Good morning birthday girl,″ he smiled brightly.

″Good morning,″ Erin grinned and sat up, running her hand through her messy hair.

″Happy Birthday,″ Jay said and leaned in to place a long kiss on her lips. ″Come on Emmy, now it's your turn. Tell mommy happy birthday.″

″Well, you better try that again in a year or so,″ Erin chuckled.

″I swear I taught her to say happy birthday and she babbled it all morning. Maybe not in the mood now,″ Jay shrugged, a dorky grin covering his features.

″That must be it,″ she laughed. ″But I'm all okay with some birthday cuddles anyway,″ she smirked and reached for Emilia who was dressed in some grey leggins and a white onesie with Minnie Mouse printed on front, wearing the matching red socks with white dots as well. It was beyond adorable and Jay was for sure better in picking outfits for their daughter than she was.

″Here you go,″ Jay said and Erin placed her baby on her chest, holding her butt with her one hand and covering her head with her other while placing a kiss on her forehead. This was already her best birthday ever.

″It smells really yummy in here...,″ Erin grinned, giving Jay a smirking glance.

″Uh-huh,″ he nodded. ″We already baked this morning,″ he said all proud.

″You baked this morning?″ Erin asked perplexedly and gazed at the clock on her bedside table. It was 8am. How had he already baked and how had she not recognized a thing? Either she had a very good sleep or Jay was the most quiet person when it came to baking.

″Of course. Only the best for my woman on her special day,″ he smiled and as almost always when Jay paid her these kinds of compliments, her cheeks blushed slightly. In addition she loved to hear him calling her 'my woman'.

″What did you bake?″ she asked and Jay could see the curiosity in her eyes.

″Give me ten minutes and you'll see,″ he winked, brushed his lips against hers for another short kiss and then let her alone to prepare the surprise for her.

″What did you and daddy do this morning, huh Emmy?″ she whispered. ″It's great when daddy's here on a week day, isn't it?″

Of course Jay had the day off to spend it with Erin and Emilia. They'd discussed whether he should simply go to work and she would check by throughout the day and celebrate her birthday in the bullpen but Jay had insisted that he would take the day off as he had lots of overtime anyway. They didn't have any sepcial plans though, at least none that she knew of. Maybe they would just do something relaxing, like a picnic in the park, celebrating not only her birthday but also that spring was here. And then, in the evening, they would go out for dinner as just the two of them. An easy-going day all in all.

They could really need some downtime at the moment. Just when things had slowly gone back to normal after everything that had happened with Bunny, the next drama had been just around the corner. Six days ago Emilia had gotten her shots and while it was normal for babies to react to it with getting a slight elevated temperature, Emilia had developed a high fever some hours after her shots and had then not stopped to throw up, so they'd rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night, where the doctors had given her fluids to rehydrate her and medicine to get the fever under control. Erin had been on the edge of a collaps that night and when the pediatrician had started to penetrate Emilia's tiny arm with a big needle for the IV, her baby's heart-wrenching cries resounding on the whole floor, she had left the room because it had been too much for her to take. She had thought she'd seen everything and so she'd thought she could handle every situation, but seeing her baby in pain had been a complete different level compared to everything she'd handled before and all she'd wished for was to take the pain away from her daughter or to change places with her. She would take any pain if it meant Emilia didn't have to suffer.

Emilia and with her Erin and Jay had stayed in the hospital for two nights until the fever was gone and she could keep the milk down. She'd lost over two pounds of her weight during these two days, and had been quite groggy for the first two days after coming home from the hospital but for two days now she's been back to her happy little self, making her parents endlessly relieved with smiling as often as before and nursing hungrily to regain her weight. But nonetheless Erin sensed that Emilia would never be that kind of chubby baby with cute baby rolls but would stay more of a tiny doll.

Emmy making a quiet, unsatisfied noise let Erin sort of wake up from these memories that still frightened her because seeing your baby in a hospital bed connected with tubes and cables, thinking about what would happen if her condition got more critical was inevitable. The thoughts that parents lost their babies in the pediatric ICU on a daily basis were inevitable.

