35. Broken Strings And Bonds Of Love

Thanks again for your feedback! I promise the wait for baby Halstead will be over soon, the chapter of her birth is already finished! :) But before, some little (big) things will happen, so have fun with this one! :)

35. Broken Strings And Bonds Of Love

″Mr. Halstead,″ Erin called and knelt down right next to him. ″Mr. Halstead can you hear me?″

″Yeah, yeah, I'm good,″ he nodded slowly and his voice came faint.

″You don't look too good to be honest. Maybe I should better call an ambulance,″ she said and pulled her phone out of the pocket of her hoodie.

″No, no, you don't have to, I'm fine, honestly,″ he assured her and touched her arm to keep her from dialing 911.

″If you say so,″ Erin answered, furrowing a brow while looking at him. She didn't need to be a doctor to see that he was anything but fine. ″How about a glass of water though?″

″Yeah, that would help, thank you,″ he smiled faintly.

Erin nodded in response and scanned him again. Now that she knew he was Will's and Jay's father she could see quite some similarities with the facial features of the older of the two brothers but definitely none with Jay.

″Do you think you can get up?″

″I think that should work,″ Mr. Halstead said and so Erin helped him to get up and guided him into the apartment and let him sit down on the chair on the dining table, bringing him a glass with water immediately.

″Thank you, I really appreciate it,″ he said and took some gulps and some color came back to his face instantly.

″No worries,″ Erin nodded. She still tried to figure out how this man could be such a monster. Of course she didn't doubt Jay's story, not for one single second, but this man looked so broken that she assumed a lot must've happened ever since Jay has banned him from his life.

″May I ask you what your name is?″ he asked and his question came a little shy.

″Oh yeah, sure, I'm sorry. I'm Erin. Erin Lindsay,″ she said and took his hand to shake it.

″Nice to meet you,″ he smiled. Erin couldn't answer anything. She didn't know how to feel about this, whether it was nice to meet him or not. And before she would lie to him she decided it was better to say nothing at all. Due to this, an awkward silence occured. That kind of silence between two people who both didn't know what to say.

″Do you feel better?″ she asked him to break the silence.

″I do, thank you again,″ he nodded, still smiling faintly. ″So do you and Jay live here together?″

″We do,″ Erin confirmed.

″It's a nice apartment, I like it,″ Mr. Halstead said while he was gazing around and Erin wondered whether he was just bootlicking or whether he really meant it. And at the same time she wondered whether he still felt as sick or was just playing out time until Jay would eventually get here.

″We like it, too,″ she shrugged, not knowing what else to say. ″How did you know Jay's living here?″ she then asked him, being a little curious about this as they've only been officially living in her apartment together for a little over a week now. His name wasn't even on the door bell yet and just yesterday they had managed to go to the Citizens Registration Office to change his adress so his mail would get delivered here from now on.

″Will gave it to me,″ he answered and sounded a little embarrassed. ″How much longer do you have?″ he then asked, not giving her the chance to say anything about it and for the first time he looked directly at her round stomach. She has literally already been waiting for this question.

″A little more than six weeks,″ she said, placing her hand on her belly automatically and smiling lovingly as she gazed down to it.

″Well, wow...congratulations,″ he smiled and Erin was sure it was a real one, not a faked one. ″I really don't want to be nosy but do you mind telling me whether it's a boy or a girl? Just in case you know of course.″

″It's a girl,″ she smiled. At this point everyone knew that they were having a girl so she saw now reason to keep this a secret from him.

″Yeah, that suits him,″ the old man smirked.

″What is that supposed to mean?″ Erin asked and raised her eyebrows, knowing pretty well that Jay was the first Halstead in generations to break the family tradition by having a daughter.

″Oh I didn't mean it derogative,″ he assured her immediately. ″It's just...Jay's always been different than all the other Halstead men, so it suits him perfectly that he's having a daughter now. And with that being said I really mean it suits him,″ he said emphatically.

″It does indeed,″ Erin agreed. She couldn't say that she disliked the old man but yet she didn't want to disclose any more details about their life, didn't want to answer any more questions about herself and Jay. He knew enough for now and for sure already more than Jay would want him to know.

″Mr. Halstead, I don't wanna sound rude but...,″ she said and bit her lower lip with her teeth, feeling a little uncomfortable with saying this. ″I know Jay's and your story, all of it, I know that he doesn't want to have any contact with you so I feel a little uncomfortable with this right now because it feels like I'm betraying him. I helped you because you needed my help and I would never deny someone help who needs it but I have to admit, otherwise I wouldn't have let you inside and as you obviously feel better I must politely ask you to go now.″

″Oh...uhm...yeah...sure,″ he spluttered and got up from his chair.

″Alright, I will bring you to the door,″ Erin said.

″Don't mind him, I will,″ Jay said and stepped in the room out of nowhere. When he had unlocked the door a couple of seconds ago he first couldn't believe his ears as he's recognized this voice instantly and he then had stayed in the doorway only to hear how Erin basically told his father to leave their apartment.

