13. Dating Season

Chapter 13: Dating Season

The nice thing about Sprig is he loves nature. The bad thing is, he loves nature. I don't know why we can't just spend a day here and there indoors quietly instead of traipsing about the swamp looking for things that could kill us. Just, y'know play some Newtopoly or Bogjump (frog checkers, basically), or watch one of the many, many movies I have saved on my phone (I am so glad I got the model with expanded memory), instead of mantis-tipping.

Anyway, there we were, wandering around in the woods when Sprig suddenly gets all twitchy. He starts poking around in the bushes where someone left a squash… with a wig?

And then out of nowhere, Sprig gets tackled by the single most adorable little yellow frog girl.

Now, when I was first getting to know Sprig, he claimed that he'd never had any real friends before me, and that the kids around Wartwood didn't "get" him. And yet, this girl (who introduced herself as Ivy Sundew) seemed to really know each other well and get along just fine… which makes me wonder why Sprig never brought her up before.

Unless…

Oh ho ho, this is tooooo good. Sprig never brought her up before because he's totally got a crush on her! That's gotta be it. I have a seventh sense for these things. I can sniff out a crush a mile away, like the time Gabby was totally into Julio. It was so obvious. He was the one person she didn't wanna gossip about.

Of course, Sprig pretended he didn't know what I was talking about. As if it wasn't obvious! Well, I have my mission for the day. I am going to do whatever it took to launch this ship! Good thing I have some dating magazines in my backpack. Wouldn't wanna go into this blind.

So, it just so happens that Sprig picked the perfect time to fall in love, because tonight is the Firefly Formal! You wouldn't think a dinky little town like this would have fancy cotillions and such, but I guess they do.

Luckily, Hop Pop was on board the second I told him… although I'm a little iffy on his motivation. Turns out Ivy's mom is the owner of that tea shop we got banned from last week, and her family's really well-off, so HP's convinced setting up Sprig with Ivy will put the fam on easy street.

There are a few complications… like the fact that Sprig's already engaged to Creepy Maddie, which to be honest I totally forgot about. But Sprivy's got way more chemistry than Spraddie, so really, who cares about a little two-timing. Also, there's the whole thing where Sprig keeps insisting he "doesn't really have a crush" and "isn't interested in dating", but hopefully I can convince him in time.

Well, I gotta say, these frogs really clean up nice when they want to. Makes me wish I had some decent party clothes. Maybe I should make some.

Anyway, speaking of clothes, you should have seen the getup Sprig had to wear! Okay, so, like, back home, if you wanna get to know each someone, you just ask them out for boba or something, but here there's this whole protocol for dating. You have to dress up in this formal outfit that looks like something outta Shakespeare, and do this mating dance or whatever. Seems really overcomplicated to me, but when in Rome, I mean Wartwood…

Anyway, while the two took their place on the dance floor, we (me, HP, Mrs. Sundew, and Polly, who's been insisting this whole thing is stupid from the beginning – but what does she know? She's a baby!) watched from the sidelines. Anyway, it seemed like it was going okay to me… a little awkward at first, but then they decided to ditch the dance and go find somewhere a little more private, if you know what I mean, wink wink. Which, honestly is what I think they should have done in the first place (Somethingteen Magazine advises that one should avoid big formal occasions when it comes to first dates, and just go for something casual), but HP and Mrs Sundew had an absolute fit, because something something tradition something something contracts… ugh, I'm beginning to think Hop Pop got into this for all the wrong reasons.

In any case, they ran off into the woods after them, and I followed them with Polly because, darn it, someone has to be the voice of reason here!

So… this has been something of a wake-up call.

We didn't find Sprig and Ivy, which is kind of a good thing.

What we did find was a pair of love doves, which, I have to say are easily the most beautiful things that have tried to kill me so far. So, I guess that's something?

So, these two gorgeous birds carried us off to their nest to devour us… but, of course, not right away, no. Love doves first hack up a glob of mucus to glue you down, then leave you to stew in your own fear juice (and no doubt other, less pleasant juices) until you're ripe for chomping. So, there we were, stuck, with nothing to do but argue whose fault it was.

Well, Polly knew whose it was. All of us. Hop Pop and Mrs. Sundew for seeing this as a financial opportunity, and me for being so obsessed with shipping that I forced Sprig into something he didn't want. Which is pretty sobering. Why am I so fixated on living vicariously through others' relationships? I it because I've had none of my own? Because my own feelings about what I want are still so confused?

It was something to think about in those last few minutes before I got intimate with a bird's insides.

Luckily at least Sprig and Ivy had their heads screwed on right. The two showed up just in time to take out the love doves, and finally set us straight, making it very clear that they were just friends and had no interest in dating each other ever. And you know, I learned something today. Never again shall I ever meddle in my friends' love lives!

…is what I would say if Sprig hadn't immediately admitted he'd fallen in love with Ivy just after she left. The SS Sprivy is settin' sail again, baby!

…now, how do we deal with Maddie…

Snake screamer: Well, I think Sasha has a lot to do with why Anne is so conscious of her reputation in general.

Jose: Thanks

Team Gophers: Ann'olly definitely need more episodes together. [Marcy] I love the "Cool older sis" trope! Oh, and do NOT get me started on the fans who dismiss any episode that doesn't contribute to the plot. Reminds me of fans who never heard about Steven Universe until "The Return/Jailbreak", watched someone's curated list of about a dozen plot-related episodes, and then got upset when the show did anything related to Beach City when that was most of the first season. It got tiring. Anyway, rant over.

MarMar FaAnne: Welcome aboard! Thanks for all the reviews, let's see what I can address…

Foreshadowing is fun, isn't it?

Glad you liked my take on Domino's origin. Yeah, the bit with Sprig's hat magically reappearing threw me.

Also, Chad's brother came back as a monster, just like Marcy, kinda!

Anne's a gamer herself (she's admitted to playing a ton of her universe's offbrand Mario Kart) and so is her dad, plus there'd be the movie, the cartoons… it's harder to not know about Sonic, really…

Yeah, I had a feeling they used Toadie in that episode for more gender balance, though I really would've loved to see a human Ivy.

I'll probably get around to a Ducktales reference eventually.

Next: Anne vs. Wild