93. Take These Broken Wings

Thank you all for your feedback and your patience once again! Don't have a lot more to say today, so here we go :-)

93. Take These Broken Wings

~ She makes broken look beautiful and strong look invincible. She walks with the universe on her shoulders and makes it look like a pair of wings. But when life has different plans and tries to bring her down several times, even the strongest wings can't withstand. So it's on you to take these broken wings and show her how to fly again ~

″Olive!″ Erin exclaimed and it almost sounded like shriek as her voice was shaking nervously and fearfully. ″What's going on?″ she choked as she rushed up the stairs to be by her side, Jay making sure to follow her quickly because he had a pretty good and in any kind devastating idea what was going on. And he was sure Erin had as well. Another punch directly in their faces and guts would follow, because apparently they haven't had enough of these in the last two months, so why not beating them any more when they were already on the ground? Life surely had a way sometimes, in their case one that made sure that they didn't have the slightest chance to recover.

″It's...there was...a call...″ Olive stammered and with those sobs mixed into they were barely able to understand her. ″Justin...he is...″

Speaking the name out loud was the confirmation of what they'd both expected, yet, it hit Erin with a force that threatened to make her lose her balance as it sent her world spinning and let the universe collide above her for the third time in two months. For a moment, Jay was sure that not only Olive would collaps any second but also Erin as any color left her face from one second to the other, as she realized that what Olive wanted to say meant that she'd allegedly just lost her little brother. After losing their baby and losing the prospect of having another baby this fit perfectly into this row of things being taken away from her. It was almost ironic how the universe didn't ever stop playing this game with her and was constantly providing her with new drama that set her entire life out of balance.

″What's with Justin?″ Jay asked as Erin couldn't find the courage to ask because she was afraid of the answer. Because she couldn't bear any more bad news. She physically and pyschologically couldn't.

″His camp...was attacked...″ she managed to say as the tears streamed down her face and while Erin was squeezing her own hand with a force that it turned all white already. Jay wrapped his one hand around hers, hoping that his touch would make loosen her grip so her fingers could get provided with blood again. ″They...they flew him out to Germany...″

″So he's alive?″ Jay interrupted her quickly. Back from his days as a ranger he knew that wounded soldiers were always brought to the base in Germany for further treatment so the fact that he's been brought to Germany gave him hope that Olive wasn't going to deliver the bad news he'd expected in the first moment.

″Yeah,″ Olive nodded mechanically. ″But once they were there...his condition worsened sharply...and...and they don't know...″ At this point, her voice broke as she sobbed uncontrolledly and Jay wrapped his arm around his sister-in-law while Erin stood there, glued to the ground, not being able to move, to think, to speak and she came to the conclusion that this was just one terrifying nightmare. It had to be. And someone had to get her out of this quickly. Because she couldn't possibly handle the universe assaulting and abusing her any longer.

″Does Hank know?″ Erin whispered and only imaginging the man she considered her father getting those news, that no one deserved to receive, let the lump in her throat grow into a size that was big enough to make breathing almost impossible.

Olive nodded in response and wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. ″They said they call him as well. I asked them...whether they can tell me any more details on his condition...but they couldn't...″ she cried again. ″I need to go to Germany...but the boys...my parents are on a cruise ship trip in Scandinavia and I can't reach them...and...but...″ she rambled.

Erin looked at Jay and he nodded his head the second their eyes met as she asked for his silent permission. Not that there was any permission needed in this case. And he's had the same thought anyway. The day before Justin had left, just as if he'd sensed that something like this would happen, Erin had promised him that Olive could count on them no matter what and nothing would make them break this promise.

″We'll take them,″ Erin breathed out because no matter that this would be the greatest chaos possible, having 3-year-old Daniel, 17-month old Emilia and almost 1-year-old Henry living with them, and that she didn't feel up to this challenge at all, this was what family was for and they would do whatever it took.

″Thank you,″ Olive sobbed even more and collapsed into Erin's arms.

″Listen Olive,″ Jay said and placed his hand on the young woman's shoulder. ″Why don't you and Erin go over to your house and pack some bags for the boys and yourself while I book a flight for you and Hank and make some calls?″

There it was again, the proof that his man was her rock, her safe haven in any situation. Even when the world around them was falling apart and breaking down, he was able to stay calm, to keep it together for everyone else and come up with a plan. And exactly this incredible attitude gave her strength as well. To keep it together for Olive. Because right now she couldn't break down and cry as well. She had to follow Jay's example and be strong for the young woman and her sons even though she just wanted to cry and scream until the pain would go away. She wanted to be mad at the world and fate for threatening to take her brother away as well, for breaking a family apart by robbing the husband and father. But now wasn't the right time to do that. It had to wait until later, when she could collaps into Jay's strong arms and cry for hours.

For a second she wondered whether people could run out of tears. Because after shedding so many in recent weeks one could think there were none left.

″Okay,″ Olive whispered.

