98. A Simple Twist Of Fate
Happy New Year everyone! :)
Sorry for not updating in quite some time but December was just super busy. Originally wanted to split this chapter in 2 parts but then decidedyou deserve to read it in one after I let you wait for so long :)
98. A Simple Twist Of Fate
The call came in the late hours of a foggy, rainy, cold and simply anything but nice Saturday in October, one day before the famous and anticipated soccer tournament and not even a week before they were supposed to fly to Australia, while Erin was dozing on the couch all snuggled up to Jay, who watched one of those fantasy movies that didn't usually make Erin watch all attentive as well and rather lulled her to sleep despite the loud noises all these ugly creatures made. It was a call they've been waiting for but at the same time a call they hadn't thought they'd ever get since they slowly but steady had lost hope over the last couple of months.
″Erin,″ Jay whispered just after ending the call and throwing Erin's phone, that he'd reached for when it had been ringing because Erin was out like a light, back on some spot on the couch next to him and he stroked his hand over her face to gently wake her up. ″Babe, wake up,″ he said a little louder.
She crinkled her nose in the most adorable way and her heavy eyelids slowly opened so her eyes could adjust to the dimmed light in the living room. ″What's going on?″ she murmured with a voice thick of sleep, not even thinking about changing her position so close to his heart.
″Hank just called,″ he said and at that, her body shot up as this simple statement had her full attention in the split of a second. Because Hank would never call at 11.30pm on a Saturday night if it wasn't something important. ″Justin is awake,″ Jay added before she could ask what the call had been about.
These news came as unexpected that for a second she lost the ability to form any sentence of the English language, only her eyes widening and her heart beating in her throat as she uttered in disbelief: ″What?″
Maybe she hasn't heard right because she was too tired for her own good and still all sleepy from Jay waking her up while she'd already been in dreamland. Maybe this was just some dream. Maybe she was just hearing the words she's wished to hear ever since this day in June, when her little brother had almost been killed overseas.
″Justin is awake,″ he repeated his words softly and she still looked like she'd rather seen a ghost than getting some really, really good, long-awaited news. ″He woke up about half an hour ago and since it was like 6 in the morning, no one other than some on-call doctor and nurses were there. But he asked for Olive and the kids, so regarding his brain it seems like in case there is a damage, it's within a certain limit. They will now check him and run more tests but he's awake, Erin. And he will come back to you.″
The tears fell from her eyes before she could even control them or hold them back and she collapsed against Jay's strong body, sobbing against his shoulder as all the tension and sorrows she's carried around for months and the heartbreak about her little brother being in a condition that didn't guarantee he would ever wake up again seemed to leave her body within the split of some seconds and she just let it all go. She'd put on a brave face in the last couple of weeks but beneath this brave face and their new old happiness, her thoughts had always been with Justin and how he might never come back, how their goodbye in February had been one forever.
Jay put his arms around her to pull her the closest possible to his body, one of his hands running up and down her spine to soothe her while he placed soft kisses on her hair until the sobs slowly faded and she lifted her head to look at him, smiling through her tears as she did so. ″I stopped believing this day would come,″ she admitted, her voice all shaky as a big lump still making itself a home in her throat. ″What else did Hank say?″
″Not much,″ Jay answered, brushing her tears away with the pad of his thumb. ″Just that we have to consider that his road to recovery might be quite long because he was in a coma for so long and his leg was badly injured. I told Hank he can call me as soon as he knows more, no matter which time it is.″
″Good,″ she nodded thoughtfully. ″Being awake is one step but a full recovery...″
″Hey, if this whole thing just proved anything, it's that Justin is one hell of a fighter. It won't be easy but he'll make it through this. And now that you stopped worrying about the one thing, I don't want you to start worrying about the next thing right away,″ he said quietly. ″Just for a couple of hours, okay?″
How could she possibly say anything else than okay when he was looking at her with so much love in the eyes that it would make her knees weak like pudding in case she stood on her feet right now. ″Okay,″ she whispered.
″Good,″ he smiled faintly. ″Hank will take the next possible flight to Frankfurt.″
″I didn't expect anything else. Did he say anything about when the doctors will call again?″
″The doctors told him they'll definitely call him again in three hours with some first updates,″ Jay answered. ″So let's go to bed until then. We can leave your phone's volume turned on.″
Eyeing the TV and the movie that was playing she casually mentioned: ″The film's not over yet.″ Sometimes she wondered how someone could watch the same movie at least once a year without getting bored. He probably knew every line of Lord of the Rings by heart, yet, he watched it with the same adorable enthusiasm every time it was on TV.
″I know the end anyway,″ he winked.
″Oh wow, that's a surprise,″ she laughed. ″But yeah, let's catch a couple hours of sleep. As far as I'm concerned, there's a soccer tournament coming up tomorrow.″
″Yup,″ he nodded, a smug smirk tugging in the corners of his mouth. ″One that the 21st District will win.″
″You wish,″ she chuckled.
Before pressing a jaunty kiss on her lips and getting up from the couch to finally go upstairs to their bedroom, he winked: ″I know.″
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The news they got later that night weren't as promising as they'd hoped but for right now the happiness about Justin being awake and out of the woods prevailed. After lots of tests being done they'd all gotten answers in the middle of the night and the good news was that there were chances for a full recovery and that there was no serious damage to his brain. He had, however, trouble with controlling the left side of his body, couldn't hold a cup and barely lift his arm and his leg, which happened to be the badly injured leg anyway. And these difficulties seemed to be the result of his traumatic brain injury. But the doctors were optimistic that with lots of physical therapy and patience, he could get the strength in his limbs back and use his leg without being in pain so the aftermath of this terrible incident wouldn't affect his life, at least not physically. But the best news by far was, he could go to a rehab facility in the US and do all the training there, so after monitoring him for a couple more days, the US army would fly him home for further treatment.
With Hank already being on some plane on the way to Frankfurt to finally hug his son again and eventually bring him back home after so many months, the soccer tournament was left with one referee short and when Mouch already complained that he couldn't possibly do it without an assistant, Al jumped in for the rescue, saying that his team knew all the tactics and was as good that they didn't need coaching anyway. After some objection from Mouch that Al could never be neutral being the referee when his own team was playing and Al retorting whether Mouch could honestly be neutral when all of his friends were playing, the first game of the day finally started with the 21st District playing against Station 51.
