Stupid Feelings (Part 2)

When Matthew learned what kind of news story Olivia wanted to write as a journalist, he took the initiative to teach her how to use a gun. He even bought one for her from Mason's gun shop and Olivia always carries it with her.

But Olivia is also aware that it was not enough if she was going against high-profile criminals. Matthew had offered to teach her self-defense but she was always so busy that she didn't have any spare time.

"But that is not enough. If you want, I can spare you a time or two to teach you self-defense," Megan offered.

Olivia smiled appreciatively. She thought that maybe she should try to find some time in learning self-defense since it was not just Matthew who offered her but Megan as well. That means, to them, it was really important for her. "Hmm…I'll think about it. Thanks though," She said, nodding her head.

Megan stared at her for a while before she nodded her head once and said, "Okay, you know where to find me," She said, and then continued to read the file on her desk.

"Wait!" But it looks like Olivia is not done yet.

Megan sighed and though she didn't look annoyed, she looked frustrated as she returned her attention to Olivia who was already used to that kind of demeanor from her. Olivia understands her because all police officers were like that to people in her line of job. Either they were annoyed by a journalist's constant inquiries or frustrated. At least Megan still tolerates her.

"Bonneville killed himself. There is enough evidence. We found the gun and found his fingerprints. It also matched the bullet that killed him. The shop owner confirmed that it was the gun and ammo that Bonneville bought," Megan said in a dull tone.

Olivia ignored her tone and inquired. "But, do you know why he killed himself?"

"Absolution," Megan replied.

Olivia frowned. "Absolution?" She asked.

"He left a suicide note. More like a confession. He said that he molested his own children for years. As if killing himself would save him from his sins," Megan said.

This caught Olivia's interest. Her eyes became wide and alive as she leaned closer to Megan as if their distance was not enough. "But he has three sons," She said because she had checked Talon Bonneville's background.

Megan stared at Olivia and then said, "That's how messed up he is here," She was pointing her finger into her head.

At first, Olivia didn't understand what she meant until her eyes went wide in realization. Talon Bonneville molested his three sons! It was something that was new to her. And here she thought that she had already dug up every information about Talon Bonneville.

"Did you find his sons? Did they confirm his confession?" Olivia asked eagerly.

"Liv, those people had suffered enough. Bonneville is already dead and it is up to them if they want to face the media or the investigators to confirm Bonneville's confessions. But as far as I know, their confirmation is not necessary because we have enough evidence to prove that Bonneville committed suicide. There is no foul play," Megan said while trying to lengthen her patience. If it was another police officer, they had already lost their patience with Olivia's inquisitiveness a long time ago.

But she is not just Olivia to her. She is her friend's girlfriend which makes her her friend as well.

Megan smiled and waved the folder in her hand in between their faces. "I think I disclose enough. Don't get me fired. I'll see you around," She said dismissing Olivia politely. At least to her, that was polite already.

Olivia didn't inquire further and just smiled. "Alright. I'll treat you to lunch one of these days. Thanks!" She said and then she gathered her things and prepared to leave.

"I'll look forward to that," Megan replied and watched Olivia walk away from her.

When Olivia reached her car, she sighed in disappointment that the case she has been following for weeks now turned out to be a suicide case. She thought that it would turn out to be a twisted crime story especially since it was Megan who was handling the case which is why she was so excited about it.

But she was not as disappointed as she thought she would be, because something more interesting caught her interest. Her focus shifted to something else and this time, she was sure that it would put her into a promotion.

Olivia could not wait to reach her office and clear her board for a new point of her interest. But that is until after an hour. Because it was too early and her office was still closed.

Even if she wanted to go back to Matthew's pad and cuddle with him on the bed, with Nic's arrival early in the morning, she was certain that Matthew had already left.

So, instead of going to her office or to Matthew's pad, she drove somewhere to visit some important people in her life.

Olivia drove further from the police station but it only took her fifteen minutes to arrive at her destination. It was a piece of land at the center of the city but probably the most peaceful place in the city despite its location.

It was surrounded by a tall perimeter fence but the gate was kept open for the visitors to freely come in and out.

As Olivia drove along the small road that was lined by trees and flowering bushes at the side, she took notice of how the place had changed ever since she last visited, which was just two weeks ago.

Occasional flowers were blooming. New stones were added in lines of stones that littered the grass-covered ground in an organized way.

Bouquets were scattered near the stones, some were already wilting, and some were new. But some stones remained untouched and empty.

