15. Chapter 15

A/N: So, I had finished this chapter last week. And, not to sound full of myself, but it was quite literally the most perfect piece of writing I've ever done. I was so proud of myself and so excited and then what happens? THE STUPID THING DIDN'T SAVE! So it took me time to try and re-write this chapter because everything I wrote just seemed like crap compared to my original version!

BUT I'm here now and only JUST over my 3 week update schedule. This is also my longest chapter so far (over 4000 words!) so hopefully that makes up for my tardiness ... ?

NOTE: I can't remember if I already gave Jay's Dad a name in a previous chapter but I'm naming him Aaron. I've also made some minor alterations to chapter 10 to better suit the storyline of Aaron Halstead :)

Enjoy!

December 2015

"I'm sorry Will, we wanted to talk to you alone but Hank couldn't take Ben for the night." Erin says.

"So, what's all this for?" Will asks sitting down next to Jay "Not that I don't appreciate a home-cooked meal Erin. Believe me, it's been a long time since I ate anything other than ramen noodles."

Erin laughed taking out a tray from the oven "I don't know if Mac and Cheese is much better."

"Anything is better than ramen noodles."

"Dude, you got to learn how to cook." Jay chuckled sipping his beer.

Will glared at him teasingly "It's not my fault mum only taught you."

"That's because I was the best child." Jay mocked pretending to flick his hair with his hand.

"God you were always the dramatic one weren't you." Will laughs.

"Okay!" Erin interrupts "Dinner's ready." She puts the tray down in the centre of the table while Jay picks up Ben from his playpen and seats him in the high chair.

Will watches the two of them work together; Erin serving them all dinner while Jay settles Ben into his chair, passing Erin plate after plate as he does. They're a well-oiled machine, both knowing what the other needs and practically reading each other's minds most of the time. Soon they're settled in and eating dinner, Ben occasionally flinging his food at Will from his position next to his uncle.

"I'm sorry Will, I've been trying to get him to stop but someone keeps laughing every time he does that." Erin says side-eyeing Jay.

"It's fine" Will laughs wiping the pasta off his shirt "Jay used to do the exact same thing when I tried to feed him as a kid."

"So that's where he gets it!" Erin exclaims "Now I've got one more thing to blame you for."

Jay simply rolls his eyes at her jokes before continuing to eat his dinner. The three adults sit in silence, the occasional sound coming from their scraping cutlery across plates. Will eventually gives in.

"Okay, what's going on?" Will says putting his drink down.

Jay looks nervously at Erin who pats his shoulder softly before standing up "Let me put Ben to sleep. Can you start putting everything away?" Erin nods and they both stand.

Will gives Ben a smile and kiss goodnight as Erin picks him up and heads into the bedroom before helping Jay pack away the leftovers and put their dishes in the sink. They finish up and take their beers moving to the couch to sit. Will seats himself across from Jay whose sitting up in the single chair while Will takes the couch. He can see Jay's tense stance, and can feel the worry rise in him.

"I want to talk to you about Aaron." Jay starts.

Will groans "Not this again. Look Jay, I get that you don't want to see Dad. That's fine! But he's my father too, and I don't want to lose my brother again because I choose to have a relationship with Dad, it's not –"

"Will." Jay interrupts "It's fine. I've been thinking about what you said actually and … I would like to come and see him with you."

"Seriously?" Will looks at Jay in shock.

Jay sighs setting his beer bottle down on the coffee table in front of them "Look Will, I can't guarantee that we're going to make up and be one big happy, Brady Bunch kind of family. But, I have questions that I need answered and he owes me that much."

"And then that's it? You get your answers, and then what?"

"That's all I can handle for right now." Jay nods "We'll see how it goes after that."

Will stays quiet for a few minutes "Just … Promise me you'll listen to everything he has to say. And please, for my sake, don't get into an argument with him. Please?"

"… I'll try."

Will nods at his answer, the two brothers going back to their beers, there's an awkward silence that Jay doesn't like.

"Okay, change of topics." He chuckles "How are things going with you and Natalie?"

Will rolls his eyes at Jay's sing-song tune that he has when he says Natalie's name "She's dating Jeff Clarke."

"The firefighter?"

Will nods "He's changed to a medical profession, and it turns out he and Natalie's husband were buddies from their Army days."

"I'm sorry buddy." Jay empathizes.

"It's alright. I mean it hurt at first. But I just want her to be happy, and Jeff makes her happy."

"Look, don't bite my head off." Jay chuckles "But can I make a suggestion?"