″They're good,″ Kim mentioned, looking over her shoulder as the girls warmed up on on the sideline by running up and down in order to avoid any muscle injuries later. ″They're way out of our league.″
″Kim, stop it. Right now,″ Erin scolded her through gritted teeth, immediately regretting to talk at all as she felt her steady breathing rhythm changing. Now stitches in the side were just a matter of time and she hated the idea of this ugly pain as for some reason she already didn't feel on top of her game today. And they haven't even played one game so far.
″Just saying,″ Kim shrugged. ″They'll finish us off. Ten to nil or something.″
″Kim!″ Erin and Rylie both called this time, the two of them shooting Kim death glares for saying demotivating stuff like that and for talking at all when they were actually supposed to run and concentrate on the upcoming task.
″Okay, okay, I'll shut up,″ she said, holding her hands up in defense.
″Thanks!″ Erin and Rylie said once more at the same time and as much as they didn't want to, all three of them started to laugh. They've wanted to participate for the fun and there was no doubt that they had a whole lot of that already.
″And what's so funny over there?″ Platt's voice caught them from were she was standing and watching them all warming up like some sports teacher in highschool.
″Oh, nothing, Sarge,″ Kim waved it off, increasing the pace so Platt wouldn't let them do any mean exercises or let them run more rounds as punishment for not taking this whole thing serious.
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After the first 15-minute game, team 21st District's dream of lifting in the trophy by the end of the day has already gotten a proper ticking-off as Station 51 beat them two to one with a goal in the very last minute and Kevin not being able to save Casey's kick, the firefighters after this win already celebrating as if they'd just beat them in the finale to crown themselves champions while the defeated team could just shake their heads about this unnecessary loss.
Once they were all sitting on the side of the field with cooled water bottles in their hands and towels around their necks, it was time for the game of the Queens, how they called themselves, against Station 56, yet another team consisting of men only.
Thanks to Maggie, who was the goalkeeper, saving them several times and the whole team putting up one hell of a fight, that got rewarded with Sylvie actually scoring a goal - which had them ecstatically celebrating afterwards - the Queens won their first game, very much to everyone's surprise. And honestly to their own as well.
″What the hell just happened there?″ Adam asked in disblief, watching the girls celebrate their victory on the field.
″They won,″ Jay answered casually.
″They now have more points than we have. We have zero and they have three...″ Adam said meaningfully.
″Yup, they have. But come on Adam, they trained so much and although the way they played might not have been the most common way, they deserved that win,″ Jay winked and he couldn't deny that he was proud of his wife and happy for her after all the effort she'd put into this in the last two-and-a-half weeks.
″Yeah well, let's give them that win. We all know it'll be the only one today,″ he smirked mischievously.
″Oh come on Adam, stop this macho-thing already,″ Jay chuckled and shook his head slightly as he got up. ″Can't you just go to your wife and tell her you're proud of her without this whole winning-losing-thing? They all kicked ass and I'm truly impressed,″ he winked at his younger colleague and turned around to tell his wife exactly that, giving her a bottle of water on the occasion.
He approached her with a big smirk on his lips although she was cockily raising her eyebrows at him and giving him quite the expression, just as if she wanted to say: So? What do you have to say now, babe?
″You were amazing,″ Jay smiled as he handed her the bottle. ″You all were, by the way,″ he nodded appreciatively at all the other girls.
″Thanks Jay,″ Kim said. ″Seems like you're the only one who's able to appreciate what we just accomplished here,″ she added, gazing around to see whether her husband or Antonio or Mouse were anywhere near to congratulate their other halfs as well.
″They're just shocked,″ Jay winked. ″Give them a minute to stomach that.″
″And you're not shocked?″ Erin asked quietly, raising her eyebrow at him.
″I am,″ he grinned and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. ″But much more I'm totally proud of you,″ he whispered and placed a kiss on her salty temple.
″You might want to redeem this statement once we kicked your asses as well,″ she chuckled innocently.
″I won't have to redeem anything,″ Jay winked cockily. ″Because that's never going to happen.″
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Jay'd been right with his prediction that the girls wouldn't beat the boys. But it turned out to be a close game as the girls put up quite the fight once more, Platt shouting and gesturing from sideline like some maniac. Mouse scored the first goal and Erin scored literally just a minute after that, leaving the boys quite puzzled. Gabby used this moment to score once more and bring them in front before Connor – their borrowed team member from Med - leveled the game. And just two minutes before the game was over, it was Jay – of course it had to be Jay - who scored for the win and his goal was definitely one for the history books that had all of the other guys joking that Ronaldo and Messi had a serious opponent now.
The game between the Queens and Station 51 saw no winner, which had the girls celebrating like they'd won the entire thing and since they even won their last game - thanks to their fearless fighting spirit once more - against the team that called themselves the Firefighters, they weren't the one team that didn't make it into the half finals and they had to play yet another game although they all were pretty damn beat already. They had to play against Station 56 again and this time around, the end of the game couldn't come soon enough since they were three to nil behind after only ten minutes. All the previous games, where they'd fought like crazy, were definitely taking their tolls on them and they had to accept that there was nothing they could do to prevent this defeat.
Every muscle in Erin's body hurt, her knees were weak and her head a little dizzy as she and Rylie plopped down on the bench where all the other spectators like Robert, Carol, Emmy, Luke, Natalie, Owen and many more were sitting and watching and cheering. Now she could finally sit down and just watch the game as well, getting her breathing back under control, her heartbeat back to regular and her aching body to relax. And cheer for her guys of course. Because no matter that they'd been opponents for the whole day there was no way she would now cheer for 51.
″You look like you could need that,″ Carol smiled warmly and handed her and Rylie two of her famous, home-made chocolate chip banana muffins.
″You're an angel,″ Erin smiled and reached for the muffin. She indeed didn't only feel dehydrated but also a little hypoglycemic from not eating anything in the last couple of hours. ″Thank you.″
″Me too,″ Emilia said and reached for Erin's muffin with her little hands.
″No young lady, you had one already,″ Robert told her, laughing slightly.