″What's wrong little lady?″ Erin whispered against her head. ″Do you want to get up and take a look outside?″ she said and untangled her legs from the sheets to get up. She walked to the big windows and pulled the curtains back to see the sun lighting up the city.

″You see this bright sun, Emmy?″ she asked, teethering from one foot to another as an attempt to calm her down, and rocked her gently. ″This sun is your aunt Nadia. She died two years ago today, so this is not only a happy day for me. But I know she's here with us today as a ray of sunshine to light up this day. And you know, she would've loved to be your crazy aunt,″ Erin said quietly but even managed to smile faintly.

″Hey babe, your surprise is ready,″ Jay said and Erin turned her head to him to see him casually leaning on the doorway.

″Uhm yeah,″ she nodded, inhaling a deep breath. Even from the distance Jay saw tears looming in her eyes and of course he knew why. Her birthday would forever be a tough day for her but for the rest of their lives he would give his best to also make it a nice day under the given circumstances. He closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms around her and Emmy from behind and she leaned the back of her head against his chest instantly.

″I miss her,″ she whispered and kept on studying the skyline outside of the window.

″I know,″ Jay answered, burying his head in her hair and kissing it, inhaling the sweet scent of her raspberry shampoo.

″I can't believe it's already been two years. Still feels like yesterday that...you know,″ she said quietly and Jay could feel her shuddering in his embrace. ″Those pictures are still so close, especially today.″

″Yeah,″ he answered pensively. ″We'll never be able to forget these pictures but at the same time we'll also never forget Nadia. She's a part of this family and she always will be.″

″I know,″ Erin said and swallowed the lump in her throat. ″She's our guardian angel.″

″She is,″ he agreed. ″Do you want to stop by the district later?″

″Yes, that would be nice,″ she said and they fell into a comfortable silence for a moment, Jay still holding Erin in his strong arms, both of them staring out of the window while Jay was waiting until she was ready for his surprise. He wanted to give her all the time she needed and he knew she would show him when she was ready and could be really happy about the things that were waiting for her.

″About that surprise...″ she somewhen said into the silence and turned her head around to him and Jay was glad to see the curiosity making a comeback to her face.

″Still waiting for you in the living room. You ready?″

″I am,″ she smiled faintly and let Jay guide her to the other room where a bouquet of daisies was on the dining table as well as chocolate brownies with lots of candles and a present wrapped in fancy paper.

″Chocolate brownies?″ Erin asked excitedly, her facial expression being the proof that people could very well look at food with heart-eyes. ″They are my favorite.″

″I know,″ Jay grinned. ″I found my mom's old recipe the other day when I looked for my baby photos and thought to give it a try. So there's no guarantee that they're actually eatable.″

″I'm pretty sure they are because you're a perfectionist so you wouldn't serve them if you were afraid you mixed up sugar and salt or whatever else I would probably do,″ she laughed.

″Possibly,″ Jay winked. ″Come on, you're allowed to try them first. And give me the princess, so you'll have both of your hands for your present,″ he said and reached for Emilia to take her into his arms.

They sat down on the table and Jay insisted that they would first eat the brownies before Erin was allowed to open her present. She tried to make a deal with him to open it somewhen in between because her curiosity was killing her but Jay didn't give in and so Erin had no option other than accepting it and before she came to the point to tear her present open, they enjoyed his delicious chocolate brownies, the best ones Erin has ever eaten in her life. And as a chocolate brownie fan she'd literally tried every brownie in the city. But the brownies Jay'd made with the recipe of his mother were a complete different category and she was sure she could never eat other brownies than these ones again.

″Oh my God, those calories I just ate will do it for the rest of the month I guess,″ Erin sighed after licking the last crumbs of brownies from her fingers. She'd eaten way too much for her own good but they were too tasty to stop.