Erin looked at him and tried to figure out what he was thinking. She had expected to get that kind of glare that could easily put her six feet under but he didn't look mad, at least not at her, what made her assume that he's maybe heard the last part of hers and Robert Halstead's conversation.

″Okay,″ Erin nodded.

″Jay,″ his father started but Jay interrupted him instantly.

″Not here,″ he said and guided him to the door. Erin followed them and was surprised that it seemed like Jay was about to have an actual conversation with him.

″I'll be back in some minutes,″ he said as he turned around to Erin.

″Jay,″ she said quietly and placed her hand on his heart. ″Be gentle. He doesn't seem to be in such a good condition.″

″We'll see,″ he shrugged, gave her another glance and then followed his father down the stairs, keeping the question back why he should be gentle to a man who's never been gentle to him.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

The night was cold when they stepped out on the street, snowflakes were falling from the sky to even increase the snow chaos they already had. With his hands in the pockets of his jacket Jay stared at the man in front of him, the man he hasn't seen in six years, his father. He's become old, looked a whole lot different than he used to know him. These past six years have definitely had an effect on him. And Erin was right: he didn't look like he was in a good condition at all. But he couldn't say that this was something he cared about. He was too annoyed, still too bitter, to care about anything regarding him at the moment.

″How can you dare coming here?″ he spat as he wasn't able to hold it back any longer.

″I wanted to talk to you, Jay,″ his father said completely calm. ″It's been a while and I wanted to see you.″

″Ever thought that I maybe don't want to talk to you and don't want to see you?″ he asked and tried to keep his voice under control. Erin had begged him to be gentle so he tried his best to not spit out all the things he wanted to spit out right now and tell his father that he should go where he came from and should stay far away from him and his family.

″Yes,″ he simply answered. ″A lot to be honest.″

″Don't you think I rejected all of your calls for a reason? And you dare to come here anyway.″ His voice was still rising and he shook his head in disbelief. ″What did you expect from this visit?″

″I don't know,″ he shrugged.

″Great,″ Jay laughed sarcastically and shook his head again. ″So you simply show up at our place like 'hey, here I am, it's been a while, let's talk'...without giving a care in the world?!″

″Your girlfriend is really nice, I like her and she seems like a real sweetheart,″ Robert said, completely ignoring his sons remark, and smiled faintly. ″And I saw all the photos on the wall...I'm glad you're happy, Jay.″

This statement caught Jay off guard and kinda put him off his stride as it was something he hadn't expected. He frowned for a moment by this sudden change of subject, by bringing Erin up in this conversation, but it also made him thinking. He was happy indeed. This was in fact the happiest time of his life so all this hate and bitterness didn't fit in, didn't even feel right.

He remembered Erin's words from some days ago when she'd talked about being thankful for how things have turned out and he has thought a lot about it. Without his father pushing him to become a soldier and to do three tours there would most likely be no 'Erin and Jay' now, no Emilia, no detective Halstead and God knows where he would be by now. His life was good, more like perfect right now regardless his past, so maybe he should be clement towards his old man although he didn't deserve it?

After all he had given Michael and Susan a second chance a couple of months ago and he was so happy to have them back in his life now, but it wasn't that easy with his father. This wound was still too deep, hurt too much. These were some broken strings that couldn't get repaired anymore. Some broken strings he contrary to his relationship with Michael and Susan didn't want to get fixed. He had missed his family, his uncle, his aunt, his cousins, but he couldn't say he had missed his father and now seeing him he felt nothing but emptiness.

In addition there was no need to hide behind a protective shield anymore whenever things came up that had to do with his father, like he used to do when he was a child, a teenager, a young adult. He was a grown-up man now, he had a job he liked a lot, a woman he loved who was pregnant with their daughter, he felt confident with himself, was happy with his life, so what could this man possibly say that would make him feel like the little, crying child again that was not worth his father's attention and needed to protect itself? When he looked at the fragile man in front of him he assumed odds were higher that these roles might have changed in the meantime. So maybe it wasn't the wrong thing to do to make one step into his direction, to give him the chance to say whatever he wanted to say.

Jay stood up to his father's piercing glance as he decided in this moment that he would give him the littlest of chances. He took a deep breath and then chose his words advisedly.

″She's my best friend, my soulmate, my family. She's all I have and she's the reason for my happiness. She changed me for the better. She always believes in the good in people and she told me that everyone deserves a second chance, even someone like you. This is not about giving you a second chance, because too many things are too broken for this, but I will listen to whatever you wanted to tell me and forget for a moment that you never listened to me,″ Jay said and he couldn't hold back this little sideblow. Robert only nodded and response and seemed to search for the right words at first.

″First of all I wanted to see my son again, Jay,″ he started to tell.