″But you can have an apple wedge,″ Carol said and reached for her picnic basket again to pull out a box with prepared apple wedges. ″You wanna have one?″ she asked after opening it and showing her the content. Emilia eyed it skeptically for a second and then reached for one of the pieces.
″Come on bug, now you are finally allowed to cheer for daddy,″ Erin smirked and lifted Emmy into her lap.
″Daddy go go!″ Emilia laughed and pointed to Jay on the soccer field, where everyone was waiting for the game to begin.
″I hope you cheered as much for me earlier as well...″ Erin laughed and let Emilia stand on her thighs, with her hands on her waist to hold her safely, for the duration of the game. A game that didn't have a winner after 15 minutes, so they played another five into each direction. But even with the extra time the score was still level and so they had to go into a penalty shootout. And when Kevin heroically saved Severide's kick, the game finally had a winner as team 21 had scored five times while 51 had only been able to beat Kevin four times, which meant that Jay and his team mates would play the final against Station 56, their dreams about lifting the trophy and earning all the glory being close to come true.
What followed was yet another game that could easily be compared to a crime story. Station 56 was the first team to score a goal before Antonio leveled the match to keep everyone's dreams alive. Once more no team managed to score in the regular time again and even though everyone on that field could barely run anymore, they had to go into overtime for determining the champions of the first soccer tournament.
In the end it was Jay who made the dream come true, scoring four minutes before the ovetime was over and with a big smile on his face, he waved to his two favorites who sat just outside the field and cheered for him and he blew them a kiss, somehow showing his wife and his daughter that this goal was for them. While everyone thought Station 56 would fight even more now with four more minutes to go, they literally fell apart which helped Adam, who'd been all bark no bite in all of the previous games – to score his very first goal. So after another hard fight, one could say they won in style and even though it was hard for the girls to admit after all the mocking, the 21st District team deserved this success.
And after lifting the trophy and celebrating this win with beer, they all could finally sit down and enjoy the huge party that followed, with tons of food and drinks, everyone sitting together chilling and laughing and talking about this day that had them all provided lots of fun and distraction from their usual routines. Luke, Owen and Emilia of course conquered the field now, playing with some smaller soccer balls, and Jay joined their daughter to play with her while Erin sat down cross-legged close by to watch her two favorite people having a blast, their loyal dog lying down next to her and resting his head in her lap, craving for some tickling behind his ears.
″Kick it to mommy, Em,″ Jay encouraged Emilia. ″Just like this,″ he kicked the ball to Erin, Emilia running after it.
Erin took the soccer ball into her hands and rolled it into Emmy's direction. ″Can you kick it back, bug?″ she asked but instead of kicking it back, Emilia bent down to pick it up and tried to throw it back to her.
″Nice try,″ Jay laughed and kicked the ball into Emilia's direction again though he might have kicked it a little too hard because it rolled all the way to the other side of the field. But this didn't hold Emilia back from running after it.
″Well, I guess someone will sleep well tonight,″ Erin chuckled, watching their energetic daughter running after the ball on her short legs.
″Not the worst thing,″ Jay winked down at her. ″You look pretty beat.″
″I am completely and utterly beat,″ she laughed. ″I might need a week off for regeneration measures. But since we go on an entirely crazy trip on Thursay, I might just take this rascal and go home to have a long shower,″ she said, giving Crispin an extra pet.
″Skipping the rest of our party?″ Jay raised her eyebrows at her.
″Yup. That pretty much sounds very appealling now,″ she answered, giving him a lazy smile. ″You and Emmy can stay for a couple more hours, so we can surely just tuck her in later because she'll be that beat.″
″We could come home with you now,″ he suggested.
″No,″ she shook her head. ″Someone will for sure give you and Em a ride home later. So just stay here, enjoy the time with Emmy and celebrate this victory for a little while longer.″
″Alright,″ Jay nodded reaching his hand out for her to help her up. ″Hey, by the way,″ he smirked when they were face-to-face and his hand traveled to her cheek to cup it. ″I'm sure we would've won with Kim and you on the team as well. You were amazing.″
″Good to know,″ Erin smiled proudly and Jay's lips crashed hers to melt in a hot kiss.
″Daddy ball,″ Emilia interrupted their moment, just like she somehow always did. This kid surely had a seventh sense or something when it came to interrupting sweet moments.
″Sorry, Em, here you go,″ Jay chuckled and kicked the ball away again, his eyes coincidentally falling on his father and Carol, who were sitting on some bench, talking with Will and Natalie.
″Do you also have the feeling that my dad and Carol are somehow...cozy?″ he frowned, watching his father and their nanny interact and laugh.
A bright smirk appeared on Erin's face, showing off her dimples and all: ″I'm surprised it took you so long to recognize that.″
″What?″ he uttered, turning his head to her, literal questionmarks all over his face and it was adorable seeing him this confused.
″I recognized it at your birthday party already. I think they spent a lot of time together when he took care of Emmy. And two people who never thought they would find love again probably started to realize that love can sometimes be just around the corner, even though they're not looking for it.″
″So you think they are a thing?″
″Not yet. But I think there is something and now they just need time to figure out what it is and whether it's something they want.″
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For some reason, Erin didn't really like airports. She didn't like how busy they were at any given time of the day and she didn't like the thought of being stuck on planes for 20 damn hours. She has never before been on planes for so long. Their trips so Iceland and Antigua had them had on planes for 6 and 10 hours. But 20? That definitely was a number that filled her with a bit of anxiety. Especially since they would spend 40 hours on planes in the next 96 hours. Regarding it now, this whole trip seemed nothing but insane. It had been a crazy plan all the way along but right now, as they stood in front of the check-in, waiting for Will, she wondered why on earth she'd ever agreed on that. She's been constantly tired since before the soccer tournament and now they were about to go on some crazy and stressful time traveling adventure that brought them all the way to Sydney and back within just 5 days. She literally got even more tired from only thinking about it.
″Seriously, can't my brother be on time just for once?″ Jay sighed and she snapped out of her thoughts by the sound of his voice.
″Relax babe, we're just extremely early,″ Erin chuckled slightly, eyeing the watch around his wrist. Six freakin' twenty a.m.
″I bet he'll be here five minutes before we start boarding the plane,″ he muttered.
″Well, he would still be in time then,″ she winked.