″Who cares about calories anyway,″ Jay chuckled, smiling proudly because during the last fifteen minutes Erin had said on repeat how much she loved his masterpiece brownies.

″Well I do...sometimes,″ Erin grinned. ″But not today,″ she added, giving him a little twinkle before her eyes fell on the present. Again.

She was about to ask whether she was finally allowed to open it, when Jay already answered her question, well-knowing which words were on the tip of her tongue. ″You can,″ he smirked and she grabbed for it instantly, smiling like a kid on Christmas morning when she teared the fancy paper up, being all excited for its content because Jay's gifts were always special and so well and perfectly chosen.

She didn't know what she'd expected but when she saw a folded piece of paper after lifting the lit of the box she could say that this wasn't what she'd thought would be in there.

″What's that?″ she asked, looking at Jay only to show him her confusion.

″How about checking it out yourself, huh?″ Jay chuckled in response. He couldn't tell in words how much he enjoyed this. Teasing her and seeing her being this curious and confused.

Erin looked at him for another second before she turned her attention to her present again and picked the paper up to unfold it. Written in Jay's surprisingly neat and not usual scrawly handwriting it read:

Good morning dream woman, I know you're curious about your birthday present but I have to disappoint you and tell you that you have to wait for it for a little while longer. And you have to do some things to get it at all, sorry babe. While reading it Erin could literally see in front of her eyes how Jay must've smirked like an adorable dork while writing this. For now I want you to go to our bedroom and look for your bag in our wardrobe. You'll find further instructions there if you look precisely.

″Is this some kind of treasure hunt?″ Erin asked, looking up from the paper to Jay just to see the exact smugly grin on his face she'd somehow expected to be there.

″Could be,″ Jay shrugged, a bright smirk, he couldn't hide, revealing him that this was in fact what he had organized for her.

″I swear to God if I have to wait and look for my present the whole day Jay Halstead...″ she laughed and shook her head.

″Then what?″ Jay grinned, raising his eyebrows playfully. Her impatience was beyond adorable.

″Then...then...I have to think about what's then,″ she chuckled. ″So wardrobe you said, let's go,″ she said more to herself and got up to look for the next hint. Patience wasn't her best attitude.

It didn't take her long to find her bag in the depths of her wardrobe and when she picked it up she was kinda surprised that it was heavy and not empty. For a moment she got excited that her present was maybe inside of the bag. She placed it on the bed, Jay now leaning against the wall and watching her joyfully, after settling Emilia on her mat in the living room, that smugly smile still covering his features. She opened the biggest zipper only to find some of her own clothes packed in the bag and another piece of paper on top of her shirt.

She was quick with unfolding it, her curiosity driving her nuts. Bring the bag down to the car. In case you're still wearing your pajamas, change into your casuals first and bring it down then. You'll find the next hint in the trunk.

Of course she was still wearing her pajamas and although her curiosity was rising constantly and she just wanted to run down to the car to check what was inside of the trunk, she had to bite the bullet and make herself ready for the day first. Nonetheless she had a vague idea now. She was a cop after all and loved to put pieces together, so the fact that she had to bring her packed bag to the car was enough for her to sense that would probably not spend the day and the night in Chicago.

″So I have to bring my packed bag to the car?″ she asked, raising her eyebrows playfully, and closed the gap between her and Jay, tracing random patterns on his chest with the tips of her fingers while he wrapped his arms around her and interlaced his hands behind her back.

″If that's what the note says I guess you have to,″ Jay shrugged and smiled at her teasingly. No matter how hard she would try, he wouldn't tell her any details.

″Where do we go?″ she asked casually, not looking into his face but concentrating onto her fingers which still caressed his shirt.

″Nice try, babe, real nice,″ Jay chuckled, and when she looked up to him all innocent and pouting he only pressed his lips against hers because her begging hazel-green eyes and this adorable pout were his weakness and he really didn't want to give in that easily but would if she kept on looking at him like this.