″Did you? I can remember the times where you would've given a lot if you didn't have to call me your son,″ Jay snapped. ″But maybe you don't remember them anymore.″

″I do remember them, Jay. And no day passes where I don't regret the things I did,″ he said and his voice broke a little but he cleared his throat and continued. ″I made lots of mistakes in my life, Jay, did lots of things I'm not proud of and I can understand why you don't want to have any contact with me, why you don't want me to be a part of your life, of your family. I accept that and I don't expect you to forgive me as I can't even forgive myself. Believe me, there's not much dignity for myself left in me. But I want you to know that I'm sorry, Jay. For everything. For never being there for you, for treating you in a way you didn't deserve to be treated, for abandon mainly you but also Will and your mother for so many years, for pushing you into something you didn't want to do, for leaving your mother when she needed me most. That's who I was but not who I am anymore. This is all I wanted to tell you. I'm sorry.″

All the time Jay has looked directly into his father's eyes, had more or less tried to challenge him with his glance, and now he saw how some tears formed behind his glasses and even he had to swallow down the lump in his throat. He hasn't thought that the words of the man he had zero feelings for would emotionally affect him like this. But he's always been sensitive when it came to his past and this just brought back so many painful memories.

″Uhm...okay,″ he spluttered in response and shrugged his shoulders. There was nothing more he could say right now.

″I am...I am proud of you, of what you do every day to make this city a better place. And as I said before, I'm glad you found happiness and I wish you and Erin all the best for your future. I'm sure you'll be a great father, a whole lot better than I was,″ he said quietly and gave his son a forced smile.

″This ain't difficult,″ Jay answered but his voice didn't come as cold as before, was almost as quiet as his father's.

″I know,″ Robert nodded, turned around and trudged away through the snow that was lying on the sidewalk, leaving Jay back a little perplexedly by the outcome of this conversation. He watched him disappear in the distance, the man who looked so broken and seemed to be so lonely, while the conversation replayed in his head, while the things he had said, most of all the apology that had come from his lips in such an unknown honesty, resounded in his ears.

He stood outside like some stone for a little longer, tried to sort his thoughts and feelings, watched his own breath escaping from his mouth into the dark night and only went back into the house when he started to shiver with the cold. When he closed the big front door behind him before walking up the stairs he was sure he also closed one chapter of his life that hasn't been closed until yet. The one with his father. He had said sorry in all honesty and Jay had to admit that this was all he's ever wanted and needed to hear to close exactly this dark and painful chapter of his life. Permanently. At least he thought so...

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Erin watched Jay attentively when he walked into the apartment and joined her in the kitchen. For a moment she was unsure whether she should ask him about the conversation with his father or not. But talking helped, they both have learned that throughout the last few months, and it was important for her to know what was going on inside of him.

″Are you alright?″

″Yeah, I'm good,″ he assured her instantly, maybe a little too fast.

″What did he want?″

″He wanted to apologize for the things he's done and he sounded like he really meant it.″

″Did you accept his apology?″ Erin asked.

″Sort of,″ he shrugged. ″I will never forgive him for the things he's done but I needed to hear this apology to close this chapter of my life. He said what he wanted to say, I heard what I needed to hear, that's it. But my feelings for him won't change and I still hope I don't have to see him again,″ he added and Erin realized that he sounded at least not as bitter and hateful anymore.

″I think he's lonely,″ she noticed.

″That's his own fault Erin,″ Jay answered. ″He still has Will though.″

″Uh-huh,″ she nodded. ″Jay, you're not mad because I let him in, are you?″ she asked and her question came shy as she looked down to her feet she could barely see anymore because of her bump.

″Hey Er,″ he said softly and grabbed her chin so she had to look at him. ″Of course I'm not. Just because he's my father doesn't mean you have to deny him help. You did the right thing although I'm not sure whether he maybe just faked it.″

″I'm pretty sure that he didn't fake it Jay,″ Erin whispered.

″Whatsoever,″ he shrugged.

″I think he's sick, Jay. Really sick,″ she said, giving him a meaningful glance.

″I don't care, Erin,″ he said, turned away from her and opened the fridge to grab a bottle of beer. Of course she could emphatize with him and understood why he felt that way but yet she couldn't get the picture of Robert Halstead leaning against her wall out of her head, looking more dead than alive. While Jay didn't care, she did, whether she wanted or not. But as hard as it was, she would accept Jay's decision that he wouldn't make any further move to fix these broken strings and would therefore concentrate on the family they had and not on the one family member Jay didn't want to have in his life for obvious reasons.

″He said he's proud of me and that I'll be a great father,″ Jay interrupted her thoughts and only now she recognized that he still stared into the open fridge without putting anything out of it.

″He's right about that. You will,″ Erin answered and nestled her head against his back, wrapped her arms around him from behind.

Jay closed the door of the fridge again, turned around and wrapped his arms around her back, buried his face in her hair. She leaned her head against his strong chest and wrapped her arms around his waist. He wasn't as tough as he pretended to be. This conversation and meeting his father in general has left its mark. More than he was able to admit, she knew it. This was the Jay she knew, the vulnerable, caring, loving one, not the one who acted like he didn't give a care in the world. And with his latest statement she got another suspicion confirmed as well: Robert Halstead hadn't come to say sorry in first place. He'd come to say goodbye...