Will motions for him to continue "Natalie's said that she doesn't feel the same way, and I think you're starting to realize that. So why not try and move on?"

" … Well, there is this pathologist. Nina." Will smiles sheepishly.

"Oh my god Nina is awesome!" Erin exclaims coming into the room"And she's totally crushing on a certain Dr Halstead." Erin says in a teasing tone as she sits on Jay's lap in the armchair.

Jay's arms circle around her waist as Erin snuggles into his body "And how do you know all this?"

"She told me when I went out with Kim, Gabby and Brett for drinks last week. I believe she used the word adorkable."

"What the hell is –"

"And why didn't you tell me this earlier?" Jay interrupts his brother.

Erin gives Jay a cheeky smile "I do have my own life Jay Halstead."

"Yeah, but this concerns my brother. I should have been informed."

"Aww, are you feeling left out." Erin says in a childish tone.

"No." Jay says rolling his eyes at her.

Erin leans down, her nose brushing against Jay's gently "Okay, the next time there's any gossip about your brother, you'll be the first person I tell. Deal?"

Jay smiles sweetly "Sounds good." He says leaning up to kiss her.

"Um … Can you two be sickeningly sweet somewhere else?" Will interrupts before their lips touch "I'd like to keep my dinner down."

Erin looks up at Will, her face heating up as the blush spreads quickly across her cheeks "Sorry Will. Kind of got side tracked there."

"Clearly." Will replies "Now, what the hell does Adorkable mean?"

"You know; Adorable but in a dorky way."

Will groans "She thinks I'm a dork!?"

Erin chuckles "Trust me Will, she definitely likes that you're dorky."

Jay and Will both look at her suspiciously "What else are you hiding Erin Lindsay?" Jay asks.

Erin simply shrugs before replying "What happens at girls' night, stays at girls' night."

"Erin." Will says annoyed

"All I will say is that if you ask her out, you won't regret it." Erin says "Now, did you two sort everything else out?"

Jay nods "Yep, I'm going to come with him to meet Aaron. And, I was hoping you would come too?"

"Of course." Erin smiles kissing his cheek.

The three sit for a little while longer; Will sharing some childhood memories of him and Jay, Jay reliving memories of their mother, Erin telling Will about her pregnancy with Ben. Hours passed before Will left, having an early shift at the hospital the next morning and needing rest.

"I'm seeing Dad in two days, we're having lunch at a diner near the hospital. I'll text you the details." Will says as he walks out the door.

"Sounds good. Thanks man." Jay nods.

"I'll see you guys then, thanks for dinner Erin." Will replies.

"You're welcome anytime Will, I enjoyed having you over." Erin tells him.

Will smiles in return before walking down the stairs and exiting the building. Jay shuts the door and sighs heavily, wrapping his arms around Erin as she tucks her head under his chin.

"You sure about this?" She whispers against his chest "There's no rush, if you're not ready."

Jay shakes his head slightly "I have to do this now, or I'll chicken out."

"Just as long as you know you don't have to do it alone."

"I know." Jay smiles kissing the top of her head "Thank you."

"Always. Come on, let's get to bed." Erin smiles, taking Jay's hand in hers and walking to her bedroom.

Jay sat nervously beside Erin in the Diner. They had arrived early and had been waiting for 15 mins for Will and Aaron Halstead to arrive. Erin could feel Jay's leg bouncing nervously next to her and she placed her hand on his leg gently squeezing it, urging him to relax. Jay looked over at her smiling nervously.

"It's going to be okay babe, if you feel uncomfortable or it gets to be too much, you just let me know and we'll leave. Okay?" Erin says.

Jay nods "I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't been here." He brings his hand up to hers and places a gentle kiss against it. They hear the bell chime above the door and look up to see Will enter, their father following behind him.

Erin lets her eyes take in the appearance of Aaron Halstead. His dark raven hair is greying slightly, his square face structure masked slightly by the slight droop of his ageing skin. His body is lean, clearly he's kept good care of himself during his younger years and Erin notes that for a man in his 60s he looks like he's in his 50s. But the one thing she notices the most are his eyes; the same blue eyes that his two sons share. The same eyes her own son has inherited. It seems to be a Halstead trait, along with the smirk that he was sporting when Erin first met him.

"Jay, it's so good to see you again." Aaron smiles warmly as he and Will sit down across from he and Erin.

Jay nods not willing to make conversation. Erin smiles and reaches her hand across the table "It's nice to meet you Mr Halstead, I'm Erin Lindsay. We met briefly at-"

"At your son's birthday." Aaron replies shaking Erin's hand "I do apologize for my behavior that night. I was nervous about seeing Jay again, but it's no excuse for my tone towards you."