″You really enjoy that, don't you?″ Erin asked against his lips, brushing hers against his in the slightest way again.

″Just a little,″ he chuckled, showing her the small margin with his fingers. ″But the faster you change and bring the bag down, the faster you'll find the next hint,″ he winked.

″So I better don't waste any more time with kissing my fiancé and trying to get him talking, huh?″ she murmured.

″Exactly,″ Jay nodded but didn't hold back from kissing her again and slapping across her backside gently before she disappeared in the bathroom.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Having the bag in one hand and opening the trunk with her other hand, Erin got quite surprised when she saw that the trunk was almost completely full already. Full with two more bags, a picnic basket and the stroller as well as the baby front carrier. She stored her bag in the trunk as well, because that's what she was supposed to do, and only saw the sticky note on the inside of the trunk lid when she was about to close it as she had totally forgotten that there was another hint in the trunk because ever since seeing all the stuff in the trunk her excitement has grown rapidly. At this point chances were more than high that they would spend some days away from the city turmoil and although she had no idea where they were about to head, she loved the idea of some family downtime someplace else already.

Take a seat on the passenger side (and please do not argue about that, thanks I appreciate it) and enjoy the journey. New hints will follow soon, don't worry. You just have to stay patient, tough stuff, right?

Erin's grin grew wide when she read the sassy note because it was so much Jay. And although she had no idea where they would spend the night and what her birthday present was at all, this treasure hunt was already the best birthday present she's ever received. Because it made her feel special. This whole idea, all these little notes, packing their bags and loading the car, a little getaway, had for sure been quite the effort to plan and to organize but he had done this for her. To surprise her, to show her how much he loved her, to give her something for her birthday she would always remember. She had no idea how he did it but he simply had this way to always make her feel special and she permanently asked herself how she even deserved him and how she got to be so lucky to call him her one and only, her partner for life.

″So, are you ready?″ Jay's voice interrupted her thoughts and she turned her head around to see him standing in the door, carrying Emilia's car seat in his one hand, the diaper back hanging over his shoulder, and holding the stuffed Eeyore along with their jackets in his other hand.

″Hell yes,″ Erin grinned. If he didn't have his hands full with their baby and all the other stuff she would jump into his arms, wrap her legs around his waist and kiss him for five minutes straight.

″Then take your seat,″ he winked. Erin flashed him another bright smile and sat down on the side of the car she's gotten quite used to during the last few months. Meanwhile Jay placed their jackets, the diaper bag and the stuffy on the back seat and buckled Emilia's car seat behind the driver's seat, his little princess giving him a bright smile which was exactly the same smile Erin had flashed him a couple of seconds ago. Emilia was so much Erin, he still couldn't believe it but he of course didn't complain.

″Are you excited, Emmy?″ he asked and tickled her belly before he closed the door and took the spot next to Erin.

Before he pulled out on the streets to first stop by the district to remember Nadia by lightening some candles, he looked at Erin again and reached for her hand so he could hold it for as long as they were in the car. She turned her head around and what he saw in Erin's face made him beyond happy. Her soft smile that surrounded her lips and displayed her dimples, the sparkle in her eyes that let them shine green, two of the things he loved most but had disappeared since Erin's encounter with Bunny, were back. His Erin was back, shining like a ray of sunshine. This was how he wanted to see her for the rest of his life and he would do everything for it, for this smile, for these dimples, for these sparkles, for Erin being her happiest self.

″Where do we go?″ Erin asked again, inwardly hoping that he would finally tell her but knowing that her chances were small.

″Wait and see,″ Jay winked and squeezed her hand which rested near the console.

″Not fair,″ she chuckled.

″Uhm...take it as payback. You know, for what you did with me on my birthday. And you even covered my eyes, so you can consider yourself very lucky that you can still see where we go,″ he said and flashed her a fond grin before he pulled out on the street to drive up north to Lake Geneva...

Thanks for reading! If you have time, please leave a review and let me know what you think! :)