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

″Are you nervous?″ Erin smirked at Jay when he walked into the bedroom, a towel loosely wrapped around his waist, some waterdrops running down his bare chest. It was Christmas Eve, they were supposed to be at Hank's house in an hour and she stood in front of her wardrobe in just her underwear, looking for some of her chicer maternity clothes that still fit her. She had the feeling that baby Halstead literally grew bigger every hour at the moment. Sleeping was still a mission impossible, no matter with how many pillows she surrounded herself, she had to pee every two minutes and had no idea how they should ever make it to Wisconsin in some days and although her baby was too big for making somersaults inside of her, the constant movement was still as strong and sometimes even painful. But she tried not to complain too much about it. She was happy that their baby girl was still growing inside of her and after making it to almost 36 weeks already she was sure she would get the final countdown of four-and-a-half weeks done as well.

″Should I be nervous?″ he joked laughingly.

″With Hank you never know,″ she teased him. Things were back to normal between the two of them, Erin hasn't mentioned his father again because she had promised not to push him into anything, just like he never did, and to accept whatever decision he made for himself. Maybe, but only maybe, she would try to talk to him again after Christmas, after their babymoon in Wisconsin, when she was on her maternity leave that started in some days. Her last official day in the bullpen would be the 28th, one day before they would leave for their vacation. And afterwards they would have enough time to talk about all of this again if it was necessary. But not now. She wanted to enjoy Christmas and their last getaway two in two and she really accepted his decision. It was his choice and as long as he didn't want to talk about it, she wouldn't bring up this topic again.

″Uh-huh,″ he only chuckled in response, hoping that she so wouldn't hear how nervous he actually really was. It wasn't spending the evening with Hank and the rest of the Voight family that made him nervous but rather something else he had planned to do this evening that made his heart skip a beat whenever he was thinking about it.

″He likes you,″ Erin winked and sat down on the edge of their bed as she's finally found her black pants and a matching shirt she wanted to wear.

″I think it's more like that he slowly but steady realizes that he doesn't get rid of me anymore, so he can't do anything than accepting it teeth-gnashingly,″ he laughed and sat down next to her to put some socks on.

″So you're not scared any longer that he'll drown you in the lake?″ she chuckled and stood up in front of him to put the elastic band of her pants over her ever-expanding stomach. In fact she knew of course that Hank has completely accepted Jay as a part of the family no later than he had invited him for dinner some weeks ago when he'd showed her the video from Camille. But it was too much fun to tease him about it anyway as Jay always had the feeling that his current 'relationship' with Hank was too good to last.

″I knocked you up and I'm still here,″ he grinned and raised his eyebrows playfully as he looked up to her.

″Touché,″ Erin laughed and ran her fingers through his hair.

″Did you hear that Emmy? You're my witness, I won over your mommy,″ he chuckled and leaned forward to place a kiss next to her bellybutton before he rested the side of his head against her stomach to listen to the noises inside her belly, Erin's fingers still tickling his neck gently.

″Guess there's always a first, huh?″ she smirked down to him.

″Didn't think that this day would ever come, but yes,″ he laughed and when he felt a strong kick right against his cheek Erin started to chuckle loudly, knowing exactly that their daughter has basically just punched her father in his face.

″She kicked me in my face,″ Jay said and tried his best to sound like he was acutally complaining about it.

″She kicks me in my ribs 24/7, honey. You now know how I feel?″ she asked him all dry but couldn't hide a smile. ″And anyway, that was just her way of telling you to not cheer too much about your little win. Because you know, girls must stick together,″ she grinned all innocent.

″Yeah, I totally see that,″ he sighed smirkingly and got up to wrap his arms around her. ″Guess it will be hard for me against my two girls.″

″Super extremely hard,″ Erin chuckled.

″Can't wait,″ he murmured and got up to crash her lips with a passionate kiss.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

About half an hour later they drove to Hank's house, the roads were covered in snow as the winter road clearance was once again overstrained with the amount of snow, especially on Christmas Eve when half of the employes had the day off. After the heavy snowfall had made a pause last week it has made a comeback just in time for Christmas and yet they've already almost had more snow than they've had last winter all together. And it was only December. The snowy months January and February and sometimes even March were still about to follow.

At least the weather forecast for the following days and for the day they wanted to drive to Wisconsin predicted blue skies, sun and no snow and they both hoped it would stay like this. Otherwise they wouldn't have the chance to make it ever up to the cabin and their little vacation would fall through.

″This is insane,″ Erin sighed when they trudged through the 20 inches of snow to the front entry of Hank's house. She was sure Hank had ploughed the path from the snow before but with the way it was snowing at the moment this didn't even last an hour.

″I can't remember when it snowed that much for the last time,″ Jay said.

″Uhm last year maybe?″ Erin laughed. ″Just not in December already.″

″Caution!″ Erin suddenly heard Justin's voice yelling and in the next moment a snowball hit her on her shoulder.