She saw two people. One old man whom she already recognized as a regular visitor to the place. He was probably visiting his wife again, thought Olivia. Then there is a woman not too far from the old man. She was dressed in a business suit and was holding a bouquet in her hands. She was wearing sunglasses as she looked down at the stone that stood on her feet.

Olivia immediately recognized that the stone was new. So the woman was a new visitor as well. She wondered if the woman would be a regular just like her and the old man or if she would just visit once and then she'll be gone and will soon forget that someone dear to her now rests in that place.

Though anywhere you looked, everything looked the same, Olivia had already memorized where she was headed and soon stopped her car near them. Without taking her bag with her, she left her car without bothering to lock it.

She only took a couple of steps until she stood in front of two tombstones.

One has the name Luisa Bennet engraved on it while the other one beside it has the name, Oliver Bennet.

Since Olivia was wearing a pencil skirt and the visit was sudden and unplanned without any intention of staying for too long, she remained standing. Though if she had planned the visit, she would be wearing pants or leggings so that she could sit on the grass and stay there for hours.

"Hi, Mom," Olivia spoke with a smile as she looked at the tombstone of Luisa Bennet. Then her face fall when she turned on the other one and said, "Hey…jerkface,"

She turned silent as if she was waiting for the people under those tombstones to talk back to her even though she knew that it was impossible. Then after a while, she started fidgeting with her feet awkwardly. "Uhm…are you there?" She asked, then she chuckled when she realized how ridiculous her question was. "Of course not. I mean...literally and figuratively…" She trailed and sighed.

Olivia scratched the back of her neck and then spoke again, "Anyway…do you remember Matthew, my boyfriend? I brought him here a couple of years ago and he has been coming with me to visit you during special occasions," She said then she stopped and stared at her heels that were digging themselves into the ground.

"Well, last night, he brought it up again," She continued. "He wanted…I mean he said that he would feel more at ease if we move in together," She said awkwardly as if she was talking to them in person. As if they were in front of her and she was scared of what would be their reaction.

"I said, not yet. I am not ready. Do you think…" She paused again and looked up at her mother's tombstone. She bit her lower lip and continued. "Do you think I am lying to myself? I mean…" She stopped as if she didn't know what to say.

In the past year, Matthew has been bringing up their conversation about them moving in together but Olivia always rejected the idea saying that she thought that it was too early. She knew that it was stupid of her to say that because they almost seem like they already moved in together.

There were days that she slept in his apartment. Sometimes, it was he who stayed in her apartment. It started once a week until it became twice. Now it is three to four times a week and Olivia has already gotten used to it to the point that she wanted more.

Olivia pursed her lips. Now she badly wanted to sit and stay longer but she couldn't. "I want to. I really do but…isn't it too early? No? Well, yeah, we've been together for four years now. And he was so great. He is amazing and I…" She sighed again for what seemed like the hundredth time ever since she came to the cemetery.

"I want to be with him for the rest of our life. Do you get it? Not just move in…but more…permanently…I mean…urgh!" She stomped her feet on the ground and started to pace in her place.

She wanted something more but she was offered something else and though it was close to it, she felt conflicted about it. Now she is confused.

"This is so complicated," She finally stopped pacing and started to rant. "I mean, if he wanted us to move in together, why don't he just propose? It is not as if I will say no to him. I love him. So much. Too much in fact that it kills me," Her voice became a notch higher and she was glad that the old man and the other woman in the cemetery had already left and now she was alone.

She could freely express her thoughts and emotions loud enough to make her feel better and her chest lighter. "I know he loves me too, I have no doubt about it but…is he not ready to settle down? Because I am, even though you may think that we are still young," She stopped and stared at the tombstones and looked as if she realized something.

Olivia groaned and looked at the sky. "Gosh! I'm so pathetic. I know you guys are laughing at me down there…or up…wherever you are," Then she glared at the tombstone beside her mother's, "Especially you jerkface," She said.

After a while, Olivia sighed heavily. Though she didn't get any response, she did feel better.

"But if ever he did propose, I hope that you will give us your blessings. He is a good man. The best I know," She looked at Oliver Bennet's tombstone again but this time, she has a smug smile on her face. "Better than you, jerkface," She said.

She continued, "He is not perfect, he is flawed. But he has a good heart and a pure soul. I know you'll love him because I did even if I promised myself not to fall for him," She stopped and stared in front of her though there was nothing to see except rows of tombstones and grass.

"He is the one for me. And I cannot see myself with anybody else,"