″Yeah, barely,″ he admitted. ″But you know what, let's just check in, go through security and chillax in the USO lounge and enjoy the free benefits we have there. I'm sure they offer breakfast,″ he smiled, assuming that she was hungry.
″I'm not hungry,″ she grimaced. It was way too early to eat and she was way too tired. Right now the thought of eating rather made her stomach turn.
″Well, then coffee,″ he chuckled, knowing that coffee was usually something like a magic weapon early in the morning.
If she now told him that she didn't really want coffee either, he would directly bring her to Chicago Med for further checks because she never in the history of ever has said no to coffee. Today however, even the thought of coffee let an uneasy feeling in her stomach detach although drinking a cup of the black liquid would probably help her to wake up.
″And super comfy armchairs?″ she asked, looking up at him with a sweet smile.
″Yup, those as well,″ he grinned and wrapped his arm around her shoulder.
″Then what are we waiting for?″ she asked and got on her tiptoes and to press a kiss against his lips.
Just like Jay'd said, the USO offered all kinds of amenities, from croissants, muffins, donuts, fruits and beverages to comfy armchairs, big TV screens and some place where one could play Mario Kart. For a second, Jay honestly considered playing for a little while, but Erin could basically hear his thoughts and said no before he could even speak it out loud, which made him laugh slightly because it was incredible how much she knew him. So instead of playing Mario Kart against his wife, he grabbed a plate and filled it with all the food his stomach craved for before they settled on some of the comfy armchairs to kill time before their plane to L.A. would take off in two hours.
″I wonder who that could be,″ Erin mentioned when Jay's cell vibrated in his pocket to signalise he had a new message.
″Probably Will calling me because he's stuck in traffic and wants us to detain the plane,″ Jay said casually, pulling his phone out of the pocket of his jeans. ″Bingo.″
″He's stuck in traffic?″
″As expected,″ Jay confirmed. ″He's sure he can still make it but it'll be a close call.″
″Fantastic,″ Erin chuckled and nestled into Jay's side. ″Your brother is such a slob. Sometimes it's amazing to see how completely different siblings can be, isn't it?″
″It is,″ Jay agreed. ″I mean, I've got the looks, the charme, the brilliance...″
″Oh just stop it,″ Erin rolled her eyes, giving his trained stomach a soft pat.
″Just sayin',″ he grinned cockily and pressed a kiss on her temple. But he could feel how her body tensed a little in his embrace. Because in certain situations, everything they've been through still came up somehow.
″Sometimes...″ she started and inhaled a deep breath. ″Sometimes I wonder whether our second baby would've been just like Emmy. A wild child. Or whether it would've been the complete opposite. Calm and somehow lazy,″ she smiled sadly.
″Sometimes I wonder what our second child would've looked like,″ Jay admitted quietly, finding strength in her opening up. ″Another mini-you with my eyes or a mini-me with your eyes or just simply the perfect mix of both of us.″
″Yeah,″ Erin nodded absently. ″I've been...I've been having these weird dreams lately...″
″What dreams?″ he frowned, changing his position so he could look at her.
″I don't know,″ she shrugged, biting her lower lip. ″There's always a baby. Sometimes it's wrapped in a pink blanket, sometimes in a blue one. It's lying in a crib but I can't approach it as there is some invisible wall keeping me from getting close enough to pick it up and hold it in my arms,″ she told him, her voice breaking in between as unshed tears loomed in her eyes. ″Maybe it's because my supposed due date is so close now and that's my mind dealing with it. Or maybe it's because I've been...thinking about all of this a lot lately,″ she breathed out.
″About our baby?″ he asked softly.
She shook her head no. ″About our future."
She inhaled another deep breath as if she needed to soak in courage. ″Ever since we had that conversation about things being written in the stars, I can't help but think that there's probably a different road destined for us when it comes to expanding our family,″ she continued, her voice full of emotions and her eyes shy. ″Maybe fostering Luke was a simple twist of fate to show us that we can also love a child that's not biologically ours. And maybe losing our baby and getting this diagnosis was another simple twist of fate to show us the road that's destined for us,″ she said, making a dramatic pause. ″Which is adoption,″ she finally spoke out loud what she's been thinking about in the last couple of days. ″I don't want Emmy to grow up as an only child and I know Luke will be around to be her brother but I want her to have a permanent sibling that she can grow up with because I don't feel like our family is complete yet. There are so many little souls out there and while I'm not ready to jump into this adoption process anytime soon, mainly because I first want to enjoy the time as just the three of us and take Emmy on trips with us, I feel like that's something we should consider next year...after the summer maybe,″ she rambled, running out of breath in the end.
″We should,″ Jay nodded instantly, his mind still processing everything she'd just told him and he definitely loved every single word that had left her lips. ″We should do all of that. Consider adoption because it suits us perfectly,″ he said meaningfully, stroking over her cheek. Erin knew what he meant without that he had to voice it. That she'd somehow been adopted by the Voight's and that's why adoption was probably what life had in store for them in the foreseeable future. ″And go on many trips with Emmy,″ he added with a smile.
″Yeah,″ she smiled faintly as well. ″I'd really love to go to the cabin for Christmas this year. I still owe you a trip to Mackinac and I think it would be awesome to take her with us because she will love the carriage rides and attending us on bike trips in her bike seat. And ever since she was born we've never managed to visit Susan and Michael and Liv and Noah in New York, so I want to do that as well.″
″And how about taking her to Disneyland?″ he winked.
″That would be awesome,″ she smiled, already imagining how they would take silly pictures with Mickey and Minnie Mouse and conquer this paradise for children and adults who were still kids at heart. ″Maybe we can go next summer and afterwards talk to Clara about the options we have...″
″So I guess we have some plans then,″ Jay grinned.
″Yeah, we definitely do,″ Erin admitted, nestling into his embrace again.
They were back making plans for their future, their unyielding strength to move on, no matter what, no matter how badly live has been playing with them, breaking through again. But there was one thing that they would learn soon enough: life was what happened while making plans.
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After more than 20 hours on two different planes, Sydney welcomed the three Halsteads – yes, Will had magically managed it to check in just before the counter closed - with pleasant temperatures up in the high 80s. Due to the lack of comfort in the economy class, they'd barely been able to sleep, though at least Erin had gotten three decent hours of sleep using her husband as human pillow. So the first thing they did after checking in was hitting the cushions and sleep for four hours although it was the most beautiful and sunny morning in one of Australia's biggest cities.