″Justin!″ Erin called as she looked up to the balcony and saw Justin standing there, holding Daniel in his arm.

″It was him, I swear,″ he smirked down to her and pointed to his one-and-a-half year old son all innocent.

″You're an idiot,″ Erin laughed and slightly shook her head. She has missed him, her goofy, little big brother.

″What do you think, Daniel, will we hit auntie Erin again?″ he asked his son loud enough for Erin and Jay to hear him.

″Yes,″ the little boy giggled.

″Don't you dare,″ she warned him, shooting him a death glare but of course Justin Voight didn't care about her threat and threw another snowball down from the balcony, hitting her thigh this time, followed by two more, one of them landing in the nirwana of the front yard and the other one hitting Jay on his chest.

″Do you guys have a bearing up there?″ she asked and wiped the powdery snow from her pants.

″Let's put it this way: We were prepared for your arrival,″ Justin laughed.

″You will pay for that, bro,″ Erin grinned and then walked to the front entrance where they were protected from Justin's attacks.

Before she was able to knock on the door, Hank already opened it with a warm smile on his face. Jay was sure he's never seen him like this before and even Erin couldn't remember when she's seen this rare kind of smile for the last time.

″Hey kiddo, glad you made it without further damage,″ he smirked and hugged her.

″I'm surprised you weren't up there with them,″ Erin chuckled.

″I wanted to but I needed to prepare dinner with Olive,″ he grinned.

″Too bad,″ she laughed raspily and walk past him into the hall of the house.

″Jay,″ Hank nodded.

″Sarge,″ Jay answered and shook his hand formally.

″No Sarge today, Jay. It's Hank,″ he said to the younger man, giving him a small smile.

″Alright...uhm...Hank,″ Jay spluttered perplexedly. He couldn't help but think that this situation was kind of awkward. At least for him while Hank seemed to be surprisingly casual.

″Come on in already or do you wanna celebrate Christmas Eve on the porch?″

″Uhm...I prefer to come inside,″ Jay grinned as he realized that he was still standing in the doorway all dressed up and with nowhere to go and then stepped into the hall.

″You can leave it open, I have to plough the sidewalk again,″ Hank said when Jay wanted to close the door.

″I can do that,″ Jay suggested. ″I still have my shoes and my jacket on so it's not a big deal.″

″Well, alright,″ Hank nodded and this time he seemed to be the one who was a little perplex.

″Look who's there,″ Justin said when he came down the stairs with Daniel in the same moment and they slowly ran out of room in the small hall.

″Justin,″ Erin smiled and hugged her pseudo-brother she hasn't seen in ages, tightly.

″You know it's been a while when you see your little sister again and you can't really hug her because there is something in the way,″ he grinned and looked down to her bump.

″First of all I'm not your little sister,″ Erin started to protest.

″I'm taller than you, so of course you are,″ Justin smirked and earned a punch onto his shoulder from her.

″Your daddy thinks he's funny today, right?″ she asked the toddler who still rested on his arm.

″Yes daddy,″ Daniel giggled and hid his head on his father's shoulder.

″See, your son agrees with me,″ Erin smirked

″He didn't even understand you.″

″Of course you did, right Daniel?″

″Yes,″ he giggled again and then reached for Erin's arms.

″You're a good kid,″ Erin laughed when Justin handed her her nephew before she walked with him into the living room together with Hank, leaving Jay and Justin alone in the hall for a second.

″Jay,″ Justin nodded and reached for his hand.

″Justin,″ Jay said as their hands met in a firm handshake. He hasn't seen Erin's 'brother' ever since they'd met in the gym years ago and this meeting had been anything but warm-hearted. But things have changed since then, Justin was a lot more grown-up now, had a wife and a son and wasn't the pissed, rebellious kid anymore. And Jay assumed that Hank had told his son about the relationship status of his pseudo-sister at some point so Justin could get familar with the thought that Jay, the guy he already had thought years ago had a thing going on with Erin, was now the man on her side.

″You need a hand with getting rid of this freaking snow?″ Justin asked.

″Yeah, sure, why not?″ Jay asked in response, being a little surprised by Justin's suggestion but of course he wouldn't deny help. In addition he wanted to get to know Justin a little more anyway, so this was the perfect occasion.

Justin put his shoes, his beanie and his jacket on and then the two men stepped outside to plough the path and the sidewalk.

″I'm pretty sure we can do this again in an hour,″ Jay said.

″Yep, you could be right about that. Sometimes the thought about moving to Texas or Florida or California isn't that bad,″ Justin laughed.

″Ah come on, you would miss that. No snow, no cold, no chaos on the streets, no ploughing. Man this would be boring,″ Jay also laughed.

″No drivers to laugh about,″ he said pensively. ″You're right, that would be boring,″ he laughed.

Silence occured after the little conversation that had helped to break the ice between the two men a little and after salting the sidewalk they walked back towards the house when Justin suddenly stopped next to Jay.