″Good,″ Jay nodded.

″Come on,″ Erin said gently and with her hand on Olive's back, they walked to the house where the young family lived, Jay watching them for a minute as only now everything seemed to settle. And he wondered how much more one person could take. How much more Erin, the woman he loved more than life itself, could take. Although right now she was as strong as the situation required her to be, he was afraid, that in case Justin wouldn't make it home, he couldn't fix her anymore. Because not even the most magical glue could fix her then. At some point it just was too much. And with everything they've been through in the last two months, they were dangerously close to that point, as in just inches away.

″Daddy,″ Emilia's sweet voice interrupted his biggest fears and looking at his daughter who reached her arms out for him, he just wished he could be as oblivious to all the drama as she was and he imagined how nice it would be to see the world through the eyes of a child in such a situation.

″Hey bug,″ Jay said as he took the few steps down to her and then carried the stroller up the stairs to the porch, Crispin following him on his heels.

″Daddy has to make some calls now, okay?″ he asked her as he lifted the girl with the fascinating blue eyes into his arms and unlocked the door.

″Daddy luv,″ Emilia said with a unfamiliar stern expression on her beautiful face, her tiny hand coming up to his cheek as if she wanted to comfort him, as if she sensed how sad and stressed he was. Maybe their little girl wasn't as oblivious to the situation as he wished her to be.

This thought made his heart even heavier. Because if he couldn't protect Erin from all the heartache these days, he at least wanted to protect their almost 17-month-old daughter from all those dramatic things that constantly seemed to hunt them down. And the fact that he couldn't protect the both of them in the way he wanted to made him feel the most helpless he's ever felt in his life.

″Daddy loves you, too, Em,″ Jay whispered and kissed her head with her brown-blonde hair that has grown quite long, the smell of peach and raspberry and vanilla invading his nostrils making him his eyes close for a short moment in which he turned the world around him off, and he inhaled a deep, long breath as if her unique scent could get him through the next few hours.

He settled her on her playmat in the living room afterwards, being glad that they'd taught her early on how to occupy herself with her toys, and then pulled his phone out of the pocket of his jeans to reach out to some of his old Army comrades, who he occasionally was in contact with via Facebook. He was pacing up and down all the way from the kitchen to their floor-to-ceiling windows in the living room like an apathetic zoo animal and talked to people who knew people until finally, he was provided with the information he needed.

The next number he dialed was then the one of his father-in-law but his call was sent straight to voicemail, which Jay couldn't blame him for. He sensed that about the only person whose call Hank would take right now was Olive's. Or Erin's. Or some foreign number from Germany. And so the next number he dialed was the number one in his speed dial memory because this was the only option he had left.

″Could you find something out?″ she asked him as soon as she picked up, the stress and tension and fear evident in her voice.

″Yes,″ he confirmed. ″I tried to call Hank but he wouldn't answer my calls, so I have to tell you,″ he said, somehow apologizing that he had to tell her the news first, that she had to tell Hank and Olive then, that she had to go through this and that he couldn't protect her from more heartache and pain and a life on the edge.

″I was able to talk with Justin's doctor at the Military Hospital in Landstuhl, Dr Jason Halmond,″ he told her, the hardest part yet to come. ″Erin, Justin has a severe traumatic brain injury, some abdominal bleedings and a femoral neck and hip fracture. They had to remove one of his kidneys in a first surgery and he will go into surgery again as soon as he's stable enough. The thing is...″ he hesitated, inhaling deeply once more, ″he has to go into surgery again in order to save his life and they don't have too much time to wait but right now his condition doesn't allow another surgery. And in addition they don't know how big the damage caused by the brain injury is,″ he breathed out and telling Erin all of this felt like the worst notification he's ever done. Knowing that these news hit her with the force of a wrecking ball, he continued to talk because she couldn't possibly say anything right now. Although she probably didn't even listen anymore. ″I will now book Hank and Olive into the next possible flight to Frankfurt and I already arranged that they will get picked up there and brought directly to the hospital.″

There was the expected silence on the other end of the line and the only noise he heard was Erin swallowing hard and trying to keep her breathing under control as her brain processed these news. Jay wanted nothing more than holding her tight for the rest of their lives, telling her everything was going to be okay even though he once again couldn't be sure.

″Thank you,″ she finally whispered and Jay could hear how much it took her to speak.

He wanted to say something, some encouraging words, some words of comfort but his throat was dry and his tongue glued to his mouth. Because what should he say, really? There were - once again - no words that would make this okay or better. There was nothing he could do to fix this, to take these broken wings and make her fly again. Not right now at least and he only hoped that one day there was something he could do.

They now had to play the waiting game and could only pray that the universe wouldn't take away another beloved family member.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Never in his life has Jay seen Hank Voight, his boss, his father-in-law, like this before: a desperate, broken man in a huge amount of none-physcial pain. A man who was scared that after losing his wife to cancer ten years ago, losing his son to war now. The man who he's always known as fierce and strong and up to beat any criminal – whether with words or sometimes not exactly in a way that was legal – was gone, leaving the picture of a misery behind.