"It hasn't stopped you before." Jay muttered bitterly.

Erin gives him a pointed look, silently reminding him of his promise to his brother to behave himself.

"I understand Mr Halstead, and you can call me Erin." She replies politely.

"Well in that case you can call me Aaron." Erin nods at his response.

The waitress comes over and asks them what they'd like, each placing their orders quickly before she nods and walks back to the kitchen. An awkward silence takes over the table and Jay decides to get straight to the point.

"So, why are you here?" He asks

Aaron coughs self-consciously, placing his coffee down on the table "I've been wanting to get into contact for a long time. I've been in therapy for a while, Lucy basically forced me to but it's helped a lot."

"Lucy?" Jay asks.

"… She's my wife. She has been for almost six years now."

Jay scoffs "So you barely waited a year before you moved on with some other woman!?"

"Jay, just let him explain. Please." Will begs.

Erin slips her hand into Jay's, silently offering him strength. Jay takes a few deep breaths in, letting his anger settle. He looks back up at his father nodding his head for him to talk.

"Lucy and I were high school sweethearts. We met when we were 14 and dated all through high school. But Lucy was moving to California for college, so we thought it would be better if we broke up. I was heartbroken, I thought she was the love of my life." Aaron starts.

"What does this have to do with our mum?" Will interrupts.

"You both know I met your mother in college; she was the first person since Lucy to make me feel alive again. I really did love your mum, no matter what happened I want you two to know that. Your mother and I did love each other, and at the time I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her."

"So what changed?" Jay asks him.

Aaron lets out a deep breath before continuing "Two years after Will was born, Lucy and I met again. She was working for DCFS and she was assigned to a child that I had been treating at the hospital who had been involved in a domestic abuse situation. We started talking again, and it was like nothing had changed. She was still that same girl I fell in love with in high school."

Erin can feel Jay holding her hand tighter, both assuming where his father's story was going "You cheated on her."

"I guess, emotionally, yes. We fell in love all over again." Aaron says "We'd kissed a few times, but I never slept with her, not while I was still married to your mother. After a few months, I had made the decision to file for divorce from your mother, but before I could tell her she told me she was pregnant again."

Realization stirs within Jay "You stayed because of me."

Aaron nods "Originally I was still going to ask for the divorce, but Lucy … She told me that she couldn't be responsible for tearing a family apart. That Will and our unborn child deserved the chance to have a family. So I stayed, and she moved to a department in Boston. I was devastated, it felt like losing her all over again. I began to withdraw from your mother, I blamed you for being the reason I couldn't be with Lucy." He says looking to Jay. "I know it wasn't your fault, but I was just so upset over losing her again, I couldn't express the anger and heartbreak that I was feeling … So I took it out on people who didn't deserve it."

Jay and Will were both stunned silent. Jay felt overwhelmed; He had wanted answers for so long, but he never thought this would be a possible reason as to why his father had hated him so much growing up. Why he was so unloving towards his mother and lacked any nurturing emotion towards him.

"So all of this was because you couldn't be with her? You belittled me every day of my life, you treated our mother like she was nothing because you weren't man enough to go after what you wanted?" Jay exclaimed.

"Jay…" Erin whispered softly trying to calm him down.

He shook his head at her "This is unbelievable! My entire life, I grew up thinking that I wasn't enough! You disowned me when you found out I was going to be a Ranger instead of a doctor, you let mum suffer through her cancer while you were living it up with some other woman! I can't believe you would -"

"I didn't know about her cancer Jay." Aaron interrupts him

"What?" Will speaks up "She was already in stage 2 by the time you guys started divorce proceedings, how could you not have known?"

"Your mother came to me one night, after Jay had left for his first tour. She sat down next to me at the kitchen counter and she just … handed me divorce papers. I know I had treated her poorly, but for some reason I was still surprised. She had found about Lucy somehow, so she gave me the papers and told me she understood why I had acted the way that I had. She told me to sign the papers and go find Lucy and get her back before it was too late."

"You seriously expect me to believe this?" Jay scoffs

"You can check the date we signed, it was three weeks before your mother told you she had cancer." Aaron says sadly "She told me that we had made each other's lives difficult enough for so long, and that we both deserved happiness. She wanted to live with the two of you free from me, and I wanted to be with Lucy. She told me that she appreciated the fact that I stayed for so long, and that while You boys may never forgive me for being such a terrible father, she forgave me for my shortcomings as a husband, that life was too short to hold grudges. I signed the papers and moved to Boston to find Lucy within a week. I just assumed the divorce would be finalized and sorted out. I didn't realize we were still married until I had been informed of her passing."