″Listen man,″ he started and Jay also stopped walking and turned around to the younger man. ″I know the first time we met I didn't act like the nicest guy...and I'm sorry for that. I'm not that guy anymore but back then at the gym I saw a fella who casted an eye on my good-looking sister. Turns out my feeling wasn't so wrong after all but as I said, I changed. Because today I see a man who obviously makes her genuinely happy, so...uhm...yeah, thank you for this. There's no other person who deserves happiness more than Erin,″ Justin said and reached for Jay's hand to shake it again. For the second time this evening Jay was absolutely perplex. He'd known that Justin has changed over the years but he definitely hadn't expected such warm words to come from his lips.

″You're right, she deserves the world,″ he nodded slowly, ″and I do my best to give her all the things she deserves and make her feel special.″

″You better. Because if you break her heart I'll break your neck and will turn into the not-so-nice guy again and make your life a living hell,″ Justin warned and Jay wasn't even surprised by this threat. Justin was Hank Voight's son for sure.

″I'll never break her heart,″ Jay answered, putting emphasis on the word never, not breaking eye-contact with Justin for even a millisecond.

″Then we'll never have a problem,″ Justin said and gave Jay a pat on the back. ″Just that you know, I don't wanna scare you, I'm just looking out for my sister.″

″And that's exactly what brothers should do,″ Jay agreed and also gave Justin a pat on the back. He was sure he would be the same if he had a sister so he could totally understand Justin's intentions. But he was also sure that he would never ever give Justin a reason to put him six feet under as well as he would never give Hank a reason to drown him in the lake. He would keep on treating Erin like she deserved to be treated, would keep on doing his best to make her smile and happy every single day, would keep on protecting her and showing her how much he loved her, would keep on loving her. For the rest of his life.

After taking off their wet beanies, jackets and shoes the two men joined Hank and Olive in the kitchen to look how much longer they had to wait until they could fill their growling stomachs and Jay could finally say hello to Olive he hasn't really got to know until yet either.

″Where's Erin?″ Jay asked after introducing himself although he assumed she could only be up in her old room that was now Daniel's room, to keep him entertained.

″She's in the backyard, building a snowman with Daniel,″ Hank grinned. ″I told her to take it easy and that it's maybe better to finally slow down a bit.″

″It's Erin we're talking about,″ Jay laughed. He was used to it that she somehow couldn't really slow down and he accepted it as he knew she would slow down when she had the feeling she needed to. So as long as she felt good and was so full of energy, why shouldn't she do the things she wanted to do? But he found it kinda cute that Hank was so worried that she was overexerting herself with building a snowman.

″Yeah I know. I bet she will even insist letting you drive when it's time to go to the hospital,″ Hank smirked and Jay couldn't believe that Hank was joking with him like it was the most normal thing in the world.

″I guess I have to steal her keys at some point,″ Jay shrugged smirkingly.

″You better,″ Hank nodded.

″Anyone needing this carrot?″ Justin chimed in and grabbed one of the carrots that lay on the kitchen counter, waiting to get cooked. ″Otherwise I'll go out and help them with the snowman as I can't really help you here in the kitchen.″

″Take it, we have enough,″ Olive smiled.

″Thanks. What about you Jay?″

″Uhm, I stay here and give them a hand,″ Jay answered, hoping that he could maybe use this moment to put his actual plan into action. In case he could work up the courage to do it.

″Alright,″ Justin nodded, went to the hall to grab his shoes, jacket and beanie again and then joined Erin and Daniel in the garden a couple of minutes later.

″Guess what I have here,″ he said and showed the two of them, who were kneeling on the snowy ground, the carrot proudly.

″Oh look Daniel, your daddy brought the nose for our snowman,″ Erin grinned and Daniel changed his attention from the ball they were building as a trunk for their snowman, to his father.

″Daddy,″ he laughed and Just in knelt down next to them. ″Look,″ he said and showed him what they have built so far.

″Looks like the two of you are doing a great job,″ he smiled.

″Of course we do,″ Erin smirked.

″Let's make a second and a third ball, so we can finish our snowman, huh?″ he asked his son.

″Yeeeees,″ Daniel giggled and got down on his knees to grab more snow, of course getting a little help from Erin and Justin when it came to forming another ball but it was a joy to watch the toddler and how he eagerly tried to do his best to help them.

″How are things going, Justin?″ Erin asked by the way.

″Really good. I'm almost done with my training and Olive and I think about moving back to Chicago in case I can have a job at the base here. So we can be closer to our families and Daniel can grow up with his grandparents around.″

″Your father would be so happy about that,″ Erin smiled.

″Not to forget his aunt and his cousin,″ Justin winked.

″We'd love that,″ she smirked. ″Justin?″

″Huh?″ he asked and looked at her.

″Your mom would be so proud of you, that I know,″ she said quietly, glancing from him to Daniel and back to him.

″And I know she would be proud of you, too,″ Justin smiled, wrapping his arm around her shoulder.