Only thanks to the alarms on their phones they woke up at all and after taking a long shower together – thankfully Will had a single room and was not crashing on the couch in their room because they'd successfully managed to avoid such a circumstance – they finally started to feel alive again, the sensations of making love in the shower still electrifying their bodies when they knocked on Will's door to pick their third-wheel up for some sightseeing. They went to see the famous Sydney Harbor with the Harbor Bridge that was especially famous from any TV coverage of the fireworks on New Years Eve, and of course the spectecular Sydney Opera, a building that was famous all over the world. Some nice little restaurant somewhere by the harbor provided them a late lunch since Will started to complain how he was super hungry. Erin was quite surprised that her husband didn't join his brother with complaining and no later than when she saw the way he was picking at his food, she knew that something was not the way it should be.
″Are you alright?″ she frowned, already knowing the answer.
″Uhm...yeah. Just a sore throat out of nowhere,″ he shrugged it off. ″It might be gone again in an hour.″
″Probably from the air conditioners on the plane,″ Will said. ″You wouldn't think how many times people get super sick from them.″
″Oh great,″ Jay answered sardonically. ″So this is more than just a sore throat?″
″Could be,″ Will shrugged, putting another fork full of food into his mouth.
″We should probably take precautions and go to some pharmacy,″ Erin suggested and since they all wanted to avoid Jay getting super sick and probably infecting them as well, the first thing they did after their late lunch and before heading back to the hotel to make themselves ready to drive to that beach a little outside of Sydney where a party for Izzy and Paul was supposed to take place tonight, was going to the pharmacy to buy any kind of medicine that should help Jay to feel better and make sure he didn't get any sicker.
By the time they arrived at the beautiful beach house with the stunning views on the turquoise water of the Pacific Ocean, Jay at least felt a little better and all of Izzy's and Paul's family and friends sat outside on the patio for the whole evening and night, listening to the waves hitting the beach, telling stories, playing games and eating all the delicious food.
″Do you mind if I join?″ Susan asked Erin, who'd sneaked to the campfire on the beach a couple of minutes ago to enjoy some quiet minutes and inhale the unique scent of the salty water of the ocean.
″You're always allowed to join, Susan,″ Erin smiled at the older woman with the warm brown eyes.
″Thank you,″ Susan smiled back and sat down on the tree trunk next to her. ″That's the dress you wore for your pre-wedding-night party, right?″ she asked, eyeing the short white summer dress she was wearing.
″You remember,″ Erin grinned. ″When I checked the temperatures for Sydney I decided to take it with me because I'll sure not be able to wear it again before next summer."
″Yeah, the Chicago winters. Aren't they simply the best?″ Susan laughed.
″I could totally live without them.″
″Who couldn't?″ she winked. ″Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that you're looking absolutely gorgeous and radiant and glowing tonight.″
″Oh wow, that's quite the compliment for someone who feels like crap due to the jetlag,″ Erin chuckled, her cheeks blushing a little.
″You definitely don't look like crap,″ Susan smiled warmly. ″I know that Izzy is very busy today but she's so happy that you all could make it. Sometimes it's not easy for her to live so far away from her family and so having all her loved ones here is something super special for her.″
″I know. She almost started to cry when she saw the three of us earlier,″ Erin smiled. ″This is the most important day of her life, so of course we put in all the stops to make that happen. It's just sad that we couldn't bring Emilia.″
″As much as I would love to have your adorable girl around, I don't think you want to put yourself through a 20 hour flight with a toddler. We came here with Nick, Lydia, Mylo and Hannah two weeks ago and it was a total desaster,″ she sighed.
″I can imagine. It would've been a total nightmare for us as well,″ she agreed. ″But I would love for you guys to see her again. She's so grown up already,″ Erin said with a sigh, reaching for her phone that was lying next to her, to show Susan some new photos of the girl the older woman considered her granddaughter.
″Oh wow, just look at her,″ Susan smiled brightly when Erin showed her a portrait-like photo that she'd taken in the park recently, Emilia looking into the camera with a shy smile, her bright blue eyes sparkling and her light brown hair with the softest waves almost falling almost onto her shoulders already. ″She'll be a heartbreaker one day, no doubt.″
″Can't argue that,″ Erin laughed and as they continued to scroll through Erin's camera roll, Erin told Susan about all of Emilia's milestones and all the things this silly, wild little girl did all day long to make her laugh and drive her nuts at the same time and only when they finally decided to go back to the house where everyone else was, Susan suggested to come to their place for Thanksgiving this year and there was nothing Erin loved more to say than that they were always welcome and that she absolutely loved the idea of spending this day together.
Probably the more people came, the less she would think about what should've happened on Thanksgiving this year.
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The wedding ceremony on the next day was beautiful in every single way and left almost no eye dry as Izzy talked about her brother who was shining down from heaven today, who she was missing tremendously, especially on a day like today, and whom she somehow had to thank for bringing Paul into her life. Because as hard as it was to put this into words, without him not making it back from war and her family falling apart for a little while afterwards, she would never have left for Australia and would never have found the man whose last name she would carry as from today. She called it a simple twist of fate, her best friend, partner in crime and for eternity given to her only months after her brother being taken away from her.
When those words left her lips, Jay automatically squeezed Erin's hand a little tighter and they looked at each other in the same moment, knowing without saying it that they were thinking about the same thing. They knew this simple twist of fate, of meeting someone when you least expected it, someone who became the owner of a broken or locked heart, someone who brought an unknown light and joy in your life, someone who had the unique ability to make your world alright again. A soulmate being the one piece of yourself that has been missing before and then making your feel complete for the first time in your life.
Exchanging their vows and rings in front of the Pacific Ocean was followed by a huge party to honor the newlyweds and after Izzy had already danced with her new husband, her father, her father-in-law and her brother, Jay was the last special person who got a own dance with the bride because as much as Jay considered Izzy his little sister, she considered him her big brother who'd taught her so much when they were little. And before Erin could leave the dance floor to use Jay's dance with Izzy for a little break, Will was standing right in front of her, offering his hand and asking her to dance with him. Erin agreed without hesitation and as they moved to the sounds of some ballade, she had to admit that there seemed to be at least one thing the brothers had in common: with some practise they both weren't the worst dancers.