"Wait, you two were still married?" Erin asks.

"When I left, I told my lawyer to just take care of everything and give your mother whatever she wanted. However, what my lawyer didn't tell me was that our divorce was put on hold while your mother went through her chemotherapy sessions because she was deemed unfit since she wasn't in the right mind frame. Apparently she kept telling the judge she didn't want anything from me, she wanted the divorce to be finalized, however they wouldn't agree to it until she was better. So technically we were separated, but your mother was still legally my wife when she died."

"I don't understand, if you guys were still married, how come her assets didn't all just go to you when she died? We both received the inheritance she kept for us." Will questions.

"Your mum drafted a new will a few months before she died. I guess she knew that the three of us still wouldn't be speaking, so she divided all her assets in her will so that I wouldn't have to be responsible for doing so after her death. The only thing she left me was a letter." Aaron explains to him.

"What was the letter for?" Jay says quietly.

"She wrote it a few days before she died. A lot of the things in there were private to the two of us, memories we shared and things she had always wanted to tell me but never did. But the main thing she asked of me was to explain everything to you two when I was ready and wanting to try and reconcile things between us."

"So you've decided after six years of silence, that now was the perfect time?" Jay says in disbelief.

"I didn't open the letter until last month. Like I said earlier, I started going to therapy a year ago. I realized that I still had some unresolved issues that I needed to sort out involving our family, and my guilt over how I handled the entire situation with Lucy and how I acted to both your mother and you Jay. Lucy and my therapist, Dr Reynolds, both convinced me that it was time to read the letter, that I should know what your mother had to say to me, whether it was good or bad. I didn't come to see you straight away because I didn't want it to seem like I was just doing this because it was your mother's wish. I wanted you to know that I truly am sorry, for everything. I was a terrible father to you Jay, and you too Will. I should've been there for you two more than I was, and I shouldn't have treated you differently because I was mad Jay."

"You think an apology is just magically going to fix everything?" Jay exclaimed "You left! I was in Afghanistan, Will was doing his residency in New York, and you just up and left without a word! We tried to find you, Mum needed your help! She could barely afford her medical bills, she couldn't keep up with maintaining the house or doing anything she needed to. It was the worst time in our lives and you were nowhere to be found!"

Erin takes both of Jay's hands in his now, quietly begging him to stay calm, to just hold on a few more minutes and then they'll leave.

"I'm not demanding your forgiveness here Jay. I wanted you to know the truth, because you both deserved it. I wanted you to know that I did love your mother, even if I wasn't always the best husband, it wasn't anything that she or you did to make me this way, it was my own inability to deal with my emotions. I wanted you to know how sorry I am, and that if you do give me another chance I will do everything in my power to be there for you guys, and to be a better grandfather to Ben than I was a father to you."

Jay's breathing was erratic, he couldn't focus "I … I have to get out of here."

And with that he shot up out of the booth and ran out the door. Erin sighed as he sped out before her, turning to face Aaron again "I'm sorry …"

Aaron shook his head "It's okay, honestly I was expecting worse."

Erin smiles kindly "Give him some time, he might come around." She says before looking to Will "You good here?"

"Yeah, I've got some more things to talk about with him." Will smiles reassuringly to her.

Erin nods before racing out of the diner and after Jay. She spots him leaning against their car, hunched over with his hands on his knees, gasping for breath.

Erin kneels beside him placing her hands on top of his "Easy there babe, deep breaths. In and out. In and out." She repeats.

Her voice is a calming presence over Jay, and he focuses in on her voice, doing his best to listen to her. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. He can feel the burning in his lungs subside, and he looks up to meet Erin's eyes.

"You alright?" She asks softly.

"No." He says as tears build in his eyes "I don't … What do I do with this Erin? I don't know how to process all this."

Erin hugs him tightly to her, letting his tears fall on her shoulder as he buries his face there "Let's get you home okay? And then we can figure this all out, together."

A/N: So, a bit of an odd place to end but I really couldn't find a way to write the ending that didn't sound completely cheesy haha

I hope you guys liked this chapter and Aaron's backstory and insight into Jay's family! I've read a lot of stories that make Jay's dad sick with some kind of disease and he and Jay reconcile only for him to die, and while I love those stories I want to try and redeem the character of Jay's father so I hope you're all happy with the way I've written him!

Please leave me a review and let me know what you think, and if there's anything you'd like to see in the story, suggestions are more than welcome!

Maddie :)