″I think we both did good.″

″We needed some time, but yes, we did,″ he nodded. ″So,″ he then said and glanced down to her stomach smirkingly. ″How did that happen?″

″I don't think I have to explain YOU how this happened, do I?″ she laughed.

″What? You don't wanna explain your little brother where babies come from?″ he joked.

″Uhm, let me think about this for a moment...nope,″ she grinned.

″Too bad. I'm sure it would've been...awkward,″ he laughed.

″That for sure,″ Erin chuckled and slightly shook her head. ″So instead of talking nonsense here, how about you make yourself useful and put that ball on top of the other so we can maybe finish this snowman, huh?″

″Yes ma'am,″ he grinned and stood up to put the smaller ball on top of the first one. Now they only had to form a third one as head.

″You know Daniel, Erin and I used to build snowmen when I was a kid and it was so much fun. At least for me,″ he told his son while they were forming the head together but Daniel was too occupied with the snow than that he really listened to his father. ″Not sure whether Erin had that much fun.″

″I was a teen and had to take care of my little brother who could be a pain in the neck sometimes, so of course it was the greatest fun of my life,″ she winked.

″You were 17 and I was 10, so I was basically a teen, too.″

″Uh-huh, of course you were,″ Erin grinned. ″But the snowball fights were fun though.″

″Yeah, because you always won,″ Justin laughed.

″Exactly,″ Erin answered, smirking mischievously at him. ″Always had impressive shooting-skills I'd say. But I have to admit, you've become better.″

″Had a good teacher I guess,″ he shrugged and gave her a wink. ″Do you remember the snowball fight where we, well mainly you, shellacked these two idiots from further down the street who always played nasty tricks on me and baited me in school? How you witnessed when they said something nasty to me and said they were going to pay for it? It ended in that snowball fight and you stood up for me, protected me and told them to stay away from me, otherwise they'd get a big problem with you. They never dared to even look at me again because they knew I had a badass sister who would keep her word and they always changed the side of the street when they saw you.″

″Yeah, I remember that,″ Erin nodded. ″Having been a streetkid for so long also had its benefits and putting them in their place was almost too easy compared to...other stuff,″ she added pensively.

″I think I never appreciated it enough, but I was really lucky to have a big sister like you.″

″Having you as a little brother wasn't that bad either,″ she smiled.

″You are for sure my favorite sister.″

″You don't have another one.″

″Exactly,″ Justin laughed and earned a punch onto his shoulder from her.

They finished the head of their snowman a couple of minutes later and Justin put it on top. Then he picked up his son so he could place the carrot in the middle of the face all proud while Erin gave the snowman some eyes and a mouth with some stones. In the end Justin even placed his scarf around the snowman and especially Daniel was more than happy with his snowman, kept on babbling about it the whole evening although at some point they couldn't see it anymore because it was snowed in.

They enjoyed a perfect Christmas Eve dinner in the dimmed light and candle light of the dining and living room while some christmas songs played from the stereo in the background and the snow kept on falling from the sky outside. After Olive and Justin had brought Daniel to bed so he would be well rested on Christmas Morning, they sat down on the couch next to the Christmas tree with water and wine and the only light in the room came from the lights on the tree and some candles that surrounded them. Later in the evening they were also joined by Alvin who had had dinner with both of his daughters and his ex-wife in her house and had then brought Michelle to some of her friends as she wanted to party with them.

With having his arm wrapped around Erin's shoulder and Erin more or less leaning on him, Jay listened to all the stories of the Voight family he hasn't known yet, to Al's stories and his Christmas Eve dinner that had started awkward but had then turned out to maybe be a new beginning for all of them. Sometimes Jay couldn't abstain from burying his face in Erin's hair and placing a soft kiss on it. No later than Hank had forbidden him to call him Sarge this evening he had also come to the conclusion that they didn't have to keep it professional this evening and could act like the couple they were. In addition, Jay felt so happy at the moment for a different reason that he had to exchange some tenderness and fond glances and smiles with her from time to time.

Every time Erin looked up to Jay and saw that spark in his eyes and that little grin always surrounding his lips she wondered what was going on with him. He seemed to be relaxed, satisfied and he really seemed to enjoy this evening with her family. Her family that he was now a part of, too and this fact made her genuinely happy. Years ago, when she hasn't had a family at all, when she had spent Christmas Eve in her room, alone and with a movie that was the only reminder that it was actually Christmas, she had always dreamed about this kind of Christmas, where everyone sat together on Christmas Eve, eating and chitchatting together in full anticipation of Christmas Morning. Her first real Christmas with the Voight family had been amazing but back then she'd also been overstrained with all the love and the family vibes as she hadn't been used to it and it had been too much for her. And today, years later, it was as magical as it hasn't been since Camille died and she fully enjoyed all these little bonds of love they shared and she somehow hoped this evening would never end.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Christmas went by and it was Wednesday in a flash which meant it was Erin's last day of work. Even before they went to work that morning it was hard for Erin to keep herself together as she knew that this day was going to be one of the hardest in a while, she even kinda feared this day as she was sure she wouldn't be able to handle her emotions and would therefore show all her feelings in front of her colleagues, would show them a side of her they barely knew.