″Your flight's taking off in three hours,″ Jay said as they walked towards Olive's and Justin's house to bring Olive's bag to the car, Jay carrying Emmy on his hip because no matter that she could play all by herself for an around an hour without needing her parents, he didn't want to leave her alone with Crispin. With the way life has been playing with them lately this could only go wrong. ″Either Erin or I will drive you to O'Hare.″

″Erin is in no condition to drive,″ Hank answered and his voice was as beat as he was.

″And neither are you,″ Jay noticed quietly. ″So I'll drive you then.″

″No Jay,″ Hank said and stopped walking so he could look Jay in the eyes. ″Erin needs you in the next few hours. Not only because she has to take care of three toddlers but also because we both know that she's closer to collapsing than she's able to admit. So Olive and I will drive to the airport with my car and you stay here, where you're needed most.″

″Okay,″ Jay swallowed hardly because he wasn't used to Hank's voice filled with so many rare emotions.

″Thank you, Jay,″ Hank said, fatherly placing his hand on Jay's shoulder. ″For pulling some strings and managing this whole situation. You're not only Erin's rock today but the rock for this whole family and we can all always rely on you,″ he added quietly and Jay was sure to see his eyes sparkle suspiciously. ″You'll be the man in charge while I'm gone. You'll lead the unit.″

Jay's mouth dropped open by Hank's clear words and his eyes widened in disbelief. ″Hank...I...″ Can't. Am not experienced enough. Don't think I'm ready to lead the unit. Think Antonio or Olinsky could do better and deserve it more than I do.

But he couldn't let him down, and with having in mind that they would all lead the unit together anyway, he agreed. ″I'll give my very best to represent you in the best way possible.″

″I know you will,″ Hank answered and pulled Jay into a short, rare hug. ″I don't know how you two will manage the situation with Danny and Henry but in case you feel like staying home, you are of course free to do that. You just have to delegate some things then.″

″We haven't figured that out yet,″ Jay admitted as they didn't have any brilliant masterplan. This was something they had to talk through tonight. Because so far they of course have only agreed on taking the boys but they haven't had the chance to talk this through. To decide whether Erin would stay at home until Olive's parents were here to take the boys or whether they would bring them to Carol's daycare together with Emilia so Erin could go to work as well. He sensed they would get the answers to these questions tonight anyway, when Danny and Henry showed them how well they could adjust to this new situation of their mom being gone and them being moved to a new environment to live with their aunt and uncle and cousin that they indeed knew but were still somehow strangers.

″Hank!″ Erin's voice interrupted their conversation – or rather them saying nothing to each other as they were lost in their thoughts – and she came running towards them, wrapping her arms around Hank as soon as she was close enough.

″Everything is going to be okay,″ she whispered into the crook of his neck, trying to be strong for him, to keep thinking positive while the situation almost didn't allow those positive thoughts as everyone knew that Justin's life was hanging by a thread.

″That's what we hope but...″

″No,″ Erin said and lifted her head to shake it energetically. ″You will bring him home. Alive. I know you will,″ she whispered towards the end and Jay could see how much she struggled to keep her tears back because her words were nothing but a desperate wish and they all knew that.

Hank neither denied it nor agreed but the glance in his eyes, this hopelessness, said it all. He didn't believe in a happy end, didn't allow himself to bring his hopes up as high to really believe that everything was going to be okay. He already prepared for the worst.

In fact, they all did.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

After taking care of Noah when Liv had been shot almost two years ago and fostering Luke when Rylie had been in rehab last fall and winter it was now the third time that Erin had to replace the mother for a certain period of time. And while there was a saying that third time's the charm, this situation didn't get any easier no matter that she had quite some experience with it by now. In fact, it has never felt as hard as it did this time.

However, the first evening went surprisingly smooth, almost too smooth to be true, and it seemed like it was the calm before the storm. Emilia didn't throw one of her famous tantrums, Danny seemed to think this was some kind of slumber party and saw it as a big adventure to stay with his aunt and uncle and little Henry was too occupied with playing with Emilia and Daniel and all the toys that belonged to Emmy and that they didn't have at home.

Everything was going fine. Until it was time for bedtime stories and Daniel wanted them to read from his superhero book that Olive had packed into his bag earlier. They were all settled on the couch in the living room, Danny between them, Henry in Jay's lap and Emilia in Erin's and soon enough the two youngest were sound asleep while Daniel couldn't get enough and always wanted more.

″My daddy is a hero, too,″ he said in the end, just after Jay'd finished the story and this one innocent sentence coming from his lips changed the whole atmosphere.

Erin inhaled a sharp breath by his words as they felt like a stab right in the heart and she couldn't hold back a sniff from escaping. ″I...I...go and tuck her in,″ she managed to say before the tears fell from her eyes, motioning her head to the sleeping toddler she held in her arms.