Her feet and toes were especially thankful for that.
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″Yo Linds, did you probably forget something in Australia?″ Kevin welcomed her on Tuesday morning when she reached the top of the stairs of the bullpen. After enjoying another beautiful summer day in Sydney with having lunch with the whole Taylor-family, they'd returned to Chicago yesterday evening, jetlag of course not showing any mercy, and due to Jay being sick and coughing all the time, she'd not been able to use him as a pillow on the plane and so her sleep had been reduced to an hour. If at all. In addition, her throat had started to ache as well and ever since they landed, she's definitely been fighting a cold.
″Like what?″ Erin grinned tiredly, making her way to her desk.
″Your husband for example,″ Kevin laughed.
″He's sick,″ she answered, plopping into her chair and turning on her computer, not feeling too well herself as she could only breathe through her mouth, had to sneeze all the time and still had a sore throat.
″Sick?″ Kevin frowned. ″Jay's never sick.″
″Yeah well, you know Kev, I'm sick as well. But while I'm only fighting an average cold, Jay's fighting a deadly men-flu,″ she chuckled, though she had to admit that Jay had really not been doing well on the plane, his ears hurting awfully when the plane had started the landing process and this morning he still has only been able to hear any noises dulled because there was so much pressure in his ears that couldn't decrease due to the cold.
″Poor guy,″ Kevin said deadpan. ″Why aren't you home to take care of him?″
″Because he's an adult man. What should I do? Making him tea, cooking him soup and sitting on his bedside holding his hand and telling him he will not die?″ she laughed.
″Yeah Linds, that's exactly what any good wife would do,″ Adam teased.
″Then I guess you don't have a good wife either,″ Erin joked back. ″But whatever, who am I allowed to ride with today?″ she asked the three guys – Adam, Kevin and Antonio – who were already in this morning.
″Your pick, Linds,″ Kevin winked.
″We never really had the pleasure, I guess,″ she winked at her younger colleague. ″So I pick you.″
″Best decision you've made in a long time,″ Kevin grinned.
″We'll see about that,″ Erin joked. ″But so you know right away: just like Jay, Adam and Antonio, you're not going to drive either.″
″Breaks my heart,″ Kevin winked before Erin disappeared into the break room to make herself a cup of tea. Tea. She had to feel really bad if she chose tea over coffee. But for a reason she struggled to define, she couldn't really drink coffee these days as the smell somehow turned her off.
Unfortunately, drinking no coffee meant she couldn't fill her energy tank up to a level where she could make it through the day without yawning every two minutes and so the time until she could finally go home and pick up Emmy from Carol – they'd decided not to leave her with Jay since they didn't want her to get sick as well, though chances were pretty high she would end up being sick anyway because both of her parents were sick – was endlessly long and the day didn't seem to pass at all.
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″How are you feeling?″ she asked her husband in the evening when she finally stepped into the living room with Emmy on her hip.
″Not great,″ Jay answered. ″Everything hurts and I just feel like crap. My nose is running all the time, coughing hurts like hell and I can't really swallow,″ he complained.
″Well Emmy, I guess you better stay far away from daddy for a while,″ she sighed. ″And since I don't think you'll feel any better with that men flu tomorrow, Em and I should go to the Halloween party at Luke's kindergarten alone.″ Tomorrow was Luke's 6th birthday and for weeks, the little boy hasn't talked about anything else than the Halloween party at his kindergarten, how he would dress up as a police officer and how they all did handicrafts every day to decorate everything for this big event. Somehow Luke seemed to think that this party was especially for him and of course there was no better way for Luke to celebrate his birthday than with all his friends from kindergarten, his mother and his foster family.
″Right now I don't even feel up for such an adventure,″ Jay admitted, adding with a weak smile: ″And men flu, seriously?″
″Yeah,″ she shrugged. ″For women it's just a cold but for men it's something way more dramatic,″ she winked.
″It's not. I read an interesting article about that today,″ he said seriously. ″Men are indeed not as tough as women. The XX chromosome is equipped with extra high pain tolerance and stuff like that while in the XY chromosome exactly this part is missing because the extra part that would make the Y and X is missing. So yes, men feel like they have to die when they're sick.″
Jay Halstead was definitely even more adorable when he went all nerdy. ″You're such a nerd,″ she chuckled, her dimples appearing on her cheeks as she slightly shook her head.
″But a nerd that you happen to love,″ he smirked with the most precious heart-eyes. ″Which makes me a very lucky nerd.″
″I think we're all very lucky,″ she smiled back, looking at Emilia who was suspiciously clingy and quiet today which boded ill. ″Right, Em?″
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A little over 24 hours later, they had a sick kid. While attending the Halloween party, everything had been alright and Emilia'd had a blast being dressed as a pirate, the cutest and most adorable little pirate of course. She'd played with the other kids, running around, dancing and being silly, being her independent little self but about an hour after returning home, just when Erin had settled next to Jay on the couch to watch the rest of the Chicago Bulls against Denver Nuggets game, she threw up all over the pajamas Erin had dressed her in an hour prior.
At first, Erin thought this was coming from running around as much and eating a little too much candy for her liking but this optimistic thought turned out to be a wrong one since it soon became obvious that Emmy's caught a stomach bug. And so Erin's and Jay's night consisted of barely no sleep since they were constantly either changing and bathing Emmy because she'd thrown up all over herself or had poo up to her neck, or changing the sheets in her bed multiple times. In addition, Emilia was crying almost all night due to an obvious stomach ache and in the early morning hours, when there was nothing left in her stomach anymore that she could throw up and the little girl was sleeping against Erin's chest in the rocking chair, their washing machine running non-stop, they both agreed that this must have been the worst out of all nights ever since being parents, leaving them not only feel like zombies because they'd run through the house all night but also making them feel endlessly helpless because they witnessed their child suffering and couldn't do anything against it.
Since Jay had planned to return to work on Thursday, he left the house at 7am in the morning after tucking both, Erin and Emilia, in in the master bedroom, although with the outcome of the previous night he rather wanted to lie down next to them to catch up on all the valuable sleep he'd missed. So while his day consisted of diving into the case the unit's been working on since yesterday, Erin was at home, coordinating her day with a sick kid that wanted to be carried around all day and was almost painfully far away from her usual engery levels.
