11. Sprig vs Hop Pop

Chapter 11: Sprig vs. Hop Pop

After my recent bout with fame, I'm back on the farm, and I figured after my whole diva act I should probably just do my farm chores without complaint. Still, there has to be an easier way to do some of this stuff. Like, is crawling across the field pulling out weeds one by one really the most efficient way to handle weeding? Even with all of us working, it was going to take forever.

That's when Sprig hit on what, to me, sounded like a pretty good idea… training the cowapillars to eat the weeds. I don't see how that could possibly be a bad idea. Weeds gotta go, cowapillars gotta eat, boom, both problems are solved. HP seemed kinda dismissive when he brough it up, and pointed us toward the "suggestion barrel" which I'd never noticed before, but I guess it was there all along.

I wasn't all that convinced HP had any interest in actually reading any of the suggestions, which was why I held off on putting in my own request for "Taco Tuesdays", but Sprig seemed pretty convinced he would… up until he knocked over the barrel and revealed the flaming pit underneath.

(Wouldn't the flame have gone out long ago once all the flammable material burned up? And isn't the wooden barrel itself a fire hazard? When you think about it, it doesn't make a lot of sense. But I digress…)

Well, Sprig's faith in Hop Pop was pretty much shattered at that point. Which, here, means something called a "family challenge". This is gonna get weird, isn't it…

"Weird" is an understatement. A family challenge apparently involves two frogs getting half-naked (did not need to see Hop Pop in his underwear), slathering themselves with mud, and having a sumo match on a lily pad in a mud puddle. The first one to push the other into the mud wins, which if you ask me is kind of a messed-up way to solve moral issues, but hey, I'm the stranger here.

Hop Pop clearly has the advantage in regards to size, weight, and physical strength, and the fact that apparently they've done this before and Sprig's never won.

Until this time. In a burst of righteous fury, Sprig was able to flip Hop Pop into the mud and, just like that, the kids are running the farm. I should've bet on him while I had the chance…

After the fight, I saw Hop Pop slink off in no particular direction. Guess he needs to walk this off. In the meantime, we've gotta figure out what to do now.

First order of business… PAR-TAY!

Polly's always wanted a swimming pool, so Sprig dug her one, complete with a waterslide. We got tunes, we got lemonade, we got Swampo the Clown all afternoon (yes, I unironically like clowns. It's a noble profession that I'm pretty sure dates all the way back to Roman times. I definitely remember my history teacher mentioning that Rome had circuses. And bread. That must be why Italian food always comes with breadsticks). So far, looks like we got this. I am a little worried about Hop Pop… I haven't seen him since the party started. But he probably needs some time to himself. I'm sure he'll show up eventually…

So, as the initial flush of excitement of being in charge of the farm has faded, it's becoming clear that we actually have no idea what we're doing. Running a farm is more than just swimming pools and hired clowns… actually, I'm pretty sure those don't usually factor into it at all.

What does is planting, cultivating, and harvesting, which we've been too busy goofing off to do. Like it or not, Hop Pop kept this place running, and I'm not sure we can. The pace is literally in shambles… and it's been less than a day. Most of our new ideas have backfired. The swimming pool not only took up a lot of land and water that could have been used for crops, but it's attracting mosquitos the size of bears. The cowapillars are less interested in eating the weeds than they are the crops… and Swampo. And what's worse, there's no food. HP usually goes to market today, but he's not here and none of us bothered. If this goes on any longer, I might have to let everyone know I can cook, and then that's one more chore that I don't want!

I think it might be time to admit defeat. Polly and I have talked it over. At today's "production meeting", we're going to gently suggest maybe it's time to maybe, possibly invite Hop Pop back.

Well, that didn't go well.

For someone who was all about being "the farm that listens", Sprig sure is quick to shut down any suggestion that maybe he was the one who's been wrong. In fact, he's gotten an awful lot like Hop Pop… when it comes to being stubborn, anyway. If anything can be done, it'll have to be behind his back.

We found Hop Pop on Web Hill, living among a swarm of cemetery beetles. I've honestly never seen him this peaceful before. I hated to break his zen, but I know he cares about the farm and doesn't want to see it wrecked by our gross incompetence. It took a bit of persuading, but he finally agreed to come back and challenge Sprig again.

The fight was a lot like the first one, with Sprig keeping pace with Hop Pop's physical advantage due to his sheer conviction. Which meant that the key here was to finally convince Sprig that this was a total lost cause. We're broke. We're starving. The farm is a disaster. Swampo is MIA presumed eaten or at least severely traumatized. Nothing has gone right ever since we took over.

Once we made it clear, in no uncertain terms, that we were headed toward ruin, he finally seemed ready to listen. He was still upset about not being listened to, but Hop Pop had assured him that his time among the beetles had taught him a lesson of his own, and he was finally ready to accept that he wasn't always right about everything.

And so, Sprig surrendered, and at long last, the saga of Plantar/Boonchuy Farms (okay, I never did manage to get my name up on the sign, but I tried) was over.

We've spent the last few days getting the farm back to something resembling normal. It was a lot of hard work tearing down the waterslide, filling in the pool, and replanting the crops. We've had a bit of help from the beetles (they're devoted to HP, and they literally work for poop), so it hasn't been that bad. HP's been more reasonable lately too. He's put up some shade, and he even gave Polly a miniature version of the pool (it still attracts mosquitoes, but they're the bite-sized kind so it's all right), and he's promised to actually read our suggestions before he destroys them. Which, honestly, given how bad they've been, is all we can really ask for.

Though I still think Dance Party Wednesdays should be a regular thing…

Schweenieboy: Simmer down now.

Jose: Beauty is in the bulging eyes of the beholder.

Team Gophers: I actually liked that he became a bit deeper than the stereotypical corrupt redneck politician he started as. As for Toadie, I found it pretty weird that Human!Toadie was shown to be the same age as Human!Maddie and Human!Sprig in "The Shut-In"; I would've used Ivy but maybe they wanted at least one other boy? Or maybe since she had a prominent role in one of the other segments they felt they needed someone else? Either way, it seemed off. Maybe he's an intern.

Next: Girl Time