″Okay,″ Jay nodded, wanting nothing more than finally being able to hold her close, and she disappeared faster than Danny could pick up on the fact that one single tear was rolling down her cheek.

″Danny, you're a big boy, right?″ he asked the 3-year-old, giving his best to act like everything was normal.

″Yaah,″ the brown-haired boy beamed. Apparently working undercover every now and then in the last few years has also delivered him some not-too-bad acting skills.

″So you can go to the bathroom and brush you teeth all by yourself while I tuck your brother in?″

″I can,″ Daniel smiled proudly.

″Okay, then go,″ Jay encouraged him. ″And don't stop brushing before I come back, okay?″ he called after him when he was already running towards the bathroom.

″Okay!″ he called back and for the second time today he wished to be as oblivious to all the drama as 3-year-old Daniel Voight was. Though he sensed that soon enough he would pick up on the fact that something was terribly wrong. And he feared that day more than he wanted to admit.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Both, Henry and Daniel, were sleeping in the room that basically still belonged to Luke and closing the door behind him after successfully talking Danny into giving sleep a try, Jay went to the bedroom straightway, expecting to find Erin like he's found her countless times lately. Crumbled into a ball and crying into her pillow. But their bed was abandoned and she was nowhere to be seen.

The next door he then opened was the one of Emilia's nursery and he found her sitting in the rocking chair next to Emmy's bed, holding the little girl's hand through the bars of her crib. Hearing Jay opening the door, she slowly let go of Emilia's hand and left her spot next to her crib to literally fall into the arms of the man who was currently standing in the doorway.

With one arm wrapped around his sobbing wife, he managed to close Emmy's door and then somehow maneuvered them both to the bedroom, closing that door behind them as well. His embrace tightened around her tiny frame with every second that passed, with every heart-wrenching sob that left her mouth and he wished nothing more than that he had some magical powers to make her world alright again.

″It's okay,″ he soothed and kissed her hair while his hand drew soft circles onto her back. He could feel her tears soaking through his shirt but he didn't mind at all. Although it pulled on his heartstrings seeing her like this, he rather wanted her to cry the pain away than pushing it away again. This was still the healthier way to do it than trying to ignore the pain and not dealing with it properly.

Jay didn't know how long they've been standing there while the dawn set in outside, how many times the minute hand has turned. It might have been only minutes. Or it might as well have been hours. But he didn't care as long as he could hold Erin in his arms, as long as Erin seeked solace in his arms. That was all, absolutely all, that mattered right now and he would stand in this exact spot for the whole damn night if he needed to.

At some point, she lifted her head slowly and her expression was everything he hated to see on her face. He reached out to swipe her tears away with his thumb and then cupped her cheek with his palm.

″He was...″ Erin whispered but her voice faded. ″He was supposed to grow old...and grey...and wrinkled. And we were supposed to grow old and grey and wrinkled with him.″

″And we will,″ Jay answered emphatically and pressed a kiss against her forehead.

″I don't feel it, Jay,″ she murmured almost inaudible and immediately the tears threatened to fall again.

″I know,″ he agreed quietly. ″But we have to believe in his strength and somehow fight for him. With him.″

″Yeah,″ Erin nodded mechanically. ″You know what's the worst? It's Henry's first birthday in two weeks and neither his dad nor his mom will be here for this important day. This is not how it's supposed to be,″ she whispered.

″It isn't. But he will get the birthday party he deserves anyway, I promise.″

This was the last word said before Henry's crying for his mother interrupted the silence in the house and with him being awake, chances were high that Daniel was as well and that they would not only be confronted with a crying one-year-old but also with a cranky 3-year-old.

But the real chaos didn't start until five minutes later, when Emilia, who's, other than some exceptions, been sleeping through ever since being four months old, cried for her parents as well.

″Well,″ Jay said the moment he heard his daughter crying and while he was still occupied to get Danny back to sleep, Erin walking around with Henry on her arm in an attempt to soothe him and craddle him back to sleep. ″At least it's distraction.″

That, as much, was true.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

The first few hours had really been the calm before the storm and ever since those few quiet minutes, there have always been noises in their house and not for once it has been completely silent. At least it seemed like it. One kid always cried or screamed. One kid was always awake. One kid was always unhappy. One kid always caused trouble. One kid always made sure that they couldn't catch a breath.

″Where's mommy?″ Daniel asked on Wednesday morning, the third day of the boys living with them. Jay'd left for work earlier, promising to come back home early, like he'd done the last two days – always leaving the bullpen around 4pm so he could help her with those three rascals - and after the first chaotic night from Sunday to Monday, where it had been obvious that the boys didn't settle too well, Erin'd decided to stay at home with all three kids and not give the boys to Carol, a complete stranger. So instead of chasing some dumb gangsters through the streets of Chicago she was basically running after three toddlers at all times. And she couldn't exactly say that she prefered the latter over the first. Chasing some idiot was definitely the easier job than keeping three kids aged almost one year to three years entertained and happy from dusk to dawn.