″Come on, sweetheart, you should drink some more tea,″ Erin whispered, running her hand through Emmy's messy bedhair. They were lying on the couch, a blanket keeping Emilia warm as she drifted in and out of slumber using her mother as pillow, and Erin had just finished texting Rylie that Luke couldn't stay with them tonight. Yesterday, Rylie had asked her whether Luke could stay with them overnight, shyly revealing after a couple of minutes that she had a date. The first real date in her life. Of course Erin had agreed on taking Luke but now she had to cancel since she didn't want Emmy to infect Luke and since she knew that the fight against this virus was not over yet and could hit Emmy again any minute.
″Can you hold it yourself?″ she asked, bringing the sippy cup with cold camomile tea up in front of her mouth. As an answer, Emilia slightly shook her head no and so Erin held the cup for her while she was drinking, Erin keeping her fingers crossed that the liquid would stay inside of her and not come out again soon.
″Good girl,″ Erin smiled and kissed Emilia's head after she finished drinking. ″You know, I think fresh air will be good for you and Crispin needs to go for a walk, so maybe we should do that, huh?″ she asked, running her hand up and down Emmy's spine.
Naturally, Emilia didn't give her an answer and so she got up from the couch and put Emilia, who was still dressed in her pajamas, into the stroller, her favorite blanket covering her as they strolled through the neighborhood on this first day of November, the fresh air lulling Emmy to sleep while it helped Erin to wake up. She was sure there was no word that could describe her current tiredness because she was that tired. She definitely needed a dose of caffeine. Or two doses. Or three. If only the smell of coffee wouldn't make her stomach turn these days.
It was around 8pm when Jay returned from work after solving their case successfully and when he stepped into the living room, he was greeted with a picture that could only make him smile. Erin was sleeping on the couch and Crispin was lying next to her on his blanket, his head resting on her stomach and he didn't even move to greet Jay and earn some pets.
As always, she seemed to sense that he was there because her eyes fluttered open only seconds after had taken a snapshot of his wife and their dog. ″Hey,″ she yawned.
″Hey,″ he smiled and sat down on the edge of the couch, giving her a soft kiss on the lips. ″How's the princess?″
″She's getting better,″ Erin said. ″She slept a lot today and drank camomile tea and even started to eat saltines in the afternoon. I bathed her earlier and then tucked her in around 5.30. She must've slept ever since because I kinda have, too,″ she chuckled slightly.
″You're such a sleepyhead,″ Jay smirked. ″But I think I would've done the same.″
″I still feel like I have to catch up on 100 hours of sleep and I'm still not back on 100% with the aftermath of that cold,″ she sighed, resting her hand on his thigh and stroking it gently. ″How was your day?″
″We closed the case. But it was nothing spectecular. Just left us with a whole load of paperwork,″ he sighed as well. ″The by far most interesting thing of the day was that it seems like Kevin is seeing someone,″ he grinned.
″What?″ Erin asked. Now that had her attention, they're ever-single friend finally dating.
″Apparently he was supposed to have a date tonight but she cancelled. So the poor guy was kinda devastated.″
″He had a date tonight?″ Erin frowned, her brain already working on bringing some puzzle pieces together. It couldn't be, could it?
″Yeah, like I just said,″ Jay chuckled.
″Luke would've stayed with us tonight because Rylie told me she had a date. But because of Emmy I cancelled on her...″ she said meaningfully.
″You mean...?″ Jay's eyes widened. ″No, Er, that's just coincidence.″
″Is it?″ Erin asked. ″They know each other and the soccer tournament probably helped them to get to know the other more. And now Rylie has to cancel her date and at the same time, Kevin's secret date cancels their date? This can't be coincidence.″
″Babe, Rylie could've asked my dad or Carol to take care of Luke for a couple of hours. No need to cancel. I'm sure she's out there, having a date with some guy.″
″I told her to ask them but they both didn't have time,″ she winked. ″I could now tell you how I think they're having a date themselves but I won't,″ she smiled innocently. ″So I know she's at home because she sent me a selfie with Luke earlier, telling me they'll watch Finding Dory for the 100th time.″
″Kevin and Rylie?″ Jay asked again, his voice sounding like this was the most unrealistic of all options.
″We have to wait and see. But love always finds a way, so why not for them?″ she smiled.
″It does indeed,″ he smirked and leaned in to kiss her. Longly and passionately. ″I love you,″ he murmured against her lips.
″Show me,″ she breathed out, suddenly not feeling tired at all anymore.
Of course she didn't have to say that twice.
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The alarm on his phone going off was Jay's least favorite sound in the world and after successfully making the electronic device shut up, he reached to Erin's side of the bed to pull his wife closer for some cuddling before they would start their daily routines. But when he reached for nothing but the lukewarm sheets, his tired eyes shot open, trying to figure out where his other half was. The moment he saw the light from under the bathroom door he heard the noises of someone throwing up and it wasn't hard for him to guess that the stomach bug had found another victim.
He got out of the bed in a heartbeat and rushed to be by her side, finding her sitting on the cold tiles in front of the toilet, emptying the contents of her stomach into it. ″Hey babe,″ he said soothingly as he sat down next to her and stroked over her back until she was done.
″I hate this,″ she said through gritted teeth as he helped her to get up and clean her mouth with cold water. ″I woke up a couple of minutes before our alarms and within a minute, my stomach turned and I felt nauseous.″
″I guess this virus caught you, too,″ Jay sighed, sensing that probably he was the next to get infected and they would start some loop of one of them always being sick. ″I'll bring Emmy to Carol later before work and you definitely stay home,″ he said as he guided her back to the bedroom.
The fact that she didn't even argue didn't go unnoticed by him and it was just another proof that she seemed to feel as bad as she looked. And he really didn't like the thought of leaving her alone all day, probably dizzy from not being able to keep anything down.
By the time he left the house to bring Emilia, who still wasn't at 100%, to Carol's daycare, Erin had made two more runs to the toilet and Jay had every intention of asking Hank to go home in the early afternoon like he usually did Fridays because it was the one day a week that Erin worked at night in case it was required. Not only did he want to take care of Erin and make sure she was alright but he also didn't feel well with leaving their still groggy kid with Carol all day long.