When the two of them walked up the stairs to the bullpen later that morning they couldn't believe their eyes. There were some pink balloons strapped around Erin's desk, a big cake was placed on her desk as well as a big gift basket with all kind of baby stuff in it and on her chair sat a giant teddybear.

″You guys are crazy,″ Erin smiled to her colleagues who have all been waiting for her to arrive.

″We do crazy things when our best goes on maternity leave,″ Antonio said and Erin had some trouble to keep herself together now already and not let the tears fall from her eyes. Not only because of his words and this warm welcome which also was a goodbye, but mainly because it was a goodbye. A goodbye from her old life forever and a temporary goodbye from her colleagues. Her life would be completely different when she would come back in some months and although she was at a point where she looked forward to be a mother, the thought about not being in the bullpen on a daily basis for a longer period of time made her sad and her heart heavy.

″Don't you dare to make me cry now already,″ she laughed and inhaled deeply.

″First gifts and cake and then cry?″ Adam teased her.

″Yeah, that sounds better,″ Erin nodded and blinked some times towards the ceiling so the tears would fade.

″Alright, then here's another gift for you, Linds,″ Kevin said and handed her a little package that was wrapped in fancy paper.

″Thank you,″ she smiled and opened it immediately, all of her colleagues watching her curiously as they of course knew what was inside.

Erin smiled when she saw the onesie with the logo of the Chicago Police Department on front but when she discovered what was written on the backside she couldn't help but shaking her head smirkingly.

″50% mommy + 50% daddy = 100% badass,″ she read loudly and chuckled and Jay also started laughing right next to her while the whole crew grinned like Chesire Cats.

″We thought that'll suit her pretty good,″ Adam smirked.

″I'm glad she can't read that herself,″ Jay chuckled.

″Oh damn, and we just ordered the same shirts for every stage of her childhood,″ Kevin laughed.

″Sorry Kev, but you can keep them for yourself, I'm sure they'll fit you perfectly,″ Jay laughed and all the others chimed in as imagining Kevin in a tight kids-shirt was a sight for sore eyes.

It was a low day in the bullpen, as almost always in between Christmas and New Year's Eve the criminals seemed to take short break, so they had lots of time to sit down together, eat cake, drink tea and coffee and celebrate Erin's last day of work. All of these team vibes and little bonds of love didn't make the imminent goodbye easier for Erin and although she knew she would for sure not stay at home and stare at the walls of her apartment for the next four weeks but would most likely rather check by on most days of the week and spend some hours with her colleagues in the bullpen nonetheless, she couldn't keep her tears from falling in the early evening when they all hugged her and told her how much they were going to miss her. It wasn't the goodbye from her colleagues that made her sadest though, she knew she would still see them often enough, it was the goodbye from her work life, from the life she used to know and love, that made her heart heavier than usually.

″Don't even think about stealing my chair, Ruzek,″ Erin said to Adam after hugging him, a smirk forming in the corners of her lips, tears still sparkling in her eyes.

″I would never do that,″ he winked.

″Good for you,″ Erin chuckled. ″You take care of that,″ she said as she turned around to Jay who couldn't hide a grin as well. Erin's and Adam's little teases and fights, they would surely all miss them a lot as it was the funniest thing how Adam always tried to win against Erin but always failed.

″Of course,″ Jay nodded eagerly.

″Great,″ Erin answered and a sigh escaped from her lips as this was it now. She had said goodbye to her colleagues and her work temporary and would only come back in some months when she was a mother, when their life would be completely different.

″So...uhm...goodbye then,″ she said and grabbed her jacket and the giant teddybear while Jay took all of their other gifts.

″Have fun in Wisconsin,″ Antonio said.

″We will,″ Erin grinned.

″Take care of your girls, Jay,″ Hank said and Erin was sure she saw how he gave Jay an almost imperceptible nod.

″I will,″ Jay assured him before he wrapped his free arm around Erin's shoulder and walked down the stairs with her. And they didn't just walk down the stairs, they much more walked into the direction of their new life.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

After a quick stop at the grocery store to buy all the things and food they needed for their days in the cabin, they went back home to finally pack their bags, filling them with with lots of thick pullovers, beanies, gloves, scrafs and all the other clothes they would need once they were surrounded by inches of snow in the middle of nowhere.

And when Erin finally took a shower and Jay was all alone in the bedroom he could put the most important item into his bag and bury it between all of his clothes. He opened the drawer of his dresser and grabbed for something that was hidden in the corner behind his boxers and covered with some socks. His heart already started racing because of his nervousness when he thought about the things he planned to do. When he thought about that the right moment would maybe come during their vacation. When he looked at the little, black, velvet box in his hands that hid the sparkling diamond ring he'd bought a couple of days ago...

I hope you liked this chapter, I had in any way lots of fun writing it! Please leave a review and tell me what you think :)