″She'll be back soon,″ Erin sighed, answering this question for the tenth time today. The fact that Danny was anyway constantly asking was enough proof that he wasn't satisfied with the answer she was giving him. But what should she tell a 3-year-old? Or better: how should she tell a 3-year-old that his mother was in Germany because his father got injured while fighting a war on the other side of the world and now his life was hanging by a thread?

″When?″ Danny asked, looking at her with expectant eyes. They were all sitting in the sandbox and thanks to Erin keeping a close eye on them all playing peacefully. Just yesterday, when she'd turned her back on them while making lunch, Danny and Emmy had gotten into a huge fight over one certain toy which had ended in loud screaming and Emilia crying big crocodile tears because of course Danny was way stronger than she was and had taken her beloved toy – not exactly in a gentle manner.

″Soon,″ she answered shortly. ″Come on kiddos, let's make something to eat,″ she suggested to create some distraction and lifted Henry, who couldn't walk yet, up into her arms.

″No,″ Emilia said when Erin reached out for her to take her by her hand so they could all walk inside the house.

″I will not leave you out here alone, Em,″ Erin explained as her mind created those scenarios where their little girl ate sand or did god knows what while she was unattended. ″Come on, sweety,″ she encouraged her once more and grabbed her hand.

″Noooo,″ Emmy exclaimed angrily, her voice close to crying.

″You can go out again later. But now we go inside and prepare lunch,″ she told her daughter strictly.

″Nooooo!″ Emilia screamed and just like that they had another tantrum, the little girl trying to throw herself on the ground since she absolutely didn't want to go inside but rather wanted to keep playing in the sandbox. No one had ever said parenting was easy – but sometimes Erin wished someone would've warned her how damn difficult it could be from time to time.

″I want my mommy,″ Daniel said whiningly, just as if one crying and screaming toddler wasn't enough already.

″She's not here right now, buddy,″ Erin said with inhaling a deep breath, getting more and more helpless, and ran her hand through his brown hair.

″But I want my mommy,″ Danny cried almost as loud as Emmy currently was and those shrill voices made Erin's head almost explode. She's been battling headaches for days now, due to the stress and exhaustion, and those voices let a hammer off in her head, hitting against her forehead with a force that could easily make her unconscious.

And just when she thought the situation with two screaming kids in the backyard couldn't get any worse, Henry proved her wrong as he joined the party. ″Mama,″ he cried, obviously having picked up on his big brother asking for his mom.

″Not you too, Henry,″ Erin said desperately but her wish didn't come true as Henry started to cry loudly within the next second as well.

Now she had three screaming children and she wondered how long it would take until the police showed up in front of her door, telling her that this was noise annoyance. Maybe she should just all leave them here, let them calm down all by themselves and meanwhile take a bath with earplugs to keep this turmoil away from coming close to her. Or simply go to work because dealing with any criminal was easier than this. If it wasn't for her brain creating worst-case-scenarios about what the kids could do while she wasn't around, this thought would actually be very appealing and considerable. But the mother in her told her that she was responsible for these three little humans that were currently driving her up the walls in every way possible.

″Well then,″ Erin breathed out, telling herself that she had to stay calm, and quickly carried Henry inside to settle him in the playpen that Emmy did neither use nor need anymore but was still there.

Coming back outside, she picked Emilia up from the grass, the little girl kicking like a cranky bull when Erin was carrying her inside, and last but not least she carried Danny inside, the boy trying to squirm out of her grasp as well and kicking her with his little feet in a way that actually hurt. Now she had three crying kids inside the house and they all seemed to rile each other up as if this was some kind of competition of whom could cry the loudest.

It was ten minutes later, ten minutes in which Erin had just tried to ignore all the crying because she couldn't take care of three kids at the same time and so it was only fair to not give any of them her attention, when the noises slowly faded and only some silent sobs remained. Equipped with some tissues, she cleaned all their little faces and just when she was about to leave for the kitchen to throw the tissues in the garbage, the doorbell was ringing.

″Hey Em, Danny, you wanna check who this is?″ she asked, using this unexpected ring for some distraction to lighten the mood, and picked Emilia up from the floor. She immediately hid her head against Erin's shoulder and Erin couldn't help but feel endlessly guilty for somehow abandoning her daughter because there were these two boys who needed her full attention all the time. This whole situation was taking its toll on all of them but the last person who should suffer from this was Emilia. Yet, she was probably the one who suffered most by suddenly having to share her parents with Daniel and Henry.

″Yes,″ Daniel sniffed, interrupting her thoughts of how she could make this situation more bearable for Emilia. When Luke had lived with them, they'd never had this issue of Emmy being jealous or feeling abandoned. But maybe she'd been too young and was only now, being older and with suddenly two other kids living with them, able to realize all the changes.