And so it was only 3pm when he returned home with a toddler on his hip, finding Erin outside on the patio, sitting on their canopy swing, a blanket draped over her shoulders and Crispin lying next to her, as always on his very own blanket. But the moment he stepped out on the patio and saw her empty glance, his heart sunk to his knees because he knew something must've happened again. And the first thing that came to his mind was Justin, who was supposed to fly home tomorrow.
″Erin?″ he said quietly and let Emilia down on the ground so she could play in the living room.
She turned her head to him by the sound of his voice, as if she hadn't recognized him before – and truth to be told, she was so far away with her mind that she hadn't – and gave him a forced smile. ″Hey,″ she managed to say.
″Is everything alright?″ he asked, a genuine concern displaying on his face.
It wasn't. Not by a long shot. ″Uhm...″ she stammered. ″There's...there's something I gotta tell you. ″ she said, her voice barely there.
″Ooookay,″ he breathed out, his heart beating in his throat. ″Crisp, can you go inside and play with Emmy, so I can sit down here?″ he asked their dog. ″Come on, buddy.″
And with that, Crispin's head left the spot in her lap and he hopped down to join Emilia inside the house.
″What happened?″ Jay asked carefully as soon as he was sitting next to her, his hand finding a spot on her thigh in an attempt to comfort her.
She didn't answer anything and he decided to give her all the time in the world, so for around five minutes, they just watched the leafs falling from the trees in their backyard as they were surrounded by silence and Emilia's occasional babbling from inside the living room.
″You remember our trip to Iceland?″ she finally opened her mouth to speak but the words that left those perfect lips were far away from any bad news he'd expected and he struggled to figure out where she wanted to go with this.
″Yeah, sure,″ he nodded. Their trip to Iceland was one of his favorite memories because it had helped them to heal after all these intense months of drama after drama. In addidtion, it had been the reunion of their bodies and making love with and to her was always a pleasant memory.
″You remember how we made love under the northern lights?″ she asked, still not looking at him.
″I could never forget about that,″ he said softly. ″Erin what's-?″
″You remember our food poisoning?″ she interrupted him and he grew more and more anxious.
″That's a memory that I'd like to forget but can't,″ he smiled faintly, trying to get even the tiniest smile from her in return. It stayed with a try as her lips didn't move up into this famous curve.
She inhaled a deep breath, finally turning her head to him and whatever it was that he saw in her eyes, broke his heart. ″And you know that when a woman who's on the pill and has a stomach bug and is sexual active, there should always be some other way of contraception because the pill stops working?″
This question erased the smile from his lips in the split of a second and suddenly, he was the one feeling nauseous because her words felt like a big, deep punch in the gut. Because he knew without her speaking it out loud what she was trying to tell him.
″You're p-?″ he asked, his voice raspy and low as he swallowed down the shock.
″I might,″ she interrupted him before he could speak it out loud and those words had the power to silence him for a moment. It had doomed on her in the morning, when the sickness had been gone out of sudden and when she'd felt like she never vomitted her guts out a couple hours prior, when she'd even been able to eat something. That had been the point where this other frightening option had crossed her mind for the first time. And suddenly it all had seemed to fit together: The nauseous feeling when she thought of coffee were first indicators for morning sickness and just this morning, the morning sickness has started to fully break through. The crazy tiredness she's been fighting with for a little while now was exactly what she'd dealt with in the first trimester with Emilia. The way Crispin always wanted to rest his head on her stomach or close to it because their loyal companion has probably known about it for a while already. The faint ache in her breasts whenever she was wearing a bra but that she'd brushed off as a signal of too much stress. And last but not least the fact that she only this morning realized she hadn't had her period in weeks and while scrolling through the calendar on her phone realizing that the last time she must've had her fertile days was when they'd been in this magical country of fire and ice.
″I bought a test earlier but I couldn't do it,″ she whispered. ″But yeah, I'm late.″
″We should...we should take the test together. Now,″ Jay swallowed hardly, his voice just as quiet because he knew exactly what a positive test meant for them. Another heartbreak just around the corner, when they were still dealing with their last. And as much as he tried to tell himself that they could handle it, he knew they couldn't. They couldn't possibly go through this again without falling apart.
″Yeah,″ Erin nodded absently and let Jay pull her up. She didn't need that test because it would only confirm what she already knew. It would make it real. And she couldn't handle this reality. Not today. And not ever. Because she couldn't handle losing another baby. But she would eventually, her body failing her once more.
Jay picked Emmy up on their way upstairs and settled her in her room together with Crispin, and after Erin had peed on the stick in the bathroom, she joined Jay in the bedroom, finding solace in his strong arms as she buried her face in his chest and tried to save herself from all the thoughts that invaded her without mercy. Thoughts how blood would run down her thighs again, her body rejecting the baby, their child of love. The absolute purest, most honest kind of love.
″I'm scared,″ she murmured into his chest.
″I know,″ he answered, abstaining from saying me too, and he rubbed soothing circles onto her back until the alarm of her phone told them that the moment of truth was there.
They both walked into the bathroom but Jay remained in the doorway while Erin took a look at the white stick that was placed on the sink. She seemed to stare at the thing for a lifetime and when she finally turned her gaze to him with eyes full of unshed tears, she nodded her head imperceptibly, her hand falling onto her flat stomach to cover it protectively.
He was by her side to wrap his arms around her in literal lightspeed and as he held her the closest possible to his body and had to listen to her silent sobs, his eyes filled with tears as well, some of them even falling into her hair, he wondered whether this was just a simple twist of fate as well because maybe this unplanned child was supposed to live with them, just like Emmy. Maybe fate had always had this exact plan for them, Erin getting pregnant the first time they made love after losing their baby. Maybe they should trust the universe and believe that there was a reason for this pregnancy.
But maybe, which was the more likely option, this wasn't a simple twist of fate but rather fate's way of punching them in the guts once more, making sure they could never be as happy as they deserved to be...
Whoop whoop, I guess you saw that one coming :) Or not? :) Well, whether you did or didn't, I hope you enjoyed all of this chapter although it was long and quite a few things happened. Please leave a review and let me know what you think. More to come soon...thanks for still reading Linstead :)