″Okay, then let's go,″ she smiled faintly although she didn't feel like smiling at all. She hasn't felt like smiling in months and right now she couldn't imagine feeling like smiling anytime soon.

Opening the door and finding Rylie and Luke standing in front of it, she was slightly confused and for a minute afraid that she'd mixed up some dates and that Rylie would park Luke with them for the next two days now as well, making her the person in charge to take care of four kids five and under.

″Rylie,″ she frowned. ″I'm sorry but I can't take Luke tod-″

″Hey Erin,″ Rylie interrupted her and smiled understandingly. ″I'm not here to leave Luke with you. I'm here because...for months you've been there when I needed your help and I figured you could need my help now. Today, tomorrow, on Friday, over the weekend.″

″Okay,″ Erin still frowned. ″But what about your work?″ That was the thing about Erin. Even when she was drowning in chaos, she still cared about others and considered all the possible consequences for them.

″I antedated my days off. Instead of taking them as from next week I already take some of them this week,″ she winked as if it was the most normal thing in the world to do something like this. And after everything that Erin's taught her in the last few months, it honestly was.

″Uhm...wow,″ Erin breathed out, hints of a rare smile on her face as she was speechless.

″Erin, we even brought food,″ Luke exclaimed and only now she saw the bag that Luke was proudly carrying.

″It's Chinese takeout. I thought one can't go wrong with this,″ she smiled.

″You guys are the sweetest,″ Erin said all emotional when her voice made a comeback. ″You really save my life right now.″

″Some months back you saved mine,″ the girl, that has become something like a little sister and best friend in the last few months, said quietly.

″And I would do it again anytime,″ Erin answered just as quiet.

″I know,″ Rylie nodded, some tears of emotion looming in her eyes.

They all settled around the big dining table a couple of minutes later, food as always proving to be a lifesaver and mood-changer as all the kids digged into the springrolls, chicken, rice, vegetables and fried noodles hungrily, Crispin making sure that the mess they created, as of course not everything made it into their mouths but dropped onto the floor, wouldn't lie around there for too long.

″Look at these two,″ Rylie said when they later sat on the steps of the patio and watched three of the four kids in the garden. Henry was taking his nap upstairs while Danny was in the sandbox, enjoying that he had it all for himself, and Emilia and Luke were playing in the kiddie pool. Together. All peaceful. Without any fights over toys but with communicating in the most adorable way. Sometimes Erin had the feeling that Luke could understand Emilia's babbling better than she and Jay could, that the five-year-old and the almost one-and-a-half year-old could communicate on an entire different level.

″In three days I've never seen her playing like this with Danny. Not even for a minute. And I thought she's probably jealous because of Danny and Henry being here but with Luke everything seems to be just fine,″ Erin answered and she wasn't able to take her eyes away from this cute scene of how they shared the toys and Luke explained how he loaded his little truck with water so they could then make the little plastic waterwheel go.

″They are a match made in heaven,″ Rylie chuckled, bumping her shoulder against Erin's.

″They are,″ Erin smiled faintly. ″And Emilia and Daniel are probably more like fire and ice.″

″Maybe it's because Luke's been living with you guys for so long,″ she mentioned. ″Emmy is used to him being around and they have a great bond, like brother and sister. Luke is family while Danny and Henry are probably more like intrudors, you know?″

″Yeah, it could be something like that,″ Erin agreed before they fell into a short moment of silence as they only listened to soft children's babbling.

″How's Justin doing?″ Rylie asked at some point asked meekly, being afraid that she wasn't in a position to ask about the condition of the man Erin considered her brother.

″He's still alive, so I guess that's the good news,″ Erin answered, gnawing on her lip as she decided to tell the young girl a little more. ″For now they could do all the major surgeries that needed to be done. He still needs more but apparently they can wait,″ she shrugged, her voice quiet, broken and low as she continued to speak. ″He flatlined a couple of times and even before that they didn't know whether there's any damage to his brain. His eyes respond to light but not in a way they should. So for now we can only wait until he wakes up to see whether there's any damage. In case he wakes up...″ Her voice trailed off towards the end.

″So he's in a coma?″ Rylie concluded.

″Yeah,″ Erin nodded. ″The doctors say that gives his body the best chance to heal but in the next sentence they say that there's no guarantee he will wake up again.″

″Huh,″ she only answered in response because words failed her as there was nothing she could say, as there were no appropriate words. ″Does this mean the boys will stay with you for the next few weeks?″

″No,″ Erin shook her head, letting out a little breath of relief. She's talked with Hank this morning and he'd told her about this new plan that she really appreciated a lot. Because she didn't know how much longer she could do this before entirely breaking down. ″Olive's parents were on a cruise ship trip in Scandinavia and when they heard about Justin they of course ended their trip as soon as they could and took the next flight to Germany to be there for their daughter. And now that it seems like that Justin can't be brought to the US anytime soon, they will fly here on Sunday and take the boys to Germany.″

″Seems to be the best option,″ Rylie mentioned.

″I think it's the best for the boys,″ Erin agreed with a nod. ″And for us. Every day it breaks through more and more that they miss their mom and this just makes it really hard for me. And Jay. It seems like we can't do anything right with them. And Emmy's somehow suffering as well because Danny is so energetic and loud and needs so much attention and Henry is just a baby and still needs a lot of attention as well. We so hard try to make this stay as enjoyable as possible for them that our attention completely shifted to them. And that's not fair.″

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Rylie and Luke left in the early evening, when Jay came home later than anticipated and he only had to look in his wife's face to see how exhausted she was, how draining this day has once again been. Seeing her like this, he was even gladder that he'd earlier told the rest of the team that he would take the following two days off and only come back next Monday. Together with Erin. When everything was back to normal, when it was only the three of them plus their four-legged kid, their two nephews on the way to Germany with their grandparents.

″Hey babe,″ Jay whispered as soon as Rylie and Luke had closed the door from the outside and wrapped his arms around her. ″How was your day?″ he asked and kissed her hair.

″Insane. On every possible level insane,″ she sighed into his chest and without that he had to ask she quickly told him about all three kids having a tantrum at the same time and Emilia once again showing hints that she was completely uncomfortable with this whole situation and having to share her parents with two attention-demanding boys.

″So why don't we all go for an evening stroll together and then you and Emmy take a bath together while I look after the boys?″ he suggested after he knew all about her truly insane day.

″That sounds pretty good,″ she admitted with yet another deep sigh and kissed his lips shortly.

Walking through the neighborhood with all three kids and their dog surprisingly didn't end in a chaos but worked out more or less fine, in any way better than the majority of the day. There were a few tense moments, especially when both, Emmy and Danny wanted to hold Crispin's leash, but they were spared from any kind of tantrum or other possible drama as they were able to save the situation and make Danny clear that they could hold it together or they would simply unzip Crispin from the leash and let him explore the area all by himself.

They had some snacks when they returned home and when they all sat around the table to eat some buns with butter, cream cheese and pepper, cucumber and carrot sticks, Daniel proved once again that he was a typical treenager, always looking for trouble as it seemed.

″I want a burger,″ he said, eyeing the things that were on the table with anything but enthusiasm.

″We don't have burgers tonight,″ Jay explained matter-of-factly.

″But I want a burger!″ he yelled out of nowhere, hammering his fist against the wooden table.

″Danny, we all eat what's on the table and there's no exception for you,″ Jay said lightly, taking a bite of his cucumber to prove his point.

″Noooo!″ Danny screamed and faster than they could prevent it, he took his plastic cup, that was filled with water, and threw it on the floor, Jay's eyes following the cup and how the water was spilled all over the floor.

″Would you also do that at home?″ Jay asked all calm and Erin was sure that she neither has ever seen his expression as strict nor heard his voice as strict before. At the same time she admired him for staying that cool. But then again, he hasn't had to deal with all three kids all day, so his patience was on a different level than hers.

Danny didn't answer anything, only looked at Jay with a whole lot of provocation and challenge in his eyes.

″Would you?″ Jay asked again, his voice rising simultaneously with his eyebrows but Danny still seemed unimpressed. ″Well alright, seems like you lost your voice, huh? That's fine. I'll give you two options here,″ he said, making a dramatic break. ″One: we go to the kitchen together, get a rag and clean this mess up and everything will be alright. Two: you go upstairs in your room and let us have our dinner in peace and I will tell you about the consequences of your doing later.″

Daniel looked at him with wide eyes and only now Erin realized that no one has spoken to him like this in months. Because with Justin leaving in March, his father-figure has left as well and just like she didn't have the authority Jay had, Olive naturally didn't have the authority Justin had. And the three-year-old has been smart enough to take advantage of this and of his mother probably allowing him more things than she should because she felt compassionate as the kid missed his father.

″I'm waiting,″ Jay said, never taking his eyes away from the brown-haired boy with the dark blue eyes. ″And I'm not going to wait forever. So what, are we going to clean this up together?″ he asked, still giving him the better out of the two options.

″Yaah,″ Danny finally nodded, his voice all quiet just as if he was stunned about the way Jay'd just talked to him.

″Okay fine, then let's go.″

With these words, he got up from his chair and took Danny by his hand so they could go to the kitchen together and when they cleaned up the water on the floor a couple of seconds later, Erin couldn't help but being undoubtably impressed of the way her husband had just handled the situation.

″I wish you could be home with me every day,″ she sighed when he sat down next to her again.

″Ouh,″ Jay chuckled, remembering that he hasn't told her the good news yet. ″I will stay at home for the rest of the week,″ he said with a wink. ″I asked the guys earlier whether it would be okay to take tomorrow and Friday off and they said it's no big deal. They pull up Kim from patrol and will make it work somehow.″

″These must be the best news in days,″ Erin smiled faintly and although her face was still all tired and exhausted, he could see the relief washing over it.

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Their evening continued to be a peaceful one, Erin taking a long bubble-bath with Emilia, the little girl absolutely enjoying it to have her mother's undivided attention and she giggled and squeaked in a way that Erin hasn't heard since taking the boys in. She made sure to have an extra long bath today, giving her daughter some extra minutes to play with the bubbles and her toys and herself some extra precious minutes with the girl who was still her baby even though she didn't look like one anymore.

Getting out of the tub and lotioning Emmy's soft skin with baby lotion and making her ready for the night also took longer today than it usually did, sweet kisses blown all over Emmy's naked belly, and when she eventually settled her in her crib – earlier than usual since Emmy hasn't taken a nap today – she quickly climbed over the bar and crumbled into a ball as she lay down next to Emilia, face-to-face, so she could stare at this perfect little human being.

″Mommy loves you so so much,″ Erin whispered as her hand stroked over Emmy's cheek, the 17-month-old already fighting against sleep. ″So so so much, you have no idea. And I'm sorry for putting you through this. But I promise you tonight it's just me and you, so come here sweet girl,″ she said and pulled her closer to her body so she could fall asleep all snuggled up to her mother.

Emilia let out a little sigh that almost sounded like a sigh of relief that she had her mom all for herself, and then fell asleep within seconds, her heavy eyelids stopping to battle sleep. Erin kept on stroking over Emilia's hair and inhaled her unique scent, her daughter's steady breathing lulling her to slumber as well. With her daughter in her arms, sharing this small crib that made this the most uncomfortable position in the world but at the same time made this a moment she truly cherished and wouldn't change for anything, she fell asleep.

And exactly like this, Jay found his two girls over an hour later. Sleeping peacefully all snuggled up to each other and this moment was so precious that he just had to stare at them for five minutes, taking this picture in with every of his senses before he pulled out his phone to take of photo of this moment. This moment that needed to be framed.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

With Jay being at home everything seemed to be so much easier all by itself – cooking, grocery shopping, doing the laundry, cleaning, making the kids ready for the day - and they were even able to leave the house and spend some hours in a nearby park with a huge playground, all of the kids having a blast without any tears being shed all day. Furthermore he suggested that she should finally attend the zumba class again and that he would take care of all three kids so she could go. Which was what she did, being thankful for this opportunity of having a couple of hours just for herself, without any crying and unhappy kid. And blowing off some steam to loud music has never been this kind of stress relieving than that Thursday night.

Together with Rylie and Luke they went to the zoo on Friday, spending the whole day in this children's paradise with three kids running around all excited and almost one-year-old Henry taking some steps with Jay holding his hands from above. That evening then turned out to be the most quiet in days since all three kids were as beat that Erin and Jay were able to tuck them in without any drama.

But nonetheless that these couple of days with Jay being home had been smooth, at least most times, they were more than glad when Olive's parents finally arrived on Sunday evening to take the boys to Germany on the following day. What followed was an evening of silence, a silence they somehow didn't know anymore but absolutely welcomed. They used the balmy summer night for some family time as just the four of them as they lay on some blankets in their garden, Crispin resting his head on Erin's thigh and Emilia sleeping on Jay. Above them stretched a dazzling sky of stars, the crescent moon was rising behind the roof of their house and a soft breeze caressed their faces.

It was the most family-like moment in weeks. Months even. But yet, it didn't feel like it had before. When these were the moments that brought them joy and happiness and made them smile brighter than the sun.

Turning his head to Erin, Jay knew why something felt off. As she gazed up to the stars, some silent tears were rolling down her face. Tears of grief because of the piece of them that was missing. Little H. Their tiniest star. Tears of sadness because her brother still wasn't out of the woods and though he was doing fine right now didn't mean there couldn't be a devastating call any minute. Tears of exhaustion because those last few days, weeks, and months have drained her energy, happiness and levity on every possible level. So many tears. And Jay wished nothing more than that he could dry them forever.

With her silhouette illuminated by the crescent moon, she looked more like an angel than ever before, her features so perfect and soft yet overshadowed with a pain that broke his heart right apart. She truly made broken look beautiful. She was his angel, everyone's angel, those last few days, when she'd selflessly put everyone's needs above her own to take care of her two nephews, being the best proof for that. But these days she wasn't an angel whose bright light blinded them all, an angel who could light up the entire world with her smile and presence. These days she was an angel with broken wings, an angel who knew better than anyone else how it was like to try to fly with broken wings.

And as his lips didn't find the words she needed to hear, as this was one of the rare times he didn't know what he could say to make her feel better, he promised himself one thing: he would give everything, do everything humanly possible, to make her fly again. He would take these broken wings, a little trip to the cabin in Wisconsin for their anniversary, some family downtime in this place that had healing powers, being the first of many steps on that long road to repair those broken wings and show her how to fly again...

Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it! Please leave a review and let me know what you think.